quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

As D8UD said, you knowingly got involved with a man who had children with another woman. She will ALWAYS be part of his life because of those children. You don't say how old they are, but there is college, weddings, holidays, grandchildren, baptisms/brises, on and on.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

My point is this (because I am a major supporter of communication) However in this case ...Talking with her about her and the his ex keeps him in the middle of a pussy fight. Unless he feeds off that shit ( I wouldn't) that is just more stress for him. (the same stress as giving an ultimatum)

Let me illustrate my point by example-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is sucking my cock, licking my balls, picking up after me and generally making my life rather sweet.

Example two-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is nagging the fuck out of me with her bs and whining and ultimatums (which btw is an emotional power play), and making my life miserable -(she is expendable)

duh.

I am a big fan of communicating, but seriously there are times when communication just irritates an already festering boil so I say stfu and be the best girl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncbabe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

My point is this (because I am a major supporter of communication) However in this case ...Talking with her about her and the his ex keeps him in the middle of a pussy fight. Unless he feeds off that shit ( I wouldn't) that is just more stress for him. (the same stress as giving an ultimatum)

Let me illustrate my point by example-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is sucking my cock, licking my balls, picking up after me and generally making my life rather sweet.

Example two-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is nagging the fuck out of me with her bs and whining and ultimatums (which btw is an emotional power play), and making my life miserable -(she is expendable)

duh.

I am a big fan of communicating, but seriously there are times when communication just irritates an already festering boil so I say stfu and be the best girl.

I don't think she knows how to be the best girl, so I don't think that just shutting the fuck up alone is going to do it.  She needs to shut up and listen to him and support him from a place of awareness, otherwise she will be silent and resentful.  Upon reflection she probably has already said enough to him, so I will take back the part where she voices her concerns to him first.  I am quite sure he knows what they are already.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

While he is in need of comforting and less drama from her, he does have a responsibility here.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
I would not be serving him well if he were grabbing his chest complaining of pain and I just snuggled up to him and said he was right to not want to go to the hospital.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

It's the same balancing act here.  How does a girl keep in her submissive place and serve her partner when he's being destructive to himself, the relationship, her, or all of these?

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

It's not easy.  She didn't come up with remotely the right answer, but I think her intentions were not actually selfish... at least entirely.

lovingpet   

quote:

ORIGINAL: chiara

An owned slave living with her Master , he has been married, 3 adult children .
The ex wife is continually on the phone to Master  while at work and it adds to His already stressful job.
I have suggested that because all she does is drain him and inject him with negativity that perhaps its time for her calls to cease. She has known about his relationship with me for the last 2 1/2 years , i was Not the cause of his break up. She is vile and vindictive towards me also, i have given him an ultimatum this weekend .....
<lets not go down the Your a slave Just put up with it > either me or her..........
I say this to Him, because i can see the damage she does to Him, and of course it rubs off on our relationship.
What, if anything more do i or should i do ?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

quote:

ORIGINAL: ncbabe

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

FFS... if you think you are better for him, then BE better for him. How is stressing him or ultimatums going to be better?

Your need to usurp the other woman (who is already gone, so you clearly have an advantage) is extraneous bullshit. Forget about her and BE the better woman for him.

edit-

I had to add, I disagree with the sit down and talk idea (other than to retract the stupid fucking ultimatum) There is no need to communicate here. There is need to just fucking BE the best one. There are a lot of times when it's best to stfu and be.

I agree with the whole 'just be the best' thing but stand by my suggestion of talking.  Communication between them seems to be lacking and some clear statements of their respective positions would be a good start.  Also, the emphasis is on her listening to him, which she needs to do if she is going to just be the best and quietly support him while he figures his shit out.

My point is this (because I am a major supporter of communication) However in this case ...Talking with her about her and the his ex keeps him in the middle of a pussy fight. Unless he feeds off that shit ( I wouldn't) that is just more stress for him. (the same stress as giving an ultimatum)

Let me illustrate my point by example-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is sucking my cock, licking my balls, picking up after me and generally making my life rather sweet.

Example two-

I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is nagging the fuck out of me with her bs and whining and ultimatums (which btw is an emotional power play), and making my life miserable -(she is expendable)

duh.

I am a big fan of communicating, but seriously there are times when communication just irritates an already festering boil so I say stfu and be the best girl.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

I don't know that there is a whole lot more to add, other than I wanted to comment on this.  The parents can CHOOSE to keep each other in their lives, or they can CHOOSE to not do so.  My divorced parents have not spoken in years.  Not because of animosity, but because there is no reason to.  My siblings and I are all adults (as are the children in the OP), and there is no reason for my parents to discuss anything about us.  If one of them needs to know something, we (the children) will call them and tell them.  There have been weddings, holidays, grandchildren, all the things mentioned above, and there has been no need for my parents to talk.

Cali

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet
I would not be serving him well if he were grabbing his chest complaining of pain and I just snuggled up to him and said he was right to not want to go to the hospital.

You would if that is what he clearly expressed to be his requirement of you.

Otherwise we are at a dynamic impasse where the D-type's decision making ability has registered as incompetent by the s-type. At such a point, I don't see it as the place for a slave to decide how the D-type should act via ultimatum, but rather to (if things are so horrible) communicate the fact that s/he feels incapable of properly serving because of that decision. Granted, that itself can seem like an ultimatum, but I think there is enough difference in the subtle foundations that differentiating them is important.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


He is with her, he already made the decision. In a "new" as in recent divorce, it takes some time for the parties to come to grips with what has occured. The divorce is typically final, but everything has not truly been "severed." Given the age of the people involved, and the comments about "2 1/2 years," this was a long term marriage, and the current relationship likely started prior to the divorce being over. Comments about how the ex wife is also "vile and vindictive" to the OP indicate that she does believe the OP is responsible for the breakup, whether it is true or not.

quote:


If the divorce was long since final, then this behavior has long since been going on. The OP can "shut the fuck up" as you suggest, but it is never going to stop. In that case, she had to have seen this happening in the beginning of the relationship and she is the fool who continued to get involved anyway.

When a long term marriage breaks up and another relationship starts, there is no "proving you are the best girl (or guy for that matter)." There is the reality of many hurt feelings and anger that is not always resolved by a judge stamping the final divorce decree.

quote:


There is also the matter that this guy is also obviously coming home bitching up, down and center about his ex calling all the time and pissing him off (it isn't just the ex wife's unresolved anger at play). That affects his CURRENT relationship. My point there? For everyone who says it isn't any of her business, well the minute he starts pissing and moaning about it, the second the ex wife involves her, it BECOMES her business, because it is then affecting HER life.

quote:


My point is this (because I am a major supporter of communication) However in this case ...Talking with her about her and the his ex keeps him in the middle of a pussy fight. Unless he feeds off that shit ( I wouldn't) that is just more stress for him. (the same stress as giving an ultimatum)

quote:


I'm sure it would be nice if all "bitches" would just shut the fuck up and suck dick, but in real life, it just doesn't play out that way. Like it or not, people come with emotions.

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaringandReal

Interesting discusion.

I've been in the hypothetical situation that LovingPet used as an analogy. Literally. And for several years. It was hellish. It tore me apart inside, but he was of sound mind and I had to abide by it. Telling him I was incapable of properly serving wasn't an option I could seriously consider: I don't become incapable of properly serving from most emotional events (there probably is one that would incapacitate me but I haven't run across it yet), so for me that would have been both a lie and a form of blackmail. He needed me and I had made a commitment and he had taken control of me to the point where I didn't want anything more than to serve him as he wanted to be served. Basically, everything I held sacred was in the in the simple fact that for me, his word was law. So I did what he told me to do, as best I could. When you are a slave and you decide to subscribe to the idea that the person who is objectively right should be the one whose opinion prevails, then you are playing a very dangerous game. (I think in another thread I mentioned the idea of "going all legal" on someone? This is the sort of thing I meant--using technicalities or philisophical positions to justify rank disobedience and even decieving yourself: "why, this isn't rank disobedience! No one in their right mind would put up with something this... [insert adjective]." ) If your untimatum succeeds, you may get some peace of mind in one area but you will not be able to respect him nearly as much as your owner and your master. For me, personally, that small win would not begin to cover the horrific loss elsewhere.

quote:

ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

You would if that is what he clearly expressed to be his requirement of you.

Otherwise we are at a dynamic impasse where the D-type's decision making ability has registered as incompetent by the s-type. At such a point, I don't see it as the place for a slave to decide how the D-type should act via ultimatum, but rather to (if things are so horrible) communicate the fact that s/he feels incapable of properly serving because of that decision. Granted, that itself can seem like an ultimatum, but I think there is enough difference in the subtle foundations that differentiating them is important.
]
From my perspective, if my slave is witnessing me doing something out of character as far as showing intellectual competence in the decision(s) I'm making, her thinking process should go as follows:

1) Is he suffering some neurological malady that is causing him to act stupidly?
2) If 1 is not the case, then I should presume that he is consciously aware of his decision and since I (hopefully) gauged his capacity in this arena prior to entering the dynamic with him, I'll trust that he is making the best decision he can make.
3) If his decision from 2 is something that I cannot handle, however, I must muster up the strength to honestly express it to him as I am at a juncture where my ability to serve him honestly and with trust in his judgment has been compromised.