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UniqueRaven -> RE: Giving up (3/6/2010 10:00:28 AM)
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warmwoman, i think several things when i read your profile and what you've posted here. i have some thoughts, and advice, if they help you, if i may offer them to you.
One - looking at your profile i could make some suggestions. Some pictures of you doing the fun things that you love would be nice - your photos are posed and look stiff, like you "had to" take them for your profile but would rather not have. Pictures also reveal a lot about how you feel about yourself - not every woman is slim or young or looks like Angelina Jolie - but that's ok, because not every man wants one of those women. There are plenty of women on these boards who are not "model looks" that are in happy and fulfilling relationships. Find some pics of you doing something you love, whether that's reading a book on the couch or boating or attending a concert - just something that shows more personality and happiness - a genuine smile is a very attractive thing.
Two - the "self esteem" issue - i know that once you start to get a lot of rejection from men this can be its own unfulfilling cycle. You start to feel unattractive. Often the best thing for this is to stop searching for a while and focus on what makes you feel good about yourself. Exercise - yoga is one fabulous way - or pilates, or just ride a bike or jog or whatever. This helps you feel better about your looks, gets your body moving and makes you physically feel better too. Focus on the fact that for the right guy, he will find you beautiful - and that's all that matters. The others can all go away and you can still be happy.
Three - are you sure you're looking in the right place to find friends? Most men on Collar Me are looking for a sexual partner, whether in the context of a relationship or just for fun. Have you considered joining some local BDSM groups and attending social functions? Just getting out of the house and meeting people is a great way to get started. You can look on FetLife for your area, there are TONS of groups on there of real life people who meet for D/s and BDSM and you can make lots of friends, and who knows, maybe find a partner. Also make female friends! Submissive women make great friends and a wonderful support group - and you need one! Also hanging out here on the boards as Domiguy suggested - it's better than you think.
Last - i find my friends in my female friends. i find my Owner amongst men. Ultimately yes he and i will be friends, but i would never approach things as "first you must be my friend and then we can consider more" - men just don't work like that. Sex is very, very, very, very, very important to men (Guys, is that enough "verys"? Hee hee!) and to just completely push back on that as a possibility at the start of a relationship is a big turn-off. Doesn't mean you need to have sex on the first date, or the second, just that they need to see you as a sexual creature in order to consider you as one whenever you are ready too.
Or you can just keep posting about how sad you are and giving up. But really, 39? i'm 39, have had my share of bumps and bruises and been banged around, but i'm still here, i'm happy, and i know that i'm close to finding the lifelong Owner who is going to cherish me as his. i believe we create our own reality - so instead of just waiting and giving up, start working on yours.
Or else just start buying cats. 5 is a good start. [;)] (Really, don't do this) Apologies for ths long post, and if this isn't useful for you, please disregard.
hugs,
julie
Edited to add - Good God! While i was typing this thread went from 2 to 5 pages! Apologies if this post is behind the current discussion.
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