Does sex get in the way of submission?

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Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 10:25:58 AM

openmindedslave

Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
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I have spoken to so many here that cherish and desire earned submission from a sub or slave . However , while sex can besomething both are seeking , many out hereare telling me that the subs and slaves they are talking too expect sex.Even when the profile clearly states they will not conduct sexual acts with any slave/sub.
Are superiors finding it hard to find submission with out the expectation of sex?

Post #: 1

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 5:07:10 PM

Jasmyn

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Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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No. It's just not on the table, it's not up for discussion. Those who expect it aren't entertained as anything with potential.

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Post #: 2

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 5:28:10 PM

michaelGA

Posts: 1194
Status: offline

sex seems to always interfere with submission as far as i'm concerned...it's not always just the sub/slave seeking it, but some Dominants as well. for me, it is not something i offer or seek. i know, some people may think: "i've heard THAT before" but it is true. that's probably one of the reasons some subs aren't considered is because of the lack of sexual submission.

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RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 5:30:36 PM

SadisticMinx

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/2/2005
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If you are looking for sex then you aren't a submissive unless that's how you and your Dom/me have made your D/s relationship. Don't think that every Dominant is looking to get laid because most of the subs I've talked to are looking for cheap thrills to just go down on me calling it 'forced oral servitude'.

(in reply to michaelGA)

Post #: 4

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 5:30:40 PM

TheShadows

Posts: 403
Joined: 9/16/2004
From: Southern Illinois
Status: offline

Absolutely. This is a problem that we face, maybe moreso than the single folks that are seeking, because we're married. We are monogamous and aren't interested in sex with anyone else...potential subs/slaves included. We have each other for that.

That is not to say that we don't care about our future sub/slave's sexual release, because we do, but there are ways to negotiate and compromise so that everyone is fulfilled.

We're interested in domestic service, S&M, and deep, secure, longlasting friendships, rather than sex. It does seem that a large portion of people expect sex in BDSM-D/s relationships, and that's ok. Just don't expect it from us. LOL.

The up-side to this is, it narrows the field of potential matches for us.

As always, YMMV.

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(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 5

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/26/2006 6:16:47 PM

lushusboobs

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Joined: 5/13/2004
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What is sex in submission? I guess it depends on how narrowly or widely you define sex. I don't ever think of having sex in the traditional sense and it disgusts me when someone even suggests it. I think that some people come to be submissive still carrying a preconceived idea of what is expected of them. They think they know what pleases a woman but 9 times out of 10, they do not. I believe that submissives need to drop their preconceived ideas and suspend their traditional beliefs about pleasing when they consider a meeting with a new Domme and listen to what it is that she has to say and what it is that she is seeking . Most of all, I think that submissives need to NOT come to the relationship from the attitude of how to I get my fetish needs met but from an attitude of a submissive person who wants to get to know another individual as a person. That's my take on it, anyway.
Lushus

(in reply to TheShadows)

Post #: 6

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 5:29:36 PM

Real0ne

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Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

No. It's just not on the table, it's not up for discussion. Those who expect it aren't entertained as anything with potential.

ok suffice to say most of those who are married and all the pros have no interest in sex. as far as a loving relationship is concerned hell yeh. sex is good

quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs
Most of all, I think that submissives need to NOT come to the relationship from the attitude of how to I get my fetish needs met but from an attitude of a submissive person who wants to get to know another individual as a person. That's my take on it, anyway.
Lushus

why not? a lot of dommes come into it for that.

reminds me of a domme i dated for a while. she was so into control that as she approached orgasm she would stop me just before i could take her over the edge. a real sexual dud

_____________________________

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Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

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(in reply to Jasmyn)

Post #: 7

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 7:16:34 PM

Maam4slavegirl

Posts: 40
Joined: 3/16/2006
From: Iowa
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Over the years I have found that sex and submission do not work. From what I experienced early on is that once they have that release they lose their focus on submitting. So, here in my house there is no sex, only chastity. Release, through masturbation, is an earned reward.

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Post #: 8

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 7:22:43 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
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What is this "sex" thing you're talking about?

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 9

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 8:28:00 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Maam4slavegirl

Over the years I have found that sex and submission do not work. From what I experienced early on is that once they have that release they lose their focus on submitting. So, here in my house there is no sex, only chastity. Release, through masturbation, is an earned reward.

yeh for me its just the opposite. i am motivated sexually. thats not to say i am motivated by chastity. i would not even consider a relationship if physical sex was not a part of it. its just my orientation and works well for me.

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to Maam4slavegirl)

Post #: 10

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 8:36:17 PM

Jasmyn

Posts: 1234
Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
Status: offline

quote:

ok suffice to say most of those who are married and all the pros have no interest in sex. as far as a loving relationship is concerned hell yeh. sex is good

For some sex is part and parcel of a loving d/s relationship, for others it isn't...

oms I think there are plenty of male subs and slaves out there who don't carry an expectation of sex although it can seem overwhelmingly the opposite when you receive your 10th 'can I be your sex slave' msg for the day. But regardless what or how he thinks, this is about me and what I do with them and some of the most humble boys I know started off asking to pleasure me sexually.

_____________________________

quote:

"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

Visit My Website

(in reply to Real0ne)

Post #: 11

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 9:25:00 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
Status: offline

I do not feel it gets in the way. You can have full submission both ways. I'm one who always felt that my subs were full use. That included sexual if I desired it. (Subs were never allowed to request or instigate it.) Since I never kept a stable of subs- preferring only one or two at a time- it worked out well. Now, my subhub definitely expects sex, more because he knows I'm not about to go more than a couple days without than because he wants it. LoL

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(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 9:35:23 PM

dragon60

Posts: 21
Joined: 11/28/2005
Status: offline

I have to say that it is hard trying to find a sub that does not want to think of sex all the time though i would have sex as part of my relationship. I seex a well rounded realtionship in both the vanilla world as well as the BDSM side of our lives. Then again i am not the typical Domme either ;-) I like to have fun in the lifestyle ;-)

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 13

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 10:18:14 PM

lushusboobs

Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline

The truth is that I have no interest in sex in a traditional penis and vagina sort of way. I would say that I'm bigendered or maybe even transgendered in that I like being in the male role. I enjoy giving rather than receiving. I like being the top and you'll never find me being in a penetrative sort of situation where I'm being the one penetrated except with my lesbian lover. Sometimes people talk to me and think that since I'm primarily lesbian that I'm looking for oral sex. I don't really want that either. Read Stone Butch Blues and you might somewhat understand what I'm about. But being bi-gendered I also identify somewhat with the feminine side.

To be totally honest, I don't consider myself heterosexual and the only men that I have interest in are those willing to submit in a very feminine manner. Transgendered people and bi men understand me and turn me on. Heterosexual men are usually clueless as to what I'm looking for unless they are very open.

Men who are looking for sex are barking up the wrong tree with me. If they are looking to widen their concept of sex then perhaps they might find me interesting. Men who assume all women are fulfilled by orgasm are pretty much clueless as far as I'm concerned. If they understand that sex can be a total head trip and about the mind then they might be a little bit more my type. If I can't connect with someone on a mental level then there is no pleasure for me.

In lesbian relationships everything is about the foreplay and the orgasm is not that important. What do you think about that concept?

(in reply to dragon60)

Post #: 14

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/27/2006 10:49:46 PM

CaCpl4HouseSlave

Posts: 5
Joined: 2/23/2006
Status: offline

We must post here (although we RARELY do) and say yes, sex usually does get in the way of submission, ONLY because we let it....

Submission, and in fact the entire D/s lifestyle is not about sex, it is regardless of sex, it is in spite of sex.... Sex and D/s are not necessarily intertwined..... Sex does normally come along with submission, and surely does come along with slavery, but to equate D/s with sex (or with kinky sex as usually is the assumption) is just not correct, in fact it is mixing two desperate things together.....

Unfortunetly people in general confuse (as one sub I admired a great deal from afar said) "sex so obscene that to procure it would require several months pay or cause one to go to jail" with D/s relationships....

The truth is, in a D/s relationship sex is nto a requisite part, UNLESS the Dom/Owners require it.... and the sooner folks understand that, the sooner the rest of us who are serious her can move along :-)

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 15

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/28/2006 1:39:10 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs
Men who assume all women are fulfilled by orgasm are pretty much clueless as far as I'm concerned.

i think anyone who assumes "all" for anything is off course, however i would guess that if a survey were done your take on orgasm would be in the .something or even the .0something percent of all women. So it makes sense to me that the majority of people, men and women both would make that assumption

quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs
In lesbian relationships everything is about the foreplay and the orgasm is not that important. What do you think about that concept?

Nothing out of the ordinary in my life, and i would add 25/7 in a really good relationship. In a really good relationship foreplay never really stops. and what do you think about that concept.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs
I like being the top and you'll never find me being in a penetrative sort of situation where I'm being the one penetrated except with my lesbian lover.

details details details!
so why are you only into female penetration
whats different to you between female and male penetration
what do you like about female penetration better

i was just thinking that a male can feel whats going on in there and move accordingly and one cannot when pumping with plastic.

or why not a shemale?

inquisitive minds need to know :)

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to lushusboobs)

Post #: 16

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/28/2006 1:47:01 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaCpl4HouseSlave
The truth is, in a D/s relationship sex is nto a requisite part, UNLESS the Dom/Owners require it.... and the sooner folks understand that, the sooner the rest of us who are serious her can move along :-)

says who?

thats just your style, and you may feel passionately about it, but there are many people out here from all walks of life and persuasions that do in fact want sex as a prerequisite to anything serious. there is nothing less serious about a couple who insist on sex being an integral part of a relationship than someone who believes they have some esoteric version that is better than every one else.

there are many no touch sexless nilla marriages out there too and from my observation they were no romance relationships. its nothing more than different strokes for different folks imo

move along to where?

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to CaCpl4HouseSlave)

Post #: 17

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/28/2006 3:30:21 PM

lushusboobs

Posts: 83
Joined: 5/13/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

details details details!
so why are you only into female penetration
whats different to you between female and male penetration
what do you like about female penetration better

i was just thinking that a male can feel whats going on in there and move accordingly and one cannot when pumping with plastic.

or why not a shemale?

inquisitive minds need to know :)

Why do you assume that there is a dildo involved? And by the way if I were going to use a dildo it would not be plastic. More often that not we use something other than a dildo, but inquiring minds want to know don't they?

Shemale is such an antiquated and offensive term and shows what you know about the transgendered world.

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RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/28/2006 3:47:23 PM

Real0ne

Posts: 21189
Joined: 10/25/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lushusboobs

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

details details details!
so why are you only into female penetration
whats different to you between female and male penetration
what do you like about female penetration better

i was just thinking that a male can feel whats going on in there and move accordingly and one cannot when pumping with plastic.

or why not a shemale?

inquisitive minds need to know :)

Why do you assume that there is a dildo involved? And by the way if I were going to use a dildo it would not be plastic. More often that not we use something other than a dildo, but inquiring minds want to know don't they?

Shemale is such an antiquated and offensive term and shows what you know about the transgendered world.

well unless you plan on being penetrated by a mac truck it has to be something on the order of a dildo since clit play is not penetration.

fucking spare me your thoughtless politically correct bullshit! i happen to have "SHEMALE" friends who SELF identify as "SHEMALES" and you can see them in personal adds all over as SELF dentified SHEMALES.

It usually signifies a tgurl who versatile or a top or simply just a non op typically, as opposed to those who are strictly bottom or post op etc.

shows what you dont know.

< Message edited by Real0ne -- 3/28/2006 4:05:06 PM >

_____________________________

"We the Borg" of the us imperialists....resistance is futile

Democracy; The 'People' voted on 'which' amendment?

Yesterdays tinfoil is today's reality!

"No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session

(in reply to lushusboobs)

Post #: 19

RE: Does sex get in the way of submission? - 3/28/2006 4:27:03 PM

stef

Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Real0ne

fucking spare me your thoughtless politically correct bullshit! i happen to have "SHEMALE" friends who SELF identify as "SHEMALES" and you can see them in personal adds all over as SELF dentified SHEMALES.

A person can refer to themselves as a shemale, a he-she or a philodendron for all I care but *you* referring to people as shemales is offensive, no matter how many of "them" you claim to have as friends. As a charged example, black people often call each other 'nigger' but if a white person does it, it's offensive. It's the same thing.

quote:

It usually signifies a tgurl who versatile or a top or simply just a non op typically, as opposed to those who are strictly bottom or post op etc.

It has nothing to do with being a top or 'versatile.' It's used almost exclusively to describe pre/non-op transsexuals working in the sex industry, which is a fractionally small percentage of the TS population. Those who don't fall into that small slice of the population find the term hugely offensive.

quote:

shows what you dont know.

What incredible fucking irony.

~stef

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Post #: 20

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