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When you first started out - 1/31/2010 3:23:26 PM   
ForeverOwned


Posts: 269
Joined: 2/5/2008
Status: offline 		did you have a mentor or do did you just wing it and go with your instincts? Thanks.
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 3:29:44 PM   
MasterAramis


Posts: 279
Joined: 7/29/2008
From: Connecticut
Status: offline 		For me it was both. I did indeed have a Mentor who took me part of the way, then from there I developed my own philosophy and style that suited me.

Aramis

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"He who would be a man must be a master. He who surrenders his mastery surrenders his manhood." - Players of Gor

(in reply to ForeverOwned)
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 4:19:06 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I've always been my own mentor in situations.  I read everything I could get my hands on, messed around in chatrooms and such.  I didn't venture into real time until I felt I had a pretty firm grasp on the reality of bdsm and power exchange relationships.  One thing I did was to keep far, far away from any kind of bdsm porn or erotica.  As any porn or erotica, it is a very plainly skewed perspective and not at all in line with my goals of understanding things in the here and now.

I did have one friend who was deep in "lifestyle" that initially introduced me to the whole thing and that I could run ideas by.  I wouldn't call her a mentor, but I did do a lot of learning and exploring both because of and with her.

I don't trust instincts too much.  I find that many of us no longer have the survivalist sensibilities we as a species once had.  I find my instincts get indelible impressions from emotions, past history, family, moral and social expectations and more.  All these things CAN be important, but the gut reaction really does have to be fully evaluated before determining if it is entirely accurate.  I am pretty good in flight or fight, but anything else gives me pause.

BDSM is like anything else.  Learning, impressions, and desires will be impacted by a myriad of sources.  I always hope to be open to the lessons that are before me.  Otherwise, I don't complain if they whack me square in the head when needed.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to MasterAramis)
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 6:03:58 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline 		i read some watched others some, but mostly it was a couple fucked up relationships and just maturing as a man, and a lot of introspection

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to lovingpet)
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 6:11:30 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline 		Whenever I am seeing someone new, it feels to me as though I am starting all over again.  I have certain skills I didn't have five years ago, say, but skills seem less important than getting to know someone's mind and soul, and building a connection between her and me.

I've never had a BDSM mentor.  I've had many people, though, who have taught me to think, how to be responsible, how to be an adult.  To whatever extent I am "master" of anything, it is because of them.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to osf)
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 6:18:27 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		I guess you could say I had a couple of mentors, but I didn't think of them as such, and neither did they. It was more like just being friendly with a couple of male doms who introduced me to others and answered questions I had, gave me some pretty good advice. I eventually had a long-term occasional play relationship with one of them that drifted more to just friendship. He showed me a lot of the physical stuff with bondage, toys, whips, etc.

So, I guess they were "mentors"....and I did a lot of educating myself on my own, too.

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 6:31:19 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline 		FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.

(in reply to windchymes)
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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 6:42:20 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.


You noticed that, huh?

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:22:31 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

FR-

With all due respect foreverowned, you seem to be doing research for a book or term paper of some sort with the types of questions you ask. Like you are trying to dissect what makes this "lifestyle" different than others.


You noticed that, huh?


Of course I noticed, lol. What I failed to mention is that if she is indeed doing research for a book, any direct quote which she takes from here would cause her legal problems if she doesn't have a release.

In any case, because I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions. If she is truly looking for comparisons to how others are living their relationships, then she has a bigger problem because each relationship is as unique as each individual living it, even if you mosey on over to the Gor folks, no two relationships are ever the same.

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:24:31 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous


You are not the first to hold that opinion.


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“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:31:13 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:32:35 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous


You are not the first to hold that opinion.



Yes, Katy, that was pointed out to me in mail on the other side. Nice to know though that I'm not the only one thinking that.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:36:59 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Level)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:41:03 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!



Aw hell, that should be easy!

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:47:05 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

You're just mad 'cause meat puppets don't have mentors.


I need a mentor to help me start 1,000 threads with little or no significance!



yeah, it takes practice!

Should a dom eat quiche?

My slave left me for the pizza boy; should I go beat my doormat?

Can a dom cry if he gets picked for a salad tossing contest in the pen?

I need a mentor too; those sucked

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:49:43 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		I think she's just another bored soul posting anything that comes off the top of her mind because well..any attention is better than none.

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:50:28 PM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions.

I decided that it is irrelevant to me.  I try to structure my answers so people reading the thread might get something out of them.

Also, LL, it feels more like lack of ability to comprehend data to me -- not data collection.  Who knows for sure, though.  I don't let such questions keep me up at night.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 7:57:20 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: RedMagic1

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
I feel the majority of her posts are disengenous, I won't answer any of her research style questions.

I decided that it is irrelevant to me.  I try to structure my answers so people reading the thread might get something out of them.

Also, LL, it feels more like lack of ability to comprehend data to me -- not data collection.  Who knows for sure, though.  I don't let such questions keep me up at night.



Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.

(in reply to RedMagic1)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 8:21:17 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlewonder

I think she's just another bored soul posting anything that comes off the top of her mind because well..any attention is better than none.

All of us are attention whores, then.

I've never heard of trolling with genuine, albeit short, personal questions...but conspiracy theories are tons of fun, I suppose.


_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to littlewonder)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 8:23:16 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.

Perhaps you'd care to include that rule here so the plebes know how to adequately formulate the composition of their threads in order to attain more mature responses.



_____________________________

"I know it's all a game
I know they're all insane
I know it's all in vain
I know that I'm to blame."
~Siouxsie & the Banshees

NihilusZero.com

CM Sex God du Jour
CM Hall Monitor

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 20
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