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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:08:25 PM

Justme696

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always trust you gut..lol
Respectfull that you left..and didn't care about what others thought of you.
Some people play along because "of what others might think of them"

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:09:30 PM

Bodhisatva

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I don't find it disrespectful.. a term which is widely over-used in my opinion, people seem to get their panties in a bunch over seeming insults. I do find it to be poor party hosting. All the parties I have been to have been either open venue, or theme events. And invites always have descriptions of what sort of party it will be. Hopefully those hosts have learned something in the years since.

That's true, I find it's a bit over used in society too. So most invites tell you what the party will be like? That would be very helpful.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:18:38 PM

Justme696

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uhmm why is "disrespectfull" overly used in society?
Not hearing it daily to be honoust.

( could be because I am not an english speaking person thingy)

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 3/2/2010 1:19:32 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:22:36 PM

Bodhisatva

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

uhmm why is "disrespectfull" overly used in society?
Not hearing it daily to be honoust.

( could be because I am not an english speaking person thingy)

Oh, sorry I meant the word respectful is over used. Like children are always told to respect their elders, but age doesn't mean wisdom, intellegence, or maturity. I dispised it when my dad told me to respect someone purely because they were older than me.

< Message edited by Bodhisatva -- 3/2/2010 1:30:46 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:24:36 PM

Justme696

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ahh ok
yeah older is not a real reason for respect...beeing a person is ;) old or young ( in my opinion)

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:25:36 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bodhisatva

I went to a play party a few years ago. It was announced only after it had began that all in attendance were expected to pick a role from a hat, all of them having a submissive angle to them, such as not being able to talk without permission. I naturally left, more than a little annoyed that my evening had been waisted. I thought this was very disrespectful and a stipulation like that should have been made when the invites to the party were sent out, but is that just par for the course? Do you thiink this that kind of thing's just to be expected in this lifestyle?

I don't see how it's particularly disrespectful in and of itself - it's not as though they insulted any particular side of the kneel. Perhaps idiotic that this activity wasn't made clear on the invites and fairly tacky (when a host expects everyone to join in a game, it's polite to let people know ahead of time) and that all of them had the submissive angle. I've never encountered or heard of anything like this before so my guess is that it was a good-intentioned but poorly planned group activity. I agree with Jefff that it's more discourteous than disrespectful.

Of course, now that I think about it... I don't think I've really been handed a formal invitation to a play party. Sometimes I get a piece of paper to remind me of the date but that's it. Unless it hosted by a group (TNG for example), I just show up and see what the atmosphere is. If I don't like it, I leave and don't consider it a wasted evening. So far, I haven't had much in the way of bad experiences and I've had tons of fun.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:26:48 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bodhisatva

I went to a play party a few years ago. It was announced only after it had began that all in attendance were expected to pick a role from a hat, all of them having a submissive angle to them, such as not being able to talk without permission. I naturally left, more than a little annoyed that my evening had been waisted. I thought this was very disrespectful and a stipulation like that should have been made when the invites to the party were sent out, but is that just par for the course? Do you thiink this that kind of thing's just to be expected in this lifestyle?

Your profile states: "Plus I have trouble thinking outside of black and white; I'm told this is off putting to many, and most likely holds me back. I'm working on it though."

Your post seems to comport with your profile. Sounds like you lost a chance to have some fun and gain some experience -- valuable stuff at age 25.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:32:34 PM

Bodhisatva

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quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy

quote:

ORIGINAL: Bodhisatva

I went to a play party a few years ago. It was announced only after it had began that all in attendance were expected to pick a role from a hat, all of them having a submissive angle to them, such as not being able to talk without permission. I naturally left, more than a little annoyed that my evening had been waisted. I thought this was very disrespectful and a stipulation like that should have been made when the invites to the party were sent out, but is that just par for the course? Do you thiink this that kind of thing's just to be expected in this lifestyle?

Your profile states: "Plus I have trouble thinking outside of black and white; I'm told this is off putting to many, and most likely holds me back. I'm working on it though."

Your post seems to comport with your profile. Sounds like you lost a chance to have some fun and gain some experience -- valuable stuff at age 25.

Really? How do you mean?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 1:36:42 PM

Missokyst

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In and around schools you will hear it alot. He disrespected me.. phht. Or here on CM for instance people get all into this idea of respect, or being disrespectful for simple things such as the way someone is addressed, or if they don't get the answer they want. It is over used. Disrespect is a deliberate slight. If I am going to be disrespectful to anyone (which would be odd), they would have no doubt about it, nor would anyone else who witnessed it. Too much of what people consider "disrespectful" is simply not their way of doing things.

In my view that makes for one angry community.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

uhmm why is "disrespectfull" overly used in society?
Not hearing it daily to be honoust.

( could be because I am not an english speaking person thingy)

< Message edited by Missokyst -- 3/2/2010 1:39:20 PM >

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 2:02:15 PM

Madame4a

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Well.. seems annoying but not necessarily disrespectful -- was it a private party? If so, you go along politely with the host/hostessa ... if it were a public space and I paid to get in.. I would have ignored it. If it were a private party, I would have politely picked up whatever I was meant to pick... and probably smiled a little and ignored it. Of course, as a dominant, I also might have passed it on to my boy and told her to act it out, or whatever was necessary.

Nope, not disrespectful.. just annoying...

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 2:16:14 PM

Madame4a

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I have been thinking a lot more about this -- was it a private or public party? A lot of times they have ice breakers and frankly, I really doubt that everyone was expected to participate -- no one is going to make someone do something in a social setting. I wish you'd stuck around to see what would happen I would guess you're not the only one who was put off by it. I would love to know how others handled it.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 2:40:14 PM

Bodhisatva

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Well.. seems annoying but not necessarily disrespectful -- was it a private party? If so, you go along politely with the host/hostessa ... if it were a public space and I paid to get in.. I would have ignored it. If it were a private party, I would have politely picked up whatever I was meant to pick... and probably smiled a little and ignored it. Of course, as a dominant, I also might have passed it on to my boy and told her to act it out, or whatever was necessary.

Nope, not disrespectful.. just annoying...

It was a private party. There was no option to ignore it, no option not to participate, no passing on to underlings, etc. I'm sorry, I dont know what you mean by pick up whatever you were meant to pick.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 3:05:38 PM

windchymes

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Several possibilities come to mind.....maybe this is something that the group does on a regular basis for fun, as an ice-breaker, as someone else said, maybe they all take turns coming up with a game for the evening? Maybe it was decided on at the previous meeting, which is why it was presented in an "expected" kind of way.

It would have been nice if you could have known the agenda for the evening ahead of timeif it was your first time with this particular group, but again, maybe that's just the way they've done things for awhile and it didn't occur to anyone to do that. I honestly don't think they had any malicious intentions. If you like the group otherwise and plan to join them again, maybe you could call ahead and ask what the plans are for that meeting, and if they're not to your liking, you could politely tell them you've decided not to attend.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 3:45:14 PM

sinandhoney

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K I"ve been to private and public play parties, and none of them have been anything close to an orgy.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 3:55:36 PM

littlewonder

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I wouldn't have seen it as disrespectful..just something I wasn't interested in partaking in and I would have just sat back and watched and not picked something from the hat just like I would sit back at a party and not wish to play twister or whatever other icebreaker game, not to be rude, just because I just am a little shy and not interested in games.

You could have just smiled, said thanks but no thanks and watched as everyone else had some fun. Was there a rule that said you had to do it or you had to leave???

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 4:37:47 PM

LafayetteLady

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bodhisatva

I went to a play party a few years ago. It was announced only after it had began that all in attendance were expected to pick a role from a hat, all of them having a submissive angle to them, such as not being able to talk without permission. I naturally left, more than a little annoyed that my evening had been waisted. I thought this was very disrespectful and a stipulation like that should have been made when the invites to the party were sent out, but is that just par for the course? Do you thiink this that kind of thing's just to be expected in this lifestyle?

I'm kind of curious why you are asking questions now about something that happened "several" years ago. You feel it was "disrespectul." Do you know these people well? Do you think they "owe" you some kind of respect simply because you identify yourself as dominant? You are only 25 now, so several years ago (with the common number being 3), you would have been 22ish. You admit you are unexperienced now, so what exactly is it that you think makes you deserving of the kind of "respect" where you should be consulted regarding a party's activities?

I don't think it was the least bit "disrespectful." Not a well thought out plan perhaps. If *all* the people attending the party were drawing "roles" that had a submissive edge, who then would they be submissive to? Everyone at the party would be in the same position, all being submissive with no one being dominant. Really it makes no sense. I tend to think that it was a role switching type of party game where each would draw roles that were opposite of how they identify, in the hopes of each side gaining a little knowledge of the other side. Some people could certainly be uncomfortable with this, but at the same time, based on your profile and your post, I think you might have been able to learn a little something from it.

Now several years later you are still harboring some bad feelings about this event. Don't you think that perhaps it's time to get over it and move on?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 5:04:06 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

In one portion your saying you choose how to respond to your feelings, but the last sentance you say no one else can make you feel anything. Seems a little contradictory.

I do not mean to be contradictory... in my experience, just my experience mind you, I find that if I take ownership of my feelings, and look at the world in such a way that I know I get to decide what I let impact me, well it makes it a lot easier to not allow others to impact how I feel...

I do believe we have a choice about how we feel. The more we exercise the choice to feel good, the easier it is to feel that way automatically... in fact neuropsychology has shown that a person who fixates on depressing things can become habituated toward feeling depressed and it becomes increasingly hard to overcome being depressed... feelings and thoughts are often habits...and it works toward the good too.

quote:

don't think you and I share the same philisophical view in this area, but thank you very much for sharing your opinion on the topic.

I fail to see why you are asking me to elaborate in regard to this if no matter what I say you are prepared to disagree with me...

Either way, my view of life has improved dramatically since I took ownership of my internal dialogue. I am a happy person. I have a good life. I try to see what is good about a situation instead of what is bad.... and your little story about leaving a party because the people there played a game that you thought wasn't to your liking and allowing it to completely fuck up your evening is something that wouldn't happen to me, whether I left the party or I stayed, neither choice would have "ruined" my entire evening... it takes a lot more than that to ruffle my feathers... just me, etc.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 5:08:54 PM

LadyPact

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Another vote for no, that it isn't disrespectful. Perhaps it was poor planning on both parts. The first as the host and second, you as the guest.

You can also add Me to the list of folks who are curious if this was a public or a private event. If it was a private one, was there any information provided or gathered before you attended? Some groups will have an ice breaker portion of the evening, with the caveat of letting folks know that if they are not comfortable with participating, they can just observe. Some groups also have themed events, such as high protocol dinners or auctions, but people are informed that it is a themed evening and to participate, it's asked that you keep the theme for whatever that happens to be. Just the same as if folks are throwing a costume party, guests are expected to arrive in costume.

If the host and/or group failed in all of this, My question to you would be, what inquiries did you make prior to attending? Did you ask about the activities of the evening, what protocols the group had, or what the dress code was? Could you have asked the organizer to let you know what the general atmosphere was or what usually transpired? Might be something to think about before joining in with a group that is new to you.

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 5:23:41 PM

Madame4a

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Bodhisatva

quote:

ORIGINAL: Madame4a

Well.. seems annoying but not necessarily disrespectful -- was it a private party? If so, you go along politely with the host/hostessa ... if it were a public space and I paid to get in.. I would have ignored it. If it were a private party, I would have politely picked up whatever I was meant to pick... and probably smiled a little and ignored it. Of course, as a dominant, I also might have passed it on to my boy and told her to act it out, or whatever was necessary.

Nope, not disrespectful.. just annoying...

It was a private party. There was no option to ignore it, no option not to participate, no passing on to underlings, etc. I'm sorry, I dont know what you mean by pick up whatever you were meant to pick.

You know.. I've been around for a lot of years and been to all kinds of events... ALL kinds... and I've never been in a situation where people didn't have any choice... it seems very odd...

pick whatever means pick your role out of a hat...

I actually am quite surprised one couldn't decline to participate.. in fact, maybe you should have stuck around and said "no thank you"?

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RE: Is this as disrespectful as I think it is? - 3/2/2010 5:27:23 PM

cloudboy

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quote:

Your profile states: "Plus I have trouble thinking outside of black and white; I'm told this is off putting to many, and most likely holds me back. I'm working on it though."

Your post seems to comport with your profile. Sounds like you lost a chance to have some fun and gain some experience -- valuable stuff at age 25.

You said the experience was ruined, but imagine if you had the flexibility to role play and go along with the game -- you might have had a positive experience.

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