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ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Whoever Dan Savage is ( quoted in Cloudboy's post), he sounds like a moron. Here is a newsflash: most women dont like to be treated like we are here only to "put out". I dont care if its a D/s or a vanilla relationship, that attitude is really disrespectful, and doesnt say much for men OR women.

Ya know, when you get married - no, wait - when you are in a COMMITTED relationship, the commitment is to try to work out differences and communicate.

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ORIGINAL: mstrslve4fun

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

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ORIGINAL: GraciousLady

This is a prime example why I preach to not jump into relationships. This guy married a woman, had kids and didn't realize this was coming? I don't mean to sound like a bitch here but why did he marry her THEN have kids if he knew there was this huge valley between them that he would struggle with? Now he's on an internet site trying to deal with it? And for what it's worth, I do not believe your wife knows your on here nor does she know you are, as you claim, active in the fetish community. I say I do not believe you because no vanilla woman would be ok with her husband having a profile on the internet looking for encounters. You have fewer options now and should know your life stopped being your own when those kids came along. Your real options? Divorce your wife and have the life you want but be a good Dad. Delete the profile and stop trying to hook up and live with your choices.

Lady, I'm with you on this one. After reading the entire thread, I was wondering when somebody was going to state the obvious and give this guy some real advice he could take to the bank. IMHO, this marriage was over long before the second kid was even born. However, I'll go out on a limb here and say I don't entirely blame the OP. When sex becomes a chore, marriage becomes just another legal contract.

Am I the only one that has a problem with this? There's more to marriage and love then kink. To base a marriage and love and relationship simply on whether you are compatible in the fetish lifestyle is just wrong, IMO. To me, the relationship comes first, kink is just the frosting on the cake.

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

With your experience in Family Law, do you not think that statistics would bear out my views? For example, more than 50% of marriages end in divorce, and of those who stay married, easily a third to half are unhappy and accept less than fullfilling sex lives as the price of marriage? My worldview only seeks to explain what is, not present the world as it is not.

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub


Of course there is more to marriage and love than kink, but we are talking sex here. Few vanilla marriages survive without fulfilling sex. Kink just happens to be how this guy enjoys sex. For many, there is no relationship without sex. Wasn't that the whole point of this thread? How long would you stay in a relationship that wasn't sexually satisfying?

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Actually Dan Savage kind of nailed it.

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

There was another thread where the statistics and the flaws of statistics were discussed. I'm not one of those who searches them out and puts the link, so you will have to find it yourself.

Your comment on a third of the remaining marriages being unhappy is nothing more than your opinion. As mstrslve4fun stated, there is a lot more to marriage, love and relationships than sexual satisfaction. Each individual must decide for themselves what they want as the priority in their lives and relationships. If a couple has a less than satisfying sex life prior to getting married and decides to marry when sex is a high priority item, then they have no one to blame but themselves.

Your worldview seeks to explain your opinion, as it is just that *your* worldview. Happily, my worldview is different and not quite so pessimistic. I have a delightful relationship and a delightful sex life. When there have been dull moments, steps were sucessfully taken to change the dull, it really isn't all that difficult to do. It is, however, difficult, to maintain a healthy, successful relationship when one's "worldview" is that more often than not they will fail to do so.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am the type that would divorce an ill spouse.

If it's really anything more than he common cold you is on your own.

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am the type that would divorce an ill spouse.

If it's really anything more than he common cold you is on your own.

And if I were married to you, I'd change my views on monogamy.

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I know.....I know.......Come to Domiguy.

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

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ORIGINAL: domiguy

I am the type that would divorce an ill spouse.

If it's really anything more than he common cold you is on your own.

And if I were married to you, I'd change my views on monogamy.

I know.....I know....You would keep bugging me, and bugging me about finding you a sister slave or two and filling out our poly home.

I know.....I know.......Come to Domiguy.

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ORIGINAL: Firebirdseeking

Your guy friends are immature idiots. I can tell you this: as over 30 years as a psychotherapist, when a woman loses interest in sex, there is a major RELATIONSHIP problem. #1 problem on my list of rule outs is that the wife feels disrespected, and has lost respect for her husband.



Those wives should just pull out a breast and little baby boy husbands some tit.. Because that is what they are. Little baby boys not getting what they want - what they think they are ENTITLED TO - and think its all about her and nothing to do with them.

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ORIGINAL: brainiacsub

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ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

There was another thread where the statistics and the flaws of statistics were discussed. I'm not one of those who searches them out and puts the link, so you will have to find it yourself.

Your comment on a third of the remaining marriages being unhappy is nothing more than your opinion. As mstrslve4fun stated, there is a lot more to marriage, love and relationships than sexual satisfaction. Each individual must decide for themselves what they want as the priority in their lives and relationships. If a couple has a less than satisfying sex life prior to getting married and decides to marry when sex is a high priority item, then they have no one to blame but themselves.

Your worldview seeks to explain your opinion, as it is just that *your* worldview. Happily, my worldview is different and not quite so pessimistic. I have a delightful relationship and a delightful sex life. When there have been dull moments, steps were sucessfully taken to change the dull, it really isn't all that difficult to do. It is, however, difficult, to maintain a healthy, successful relationship when one's "worldview" is that more often than not they will fail to do so.

Why are you taking this personally? If you have a different experience that falls outside the statistics that I presented, then good for you. I'm happy for you. Unfortunately, the OP's situation, by his own words and profile, fits well within the model I offered. I have a formal background and training in scientific methods and use of statistics. I stand by the ones I presented here.

FYI - I am a she, not a he. I was married in my early 20's, and by mid 20's my husband left me with a 1 yr old daughter and 4 months pregnant with our son. I raised both kids alone for 20 yrs. I won't go in to all the personal details here, but suffice it to say that I empathize with the OP and also with his wife and most definitely with his kids. There are no easy answers here, but staying unhappily married is certainly not one of them.

And no, I wouldn't divorce an ill spouse, but that's not what this thread is about, is it?

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ORIGINAL: azjojoba

All the women here tell men to get a divorce. It's their standard advice. You would think they would be more into helping guys like you.

My advice is to find a domme on the side (very difficult to do) or see if you can talk your wife into taking hormones. I haven't been able to do either, so I sympathize with your plight.