RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle???

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 5:40:23 PM

JohnWarren

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quote:

ORIGINAL: truesub4u

LOL Mr Warren after today's surgery, my Dr and I joked of the same tattoo for my back. Said it would make it easier to just unzip me when there's a problem.

Attitiude..... it's all in attitude. Ones willingness to want.. and go get. One has to over come their own before anyone else can.

Well, from where I'm sitting, you have a great attitude.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 5:58:21 PM

Phoenixandnika

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From: Aberdeen Maryland
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRenegade77

Is it Just Me or are Disabled people in the Lifestyle at a distinct disadvantage (Masters or slaves) when it comes to finding thier counterparts??? I'd like to hear from disabled As well as able bodied Dom/mes & sub/slaves on this matter... I was a Dom before My accident that put Me in this chair, unfortunately the internet didn't come into being until after My accident either... I've been looking for R/t slaves on the internet for over nine years but all I find is those wanting cyber collars or those that say they want to be My slave but when push comes to shove they're gone... Which leads Me to conclude that Many out here are only living in a fantasy world & in doing so sully the Lifestyle for the True Dom/mes & sub/slaves...

Evening,

I am a collared and owned slave and suffer from a disability. I was diagnosed with bipolar mania when I was 15. Granted this is not a "physical disability" however it does affect my every day life and it gets worse with age.It also has many very physical traits that appear.

It can and does affect how I interact with others and even myself. It is not easy to be with me, I know this and openly acknoweldge that fact. I saw my disability push my exhusband away as well as my former Master. Not to mention many people who once called me a friend. Simply because they could not cope with the emotional roller coaster ride that I deal with on a daily basis or the severity of those emotions. Do I blame them? No. Truth be told some days I wish I could walk away from myself too but it is simply not that easy to do.

I have blacked out and grabbed the man I love by the throat and yelled at him as if I was someone else. Using "she" and "her" in reference to myself and he is still here. He has watched me cry for no apparent reason for days on end. He has tried to hold me and tried to give me room.

I do not fool myself. I know my disability is draining not only to myself but to him to my children. The reality is some people are not made to be caretakers - not that that is what you are looking for per say. But some people fear what they do not understand or the worst case senerio.

I do not know if this made any sense Sir, but have faith. I truly beleive that there is someone out there for everyone. Sometimes we simply look to hard to see them. Sometimes we simply have to be patient.

Nika{Phoenix}

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 6:46:24 PM

STMangel

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hello:
If i read you correctly you think that because of your disability and the fact that you are in a wheelchair is the reason that you cannot find a sub. Hope that that is the thought that you had.
I am a collared slave, i have a physical disability that is known as degenerative disc disease, it affects my back a lot. I walk with a cane and am in constant pain. I am not what i would consider pretty, i am a queen sized lady, and have surgery scars from here to threre.
I feel that if the sub has the heart of a sub and has the heart to serve then you will find yours. I have found my true Master, we enjoy the times we have together. Therefore, it is my sincere wish for you to hang strong and you will find yours. They are here somewhere.

submissively
STMangel

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 7:20:38 PM

outofhabit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I still disagree. A person's attitude has alot to do with it. Now granted, I will admit that some disabilities make certain activities impossible ( simply because of the danger that is involved ), but a person can either be upbeat about it, or sit and complain about it on a hourly/daily basis. In other words, have a good attitude, or a bad attitude.

That's a false binary. You can be as upbeat as you please but that still doesn't erase that it may be more difficult for you to find partners, kinky or not, as someone with a disability.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 7:25:02 PM

KatyLied

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You should not allow your illness or disability to fully define who you are. It's one part of you. If someone decides you aren't a good match because of your disability/illness, you need to ask yourself if he/she the type of person you'd want to be with anyway.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 8:07:17 PM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: outofhabit

quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist
I still disagree. A person's attitude has alot to do with it. Now granted, I will admit that some disabilities make certain activities impossible ( simply because of the danger that is involved ), but a person can either be upbeat about it, or sit and complain about it on a hourly/daily basis. In other words, have a good attitude, or a bad attitude.

That's a false binary. You can be as upbeat as you please but that still doesn't erase that it may be more difficult for you to find partners, kinky or not, as someone with a disability.

i think the point here is that a negative attitude will only add to the difficulty, rather than reduce it.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 8:17:31 PM

IrishMist

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quote:

That's a false binary. You can be as upbeat as you please but that still doesn't erase that it may be more difficult for you to find partners, kinky or not, as someone with a disability.

You are, of course, entitled to think the way you feel is right for you. It does not change the fact though that much of what attracts a person is attitude. Would you seriously, willingly, seek out someone who did nothing more than sit around and cry 'oh poor poor pititful me' hour after hour? If so, then more power to you.

quote:

i think the point here is that a negative attitude will only add to the difficulty, rather than reduce it.

Thank you OwnedGirlie, you said it much better than I could.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 9:58:17 PM

outofhabit

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
i think the point here is that a negative attitude will only add to the difficulty, rather than reduce it.

And I think encouraging people who have disabilities or are a different type of minority to be able to articulate that they feel like they are having difficulty connecting to the community because of that identity is important because then we are able to work on changing it to be more accessible to more people. I feel like the general consensus here is "If you're a minority and having problems, it's really just an attitude problem," which is really invalidating.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 10:24:07 PM

ownedgirlie

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i never said that, intended that, nor implied that, and it is unfortunate if that is how i came across.

i mentioned earlier in this thread that a close friend of mine who is suffering from illness was presenting herself - illness first - which happened to scare people off. she was so under-confident because she felt she was damaged goods, and could not see the beauty her own spirit shined. Therefore that wasn't what she showed people.

What i was speaking to is how people present themselves. If i was trying to make potential friends and all i said was, hi, i'm so n so and i've got all these problems i'm struggling with - - it puts my problems at the forefront and that's all they see, rather than seeing who i really am - a bright, fun, loving and smart woman who happens to have some problems that need dealing with.

To be honest, i didn't think there was any sign of negative attitude in the OP at all. i think the conversation just progressed to things that might contribute to difficulties, and i was trying to summarize it.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 11:02:40 PM

IronBear

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To get off topic for one post and not insulting either outofhabit or ownedgirlie, the visualls of one vanilla icecream cone v twin paddles may make for a fantastic quidish match

Now back to our regular on topic commentary.....

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 11:07:00 PM

ownedgirlie

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lol i had to think about that one.

i doubt anything you say could ever insult me, Iron Bear, and if i said anything in this thread (or any others) that was offensive to you, i offer you a sincere apology.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 11:47:40 PM

IronBear

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You sweet have never been offensive in any way shape or form..

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Iron Bear

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Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/27/2006 11:51:58 PM

ownedgirlie

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Thank you Iron Bear, i was concerned.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/28/2006 12:05:47 AM

fullofgrace

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in general, in dealing with disability, i will share some of my own personal experience...my Dominant has a blood disorder that mimics some characteristics of leukemia and hemophilia, so He is constantly dealing with some special medical needs, exacerbated by His current living/working situation. He is also 35 years older than me, so He will be reaching the "old age" disability stage long before i might. on the other hand, i, at a young age, have dealt with a history of depression, post traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, drug addiction, the works in terms of mental issues...and i have the body of someone much older - i have a severe back problem that will probably land me in a wheelchair at some point, arthritic pains/possible fibromyalgia, mild cerebral palsy, and other internal issues brought on by the eating disorder - the latter has probably shortened my lifespan considerably, and the former is costing me quality of life because of chronic pain and quite a bit in medical bills, especially because my insurance doesn't cover alternative medicine. so neither of us are traditionally disabled (i joke that i am a walking medical problem...but at least i'm walking!) and i am very grateful that our disabilities don't interfere too much with our relationships or so much with our quality of life that we cannot work or do some of the things we enjoy (for example, dance used to be my life but i will probably never dance again...yet i can still go to school and make art and play piano to an extent).

i think disabilities of any kind will just affect any sort of relationship. i mean, financially, my health issues will probably be of great concern to us. if He wanted children, which He doesn't, i am most likely incapable of carrying or bearing a child, and i fear i may be infertile. i also have to be sensitive to His everyday health because minor weakness could be the bearer of very grave bad news in terms of His blood cells and how they are functioning, and He tends to be incredibly stubborn. however, neither of us are expecting perfection from the other and we are both going into this knowing the full weight of our respective conditions.

i think in your case, it is likely that either you just haven't found someone who is true enough to stick around in times of great need (my Dominant's last short-term vanilla relationship developed right around the time he was getting sick, and his girlfriend couldn't handle it and bailed), or, as others have expressed, your other requirements are just too stringent for most submissives to automatically feel comfortable replying. if i were not currently collared, just from reading your profile, i honestly don't get an automatically positive vibe. "I know it'll only be extraordinarily submissive women who'll apply for this position,Where Are You???" makes me feel as though you are viewing those of us who don't fit your requirements somehow as inferior in our submission, which is an automatic red flag for me. so perhaps if you gave off more of a relaxed vibe you would be more likely to get responses from subs - there are plenty who do not fit all your other requirements but might be open to serving someone with a disability. of course, if all of these requirements are THAT important to you, you shouldn't "compromise" yourself into a situation that you are not happy with. :) just hold out. you'll find the right sub for you, i am sure. do not sell yourself short for someone who won't stick by you because of illness, though. it's never worth it. and i wish you the best of luck :)

edited to add - i like what someone said earlier about asking yourself if people who won't stick by you in times of great illness or need are really people you would want to concern yourself with anyway. i think that is a wonderful way to look at it. we are not any different from anyone else because of our physical or mental impairments; we deserve the same unconditional love that anyone else would get in such a relationship. people who are not willing to stick by us are not really truly worth that kind of energy.

< Message edited by fullofgrace -- 3/28/2006 12:14:20 AM >

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/28/2006 11:02:43 AM

DaddysLapGirl

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No one is perfect. We can consider ourselves flawed individuals, or we can see ourselves and others as beautiful beings sharing Universal joys and adversities. Shallow people will always seek elusive perfection in others. Most likely to compensate for what they lack internally.

I guess the only disability that's truly dibilating is a shallow hollow heart and soul. Everything else is just people being people with different stuff to offer, learn from and teach.

(My esoteric rhetoric for the moment.)

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/28/2006 11:33:35 AM

Mercnbeth

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I didn't check every post in this thread, so if someone else provided these people as a reference I apologize for being redundant. The Southwest Leather Organization ( http://www.southwestleather.org/) has am annual "contest" for SW Master/slave. The 2005 winners were Master Guardian and his slave sugar. slave sugar is confined to a wheelchair.

We have had the opportunity to meet this lovely couple on a few occasions. Their story, their love and dedication for each other, is inspiring without consideration of any handicap. Last year at the Folsom Fringe they lectured and gave a presentation on this subject. There is contact information at the SW Leather site. I'm sure they would respond and be a valuable reference if anyone is interested in contacting them.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 3/28/2006 1:37:20 PM

MasterRenegade77

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I'd Like to Thank all of those that posted on this thread it's definately opened My eyes about how others see & percieve Me to be it was an unexpected benefit... I've changed My Profile quite abit w/the help of a sweet Mass. lady.. I've also added pics so once the powers that be here approve it why don't Y/you all take a look???. Never too old to learn, I realize that in this Lifestyle if you're not learning you're just idling away... Always Keep your eyes & ears open... If Y/you ever get to the point that you think you know everything there is to know about it Please get out of it for the sake of the rest of U/us!!!
I'll check out that link too Mercnbeth...
I'll be Locking this thread soon I think it's pretty much served it's Purpose...
Thanks again.
MasterRenegade77

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 5/15/2006 12:10:15 PM

HalloweenWhite

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

I'd recommend you take a look at the last lines of your profile and try rewriting the previous lines in that spirt.

i totally agree with this. Were i unowned, i would have been turned away by the laundry list before i ever cast a second glance at the wheelchair issue. And not because i may or may not fall into such categories, but because a paragraph such as that - in my opinion - describes a simple mind.

Regarding disabilities, well i live in a fantasy world where people look at what's on the inside rather than the out. In time i may be wheeling my Master around in his own chair, and i am not phased by that. However, i did on one occasion, advise a slave friend of mine about the way she comes across (she has MS and lupus). i said she presents herself as an ill slave, rather than as a slave. Because of her own esteem issues as a result of her illness, she does not let her true self shine through. Therefore, prospective dominants see the illness before the slave. Those who present themselves as such, do themselves a disservice.

Having said all of that, i can't imagine a disabled person would have more or less issues finding a partner in the D/s world than in the vanilla world.

I agree with you totally on the last line, its the same-vanilla or D/s because whether D/s or vanilla, people are people.

HalloweenWhite.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 5/15/2006 12:41:09 PM

subprostration

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I guess this is an older thread because I don't see a lot of what was mentioned in the posts. The OP must have changed his profile. I will say though that what sortstruck me was that if he admittedly is having trouble finding 1 that fits his needs maybe starting off right away by looking fo a harem is a bit off putting for some. One a t a time then lead in would be what I would think. IMO, first things first.

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RE: Disabled People in the Lifestyle??? - 5/15/2006 1:03:45 PM

FelinePersuasion

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yeah I wasn't interested in his profile either due to the huge laundry list. It had nothing to do with disabilitie either. the long laundry list someone must fit to interest him will cut out a lot of people. not to mention not to many are looking for poly right off the gate.

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