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RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 12:00:23 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1
respects my brain but also loves to turn me into a begging, whimpering, slut.


This would be in my top 10.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 12:18:41 PM   
WinsomeDefiance


Posts: 6719
Joined: 8/7/2007
Status: offline
What do I look for?

Sense of humor
Consistency
Kindness
Warmth
Patience
Strength of character



(in reply to sexyred1)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 12:35:14 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
Ok everyone. First understand I'm laughing as I write this,  but could everyone be just a little more vague? I am a great guy. Caring, responsible, generous to a fault, willing to learn ballroom dancing  and on and on and on.

None of that has anything to do with being a good dom except you can trust me to stop when you scream out the safe word. Sometimes I think there is some kind of code I'm supposed to break before people will open up. As nice as I am, I can be one evil SOB and I can't believe anyone would want me to go there in a relationship. The only taste of the lifestyle I have had was in a serious relationship and in the bedroom only. Outside of that we were just too dominant for each other. She was NOT a submissive woman except to me in the bedroom. Outside of that she was a domineering in your face bitch. (Man, I really loved her and I'll never forget her. She was fucking awesome.)

So are there any commonalities a person off the street should expect from someone that SAYS they are submissive or a slave or are these titles just words on a page? So far I haven't found any commonalities at all.

Someone point me to the site dictionary and glossary of terms.

< Message edited by OriginallyFromLA -- 2/11/2010 12:36:41 PM >


_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to lucylucy)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 12:56:09 PM   
sexyred1


Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline
Weren't you just SternFather?

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 12:56:25 PM   
IBNotADominate


Posts: 12
Joined: 7/5/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticone4u
i'm new to this lifesyle and wanting to become a great DOM to either a sub or slave. i would like to know what each of those look for in a DOM? would any female care to help me out with this?


Be aware that many subs/slaves SAY they want a Dom who respects them, who listens to them, who isn't afraid of an intelligent sub, who doesn't think having 'spirit' is the same as being bratty, etc ... they have their fantasy list of perfect attributes. But what they respond to is totally different. It seems that a significant majority CHOOSE the married, uneducated, unemployed asshole, abusive jerk. They all have a story of such a relationship, and if it doesn't run them off of BdSm, then the 2nd or 3rd such relationship does. IF the subs didn't select them, all the online assholes would not be having any luck, and would have to change their tactics. It won't do you any good to have integrity, be honest ... and don't be stupid enough to be courteous because subs perceive that as weakness. Oh yeah ... don't forget, they also expect you to be a "Master" at the age of 24 ... hell ... 1/2 the guys on here haven't mastered hitting the toilet by that age!

IF the wish lists that the subs have posted were realistic, then the honest, experienced, intelligent, employed, single, r/l Doms w/ integrity would be swamped, but that's clearly not the case. As Dante Alighieri (NOT Robert Dante) said: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." I can only stay true to myself, but that doesn't work online ... so I'd recommend you try emulating the abusive assholes. Good luck. (PS: the other online BdSm boards are equally bad to this one. The grass is not greener elsewhere.)

(in reply to eroticone4u)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:17:24 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

Weren't you just SternFather?


Ya but as I keep telling everyone, that after like 8 tries I just started plugging in names until I got something that wasn't taken. People were making assumptions about me that were not accurate and no-one bothered to ask so I figured I'd better change it.

I have not experienced a wide enough range of activities to be pigeon holed into any category so I chose a completely open name. SternFather is what I was. I have three grown kids and I was (am) a loving but stern father. But I don't want to be limited by that name here.

Sorry for the hijack. Now back to your regularly scheduled thread.

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to IBNotADominate)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:23:57 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
There are submissives here who are looking for reality rather than fantasy. I was blessed to find Santa through my best friend who found him on a regular dating site. He didn't realize he was looking for a submissive woman until we met then it clicked for him that his wife had been submissive and that's a huge part of what he loved about her. I'd been in an abusive marriage so I knew I didn't want that but I also knew I needed someone who was dominant. Santa was. Someday, when I've healed some, I'll be back looking again for a dominant man. Maybe he'll be here.

_____________________________

"cooking is my kink"

Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:24:59 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Ok everyone. First understand I'm laughing as I write this, but could everyone be just a little more vague?


Okay, what makes a good submissive? And try being more specific than we were....

it isn't easy to quantify and one person's treasure is another person's... well you know


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:26:18 PM   
hopelessfool


Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
someone about 6'1 large hands somewhat of a sadist kind gentle eyes great smile and trust worthy

Whos got a killer sense of humor and loves to snuggle

Thats a great dom for the me


_____________________________

" I have nothing left to give, I have found the perfect end, You remain to make it hurt, disappear in to the dirt, carry me to heavens arms.....Dear Agony Just let go of me, suffer slowly, is this the way its gotta be, Dear Agony...."

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:27:32 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
^^^^^^ I'll have what she's having 

_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to hopelessfool)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:27:49 PM   
wisdomtogive


Posts: 636
Joined: 11/13/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IBNotADominate

quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticone4u
i'm new to this lifesyle and wanting to become a great DOM to either a sub or slave. i would like to know what each of those look for in a DOM? would any female care to help me out with this?


Be aware that many subs/slaves SAY they want a Dom who respects them, who listens to them, who isn't afraid of an intelligent sub, who doesn't think having 'spirit' is the same as being bratty, etc ... they have their fantasy list of perfect attributes. But what they respond to is totally different. It seems that a significant majority CHOOSE the married, uneducated, unemployed asshole, abusive jerk. They all have a story of such a relationship, and if it doesn't run them off of BdSm, then the 2nd or 3rd such relationship does. IF the subs didn't select them, all the online assholes would not be having any luck, and would have to change their tactics. It won't do you any good to have integrity, be honest ... and don't be stupid enough to be courteous because subs perceive that as weakness. Oh yeah ... don't forget, they also expect you to be a "Master" at the age of 24 ... hell ... 1/2 the guys on here haven't mastered hitting the toilet by that age!

IF the wish lists that the subs have posted were realistic, then the honest, experienced, intelligent, employed, single, r/l Doms w/ integrity would be swamped, but that's clearly not the case. As Dante Alighieri (NOT Robert Dante) said: "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." I can only stay true to myself, but that doesn't work online ... so I'd recommend you try emulating the abusive assholes. Good luck. (PS: the other online BdSm boards are equally bad to this one. The grass is not greener elsewhere.)


oy vey!!!!!!!!!!

OP
Actually I do require someone who does like the core me...which is intelligent, artistic, creative, moody, and very abstract. A dom that can be comfortable with that is great for me, and that is they type I serve now.

He is compassioate to all subs/slaves and does not treat them like a piece of dirt.
He does not need to wear that dom-dom t-shirt telling the world he is dominant because it is in his energy.
He can apologize if he is wrong.
He enjoys my thoughts and opinions on a variety of subjects, which shows an honor to who I am.
He can teach me in ways he knows I learn best.
His way is our way, because we became a we not him or me, nor mostly him. He seeks for the 'us' to grow through his visio of what he wants, which has a dash of my wants. He also is good at implimenting areas in my life to answer my needs.
He has not taken things away from me, personality wise, to mold me into what he wants, since he chosen someone who has those qualities already.
He understands my weakness and works at turning them around to become my strength.
Sir never wanted a shell of a slave woman, and perhaps that is why so many s-types seek his guidance. He sees the worth, value, intelligence and many other positive traits that we possess and honors them. Honoring another is imho a major plus for a Dom.

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 2/11/2010 1:39:11 PM >


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Happily owned by MstrDark1

(in reply to IBNotADominate)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 1:38:37 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

^^^^^^ I'll have what she's having 


I have one.... lucky me.....


_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 2:17:36 PM   
osf


Posts: 3288
Joined: 10/19/2009
Status: offline
a good dominate has a really cool nic

_____________________________

all around nice guy and creative misogynist

i'm not very skilled so i just hit harder

i want a woman to make into the woman she never wanted to become

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 4:04:28 PM   
MasterSlaveLA


Posts: 3991
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eroticone4u

i would like to know what each of those look for in a DOM?


Must be able to hammer a 10 inch spike into the ground with his penis. Strict rule!!! 



_____________________________

It's only kinky the first time!!!

(in reply to eroticone4u)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 6:02:28 PM   
Delphinus


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/26/2008
Status: offline
I would want (and luckily have) someone who is smarter than I am. I don't feel that I can be submissive to someone that I have to explain things to. And I would want (and luckily have) someone who is more adventurous than I am.

I kind of liked "sternfather."

_____________________________

"Silly bitch."

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 7:42:57 PM   
FukinTroll


Posts: 6277
Joined: 2/6/2007
From: Under a bridge
Status: offline
Who makes a great Dom....

I hear Proctor and Gamble has a pretty good model out there.


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I'm the guy your girl is thinking about when she is fucking you!

TrollTopia
Greedy Groupie!

The Mods have me on speed Spank!! Gotta luv'em.

(in reply to Delphinus)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 7:48:00 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I have one.... lucky me.....

Oh sure, brag about it why dontcha....

Ummm... does he have a brother?


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 8:15:17 PM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

I am a great guy. Caring, responsible, generous to a fault, willing to learn ballroom dancing  and on and on and on.
None of that has anything to do with being a good dom except you can trust me to stop when you scream out the safe word.

Personally, I believe that you are mistaken about this. BDSM relationships are still relationships, after all.
For me, the difference between a great vanilla guy and a great Dom isn't really all that much in the grand scheme of things *waits to be flamed*, and mostly has to do with both kink and a desire to be in control and guide the relationship. In that light, being caring, responsible, generous, etc has everything to do with being a good Dom, dunnit?


_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 8:41:40 PM   
OriginallyFromLA


Posts: 87
Joined: 2/10/2010
Status: offline
I'm not going to flame you, but I have to say that yes I am confused. You can be a great dominant guy (hi ladies, message me any time) that is a great Dom, but couldn't you also be a great dominant guy that is a terrible Dom?

What's the difference?

_____________________________

We keep you alive to serve this ship. Row well, and live.-Quintas Arius

Love IS pain, Highness. Anyone that says different is selling something.-Dread Pirate Roberts

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: who makes a great DOM - 2/11/2010 9:17:25 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OriginallyFromLA

Ok everyone. First understand I'm laughing as I write this,  but could everyone be just a little more vague? I am a great guy. Caring, responsible, generous to a fault, willing to learn ballroom dancing  and on and on and on.


Are you looking for specific actions to take or details of particular day-to-day "dominance"? Like . . .

When he's sitting at the table in the morning, I want him to look at me with a certain expression that says "I need more coffee and you know exactly how I want it, so go make it right now and bring it to me with a smile" and that expression will fill me with a deep irresistible need to go get him his coffee and suck his cock?

Apologies if that wasn't at all what you were looking for . . .

P.S. I like the new handle.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to OriginallyFromLA)
Profile   Post #: 40
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