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Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 6:45:35 PM

Lockit

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Joined: 5/7/2007
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I was talking with someone tonight and mentioned that I would have a problem with a submissive being inflammatory or argumentative on the boards. This person didn’t feel it would be a problem for them as they wouldn’t care to control someone in that way and shared their thoughts. I responded that sometimes a dominant is judged by the behavior of their submissive. That prompted a question as to why or how that is. I thought it was a good question for the boards because we could get a lot of answer’s and since she is going to bed… it was up to me. lol

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

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Post #: 1

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 6:52:32 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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Even as a sub, Im my own person, Im responsible for my own actions and those consequences of those actions . My owner can tell me to go rob a car, If i do the excuse that oh My owner told me to isn't going to fly in courts. If someone looks upon my Owner badly because I happen to be a human being with thought opinions and feelings all of my own, then they really arent worth the time.

I dont judge anyone by the actions of another person, I myself wouldnt look to pretty in any light if someone judged me by my parents, or my family, or judged me by the actions of my owner, Im no one but myself.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 2

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 6:54:47 PM

PrincessDonna

Posts: 189
Joined: 7/7/2006
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I will not stop a sub of mine from coming on the boards,or voicing what they think but I expect them to remain mature at all times

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 3

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 6:59:08 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
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If I was the inflammatory or rude type he would have never chosen me as his slave. So if I was that type and he chose me to be with it's saying just as much about him as his slave.

(in reply to PrincessDonna)

Post #: 4

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 6:59:50 PM

Elisabella

Posts: 3939
Status: offline

-FR-

A submissive, no, a slave yes. I say this because for me the difference between a slave and a submissive is that a slave surrenders all free will to their owner, so I would expect that every single thing the slave did was with the owner's consent.

Of course, I'll still judge them in the sense of "why are you with this person" the same way I'd pass judgement on a vanilla friend whose boyfriend acted like a fool, but in general for any relationships other than slavery/TPE I'd view the submissive and the dominant as two separate people.

(in reply to PrincessDonna)

Post #: 5

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:00:17 PM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
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my Father always said "You are judged by the company you keep." and that is so true. If you saw four teenagers and you knew three of them were big trouble makers, you would probably figure that the fourth one is too. It's not fair, but it's human.
i personally believe that you should have your best foot forward in ALL situations. That being said, i firmly believe that a subs behavior definitely reflects on his/her Dominant. Good behavior shows that i respecr my Owner and that i hold him in such high esteem that i am on my best behavior at all time.

if i behave well, not only does it,please my Owner, but it, pleases me to know that i have done the right thing. When i do the right thing it shows that i have the utmost respect for Him, myself and others and that's the type of behavior i want displayed., and the kind of behavior that he appreciates and rewards me for, by giving of Himself to me.

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 6

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:01:43 PM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

My sub's BIG rule is "don't make me look bad". He is not a big poster on fet, and here not at all but he IS expected to express himself politely, and generally not be an asshole. That doesn't mean he needs to be in agreement with me all the time, or be mr milquetoast but he DOES have to be a decent person and remember that the other folks are people too. That is no a problem for him.

I have had subs with very strong voices, and I don't object to that, as long as it doesn't turn into name calling, baiting, flaming, the nastiness that we associate with certain folks that shall remain nameless. Of course, I wouldn't choose an inflammatory jerk for a sub in the first place, now would I?

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Post #: 7

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:04:15 PM

ItsAProcess

Posts: 62
Joined: 3/29/2006
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-Sigh- That would depend entirely. You see, there is a difference, at least in my mind, between 'submissive' and 'slave'. To many the words are interchangeable, but to me they are not. If we are talking strictly about a 'submissive' here. Someone whom I see as not participating in a TPE relationship, than most likely, no.

If we're talking about a 'slave'? Then it's more likely I would. But I rarely get to know any other people's submissives or Doms well enough to judge them in any fashion.

Back when I was part of the local community I tended to watch some 'slaves' who.. bounced around, for lack of a better term. And if they seemed to be more behaved and adhered to protocol better than it would reflect well on the Dom. Transversely, if a previously well behaved 'slave' (or 'deep submissive' ) became rude, disrespectful, or lazy than it would reflect badly on said Dom.

Before I make any judgements, I have to have a baseline on the slave's behavior. Without that one cannot judge how any Dom would influence a slave's actions or personality.

To attempt otherwise is.. foolish.

< Message edited by ItsAProcess -- 1/24/2010 7:05:47 PM >

(in reply to littlewonder)

Post #: 8

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:05:05 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
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My question is do you judge a submissive for her/his Owners behavior, and if you wouldnt why would you judge a Owner for his/her submissives behavior?

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 9

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:07:55 PM

HisSweetElysium

Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline

hmmm generally not really. I think there's a lot that goes on while "the cats away", either that, or the cat is pretty fiction in the first place.

For myself, Master wouldn't have accepted me if I wasn't passionate, opinionated and feisty. If I take issue with something someone's talking about, yes, I'll raise a contrary opinion. Even and especially to Him! We argue about politics, science, history, philosophy, etc all the time! That does not mean I'm rude or disrespectful, at least, until someone else goes down that road and I'll defend myself. I have never written anything I would not feel comfortable with Him reading over my shoulder. So in our case, yes, I consider it a reflection of Him and our relationship, but generally, no.

_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 10

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:08:18 PM

Rochsub2009

Posts: 2536
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Elisabella

A submissive, no, a slave yes. I say this because for me the difference between a slave and a submissive is that a slave surrenders all free will to their owner, so I would expect that every single thing the slave did was with the owner's consent.

Yeah, that's pretty much how i see it as well.

i behave the way that i do because i try not to be an ass, not because i am afraid of how it will reflect on someone else. Civility is an end unto itself.

< Message edited by Rochsub2009 -- 1/24/2010 7:09:44 PM >

(in reply to Elisabella)

Post #: 11

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:10:26 PM

MzMia

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Joined: 7/30/2004
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I sort of judge everyone by the company they keep.
That would go for girlfriends/boyfriends, husband/wives, friends,etc.
I even look at um's {behavior} OFTEN, as a reflection on the parents that raised them.

A Dominant is a reflection of their submissive, and a submissive is a reflection of their Dominant.
I mean they choose each other, didn't they?

To me this is a no-brainer.

Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are.
Miguel de Cervantes

< Message edited by MzMia -- 1/24/2010 7:19:01 PM >

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain

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"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 12

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:10:55 PM

ForeverOwned

Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline

i think it goes both ways, don't you? If i see a sub doing and acting any way they want, the first thought that comes to my mind is that the Dominant isn't very invested in his partner, or maybe they just met or maybe it;s just a part time game to the both of them and neither one of them are really serious.

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 13

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:17:17 PM

FlamingRedhead

Posts: 451
Joined: 3/4/2007
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I have judged a dominant by the behavior of his submissive. The submissive/slave in question was being punished for something by not being allowed to talk or play while at the dungeon. While her master was inside playing with his other slave, she stayed outside in the smoking section and talked. My impression was that he obviously hadn't mastered her in that she was being disrespectful in her speech and demeanor, not to mention disobedient. In this case, my judgment was accurate in that I later heard that she'd left him. This is the only instance, though, that I can recall judging a dominant by his/her submissive. There's a saying that goes "even a child is known by his actions." What we do does tend to reflect back onto the people we're associated with, whether it's "fair" or not.

_____________________________

I'm so addicted to
All the things you do
When you're going down on me
In between the sheets
Or the sound you make
With every breath you take
It's unlike anything
When you're loving me

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 14

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:24:43 PM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

my Father always said "You are judged by the company you keep." and that is so true. If you saw four teenagers and you knew three of them were big trouble makers, you would probably figure that the fourth one is too. It's not fair, but it's human.
i personally believe that you should have your best foot forward in ALL situations. That being said, i firmly believe that a subs behavior definitely reflects on his/her Dominant. Good behavior shows that i respecr my Owner and that i hold him in such high esteem that i am on my best behavior at all time.

if i behave well, not only does it,please my Owner, but it, pleases me to know that i have done the right thing. When i do the right thing it shows that i have the utmost respect for Him, myself and others and that's the type of behavior i want displayed., and the kind of behavior that he appreciates and rewards me for, by giving of Himself to me.

I agree with this. Yes, I'm my own person and I am responsible for my own actions. But at the same time, my actions DO reflect on my boyfriend.

As far as I know, my boyfriend doesn't read my posts, but I always post as if he were going to read it. He almost never censors me in any way, but that's partly because I do think pretty carefully about how what I write does reflect upon him.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 15

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:26:40 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

Do you judge a dominant by the behavior of their submissive? If you do; how and why? Is it fair? And if you don’t, what are your reasons?

Yes. Not completely and utterly but yes it does influence my opinion.

I also judge a submissive by the behavior of their dominant as that is the person they selected. The same way the behavior of a person's spouse and their friends influence my opinion of them.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Lockit)

Post #: 16

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:26:42 PM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

But how am I a human being at all related to the actions of another, I am responsible for myself, and as much as i would LOVE for everything ive ever done to be someone elses responsibility, Its not the case and never will be.

My owner is responsible for HIS actions, Im responsible for mine, Do I try to fit my actions in to what he wants of me, Yes I do, However my owner will love me for who i am, every last ounce of ability to fight my own battles, If i have the balls to start it, I should have the balls to see it through.

_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to ForeverOwned)

Post #: 17

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:38:12 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

I sort of judge everyone by the company they keep.
That would go for girlfriends/boyfriends, husband/wives, friends,etc.
I even look at um's {behavior} OFTEN, as a reflection on the parents that raised them.

A Dominant is a reflection of their submissive, and a submissive is a reflection of their Dominant.
I mean they choose each other, didn't they?

To me this is a no-brainer.

Tell me what company you keep and I'll tell you what you are.
Miguel de Cervantes

The perfect reply. Thank you for saving Me the keystrokes.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to MzMia)

Post #: 18

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:41:14 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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Inflammatory is a lot different than argumentative. There's a conspiracy nut on the boards who eventually always says that the problem, whatever it is, is the fault of Jews. Damned right as a Jew I'm going to call him on his hate speech. And that's argumentative.

Telling someone who is deep in denial about their dom only meeting them during office hours in hotel rooms, and not knowing his last name or where he lives or a home phone number that he is definitely married can be seen as argumentative. Actually it can be inflammatory when they don't want to hear it.

But I see no reason why I shouldn't call a bigot on his bigotry, or be honest about what's going on as I see it.
I wouldn't be with a dominant who expected me to tell a bigot that he's absolutely right. Bigotry is one of my hard limits.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 19

RE: Judging a dominant by their submissive's behavior? - 1/24/2010 7:42:24 PM

NihilusZero

Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

This is an interesting issue concerning how often the worry is made clear about (usually with the D/s folk) how a D-type should not try to "change who the submissive is". I'd be prone, in that case, to agree with the fellow you were talking with.

For me, however, and with people I speak with who deal with their relationships in an M/s fashion, the point is much more cogent as adjustment, control and guidance of the slave's behavior, even hir very way of thinking, is normally part of the understood dynamic...at which point, my slave should indeed be a reflection of my tutelage, in behavior and otherwise.

_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

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(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 20

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