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SylvereApLeanan -> RE: FAQ Setup (1/26/2010 12:22:23 AM)
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Okay, here's the first rough draft. Please keep in mind, this is a work in progress, so many of the links are missing. Feel free to contribute your favorites to the sections that still need them. Since this is already longer than I'd planned, I welcome constructive suggestions for editing. I think we can cut some of the links sections down to three or four of the best threads. Please let me know which of them you'd like to keep. We can also use a different font face or size to control the length.
Introduction
Welcome to the Ask A Mistress forum FAQ. This FAQ is designed to help you make the most of your experience on CollarMe/CollarChat. Please take a few minutes to read it and explore the links included. For ease of reference, we’ve broken the FAQ up into topics such as Common Kinks/Fantasies and Etiquette then divided each of those larger headings into more specific subcategories and included links to archived threads that deal with the topic.
There have been many threads discussing the definition of common terms such as Top/Dominant/Master or the differences between bottoms, submissives, and slaves. We’d prefer to avoid covering such basic topics again. If you don’t find the answer to your question in this FAQ, please use the Search feature [insert link] to look for past threads that might deal with your question. Wherever possible, we have included tips for observing good forum etiquette to help you avoid posting in an offensive manner and generating a large number of negative responses. We also encourage you to familiarize yourself with the TOS [link] and Forum Guidelines [link] before you post.
Safety
Whether you follow the “Safe, Sane, Consensual” guidelines or prefer “Risk-Aware, Consensual Kink” chances are good you’ll have a question about the potential risks of an activity or how to compensate for a health condition during playtime. CollarChat has dedicated a section of the forums to Health and Safety. Please refer to archived threads in this area to see if your question has been answered or to ask a new one.
http://www.collarchat.com/forumid_26/tt.htm
Find Munches/Events In Your Area
A common piece of advice frequently given in response to a question about how to meet a dominant or submissive partner is “go to a munch or fetish event.” This can be easier said than done, especially if you’re in a rural area or in the closet about your kink. Here is a link to a website that lists kink groups and events by country and state. Click here to see what’s available in your area: http://www.drkdesyre.com/meetppl/meetppl.html
Etiquette
Please remain respectful of others points of view and ask questions that are pertinent. Please refrain from posting inflammatory or accusatory remarks about FemDoms as a group. We are unique and sweeping generalizations will only result in a very negative thread. Trolling posts are strongly discouraged. No one is here to cater to your fantasies and fetishes. We are here to have intelligent discussions regarding a variety of interests. While we dislike those who post questions like “how many Dommes like face sitting,” we do encourage questions like “are there any known hazards involved in face sitting?” The first example sounds like you’re more interested in objectifying us and using us to fuel your masturbation fantasies. This approach will offend many of the regular posters. On the other hand, the second example sounds like you’re interested in learning more about your desired kink and will encourage open discussion.
Often, your questions can be answered by doing a search of the archives. Instead of bumping (commenting on) an old thread; start a new one and link the old thread in your post. Threads telling people the “right” or “true” way to do things usually end in flame wars. Remember, everyone does what works for them and there is no one-size-fits-all rule. If you are very knowledgeable about a certain topic, we welcome you to share your experiences, just do so in a manner that doesn’t imply your method is the only correct method. Be open to other possibilities.
Below are a few links of general ‘netiquette’ (internet etiquette). We do expect you to have some semblance of good manners while posting here.
http://www.albion.com/netiquette/corerules.html
http://forum-services-review.toptenreviews.com/25-forum-posting-etiquette-tips.html
http://www.wisegeek.com/what-is-forum-etiquette.htm
http://internet.suite101.com/article.cfm/tips_for_good_web_forum_etiquette
Common Kinks/Fantasies
Q: Are there any (how many) dominant women into [insert your favorite kink here]?
A: While there is no way to answer the question of how many dominant women enjoy a particular activity, we can assure you that if you like it, chances are there’s a dominant woman somewhere in the world who likes it too. However, it’s beyond our ability to guarantee you’ll find one here. What we can guarantee is that, if you post a thread asking how many dominant women like your choice in kinks without any background about yourself or the reason for your question, many of us will be quick to assume you’re looking for semi-pornographic material to fuel your masturbatory fantasies (i.e. “wank fodder”) and shoot you down in record time.
If you’re looking for erotic stories, please refer to the Creative Writings section [insert link], or to one of the many websites dedicated to erotic writing such as Akasha’s Web [link] or Literotica [link]. This applies equally to male or female readers.
Eunuch/Castration
Q: How can I find a mistress who will castrate me/make me a eunuch?
A: The majority of women on the CollarChat forums will not consider permanent removal of a man’s testicles. In many cases, we appreciate their biological function and there are lots of fun, sadistic things we can do with them. However, if this is your kink, we strongly advise you to consult a medical professional. Few, if any, of the dominant women here will consent to performing this procedure without the benefit of a sterile environment and aftercare appropriate to any surgical procedure.
[links]
Forced Anything
Q: Are there any dominant women here who will force me to [fill in the blank]?
A: This question always raises the debate over how can an activity be “forced” if the sub wants to do it? Generally speaking, we believe it’s impossible to force you to do something you find enjoyable. The activity can be directed, in the sense that a dominant woman tells you when, where, to what extent, and for how long, but we refuse to believe it’s forced if you’re asking a woman to do it with you, to you, or for you. We know the idea of being overpowered and forced to do something kinky is a hot fantasy and there’s nothing wrong with incorporating a bit of role-play into your scene. We just prefer you recognize this for what it is and stop pretending you’re being coerced into doing something you wouldn’t otherwise do. Be honest with yourself and with us.
[links]
Feminization
Q: Where are the women who love to turn men into little sissy boys and make them wear women’s clothes?
A: Some women love feminization, some hate it. Some women will only consider doing it if it’s with a trusted partner in the context of a loving, committed relationship. Below, you’ll find some threads which display a wide variety of opinions about the topic. There is also a thread dedicated to tips, advice, and support by and for those who love it or are at least open to the idea of feminization.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3027796/tm.htm
Anal/Strap-on
Q: How do dominant women feel about anal/strap-on play?
A: That depends on the individual woman. A significant number of us love talking about it and enjoy doing it even more! What we hate is when someone approaches us with the attitude that participating in this type of play is “service.” Anal play is mutually enjoyable sex. Service is when you do the dishes or change the oil in our cars. Understand the difference and you’ll get much more positive feedback.
[links]
Common Complaints
Q: Why are there so many scammers, fakes, professional dominants demanding tribute, wankers who disappear after a few emails, [insert other complaint] here? Aren’t there any real dommes/subs?
A: We encounter these types of complaints on a routine basis. Sometimes, several of them crop up in the same week or even the same day. To the veteran posters who have been here for months or years, these complaints become tedious. When a new one pops up, it is frequently met with angry, snarky responses. Before you post a new thread to voice one of these complaints, please take several minutes to read the links provided below. We feel confident your question will be answered. If not, then feel free to create a new post. However, we encourage you to choose your words carefully so you don’t come across as a whiny, petulant child. Please do your best to keep your post on point and without an accusatory tone. We can assure you that you will be greeted with much friendlier responses.
Scammers/Fakes
Q: Why does CollarMe allow so many fakes on the site? Can’t they clean it up?
A: Yes, there are some profiles here that belong to scam artists from Ghana, Nigeria, or some other third-world country. There are also profiles designed to lure you into signing up for a paid website, buying a web cam show, or giving out your credit card information for some other reason. Welcome to the internet, let the buyer beware. Your best defense against these individuals is to learn to spot them and then use the Report Profile feature provided by the site administrators. If a profile receives enough reports, the administrators will remove it.
It is also in your best interests to keep this in mind:
Just because someone views BDSM differently than you, or practices it in a different way, does not make them a fake. It just means they are not a good match for you. One person’s fake is another person’s ideal partner. Your best option is to recognize this is a fact of life and move on. Additionally, there are many people here who wish to explore BDSM through fantasy/internet only. This does not make them fake. They are real people who either do not have the courage to act upon their desires in person, or simply don’t have the time or means. Again, recognize their right to pursue the type of situation that works for them and move on to someone whose desires complement yours.
Links to READ before posting:
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2807429/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2883307/mpage_1/ tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1007810/mpage_1/tm.htm Post 14 in particular.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1223883/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2403871/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_20707/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1446143/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1368593/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_993869/mpage_1/tm.htm
Professional Dominatrix vs. Lifestyle Domina
Q: What’s the deal with all the gold-digging prostitute dommes who want money on this site?
A: There are quite a few professional dominatrices who use CM to advertise their services. Some of them also use the site to search for submissive partners for non-professional relationships. Many of us do not consider them prostitutes; in fact, several of us feel they are providing a valuable service and respect their dedication and hard work. Some of us feel many of the men who are interested in only one type of play, who want casual play without the commitment of a relationship, who desire a “discrete” encounter outside of their marriages, or who adhere to a rigid fantasy scenario from which they do not want to deviate would be happiest if they made use of a professional dominatrix’s services. While we recognize your right not to use a professional’s services, we ask you to recognize their right to earn a living in any way they choose without flinging insults like “prostitute” or “gold-digger” at them.
Q: I’m a professional dominatrix – can I advertise here?
A: If you are a pro domme, there is a special section of the boards for you to advertise your services and post a link to your website. [link] Please use it instead of posting an ad in Ask A Mistress or other section of the forums. If you are a professional and would like to contribute to the discussions here, we welcome your input. However, if you attempt to solicit clients in this forum, rest assured we will report your posts to the moderators and have them moved to the area designated for that purpose.
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2390108/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1406002/mpage_1/tm.htm
Argument in FAVOR of Pro Dommes
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1571994/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2096391/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_3022984/mpage_1/tm.htm
Financial Domination
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1206437/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2755271/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_20707/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_570341/mpage_1/tm.htm
Q: Why won’t dommes answer my CMail?
A: There are many reasons a dominant woman doesn’t respond to email. Perhaps you are too young, too old, too far away, married, or you don’t share the same interests. Sometimes, it just boils down to lack of chemistry. If she reads your message, inspects your profile, looks at your picture, and doesn’t feel a spark of interest, she probably won’t reply. Most women will not respond to a message of only one or two lines or one that demonstrates you haven’t read her profile. Another possibility is that your profile is too short or comes across as too focused on yourself and your kinks. Below are some tips and links that will help you improve your profile and your introductory email.
CMail Etiquette
It is important to keep in mind that women on this site typically receive several times more mail than men. Often the women are very busy in their daily lives and may not have time to respond immediately after reading. Be patient! If you haven’t received a reply within a few days, feel free to send a follow-up if you’d like, but if you still do not receive a reply, she probably isn’t interested.
Generally speaking, we prefer not to receive “cock shots” in an initial email, nor do we wish to receive requests for play. If we are interested in receiving those things from you, we’ll let you know – really. We are dominant women after all. Until then, use the messaging system as a way to politely introduce yourself and share with us the ways you believe you could fit into our lives. If you behave like you would in any other public setting, you’re more likely to receive a reply. If you behave like a crude animal just because this is an “adult” site, your will probably be ignored or worse. Remember, that while we are kinky women, we are WOMEN first and foremost.
Some key information to remember:
Take the time to thoroughly read the profile of the person you intend to mail. It is obvious to us when you haven’t.
Do not address the recipient as “Mistress” or “Goddess” or any other term of endearment; many women feel this implies a relationship has been established. Address her by her screen name or by the name she signs in her reply. If her screen name is MistressBadAss, shortening her name to just Mistress is not courteous. In an initial message, use her full screen name and ask her if she has another way she prefers to be addressed.
Do not send one-liners or autobiographies. Keep the message concise, show that you’ve taken the time to read her profile, and relay some relevant information about yourself. Most women do not like to receive mails that simply say “Hi”. Nor do we want a complete life history (put that in your profile) in an introduction. General rule of thumb: keep it to one or two paragraphs.
Grammar, punctuation, and spelling DO count! Keep usage of ‘netspeak’ to a minimum particularly in your first communication.
Nobody owes you a response, no matter how polite you think your message seems.
Being rude or obnoxious is not warranted. If you do not like a person’s profile – don’t send them a message; move on to those profiles that mesh with your personality. Would you walk up to a stranger and say “You are ugly!”? If you would, perhaps you should work on your manners in general.
Just because you think you would be the perfect sub/slave for her, do not presume to think that she will agree with your assessment. There may be something in your profile, or message that indicates to her you are not a good fit. Don’t take it personally; you are likely a good fit for another person. Be glad that you didn’t get overly involved with someone where things wouldn’t work out anyway.
Those who are seeking real life encounters are often unwilling to reply to messages from those who live far away. Unless you can reasonably relocate to the person’s area, or their profile indicates they are willing to relocate, try to stick to those who are closer to you. Some may indicate they are interested in online relationships, if they do, by all means, contact them if that interests you.
Approach a woman on this site the same way you would approach a woman in a vanilla setting.
Do not send cock shots or other ‘kink shots’ until she requests them.
Do not expect to instantly move to Yahoo or to the phone. Some may be interested in doing such and if so she will lead the way, but expecting it is just presumptuous and in poor taste.
If you are seeking a dominant woman, remember she will lead the way. There is nothing wrong with being eager, but overly eager just screams “horny net geek”.
Most women want to get to know a person before they delve into their kinky side. If you do not have the time or patience to develop a relationship with the person you are going to mail you may find yourself overlooked. Sure some women are here for cyber – but if she doesn’t have cyber listed as an interest in her profile, do not expect her to respond favorably to your attempts.
Helpful Links
http://www.collarchat.com/m_144046/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_651969/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1902258/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1258896/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1981809/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_173954/mpage_1/tm.htm
Profile Help
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1762521/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2916374/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2787947/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_2686911/mpage_1/tm.htm
How to contact a Domme/find a partner
http://www.collarchat.com/m_1469875/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://www.collarchat.com/m_227865/mpage_1/tm.htm
*ETA: (Note to self: fix formatting in final draft)
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