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notinferior -> RE: Dominas, when do you show your vulnerable side? (1/25/2010 12:33:35 PM)
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I cannot speak for ALL men or ALL submissives, but I would love to answer the question from my own perspective, as a submissive man. First, as a mere statement, I find it interesting that so many men are mesmerized by the idea of female dominance, yet they expect the female dominant to act, think and have the libido of a man. Men generally pride themselves in putting up a strong, invulnerable front. I know that I am that way, the exception being in my personal life. Women are generally at their best when in touch with their emotions, they handle them better than we men do, which is why we tend to deny them. In other words, when women get emotional, they get sad or hurt and reflective; the results are usually positive and provide a solution to the problem. We men tend to hit people.
Thusly, when a man finds a dominant woman, he expects to find in her the same traits as he displays when he is dominant. He expects her to be tough, stern, perhaps even a little sarcastic. When he finds she is jovial, vulnerable and soft, he assumes she must be some sort of submissive. The difference, of course, is in how one wishes to live and not in how they act. I didn't put that very well.... I'll try again. I believe that the difference between a dominant and a submissive is in how the experience of power exchange manifests itself in their personna.... not in how they present themselves. The former is who they are, the latter is what they want. Maybe an example will be better here: If you saw me in a room with fifty other guys, you would NOT pick me out as a submissive. I am gregarious, boisterous, very domineering and probably the biggest guy in the room. I am nobodies idea of a wall-flower. The image most people have of a submissive man is some guy named Casper Milktoast.... he's scared to death of pissing off his wife. Not me. I am not submissive by nature, but by desire. I am about as masculine a guy as it gets. Thus, I act masculine.
In contrast, you are feminine. You act feminine. You say please and thank you, you recognize other people's feelings, you probably even remember things like people's birthdays. These are not the qualities of a submissive, they are the qualities of a woman. Sadly, though, in our society we see femininity as submissive and masculinity as dominant. If someone asks nicely, it must be because she lacks the courage to be more demanding. Sure, we like to dress supposedly dominant women in clothes that accentuate their physical feminine beauty (tight leather corsets that underscore an hourglass figure), but we do so in a manner that makes them into a male-centric image. Then we put a whip in her hand and say "now tell me to bark like a dog and get on my knees." What we do not do is to appreciate in them the very things that make them superior as a gender.
My answer then, to your question as to whether you should "tone down" your vulnerable side or to mask it until the guy gets to know you better is an unmitigated NO. The guy you want is one who will appreciate you for who you are; a dominant woman who demands that she be an actual woman. Sure, you will lose a lot of attention from a lot of "submissive" men. In the end though, you will find one who wants to adore what you are. Please, please, please don't try to act like a duck because a lot of men are afraid of swans. Be the swan you are; the one that you placed on your profile painted by Sardax. Some of us know the difference.
As a side note... dominance is not found in who pays for dinner or who opens a door for who, it is about who makes the decisions.
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