quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

You certainly aren't looking at this from a "creating relationships as partnerships" point of view, or at least I don't read shut the fuck up and suck him off (which is in essense what you said) as being particularly mutual.

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life within my slavery to Him
was all it could have been........

we have never had a cross word.......
with the expecption of the 'ex wife'

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ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Project much?

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

That somehow, they can just suck it up and be a great slave without any support from the "Master".

I don't think that's quite what is going on here, though. Despite the overblown assessment by some posters as to the OP'S Master's reactions when he comes home, I didn't see anywhere that he was overtly aggressive or insulting or even that he disproportionally took anything out on his slave. What we have  been told is that she doesn't like his choice to keep in contact with an ex wife with whom he has fathered children.

There are tons of reasons why he may be trying to keep some sort of amicable relations with her (irrelevant of whether the children are post-pubescent) that do not have anything to do with intentionally drumming up his own melodrama or having some screwed up fixation with passive verbal masochism he needs from his ex. Somehow, despite no actual information to suggest it, some people turned sympathy for the OP being bothered about something not directly related to her into intentional fault on the past of the Master.

And in a relationship, M/s or not, where a partner is supposed to be a support system to the other who is in a situation that causes stress I find it peculiar that we are advocating letting the OP personalize his discomfort and then prioritizing her trauma at having to suffer, indirectly, when a chosen partner suffers.

Or maybe I'm mistaken as to what percentage of people are actually interested in treating relationships as partnerships rather than combative score-keeping cards measuring self-protection.

quote:

Although there are times that i see an automatic always support the s-types and slam the d-types in some posters responses to threads, that was not what i was addressing. While i personally don't like ultimatums and haven't (thank God) ever been in a personal relationship where i felt no other choice but to issue one, if someone has come to that position (whether the situation deserved such an ultimatum or not), they, at least perceived that it did. That perception, whether true or false, needs to be addressed to (a) keep the relationship going and (b) make the relationship better. Being told to stfu and suck it up, is not going to help the situation. Whether the OP addressed the situation in the "best" way possible or not, not allowing communication on a situation that is clearly bothering one person in the relationship is not an effective manner in bringing the best out of either person.

Is the slave prioritzing her problems with how the ex-wife above her Master's reaction to having to deal with his ex-wife, yes. "Should" a slave do that, not technically. However that being said, communication, not being told to just suck it up, both literally and figuratively (BJ), is not going to solve the issue.

heartfelt

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Being told to stfu and suck it up, is not going to help the situation.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Whether the OP addressed the situation in the "best" way possible or not, not allowing communication on a situation that is clearly bothering one person in the relationship is not an effective manner in bringing the best out of either person.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Is the slave prioritzing her problems with how the ex-wife above her Master's reaction to having to deal with his ex-wife, yes. "Should" a slave do that, not technically. However that being said, communication, not being told to just suck it up, both literally and figuratively (BJ), is not going to solve the issue.

heartfelt

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

Perhaps I've been confused about what the OP may be trying to puppeteer us all into suggesting,

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ORIGINAL: chiara

An owned slave living with her Master , he has been married, 3 adult children .
The ex wife is continually on the phone to Master  while at work and it adds to His already stressful job.
I have suggested that because all she does is drain him and inject him with negativity that perhaps its time for her calls to cease. She has known about his relationship with me for the last 2 1/2 years , i was Not the cause of his break up. She is vile and vindictive towards me also, i have given him an ultimatum this weekend .....
<lets not go down the Your a slave Just put up with it > either me or her..........
I say this to Him, because i can see the damage she does to Him, and of course it rubs off on our relationship.
What, if anything more do i or should i do ?

quote:


Except for her inability to be supportive when a partner has someone ugly in their life, I don't see a single reason for this explosion. By the OP's own admission:

quote:

life within my slavery to Him
was all it could have been........

we have never had a cross word.......
with the expecption of the 'ex wife'

Both of them are perhaps letting themselves get too emotionally irked by this annoying ex, but only he has a direct pertinent reason to have to deal with it (family-related reasons). The entire thread has been worded in the direction of how wounded she is by having to have someone who has baggage in (gasp!) one area of his life rather than about gathering up ideas from others, let's say, to try and find new ways to learn to ignore someone stupid (the ex) so that she can help create a happier home for her and her Master.

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Sure, you can somehow boil everything down to "He's the Dom! If he's let his household fall into this ruin, he deserves whatever he gets!"...but that's lazy advice if we are to assume the OP's plight is at all serious or that she genuinely cares about him at all.

If she was looking for rhetoric that would belittle the character of her Master so that it's easier for her to pretend she should have left long ago because he's not "capable" in the eyes of some internet strangers, she's got it now. Congratulations. And if she wasn't looking for that...well, then we've all managed to insult her judgment of partners to boot...without a damn indication of reason apart from having to deal with an unsavory family member and the stress that can come from it.

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ORIGINAL: NihilusZero

So, in a literal sense, choosing a path that would please him should theoretically help. Obviously, it's not so superficial a band-aid fix as that in actuality, but it shines a spotlight on the fact that it is his stress that's the problem and that trying to make her stress about his stress the greater issue kind of muddies the waters.

Of course it won't help. But if she has been communicating with him with the degree of self-appropriated hurt that she has been demonstrating here, then it's not hard to see him just not wanting to hear it anymore.

This is why I've been trying to address the situation in a way that might help if she is genuinely concerned with working to fix things rather than concerned with successfully portraying herself as the victim. One mentality is based on partnership, the other is based on combative self interest.

Whatever advice works to make her Master happier will alleviate the problem. More communication might help. Less whining might help. More blowjobs might help. Perhaps one or more of these advices may make the OP less happy. That too should figure in.

The nucleus of this, though, isn't the OP's problems; it's the OP's Master's problems (that is, again, if she is trying to work to save the relationship as opposed to finding substantial alibis to back out of it).

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

NZ, nobody can put up with someone coming home in a foul temper every single day when the cause is easily remedied without eventually having the toll of being his scapegoat catching up to you. He's draining her energy every day and still asking for more without ever refilling what he's taking. In effect, he's overdrawn the emotional bank account.

She's tried being cheerful and pleasant for two and a half years. It hasn't helped and it never will. And she's just tired of it. Which is a shame that he would rather have another failure of a relationship instead of being passive and allowing his ex to do this to him every day. And when she gives up on him and the relationship and decides she would rather be happy alone than unhappy with him, I have no doubt he won't own his own responsibility in allowing the relationship to die. Instead he'll move on to someone else and do it all over again.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

Being told to stfu and suck it up, is not going to help the situation.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

While i agree with some of what you wrote here NZ, that when our partner in a relationship is struggling that there are ways to help make that easier for him, i would venture to guess that you may be adding to it some because of your own experience with your ex-wife (just a little).

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

That being said, i have on more than one occasion taught classes at slave retreats on how best to deal with your Master's stress and how and when to address issues so that the "Master" card (so to speak) doesn't become the only way they feel they can respond because the attitude coming from the s-type (like an ultimatum) requires that they reinforce that they hold the head authority in the relationship (worded badly, but i hope it makes sense). For example i used to teach high school, when a student issued a challenge to my authority, i had to become more resolute in response to how that student had addressed me so that i didn't lose my authority.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

The OP may have been nagging, i don't know and yes nagging doesn't work, and trying to relieve the stress and give him a place of peace to then actually address the issue from would have helped and i think that is actually what you are actually advising. However i have to disagree with the statement that i have bolded, if my partner in a relationship repeatedly comes home troubled and bothered, it does eventually become my problem.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

NZ, nobody can put up with someone coming home in a foul temper every single day when the cause is easily remedied without eventually having the toll of being his scapegoat catching up to you.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

He's draining her energy every day and still asking for more without ever refilling what he's taking. In effect, he's overdrawn the emotional bank account.

quote:

life within my slavery to Him
was all it could have been........

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

She's tried being cheerful and pleasant for two and a half years. It hasn't helped and it never will. And she's just tired of it. Which is a shame that he would rather have another failure of a relationship instead of being passive and allowing his ex to do this to him every day. And when she gives up on him and the relationship and decides she would rather be happy alone than unhappy with him, I have no doubt he won't own his own responsibility in allowing the relationship to die. Instead he'll move on to someone else and do it all over again.

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ORIGINAL: heartfeltsub

NZ,

(Grinning) As much as i hate to admit it, you make some very good point and i really wish i could disagree with them (chuckling).

Actually i do agree with almost everything you said here, it would have been far wiser to say exactly what you said. The point about not being able to handle the stress by extension, i don't know if i would have been able to say that, i, personally would see that as a failure or weakness on my part with not being able to help my Master/partner help make his load lighter, even if the stress of it was killing me. But that is me.

On another note, you promised me some points and i still have not seen hide nor hair of them (grinning)

heartfelt

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu

There is only one of the three here. Sorry, waste of time trying to get her to counsel the other two, when she herself is looking for counsel. No one else has asked for help, just her. clue.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
It is observation. A spade is a spade. Check the qualified definition for 'bitch'.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
I have two bitches

One is nagging the fuck out me and generally making my life miserable (and cuz of kids I am somewhat stuck with her for awhile).
The other is sucking my cock, licking my balls, picking up after me and generally making my life rather sweet.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Sorry, it is clearly about insecurity and how she deals with and manifests her feelings. Respect, not to mention self respect and adequate communication regarding her feelings is long gone by now. It is called "self" esteem for a reason, it's not 'how other people treat me esteem.' When you think other than self, it is clearly insecurity of esteem.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Now you're putting words in my mouth. You do know what a metaphor is?

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Again putting words in mouth. You are obviously psychologically invested in something personal here and have lost focus, picking out words that 'erk' you and cause you to exagerate, and or overstate what I am saying. Straw man arguments are a waste of time.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
No I think submission is love. Even a dom loves/submits to their nature and its requirements. Technically it is all submission. The polar dynamics are innate states of being. What we call submissive and Dom are merely polar choices of energy exchange. Being in love with submission as you suggest is like suffering over ones suffering. It's redundant and unnecessary; but some people like to layer it on. Go figure.

In romantic love, physical mind love, I think you are right, there is no submission to just anyone. Pure love= pure submission. Romantic love selects who they will be love/submission with, pure love does not. In fact pure love is so pure, it would accept death at the hand of someone who hated it and love the one who did it. Freaky. Try doing that in your next scene. Major trust.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
No she isn't happy. Happiness is a state of mind, just like being a bitch is. So how do you be happy? By changing your state of mind, being a different state of mind. I'm not saying it's easy as you want to portray what I'm saying. The first step out of hell is turn around and head in another direction. She still wants him, so first step, stfu, get back to what makes it the best.

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ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Again I didn't say that. *Clue* Out of context of my entire postings. Straw man arguments and over generalized responses are a waste of time.

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What? what a bunch of trumped up nonsense... blah blah blah[snip]