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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:47:38 AM   
domiguy


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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: divi


quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun

Keeping it on the Disney theme.. since you called me Cruella..
You're Pinocchio





You really need to work on getting your [ quote] [ /quote] thing down...idiot

< Message edited by domiguy -- 3/10/2010 10:48:34 AM >

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:48:35 AM   
divi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


fuck you lol

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:48:59 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Call me crazy, but I'm sensing that Domiguy and Divi have some sort of history...

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:49:18 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun
My wife is extremely attractive, a quality person and a great mom to our two young sons, but this gap between my kinky side and her vanilla nature is causing me a lot of frustration. I'd sincerely like to hear what any of you think might help.

Hi S,

What you leave out of this piece I quoted seems telling.  There's no, "I love my wife to pieces!!!!!" anywhere here.  Jeff even asked you whether you loved her, and you didn't respond to him.

Who cares if your wife is stacked like a brick house?  Seriously.  Everyone's beautiful when it's pitch black.  What matters is this: Does she still get wet when you nibble her ear?  Do you still get hot when she looks at you "that" way?  Does she still look at you that way?  How long ago was the last time she did?

So she's a great mother.  That's good, but adults can be divorced and still be good parents.  I know a lot of former couples like that.

I think you are overfocused on the kink -- that is, the fact that you ain't gettin any -- and you are missing the obvious.  The magic has gone out of your marriage.  When was the last time you bought her flowers?  When was the last time you two went on a couples massage?  A vacation without the kids?

Show her that you value her, that she is the most important thing in your life, that she is the moon and the sun and the stars to you, and I bet you a zillion dollars she'll be willing to explore kink once again.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:50:37 AM   
divi


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quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun

Call me crazy, but I'm sensing that Domiguy and Divi have some sort of history...

I guess you can call it that he doesn't understand the word no

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:51:04 AM   
Lucienne


Posts: 1175
Joined: 9/5/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun

Does anyone here have any advice on how to encourage a vanilla wife to explore more?


I'm going to assume that by "explore more" you mean you'd like her to be more open to kinky sexual acts between the two of you in the privacy of your own home. I confess, in my many years of expanding the horizons of vanilla boys it has never occurred to me to warm them up by taking them to a "scene" event. I prefer the "get him naked and do something he finds pleasurable" method. You've got "body worship" on your profile list of interests. How difficult would it be to get the ol gal naked and devote your complete attention to the parts of her body that will most appreciate the attention? A nice full body massage, all sorts of kissin n touchin with particular attention to known erogenous zones and a mere cursory review of her feet.

Familiarize yourself with Dan Savage's GGG. With particular attention to "equal time and equal pleasure."

quote:

I've been with my wife for 10 years now, and she's occasionally humored me in the past by attending bdsm/fetish parties and events, but I could never really get her to participate; lately she won't even go along as a tourist. Needless to say, my own urges are not fading away, and she doesn't seem open to experimenting at home. My wife is extremely attractive, a quality person and a great mom to our two young sons, but this gap between my kinky side and her vanilla nature is causing me a lot of frustration. I'd sincerely like to hear what any of you think might help.

S.


This part presents as a bit of a trainwreck. Again, what were you thinking taking her to public bdsm events? Doesn't that seem like it could be a little... overwhelming? It's not exactly presenting bdsm as a way to increase your intimacy with your wife. If she's not interested in doing things in the privacy of your own home, doesn't it seem unlikely that she's going to warm up to the idea of doing them in public and/or with other people? Did you maybe put the cart before the horse there?

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:51:12 AM   
domiguy


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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: divi


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


fuck you lol



For every [ quote] there has to be another [ /quote] below it so your words don't get trapped in his quote.


If you were not kind of cute no one would ever bang you.

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:51:54 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		RedMagic1, all good points. I do love my wife, and I know she loves me, so the situation isn't entirely dire. After a year of pregnancy and another birth experience, it's been a bit difficult to arrange a getaway, but that's the best suggestion I've heard so far.

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:54:01 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Then honestly - it down and talk to her that is all that you can do.  Explain exactly what you are feeling and how it's affecting you and how you want the marriage to work and go on but this is affecting it.
The only way you will alientate her is if you keep a secret, IMO.

the.dark.

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:56:26 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Lucienne,

When my wife and I first started dating, SHE actually suggested checking out a fetish New Year's event, which started us down that path together (although I'd done plenty of exploring on my own while I was single). We went to many events and parties that varied wildly in terms of ambience and activity, and my wife started getting a lot of attention from aggressive male doms, which sort of turned her off the scene. You may be right with your theory that I dropped her in the deep end too quickly, but my wife is socially open-minded and she didn't hold it against me in any way. I also think your suggestion about planning a night of body worship hold considerable merit... ;)

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:57:12 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: divi


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


fuck you lol



For every [ quote] there has to be another [ /quote] below it so your words don't get trapped in his quote.


If you were not kind of cute no one would ever bang you.

I love you Domi..


_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:57:53 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Dark: All good thoughts, man. I appreciate the fact that you're making constructive suggestions instead of moral judgments or comments about my supposed character...

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:57:55 AM   
RedMagic1


Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun
I do love my wife, and I know she loves me,

...but "it goes without saying."  My point is that if you're not saying it to us, there's at least some chance you're not saying it to her.  At least, not as much, not as intimately, or not in as many different love languages as before.  If you make one of your top daily priorities communicating how grateful you are that she is in your life, there's a good chance she will feel more sexuall, sensual and experimental toward you.  Just so you know, repressed Catholics tend to be kinky as hell.  She may never want to go to the public scene -- hell, I'd be just fine if I never attended another event in the public scene -- but using more equipment in the privacy of your home, you betcha.


_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:58:08 AM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: divi


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


fuck you lol



For every [ quote] there has to be another [ /quote] below it so your words don't get trapped in his quote.


If you were not kind of cute no one would ever bang you.


divi is a dumb cunt

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:58:40 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
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quote:

ORIGINAL: husband4fun

RedMagic1, all good points. I do love my wife, and I know she loves me, so the situation isn't entirely dire. After a year of pregnancy and another birth experience, it's been a bit difficult to arrange a getaway, but that's the best suggestion I've heard so far.


How old are your children?  If this is a recent pregnancy then she could be totally not into much right now at all!  Knacked and breastfeeding or even a little post part can be a killer...

the.dark.

< Message edited by RCdc -- 3/10/2010 10:59:24 AM >

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love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:58:46 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


quote:

ORIGINAL: divi


quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy


fuck you lol



For every [ quote] there has to be another [ /quote] below it so your words don't get trapped in his quote.


If you were not kind of cute no one would ever bang you.


divi is a dumb cunt

Domi you will never fuck me :)

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 10:59:32 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		RedMagic1: Very good points that I'm taking to heart. Quality discourse, I appreciate it!

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 11:01:12 AM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		divi?, when I bang you I am going to blindfold you and then let Domi bang you!

He is My hop-bonded soul mate after all

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 11:01:15 AM   
husband4fun


Posts: 33
Joined: 4/21/2007
Status: offline 		Dark: Had our second child just 3 months ago, so you've got a point there. Does anyone else think Domiguy and Divi are good candidates for a fetish reality show? I'd tune in for that one!

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RE: Married to vanilla? - 3/10/2010 11:09:38 AM   
divi


Posts: 11109
Joined: 9/4/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

divi?, when I bang you I am going to blindfold you and then let Domi bang you!

He is My hop-bonded soul mate after all

Domi will never fuck me ...

_____________________________

( imho )

I really could use a wish right now

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Profile   Post #: 60
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