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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 8:41:09 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.

Perhaps you'd care to include that rule here so the plebes know how to adequately formulate the composition of their threads in order to attain more mature responses.

Thanks for the link. I hope you don't mind that my rule was multifaceted.

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RE: When you first started out - 1/31/2010 9:31:08 PM

LafayetteLady

Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

Trust me, it doesn't keep me up at night wondering.

Everyone certainly needs to do their own thing in response. If there was a question regarding an actual issue as opposed to asking how everyone met, how they live, what they do for "x, y and z" and the plethora of other "historical data" type questions, I would consider answering.

Perhaps you'd care to include that rule here so the plebes know how to adequately formulate the composition of their threads in order to attain more mature responses.

If I thought you were as great as YOU think you are, I might consider it. However, my statement is based on the whole of her posts and how they come across, not simply in MY opinion but in other's opinions as well.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 4:18:10 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
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I have never felt it necessary to have a mentor in order to meet someone for coffee. Or to decide what I wanted to study in college. Or in the myriad of other life experiences. So why should I need a mentor to decide if I'm sexually attracted to someone?

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 4:23:23 AM

ranja

Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
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Maybe they could be called mentors... i had some excellent advise from some on-line-only contacts... i am very grateful to them

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Post #: 24

RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 6:05:30 AM

lucylucy

Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I've always been my own mentor in situations. I read everything I could get my hands on, messed around in chatrooms and such. I didn't venture into real time until I felt I had a pretty firm grasp on the reality of bdsm and power exchange relationships. One thing I did was to keep far, far away from any kind of bdsm porn or erotica. As any porn or erotica, it is a very plainly skewed perspective and not at all in line with my goals of understanding things in the here and now.

I did have one friend who was deep in "lifestyle" that initially introduced me to the whole thing and that I could run ideas by. I wouldn't call her a mentor, but I did do a lot of learning and exploring both because of and with her.

I don't trust instincts too much. I find that many of us no longer have the survivalist sensibilities we as a species once had. I find my instincts get indelible impressions from emotions, past history, family, moral and social expectations and more. All these things CAN be important, but the gut reaction really does have to be fully evaluated before determining if it is entirely accurate. I am pretty good in flight or fight, but anything else gives me pause.

BDSM is like anything else. Learning, impressions, and desires will be impacted by a myriad of sources. I always hope to be open to the lessons that are before me. Otherwise, I don't complain if they whack me square in the head when needed.

lovingpet

What lovingpet said goes for me, too. I "studied" a lot, reading online and lurking on message boards. That's my SOP when I get into something new: I read a ton about it.

I don't trust "instincts" much, either. Many times at the beginning my instincts were so thoroughly molded by having lived a vanilla life for nearly 40 years. My instincts were almost useless to me and I realized that.

I suppose in some ways, these message boards and everyone who posts on them served as a mentor for me. I don't know anyone in real life that is into this, so I had no real life friends to bounce ideas off of.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 7:11:47 AM

Fitznicely

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

did you have a mentor or do did you just wing it and go with your instincts? Thanks.

John Norman, a desire to be a good person and live up to my responsibilities, 20 years of preparation. That's all I can remember.

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Proud Owner of Darkmoonkat. Such a good girl!

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:03:23 AM

OsideGirl

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I did not have a mentor, I wish I had. The LA scene is huge and multidimensional.

Luckily, my own cautious, analytical nature kept me from rushing in and I ended up with a guy with a really good heart. (We're still friends almost 20 years later).

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Post #: 27

RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:21:10 AM

sexyred1

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When I first started out...in life you mean?

If you mean did I need a mentor in relationships and BDSM, I was always self aware and pretty bright. I always thought for myself and had friends to talk to and books to read. The few older guys I met in the "scene" were laughable to me even at a young age.

More importantly, I actually had real life experience where I worked through it all with my partners. No mentors needed.

Even back then, I knew better than to ask a bunch of strangers lots of questions that would be better served by living the experiences instead of living through others.

I would caution any young person or older person who is not experienced about mentors, simply because much of the mentoring may be tinged with the bad experiences of the person mentoring or worse, an ulterior motive.

One's best bet is to ask someone like them, sub ask sub, Dom ask Dom, that would be far more informative and relevant.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:24:09 AM

Jeffff

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I am now mentoring Domiguy. Things are going smashingly!

Jeffwey

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:28:33 AM

EbonyWood

Posts: 2044
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quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

I've never heard of trolling with genuine, albeit short, personal questions...but conspiracy theories are tons of fun, I suppose.

Then you are not entitled to be Hall Monitor. Hand in your badge and cape.

One name is enough - osf.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:30:37 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am now mentoring Domiguy. Things are going smashingly!

Jeffwey

Has something gone awry in the mentoring program? I have not seen him around recently. Were you too hard on him?

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:35:57 AM

WinsomeDefiance

Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

did you have a mentor or do did you just wing it and go with your instincts? Thanks.

Sort of. I had the guy who ran our local munch and playparty take me under his wing. He lent me books on BDSM and showed me various techniques, in Topping and Bottoming. I also trained for six months as a Top, under the tutelage of a female Top. Then I incorporated our group, rented commercial space and helped incorporate a new members training group that last I heard, exists to this day. It was quite rewarding to attend a Leather Leadership Conference 12 years later and see one of the ladies I had mentored myself, teaching at the conference. She even gave me honorable mention at the class.

Mentoring, or training under more experienced players can be very beneficial.

I won't go into my views regarding online Dom/sub mentoring, however.

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Post #: 32

RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 8:56:19 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
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From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
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No official mentor but, my parents were lifestyle. My mother even wrote a sex book. I guess my dad was my unofficial mentor even though he tried to avoid exposing me the lifestyle as much as possible. He didn’t want to bias my choices in life with is own preferences.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ForeverOwned

did you have a mentor or do did you just wing it and go with your instincts? Thanks.

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I give good thread.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 10:17:36 AM

ForeverOwned

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Thanks, for such wonderful answers. my Owner had a mentor that he stayed with for years. They see each other now and then and developed a strong bond.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:10:34 PM

domiguy

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The mentoring is going splendidly. Jeffff has proven to be the type of role model that I could only dream of being hop bonded with.

Mentors are great. I was once a mentor to a little subby chick. She was damn near "pixiesque" in stature . Needless to say, she didn't last. By saying "she didn't last" I actually mean she "gave out" and by "she" I really mean "her heart" and by "gave out" I actually mean that she died.

I guess I wasn't a very good mentor. I would just make shit up on the fly and what information I actually did possess came to me by copying off some other Dom's term paper or reading a copy of "Domming for Dummies."

Thank God for Jeffff. I am now finally on the right path and I figure if all goes well I just might be up and Domming somewhere around the Spring of '15.

Between now and then if you happen to get a message from me showing some sort of interest I think it would be wise for you to block all further correspondence.

Answer at your own peril.

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING: Domiguy Causes Lung Cancer, Heart Disease, Welts, Twat discomfort, Emphysema, Heartache, May Complicate Pregnancy and Your ability to ever feel good about yourself or to truly love again.

< Message edited by domiguy -- 2/1/2010 1:13:54 PM >

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:14:55 PM

sexyred1

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pfffftttt...some advertisement for a mentor.

you never mentioned gash or ass fucking.

what a bore.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:17:43 PM

Jeffff

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All our hard work is paying off!

Jeff

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:19:21 PM

subtee

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Joined: 7/26/2007
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"hard work"...

blah

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Post #: 38

RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:25:31 PM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

"hard work"...

blah

I am but a blank canvas an empty sheet of clay. When molded by the hand of the artist, that is Jefff. I shall morph into domigeofff.

I shall be nicer to you fuckers with just a slight hint of cuntish behavior. A truly marvelous bouquet.

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RE: When you first started out - 2/1/2010 1:25:51 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
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You have no idea. Domi is so earnest and want so much to be a good and wonderful Dominant, it sometimes breaks my heart.

Don't discourage him!

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