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SthrnCom4t -> RE: Married - is this then cheating (2/9/2010 4:52:32 PM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: pot
Being somehow confused with my acting - having a profile here - I am currious to know if this should be considered cheating - I am married and she is absolute only into vanilla stuff, and I could not scare her with my obsessions - and this domination thing is getting on to me. I could never do this in physics it just have to be a mindplay (as until now).
Let me have your honest opinion - thanks
//pot
I know this situation isn't nearly as cut and dry as some people make it out to be. I've been in your position, and am far enough out the other side to have some perspective.
Re: Your original question - I'll agree with previous posters saying that it's not our opinion that matters, but what your wife and you think about it that counts.
Now, that said, this is something that is speaking to you. You don't know as much as you want, but you're in a Catch 22 about how to learn more. Mainstream society (although becoming more and more accepting) still places a taboo on kinky activities. You don't want your wife to be scared, appalled, angry, grossed out, etc. Am I right?
The question you might be better off asking, and which may already be addressed in our new FAQ section, is, "How do I introduce my wife to my new interests?".
Sure, you 'know' her and we don't, but believe me, this is a VERY common situation. It doesn't matter if you are Dom, sub, male or female. Sometimes we're attracted for years, but didn't realize how strongly. Sometimes we know, and we've been in denial, and sometimes, its a part of yourself you didn't know existed, but you've evolved to a place where it appeals to you.
That's ok. A successful marriage should be about growing and evolving WITH your partner. This is a great opportunity to forge an even stronger bond by sharing the learning experience. If you go down the path, and don't give her the opportunity to join you, then you didn't give her a choice. That's disrespectful and dishonoring at the very least.
I can guarantee you, its not an easy road. Going down the path solo is the much easier (up front) exploration. But then, most people find something they can't live without, and then they gone too far to go back. They then get to explain how they know they like it so much, or come up with another, completely unrelated excuse.
This is about being honest with yourself, and honest with those around you. Its about having integrity and honor. This does pay off in the long run, though you might find that your life as you know it will change considerably. If you guide the ship with compassion for those fellow travelers, you'll always be able to look at yourself in the mirror.
Good luck,
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