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Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:19:56 AM

curious001

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/23/2005
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I've been talking to a Dom for about three months now and we have become great friends. We've each been through some tough spots during that time, but have always been able to help each other other through them. This one I don't know how to handle. This past Monday his 15 year old son committed suicide. He told me Tuesday morning. He said he had to go and he wouldn't be back. I told him that I was his friend first and foremost, and that I would be there if he needed me or wanted to talk. If he does want to talk, what do I say? I don't want to say the wrong thing and make him hurt more than he already does. I know this will take time. I know there are some very smart people on these boards. So if you could please share some wisdom with me, I would really appreciate it right now.

Post #: 1

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:23:17 AM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
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You tell him what's in your heart. That your heart goes out to him, that you don't know what to say and that you know that nothing you can say can begin to heal his heart, but you're there if he needs to talk, but that you understand if he doesn't.
Then you leave it.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's tragedy.

_____________________________

~Christina

A nice girl with a disturbing hobby

My femdom findom blog: http://www.MistressAvarice.com

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 2

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:23:24 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
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If you don't know this man in real life... I'm going to hope that he really has some other flesh and blood.. close people he can turn to first. Maybe not..

have you ever had someone lose someone they love in their life.. have you? If so, I'd draw on that experience.. in truth, you can only listen... give your sympathies for the loss (once) and listen some more.. you can't fix it

and because I'm being ultra cynical this morning.. I've heard people use worse excuses (my wife died, my brother died) to disappear and 'end' a relationship. No reason at this point not to believe him.. but.. just a thought...

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 3

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:27:38 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You tell him what's in your heart. That your heart goes out to him, that you don't know what to say and that you know that nothing you can say can begin to heal his heart, but you're there if he needs to talk, but that you understand if he doesn't.
Then you leave it.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's tragedy.

This.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 4

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:27:53 AM

curious001

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

Unfortunately he has shut himself off completely from me. I cannot be there with him but his family (parents, brother and two other children) will be. I sent him an email telling him that I would be there for him. Always. But now I just have to wait.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 5

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:28:30 AM

loverly

Posts: 236
Joined: 1/23/2004
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lol one "dom" told me he had to have brain surgery! hahahaha and then when i saw him online he said it ws his sister.. yet.. funny thing.. she typed Exactly like he did.. please!

and in the end.. for this siruation.. ALL you can do is be there....

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 6

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:28:32 AM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You tell him what's in your heart. That your heart goes out to him, that you don't know what to say and that you know that nothing you can say can begin to heal his heart, but you're there if he needs to talk, but that you understand if he doesn't.
Then you leave it.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's tragedy.

Thirded.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 7

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:28:34 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

What Madame4a already said. Me being me, especially the very last part.

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My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 8

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:29:09 AM

GreedyTop

Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline

then wait. All you can do is be an ear and a shoulder if he needs you. Let him know that you are hurting FOR him., but don't push yourself on him.

_____________________________

polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 9

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:29:23 AM

curious001

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

If this was a reason to end the relationship, I think I could deal with it a lot better than I have been. Unfortunately though, its true.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 10

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:32:08 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

I don't want to sound harsh but as a parent I will say this. If that was me, in the situation you described, you would be the very last person I would want to deal with at all.

When I am hurting, I retreat until I can cope with other people wanting any sort of energy from me.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 11

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:34:02 AM

Madame4a

Posts: 2045
Joined: 2/4/2008
From: Washington, DC area
Status: offline

Not sure how you're dealing with it.. but make sure you don't make this about you... its about him and his family...

quote:

ORIGINAL: curious001

If this was a reason to end the relationship, I think I could deal with it a lot better than I have been. Unfortunately though, its true.

_____________________________

You're crazy bitch
But you f*ck so good, I'm on top of it
When I dream, I'm doing you all night
Scratches all down my back to keep me right on

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 12

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:34:36 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

I agree......... I would want no contact with anyone for a while.

I can't even imagine how a person gets through the first few months after something like that.

Jeff

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 13

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:35:47 AM

curious001

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

I know this isn't about me. I can't help it that I hurt for him.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 14

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:36:07 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

You tell him what's in your heart. That your heart goes out to him, that you don't know what to say and that you know that nothing you can say can begin to heal his heart, but you're there if he needs to talk, but that you understand if he doesn't.
Then you leave it.
I'm sorry to hear about your friend's tragedy.

4th'd

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 15

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:37:58 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

Is online friendship or real life?
Either way, if it was only a 90 day old ‘friendship’, what more can you do than to give him your empathy and wish him well.

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 16

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:39:45 AM

curious001

Posts: 12
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline

It started as an online friendship and became a Dom/Sub relationship in real life.

(in reply to ResidentSadist)

Post #: 17

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:42:56 AM

ResidentSadist

Posts: 12580
Joined: 2/11/2007
From: a mean old Daddy, but I like you - Joni Mitchell
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: curious001
It started as an online friendship and became a Dom/Sub relationship in real life.

So this is a real life D/s realationship and he si gonna cut and run because of a stress in his personal life that has nothing to do with you? Is he married to somone (i.e. not you)?

_____________________________

-=BDSM Book List=- Reading is Fundamental !!!
I give good thread.

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 18

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:45:50 AM

pompeii

Posts: 934
Joined: 1/4/2007
From: Silicon Valley, San Jose, California
Status: offline

Time heals all ... so you wait.

(in reply to curious001)

Post #: 19

RE: Dom's son committed suicide - 2/11/2010 8:46:11 AM

EmeraldGuardian

Posts: 7
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

have you ever had someone lose someone they love in their life.. have you? If so, I'd draw on that experience.. in truth, you can only listen... give your sympathies for the loss (once) and listen some more.. you can't fix it

and because I'm being ultra cynical this morning.. I've heard people use worse excuses (my wife died, my brother died) to disappear and 'end' a relationship. No reason at this point not to believe him.. but.. just a thought...

Suicide's a life sentence for the survivors. Like any death, it's gonna take some time for him to work through it; and there will always be haunting questions....

M4a: I think you're being realistic, not cynical. There is a chance the OP is getting played by a spineless Dom. Sure, take it at face value for now; but your words are a good point nevertheless.

(in reply to Madame4a)

Post #: 20

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