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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/9/2010 1:19:13 PM

Cuffkinks

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

~FR~

Isn't holding on to her hair good and tight while she is smoking chod positive reinforcement enough?

"Smoking chod"
hehehehe....

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/9/2010 4:55:47 PM

catize

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The behavioral modification theory is that external reenforcement will internalize the behaviors. The problem arises because the external prize must initially be given each and every time the required behavior occurs. Another problem with it is that the prize must be something the person is willing to work for.
I don't think anyone is questioning the importance of showing another person that you appreciate who they are and what they do. And in my experience, if I never received any demonstration of appreciation, I would probably move on. And as I said in my previous post, appreciation is a two-way street.
The fact that he wants to spend time with me, wants to accept my submission and service gives me a great deal of gratification. I can find fulfillment if he eats what I have prepared with gusto. “That was a great dinner you made” is a bonus, icing on the cake, as it were.

[quoteActually, if someone was so exclusively inwardly driven/motivated that they didn't want or need any praise or encouragement, I personally wouldn't want them as a submissive. I'd feel they were submitting to their ideal, somehow, and that it had little to do with me as an individual person.] [/quote]
Your statement reminds me of the guy who tried to lure me with how much money he had and how many 'things' he could buy me if I was willing to do XYZ. Even if I believed him to be rich beyond my dreams, I had no desire to submit to him because I would have felt my submission and service to be bought, and therefore false.
With the dominant men in my life, I have already chosen 'who' I submit to. My internal drive to continue to do so is because I have chosen wisely.

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/9/2010 5:12:59 PM

Frankseas

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kiwisub. Trust me your Sir is pleased with you and you are so safe as well! Because even tho goats do give tasty milk well, their cooking is even worse than my own skills, sad to say!

So keep pleasing him and he will continue to enjoy you as well! Have fun with each other okay?!

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/9/2010 5:42:59 PM

Andalusite

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The goat thing is a joking reference to bride prices/dowries in Africa. http://www.ccds.charlotte.nc.us/touma/africa/bride_price.htm

catize, I had a couple of similar experiences - more on the Dominant than on the submissive side of things, though, ironically. One guy tried to get me to do cyberdomination in exchange for online shopping, and several wanted service submission for kink, with me calling them "slave" or "submissive" whether or not I felt we had that dynamic. Some folks I respect a lot here do feel they are submissive in general/in personality, and that they choose who to be in a relationship, but not who to submit to. For me, it's a reaction to and interaction with a specific person - I can't choose to submit to someone or to dominate him any more than I can consciously choose to fall in love with him. When someone approached me as "Mistress Generic" or "submissive scattershot," they were automatically a No.

< Message edited by Andalusite -- 3/9/2010 5:49:25 PM >

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 4:44:36 AM

catize

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On-line shopping??? ............maybe I could be a dominant.............

But that does bring up what I've been thinking through this whole thread---how does a submissive reward their dominant?

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 7:22:19 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

On-line shopping??? ............maybe I could be a dominant.............
But that does bring up what I've been thinking through this whole thread---how does a submissive reward their dominant?

By shopping online so they can by their dominant the boots he has wanted for over a decade after losing them in a motorcycle accident...I told myself I wouldn't buy them myself and someone who cared about me enough to find out what I actually wanted would get them for me...so they are going in together to buy them to reward me for taking such marginal care of them.

Life is good.

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 8:35:13 AM

Andalusite

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Catize, giving gifts, as Michael mentioned, is one way! Verbally letting them know how hot/safe/wonderful they make you feel has been welcomed. Don't say "Good Sir" or "Good Master," obviously!

There's so much overlap between things you can do for them to express how happy you are, and things they'd be likely to want you to do anyway, but I try to be as proactive as possible. If I notice the dishes need to be done, or his shoulders are a little tense, or whatever, I try to take care of it rather than waiting to be ordered. Some people don't like proactive service, so YMMV. Keep track of his favourite foods, and other preferences, like in the butler book thread a while back.

Merc, doesn't sound disgusting at all - we're pretty much the same way. Just to clarify, he doesn't *just* smack me and grab me and stuff while I'm doing housework. Any time I am in reach, he usually takes a few seconds to touch me, and sometimes it turns into more. The other day, I was on the bed with both cats cuddled next to me, and he ruffled my hair, pinched my nipples, and scritched the kitties behind the ears in passing.

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 12:36:00 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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When I first learned about this, it was "positive stroking" vs "Negative stroking" and applies to all relationships. A little something I picked up in the vanilla world years before I wandered into the BDSM village.

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 12:43:15 PM

FukinTroll

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

When I first learned about this, it was "positive stroking" vs "Negative stroking" and applies to all relationships. A little something I picked up in the vanilla world years before I wandered into the BDSM village.

Is that when she uses the more dexterous hand verses her offhand?

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 12:59:20 PM

Whiplashsmile4

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FukinTroll

quote:

ORIGINAL: Whiplashsmile4

When I first learned about this, it was "positive stroking" vs "Negative stroking" and applies to all relationships. A little something I picked up in the vanilla world years before I wandered into the BDSM village.

Is that when she uses the more dexterous hand verses her offhand?

LOL.. you just gave me an 80's sexual flashback moment. Getting stroked while listening to The Stoke there was a lot of positive reinforcement that Cum Outta it.... The words for this moment, were literally on the tip of the tounge.. Priceless!! Enough so to Do it again wanting More, More, More...

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 1:03:35 PM

wisdomtogive

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quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

The behavioral modification theory is that external reenforcement will internalize the behaviors. The problem arises because the external prize must initially be given each and every time the required behavior occurs. Another problem with it is that the prize must be something the person is willing to work for.
I don't think anyone is questioning the importance of showing another person that you appreciate who they are and what they do. And in my experience, if I never received any demonstration of appreciation, I would probably move on. And as I said in my previous post, appreciation is a two-way street.
The fact that he wants to spend time with me, wants to accept my submission and service gives me a great deal of gratification. I can find fulfillment if he eats what I have prepared with gusto. “That was a great dinner you made” is a bonus, icing on the cake, as it were.

[quoteActually, if someone was so exclusively inwardly driven/motivated that they didn't want or need any praise or encouragement, I personally wouldn't want them as a submissive. I'd feel they were submitting to their ideal, somehow, and that it had little to do with me as an individual person.]

Your statement reminds me of the guy who tried to lure me with how much money he had and how many 'things' he could buy me if I was willing to do XYZ. Even if I believed him to be rich beyond my dreams, I had no desire to submit to him because I would have felt my submission and service to be bought, and therefore false.
With the dominant men in my life, I have already chosen 'who' I submit to. My internal drive to continue to do so is because I have chosen wisely.

*******************************************
I actually agree with everything you wrote here catize.

I would not even know how to respond to positive reinforcement and rewards. I can't fathom this what so ever. Of course a thank you is nice, a hug, a gift and all that is wonderful, but not as a reward because I did something Sir would like. To me that is doing to receive and takes my purpose of living away. I did talk to Sir about this topic and was happy to hear he doesn't believe in it either.

< Message edited by wisdomtogive -- 3/10/2010 1:06:11 PM >

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RE: Positive reinforcement and reward - 3/10/2010 11:43:12 PM

Falkenstein

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There is a lot to be said,

but I think that pictures are worth 1000 words:

http://xhamster.com/movies/264402/clit_beautiful_orgasm.html

Actually, I use a better technique, at least in the opinion of my girls past and present, involving G-Spot massage with two fingers, but I cannot find a video of it.

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