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Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:03:03 PM   
Bodhisatva


Posts: 85
Joined: 2/27/2010
Status: offline 		I went to a play party a few years ago. It was announced only after it had began that all in attendance were expected to pick a role from a hat, all of them having a submissive angle to them, such as not being able to talk without permission. I naturally left, more than a little annoyed that my evening had been waisted. I thought this was very disrespectful and a stipulation like that should have been made when the invites to the party were sent out, but is that just par for the course? Do you thiink this that kind of thing's just to be expected in this lifestyle?

< Message edited by Bodhisatva -- 3/2/2010 12:05:15 PM >
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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:16:42 PM   
Lorenzo19


Posts: 237
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Status: offline 		It's not normal for ANY party I have been to. Every party I have been to it has been made clear that how much I participated in the events was up to Me. I would want to know that before I made plans to go to a party.

I suppose it might be normal for a group of very close friends. I woulld consider doing something similar in that case but if anyone wanted to decline I wouldn't make them leave the party.



< Message edited by Lorenzo19 -- 3/2/2010 12:17:54 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:21:14 PM   
FulfillMyDream


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Status: offline 		I've never experienced such a thing at a play party.  Maybe it was meant as an ice-breaker ?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:22:02 PM   
NihilusZero


Posts: 4036
Joined: 9/10/2008
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		House rules aren't really ever "disrespectful". For each individual, it is either reasonable/acceptable or it isn't.

If I had driven any decent amount of distance or had put other things aside for this event I may have been peeved a bit, but that's probably it. Just means I would have had the night off for other pursuits.


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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:22:25 PM   
juliaoceania


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I do not know the context, to me it sounds like a game, such as Twister or charades. Most of the time I weigh someone's intention before I jump to allowing myself to feel disrespected or offended...



I have a question... if they had put roles that dominants were usually associated with in that same hat, would you feel "disrespected"? I noticed you posted this question in the masters section, do you feel that it is inherently disrespectful to dominants to have them assume a submissive stance, even in jest for fun and games?

BTW, I always take responsibility for whether or not my evening is ruined, I can always choose how I feel about something that happens, and whether or not I will allow an occurrence to spoil my good time... just me, etc


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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:28:28 PM   
SimplyMichael


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Status: offline 		Having a host announce such a massive intrusion into personal space is highly disrespectful and rude. Announcing such things ahead of times allows people the choice of whether or not to attend, doing so after they have arrived is at best tacky.

I have hosted events with some very different rules but I am careful to announce them ahead of time. That then gives those who find the rules intriguing the chance to plan on attending and those who dislike them can find other things to do.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:34:29 PM   
Bodhisatva


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania




I have a question... if they had put roles that dominants were usually associated with in that same hat, would you feel "disrespected"? I noticed you posted this question in the masters section, do you feel that it is inherently disrespectful to dominants to have them assume a submissive stance, even in jest for fun and games?

BTW, I always take responsibility for whether or not my evening is ruined, I can always choose how I feel about something that happens, and whether or not I will allow an occurrence to spoil my good time... just me, etc



Well, I'm not sure how requiring people to act contrary to their natural orientation qualifies as 'fun' or simply in jest, particularly when such a event was a surprise. Well, maybe from the people doing the forcing I guess I could see that but not for the others.
Still, I seriously envy your emotional control. I didn't realize there were people who could simply choose how to feel about an event. Can you apply that ability to any situation or scenario? If you were shown pictures of genocide or chernobyl could you will yourself to feel good about them?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:36:25 PM   
Bodhisatva


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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Having a host announce such a massive intrusion into personal space is highly disrespectful and rude. Announcing such things ahead of times allows people the choice of whether or not to attend, doing so after they have arrived is at best tacky.

I have hosted events with some very different rules but I am careful to announce them ahead of time. That then gives those who find the rules intriguing the chance to plan on attending and those who dislike them can find other things to do.


That's what I had been thinking, thank you for the responce. But I have only been to a few events so I didn't have much to base opinions on, for all I knew this was a normal occurance.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:40:20 PM   
Lorenzo19


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quote:

do you feel that it is inherently disrespectful to dominants to have them assume a submissive stance, even in jest for fun and games?


OMG. Is THAT what He meant! That is totally out of line. I demand an inquiry. Good on ya Dude. I woulda left too.

(edited I should look at profiles more often)

< Message edited by Lorenzo19 -- 3/2/2010 12:44:03 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:41:51 PM   
Smutmonger


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Status: offline 		It would probably have pissed me off-since I am about as submissive as a tiger tank.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:42:00 PM   
WyldHrt


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quote:

Good on ya girl.

Ummm.... you might want to check the OP's profile, Lorenzo


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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:44:07 PM   
juliaoceania


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quote:

Can you apply that ability to any situation or scenario? If you were shown pictures of genocide or chernobyl could you will yourself to feel good about them?


You twisted my words... I said this

quote:

BTW, I always take responsibility for whether or not my evening is ruined, I can always choose how I feel about something that happens, and whether or not I will allow an occurrence to spoil my good time... just me, etc


and

quote:

Most of the time I weigh someone's intention before I jump to allowing myself to feel disrespected or offended...


In the context of what you speak of.... going out on the town and something happens like you describe.. or something else like someone cuts in front of me in line at the movies, or something of that nature... well yeah.. I can choose to let other people's actions impact how I feel or I can go and either find some other way of having a good time... no one decides how I will interpret the world but me...

This has nothing to do with genocide... unless you went to a party where they were planning the Final Solution or something.


Edited to add.... I asked about why you posted this only to dominants, because it would seem to have wider implications than just dominant people if your offense was because of  being asked to act against one's nature.... wouldn't it belong in general discussion?

I just personally think it is trivial thing to be honest... someone has a party and some of the people go naked in the hot tub... perhaps planned, perhaps not... I don't have to join em... why be offended when no one if coercing me to do anything I don't feel like doing.


< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 3/2/2010 12:52:25 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:47:57 PM   
Lorenzo19


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quote:

Ummm.... you might want to check the OP's profile, Lorenzo


Ummm... tanks, Wyldhrt. Edited.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:49:15 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I would call it discourteous, not so much disrespectful.

It would be similar to inviting a bunch of folks over for dinner and announcing everyone had to eat a meat dish, even the vegans.

Kinda fucked up........ what a surprise huh?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:49:46 PM   
Bodhisatva


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Joined: 2/27/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Can you apply that ability to any situation or scenario? If you were shown pictures of genocide or chernobyl could you will yourself to feel good about them?


You twisted my words... I said this

quote:

BTW, I always take responsibility for whether or not my evening is ruined, I can always choose how I feel about something that happens, and whether or not I will allow an occurrence to spoil my good time... just me, etc


and

quote:

Most of the time I weigh someone's intention before I jump to allowing myself to feel disrespected or offended...


In the context of what you speak of.... going out on the town and something happens like you describe.. or something else like someone cuts in front of me in line at the movies, or something of that nature... well yeah.. I can choose to let other people's actions impact how I feel or I can go and either find some other way of having a good time... no one decides how I will interpret the world but me...

This has nothing to do with genocide... unless you went to a party where they were planning the Final Solution or something.



My apologies, I did not intend to twist anything. You said you always took responcibility for your emotions, that you CHOOSE how to feel. Above you said you can choose how you feel. I thought it was an apt question, but I guess I'm not understanding what your saying.

< Message edited by Bodhisatva -- 3/2/2010 12:51:07 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 12:54:44 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ou said you always took responcibility for your emotions, that you CHOOSE how to feel. Above you said you can choose how you feel. I thought it was an apt question, but I guess I'm not understanding what your saying.


Yes I did say I am responsible for my feelings... who else would be?

Just because I take responsibility for my own internal emotional makeup and feel I can choose how to respond to my feelings doesn't mean I am perfect and never have a negative emotion or action... it means I choose what to do about how I feel and it means I take ownership of it.. no one else can make me feel anything.


_____________________________

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:00:53 PM   
Bodhisatva


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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

ou said you always took responcibility for your emotions, that you CHOOSE how to feel. Above you said you can choose how you feel. I thought it was an apt question, but I guess I'm not understanding what your saying.


Yes I did say I am responsible for my feelings... who else would be?

Just because I take responsibility for my own internal emotional makeup and feel I can choose how to respond to my feelings doesn't mean I am perfect and never have a negative emotion or action... it means I choose what to do about how I feel and it means I take ownership of it.. no one else can make me feel anything.



In one portion your saying you choose how to respond to your feelings, but the last sentance you say no one else can make you feel anything. Seems a little contradictory. Which is it? You choose how to repsond to your feelings or you choose what you feel? Or both? Either way, I don't think you and I share the same philisophical view in this area, but thank you very much for sharing your opinion on the topic.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:01:12 PM   
Justme696


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play eve's don't sound very lifestylish to me anyway . Sounds like an orgy.
So you kinda could have expected weird things..lol

But agree. Somerules should have been told upfront.

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/2/2010 1:03:12 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:05:27 PM   
Missokyst


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Status: offline 		I don't find it disrespectful.. a term which is widely over-used in my opinion, people seem to get their panties in a bunch over seeming insults. I do find it to be poor party hosting. All the parties I have been to have been either open venue, or theme events. And invites always have descriptions of what sort of party it will be. Hopefully those hosts have learned something in the years since.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:06:03 PM   
Bodhisatva


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

at OP

play eve's don't sound very lifestylish to me anyway . Sounds like an orgy.
So you kinda could have expected weird things..lol

But agree. Somerules should have been told upfront.


Lol, an orgy. Well I did have a bad vibe from the beggining, but I thought it was just nervousness due to inexperience. Maybe next time I should trust my gut.

< Message edited by Bodhisatva -- 3/2/2010 1:11:52 PM >

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