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More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 9:23:58 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I've been thinking about this for a while now. I didn't want to hitch the topic onto the "Lame Posts" thread. While some of it applies, I don't want to see the discussion buried within that topic. I would rather see it be a topic all on it's own. Unless I'm mistaken, we've discussed on the board before, but since we're dancing on the thought in some many other threads, perhaps it's time to revisit it.

I think a good number of the Female Dominants who frequent this forum would agree in an observation I have about our little corner of the CM world. Most of the kink related threads on this forum are started by males. Some of the more popular ones, as we all know are topics related to strap on/anal play, forced fem, CBT, humiliation, and so on. They are written in such a way that it is ridiculously obvious that the crafter of the OP is only looking for wanking material. With that slant on the topic, we shoot it down quickly (as we should) and the thread basically becomes casual banter.

But, wait a minute. Some of those kinks really are our kinks, too. No, not all of them apply in each of our cases, but a lot of us enjoy at least one of them. Many of us incorporate these elements in our dynamics or even our play. We actually like discussing them, sharing information about them, and finding commonalities that we have as Dominant women in exploring them. What happens is, we don't talk about ours because we are flooded with theirs. We're turned off by the topic when it's presented in such a way that it's all about the submissive male, even if we would most likely have a wonderful exchange if it were a discussion amongst ourselves. In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again?

So, My questions come to you regarding the subject at hand. Would you talk more about your kinks here if there weren't so many male initiated threads, with more sexual overtones on the very same subjects? Would you be interested in the educational value of such threads? How do we accomplish this and still keep the boards submissive male friendly? (I would never suggest that only Dommes be welcome in participating here.) Is the answer to only recognize those posts that are based on intelligent discussion? What do you think?

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

Post #: 1

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 9:29:35 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

With all due respect, LP, I don't think that it is the initiators of the threads being male as much as it is the whiny/wankability index. If the original poster, whether male or female, were to bring up his/her fetish calmly and thoughtfully, I don't think there'd be any issues. I think it's when the poster is either whiny ("Why is it so hard to find a women who will kick me in the balls?") or wankerish ("Ladies, do you get off on someone sniffing your used laundry? Do you? Huh? Huh?") that there's a problem.

That said, I DO have to admit that there seem to be a lot more uncouth men than women here. Not sure why.

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 2

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 9:54:25 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
I think a good number of the Female Dominants who frequent this forum would agree in an observation I have about our little corner of the CM world. Most of the kink related threads on this forum are started by males. Some of the more popular ones, as we all know are topics related to strap on/anal play, forced fem, CBT, humiliation, and so on. They are written in such a way that it is ridiculously obvious that the crafter of the OP is only looking for wanking material. With that slant on the topic, we shoot it down quickly (as we should) and the thread basically becomes casual banter.

Well from my recent experience, when I start a post about my kink, I get told by all kinds that I'm discriminating their kink. As I mentioned last week on another thread, not only am I being told by half of the submissive men what I should be doing to them, the other part is telling me that I can't talk about what I like.

I find this to be more annoying then anything. Now I know how my parents felt when they wanted to send the kids play outside so that they could have adult conversations!

quote:

But, wait a minute. Some of those kinks really are our kinks, too. No, not all of them apply in each of our cases, but a lot of us enjoy at least one of them. Many of us incorporate these elements in our dynamics or even our play. We actually like discussing them, sharing information about them, and finding commonalities that we have as Dominant women in exploring them. What happens is, we don't talk about ours because we are flooded with theirs. We're turned off by the topic when it's presented in such a way that it's all about the submissive male, even if we would most likely have a wonderful exchange if it were a discussion amongst ourselves. In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again?

I would love to have conversations about kink. I started one about Predicament Bondage a few weeks ago. Didn't get much responses.

I remember a few months ago on a thread asking you LP to discuss something more in detail your techniques for looping interrogation and you said you didn't want to talk about it on the forums as you didn't want it to be wanker material. You sent someone else the details in CMail.

The reason why I bring this episode up is because I think there is an overall malaise from Domme women here to discuss their kink, lest they be feeding the wankers.

quote:

So, My questions come to you regarding the subject at hand. Would you talk more about your kinks here if there weren't so many male initiated threads, with more sexual overtones on the very same subjects? Would you be interested in the educational value of such threads? How do we accomplish this and still keep the boards submissive male friendly? (I would never suggest that only Dommes be welcome in participating here.) Is the answer to only recognize those posts that are based on intelligent discussion? What do you think?

I think we do as we do everything else. We lead by example. Write about your kink. Write from the heart. Ignore the wankers. That's what I do.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 3

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 11:37:22 AM

submissiveboy76

Posts: 37
Joined: 2/9/2008
Status: offline

I say bring it on. I would love to discuss kinks in a non-wanking sort of way. I enjoy the psychological aspects of BDSM and tend to shy away from the kink-related threads you mention just for the reasons You mentioned. If a sub male responds to kink threads started by other sub males, then he gets the reputation of being only about the kink and his own laundry list of fetishes. If You have a way around that with carefully crafted Female-led kink discussions, I'd love to participate.

By the way, good observation and good for You for flipping the whole thing around.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 4

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:19:44 PM

pyroaquatic

Posts: 1535
Joined: 12/4/2006
From: Pyroaquatica
Status: offline

Men are quite subjective to feelings of lust and tend to let it.... flow... into the discussion... or initiative of discussion.

More Objectivity in the fora would be greatly appreciated, and would denote progress on topics.

Also,

The SEARCH button.

Then we get those complaining about necroposters... or something.

due to the entropic decay of the kosmos, you can't win. ever.

_____________________________

You are what your deep, driving desire is.
As your desire is, so is your will.
As your will is, so is your deed.
As your deed is, so is your destiny.
-Brihadaranyaka Upanishad IV.4.5

(in reply to submissiveboy76)

Post #: 5

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:25:00 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

I agree, LP and LA. I love to talk about kink, the kink that I actually DO! For example, tomorrow my domly cronies and are are getting together for a demo/play session of sounding, catheters, and cbt! Serious FUN, that we engage in quite a bit. Before my Back Thingy, even I indulged in strapon play. Forced orgasms? Love it!

On the other hand, NO I really do not like feminizing anyone not of the female gender (bio or T). Diapers? Not my thing AT ALL. Lots of stuff that I DO NOT LIKE.

I am not sure when it stopped being interesting/fun/productive to talk about those things here.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to pyroaquatic)

Post #: 6

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:26:53 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

For example, tomorrow my domly cronies and are are getting together for a demo/play session of sounding, catheters, and cbt!

See now this I'd like to hear about! Would you be open to starting a thread and sharing your experience with us or techniques that you learned or anything that you think would make good discussion? :-)

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 7

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:28:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

For example, tomorrow my domly cronies and are are getting together for a demo/play session of sounding, catheters, and cbt!

See now this I'd like to hear about! Would you be open to starting a thread and sharing your experience with us or techniques that you learned or anything that you think would make good discussion? :-)

- LA

Oh you bet I would! LOL. My poor plaything, he is having Worries about Unexpected Orgasms.... I have assured him that I will laugh insanely if he performs that well.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 8

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:41:36 PM

lobodomslavery

Posts: 2477
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

I think people should live and let live. Even if people take pics that arent theirs , they should not have them removed. Whatever floats your boat is what I say. We have too many interfering administrators euphemistically labelled support staff on this site
Its just my personal opinion. Please dont shoot me. Mileage after all will vary
Kevin

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:48:40 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lobodomslavery

I think people should live and let live. Even if people take pics that arent theirs , they should not have them removed. Whatever floats your boat is what I say. We have too many interfering administrators euphemistically labelled support staff on this site
Its just my personal opinion. Please dont shoot me. Mileage after all will vary
Kevin

Kevin, I partly agree with you. I got into some nastiness with the moderators here about six years ago, and left the boards in utter disgust for about a year. However, as a listowner on Yahoo and Fetlife, I can tell you that herding those cats is NOT an easy task, and while we are presumably adults here, the US "freedom of speech" does not mean that there are no rules. There are persons posting all over the forum who effectively shut down ALL discussion due to their unpleasantness, name-calling, and general aggression towards everyone else. Is it truly essential that they be allowed to shout down everyone until folks just walk away in disgust?

I have a pic that is not me as a primary---it's a piece of artwork, that I credit in my profile. That is NOT the same as a person taking a copyrighted PHOTO of someone else and passing it off as themselves. This site does not condone copyright fraud. Truly, Kevin, IS there a difference between you choosing a hot model pic, and some faux person pulling a pic of a model from the internet and claiming it is them? Misrepresentation is a lie, and if you are caught, well, better luck next time.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

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Post #: 10

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:51:03 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

Quick request LadyHib & kevin, respectfully. Let's not derail this important thread, please?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 11

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 12:57:21 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

No problem, LA, I was just trying to shut him down!

On the original topic... I have been on the boards for a long time. I remember actual DISCUSSIONS too, and on a bigger variety of topics than just kink. Do you think that part of the lack of new chat is also that we are that much more experienced? And that SOME things are a bit too edgy to discuss in public, technique-wise? (not my opinion, just tossing that out for an idea). Things like cutting, breath play, rough body play, that can cause actual DAMAGE in the wrong hands, how deep into discussion should we get?

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 12

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:05:59 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

No problem, LA, I was just trying to shut him down!

I know :-)

quote:

On the original topic... I have been on the boards for a long time. I remember actual DISCUSSIONS too, and on a bigger variety of topics than just kink.

I remember those days too! I took a much longer hiatus than you and imagine my shock when I came back!

quote:

Do you think that part of the lack of new chat is also that we are that much more experienced? And that SOME things are a bit too edgy to discuss in public, technique-wise? (not my opinion, just tossing that out for an idea). Things like cutting, breath play, rough body play, that can cause actual DAMAGE in the wrong hands, how deep into discussion should we get?

Well! Funny you should mention that. I put up a little topic in Off Topic... about the whole idea of debating: http://www.collarchat.com/m_3023775/tm.htm. I'm wondering if it will go anywhere. I have high hopes and low expectations.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 13

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:06:00 PM

stillearning99

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Status: offline

i am relatively new, still learning every day and definitely appreciate the serious/legit threads started by the lifestyle Dommes on the board. i find them educational and look for them every time i am here.

i was especially interested in the predicament bondage thread and was disappointed when it did not get more active.

sl

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 14

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:11:03 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

i was especially interested in the predicament bondage thread and was disappointed when it did not get more active.

Why didn't you post to it then? It is only 2 weeks old so it would not be in bad board etiquette to go there and ask questions.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to stillearning99)

Post #: 15

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:25:02 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What happens is, we don't talk about ours because we are flooded with theirs. In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again?

Short of coaxing the moderators into making this board closed to everyone but dominant women (not going to happen) or acting exactly like the Goreans do on their board (gods forbid!), I don't think there is a way to do "quality assurance" in any other way than we've been doing.

I've seen you and others refuse to make detailed comments because you (plural) didn't want to contribute to the wank fodder or because those details might be used by someone with too little experience and result in serious injury. While the reasoning is sound, the result is that little discussion with any real depth occurs.

quote:

Would you talk more about your kinks here if there weren't so many male initiated threads, with more sexual overtones on the very same subjects? Would you be interested in the educational value of such threads? How do we accomplish this and still keep the boards submissive male friendly? Is the answer to only recognize those posts that are based on intelligent discussion? What do you think?

In my case, I'll respond to any thread that interests me, regardless of whether the OP is male or female, as long as the subject matter is presented in a coherent, articulate fashion. A two-line "how many are into X" post with no other background is virtually guaranteed to get one of two responses -- ignored or snarked at -- depending on how many similar threads have cropped up in the past few days and my mood that particular day.

I'm not generally interested in "education" per se, I'm more interested in intellectually stimulating discussion. If I, or someone else, learns something along the way, fabulous. But that's not my primary goal or concern. It would be great if we could get a sticky FAQ for our forum but, considering the Goreans had to pester the mods for years before they got one, I doubt we'll see that anytime soon.

However, it might behoove us to consider creating a FAQ thread so that we can point to it when we get the inevitable wanker. At least that way we wouldn't have to post the same thing over and over, ad nauseum, with a higher snark content each time. We could create themed threads for profile reviews, "introductory CMail help," and other topics we see regurgitated on a regular basis. Perhaps this will cut down on the number of new threads on old topics, thereby relieving the tedium and frustration for us.

Perhaps the real issue is that we haven't taken a Dommely enough stand and created some sort of protocol for conduct on "our" board beyond what the TOS sets out for us. I don't pretend this is the perfect solution, the "right" solution, or even the only solution, and perhaps it will go over like the proverbial lead balloon, but it's an idea I wouldn't mind seeing discussed.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 16

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:40:54 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

What happens is, we don't talk about ours because we are flooded with theirs. In the past, we've had good intellectual discussions on these topics. How do we make that happen again?

Short of coaxing the moderators into making this board closed to everyone but dominant women (not going to happen) or acting exactly like the Goreans do on their board (gods forbid!), I don't think there is a way to do "quality assurance" in any other way than we've been doing.

I've seen you and others refuse to make detailed comments because you (plural) didn't want to contribute to the wank fodder or because those details might be used by someone with too little experience and result in serious injury. While the reasoning is sound, the result is that little discussion with any real depth occurs.

That was my point earlier as well.

quote:

It would be great if we could get a sticky FAQ for our forum but, considering the Goreans had to pester the mods for years before they got one, I doubt we'll see that anytime soon.

However, it might behoove us to consider creating a FAQ thread so that we can point to it when we get the inevitable wanker. At least that way we wouldn't have to post the same thing over and over, ad nauseum, with a higher snark content each time. We could create themed threads for profile reviews, "introductory CMail help," and other topics we see regurgitated on a regular basis. Perhaps this will cut down on the number of new threads on old topics, thereby relieving the tedium and frustration for us.

Why assume no? Why don't we start a discussion about what would be in this FAQ and then ask the Mods?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 17

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 1:53:08 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

It would be great if we could get a sticky FAQ for our forum but, considering the Goreans had to pester the mods for years before they got one, I doubt we'll see that anytime soon.

However, it might behoove us to consider creating a FAQ thread so that we can point to it when we get the inevitable wanker. At least that way we wouldn't have to post the same thing over and over, ad nauseum, with a higher snark content each time. We could create themed threads for profile reviews, "introductory CMail help," and other topics we see regurgitated on a regular basis. Perhaps this will cut down on the number of new threads on old topics, thereby relieving the tedium and frustration for us.

Why assume no? Why don't we start a discussion about what would be in this FAQ and then ask the Mods?

- LA

I know from watching and reading the Gorean boards it took them years to get a sticky FAQ for their forum and it's only been within the past month or so that VideoAdminAlpha, in Her greatness, decided to pin the FAQ thread they started. It seems reasonable to expect the same thing to happen here. And that's assuming enough of us want a FAQ.

I confess I'd like to see a FAQ and the themed threads I mentioned become a reality. However, I'm only one person. The idea won't work unless enough of the regular posters are willing to post on those dedicated threads frequently and with enough constructive critique to make them worthwhile for the noobs we want to see using them.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 18

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 2:07:21 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SylvereApLeanan
I know from watching and reading the Gorean boards it took them years to get a sticky FAQ for their forum and it's only been within the past month or so that VideoAdminAlpha, in Her greatness, decided to pin the FAQ thread they started. It seems reasonable to expect the same thing to happen here. And that's assuming enough of us want a FAQ.

I confess I'd like to see a FAQ and the themed threads I mentioned become a reality. However, I'm only one person. The idea won't work unless enough of the regular posters are willing to post on those dedicated threads frequently and with enough constructive critique to make them worthwhile for the noobs we want to see using them.

If you start it (since it's your idea, I don't want to take the lead), I will follow :-) I'm sure it will be a hit and together we'll lobby the mods. If it's good for the Goreans, why not the Goddesses?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to SylvereApLeanan)

Post #: 19

RE: More Or Ours, Less Of Theirs - 1/23/2010 2:16:16 PM

SylvereApLeanan

Posts: 8275
Joined: 11/1/2007
From: Hell
Status: offline

I think it would be prudent to wait until a few more people haved chimed in on the topic. If the overall response is favorable, I'll do that.

_____________________________

Sylverë
Dark Muse
30 Fluffy Points
Grumpy Cat is my spirit animal.
Shadow Governess & Mean Girl

"There's something that doesn't make sense. Let's go and poke it with a stick."— The Doctor

(in reply to LadyAngelika)

Post #: 20

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