Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Help...........Please


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Help...........Please Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Help...........Please - 3/15/2010 7:51:19 PM   
aldompdx


Posts: 538
Joined: 10/24/2004
Status: offline 		The ultimatum is actually to yourself, to own your priorities and take responsibility for your choices.

If you want to be in a different situation with a different person, then simply be self honest about it. If you want to be with your current partner, part of that includes his baggage -- just like he accepts your baggage.

(in reply to chiara)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Help...........Please - 3/15/2010 10:49:21 PM   
chiara


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		Clearly a need to add to this.........
The childrens ages range from 24 to 27 < One of them is married>
so , we are Not talking small dependant children ..........

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Help...........Please - 3/15/2010 11:04:33 PM   
subtee


Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline 		Let's look at his perspective. Why would he put up with the ex's bullshit? He's getting something out of it or he wouldn't. So given that this is something he wants to do, she has every right to not find respect and therefore not want to serve. It's a bad decision on his part; he's dominant and is actively making that decision. She's not wrong, she's with the wrong man.

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to chiara)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Help...........Please - 3/15/2010 11:36:00 PM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

2 1/2 yrs. not long enough? I wouldn't consider this a rebound relationship but seriously 2 1/2 yrs. is plenty of time to move on. On the other hand my impression is that he is an enabler and probably won't move on as long as there are ex's and nagging bitches to enable.


Ah, but we don't know if he has been divorced for 2 1/2 years or they have just been involved for that long, do we? I'm not even saying that the OP and her partner were having a clandestine relationship. Spouses separate and start to see other people quite often while the divorce is still pending.

I never said this was a "rebound" relationship (although we don't know how many he "dated" after the separation). These people are in their 50s with adult children, so this was probably a very long marriage. Comparatively, 2 1/2 years isn't that long, especially if one of the parties didn't actually want the divorce.

I also made a point of saying that this likely has been an ongoing thing since the OP got together with her partner, so what she is "going through" (and make no mistake, she is going through it as well, albeit not in the same way) isn't "new" to her. She knew about it and only now is getting annoyed? That's a bit odd to me.

I completely agree with you that the OP's bitching and her ultimatum just adds to the stress. However, her partner is coming home and pissing and moaning about being annoyed by the ex at work, so he is putting the stress on the OP. It is kind of difficult to listen to someone complain day in and day out about something without wanting to bitch slap them and say "Well then stop taking the calls you stupid shit!"

In all liklihood, the OP, her partner and her partner's ex are all playing a part in the stress here. I know from personal and professional experience how these things tend to play out.

In other words, NO ONE in the OP's situation is in the right. they are all wrong and need to get a grip on the situation.

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 2:47:46 AM   
Nslavu


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiara

Clearly a need to add to this.........
The childrens ages range from 24 to 27 < One of them is married>
so , we are Not talking small dependant children ..........



Thanks. It makes the ex an expendable entity as well then. It still doesn't change much for you. Getting in the middle, forces a choice and there is evidence that such a forced move, results in both women losing. Every one ends up alone.

How did the nuke ultimatum go over? People don't usually use nukes, except to manipulate a situation/person (thats A/v behavior), or because subconsciously they know in their heart of hearts that it's time to move on and it just comes out. Which was it for you?

How does he treat you other than when this ex shit is going on?

Does he show any sense of knowing what he has in this slave?

How his ex treats you is inconsequential, you're not her slave. Some people won't like you and they will tell you that to your face. So what. Smile, it's nice to noticed.



(in reply to chiara)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 4:04:34 AM   
chiara


Posts: 10
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline 		scenario.........
Master @ work , ex wife calls Him daily ! calls usually begining and ending with oh i am So lonely .
Master returns home to slave .........
slave is 'blindfolded' in a manner of speaking
Master is not going to comunicate to me that He has had another call
from her, because as this ultimatium has become 'clear'
He has changed the wording...........
and says , he will Not be told who to have as friends.
and i as His slave told him that there was something
jeapordising our relationship, and i believed it was her.
his wording to this is .....
He will not be told who to be friends with !

life within my slavery to Him
was all it could have been........

we have never had a cross word.......
with the expecption of the 'ex wife'

This has not been easy for Him , by any means.
and i hear , the results of the ultimatum , loud and clear.


(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 4:50:24 AM   
Nslavu


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady

I completely agree with you that the OP's bitching and her ultimatum just adds to the stress. However, her partner is coming home and pissing and moaning about being annoyed by the ex at work, so he is putting the stress on the OP. It is kind of difficult to listen to someone complain day in and day out about something without wanting to bitch slap them and say "Well then stop taking the calls you stupid shit!"

In all liklihood, the OP, her partner and her partner's ex are all playing a part in the stress here. I know from personal and professional experience how these things tend to play out.

In other words, NO ONE in the OP's situation is in the right. they are all wrong and need to get a grip on the situation.


Actually if you have professional experience I am surprised you would take that tack. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying? (switches drive me nuts lol)

These things play out that way because none of the parties surrenders the power position. Waaa, a slave not surrendering a power position? Why would a slave need the power position? ... Each one of them keeps contributing to the festering boilas we can see. No end in sight. And it does NOT matter what he is venting about, the car, the job, the neighbors, his ex... what good is it to add more fuel to the fire? I hate your job, I hate your car, I hate your ex, ... its me or your car, me or your ex, wah wah wah... is just more fuel to the fire. Any professional would advise a vanilla, get out of the middle, its' not your place to be. Any master would advise, stfu and be the best slave you can be, it's through you that I experience the beauty of M/s so BE slave.

Clearly you see the only way to stop the madness is for at least one to stop picking at the boil? Since we only have the slave here, asking for help, then any directive in that vane is valuable to her.

It's about her being happy, her being a slave (not a voting member of parliament), it's about her being love in submission. If I come home after a bad day, give me honey, I already got shit, I don't need more shit. Seriously. On top of that, if he's stressed, we all know what relieves stress. Put on your best slave outfit, your best slave smile, your most submissive nature and relieve his stress. It's not an insignificant act, not a trite act, it is a slave's love manifest. "How can I make your life better sir?" You create your life. You choose. Create or get in the middle of hell and keep feeding it, or create an amazing M/s relationship and keep feeding that. How does your garden grow? It's quite simple.

Petting this slave, feeling sorry for her does nothing to help her become the best slave, not to mention reaping the rewards of it, if not in this relationship, in the next. There is already is enough A/v enabled vanilla people, and enough A/v enabled slaves because people tend to pet and validate the shitty behavior. In this case sympathy is cruel. Waking up, even if it hurts is valuable.

We can put some blame on the master, certainly from info provided, still> Doesn't help her. Frankly I doubt he is a master. A master would have resolved this long ago, either by putting his ex in her place and moving on or by clearly informing his slave what her duties are when he is venting. Was he a master to his ex or was this a vanilla ex? Hmmmm. I could be wrong, but I don't see master anywhere in the OP, except for the word being used.

Can she make him a better master? Ya, but it means stfu and BE the best girl.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 9:45:35 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		the thing is guys - this woman is involving her by being 'vile and vindictive' towards her.

i have an ongoing situation with a cow of a woman who tries to intimidate me at times (its been going on for years!).  she had an affair with my sons dad.  there was alot more involved but basically, when you have someone having a go at you while youre trying to get on with youre life and move on, no matter how reasonable, grown up and sane you are the rest of the time. when someone like that barrels up to you and invades youre space its hard not to get really pissed off.

to the OP, his relationship with her and the kids isnt youre beef at all, but what she's doing and gettting away with towards you, is.

the woman ive mentioned came too close one day and i let her have it verbally.  we were in waitrose and i didnt care who heard or even how personal it got.  she hasnt attempted to get that close again because she knows ill let her have it, full on, unabridged and eloquent.  i didnt use swear words i just told her straight and i completely swept the floor with her. it was wonderful.  now when we see each other she (its a small town) she puts on her stupid laughing face and im ready for her.  but she keeps a safe distance.

i would suggest you stop letting this woman get to you.  walk away, put the phone down, whatever, but dont let her poisen what you have with youre M.  its hard to know what the situation is with him and his ex-wife, but if kids are involved it is difficult and you should stay out of that part of it.  clearly he wants to maintain access to his kids and if that means treading carefully around his ex, then that is what he has to do. 

just take care of youreself with her.  dont let her push you around, dont let her get under youre skin - it can eat you alive, i know! -

in the end youre with him, she isnt.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 3/16/2010 9:47:48 AM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 12:05:57 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		Your Dom is a complete pussy and you have a picture of your foot in your profile.

You deserve each other.

Your Dom loves the fucking drama. He is a douchebag. You chose him, you like dating douchebags.


Go fuck yourself.

_____________________________



(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 12:41:46 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		wrong thread...

< Message edited by lusciouslips19 -- 3/16/2010 12:44:16 PM >

_____________________________

Original Pimpette,
Keeper of Original Home Flag and Fire of Mr. Lance Hughes
Charter member of Lance's Fag Hags,
Member of the Subbie Mafia
Princess of typos and it's my prerogative

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 2:24:34 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiara

An owned slave living with her Master , he has been married, 3 adult children .
The ex wife is continually on the phone to Master while at work and it adds to His already stressful job.
I have suggested that because all she does is drain him and inject him with negativity that perhaps its time for her calls to cease. She has known about his relationship with me for the last 2 1/2 years , i was Not the cause of his break up. She is vile and vindictive towards me also, i have given him an ultimatum this weekend .....
<lets not go down the Your a slave Just put up with it > either me or her..........
I say this to Him, because i can see the damage she does to Him, and of course it rubs off on our relationship.
What, if anything more do i or should i do ?


i've read the entire thread so far. A lot of this is just regular relationship stuff, but with the addition of the M/s power dynamic. But the things that came to my mind are:

1) Were your M and you seeing each other while He was still
married to her? If so, from her POV, you may very well be
the culprit in their breakup whether you were or not and,
yes, that could very well piss her off. If so, did you KNOW
He was still married? This is why some people stay away
from those who are married. In that case, you went into this
with your eyes wide open.

2) If His children are between 24 and 27 years old, unless there
is an illness or some emergency, it's not necessary to remain
in constant communication w/ an ex. my ex & i have two kids
in their 30s and we hardly ever communicate w/ each other.
If He really doesn't want to communicate with her, there ARE
ways to stop it. He can simply CHOOSE to not be in constant
contact.....have the receptionist screen the calls, etc. HE is
ALLOWING this constant communication for whatever reason(s).

3) His relationship w/ His ex-wife is NOT your business, BUT when
it affects you and your relationship with Him, that IS your
business. i'm sure He knows how it's affecting you, Him, and
your relationship together. You have already let Him know
by giving an ultimatum. The way it looks to me is, He has
allowed her to be in the middle of your relationship with Him
by receiving her calls every day and then complaining to you
about it.

4) Ultimatums are the beginning of the end of many relationships.
Many people will not pick the "do this" but will choose the "or
else." Keeping that in mind, you might tell Him that, due to the
stress this is causing, you made a rash judgment and issued
an ultimatum, and that you'd like to recant the ultimatum and
discuss the situation with Him, to try and resolve it.

5) Would counselling for Him or both of you help? It might give
both of you some communication skills that could help in your
relationship with Him and His with her.

6) If she is causing Him so much misery that He comes home and
dumps on you about it frequently, when He COULD choose to stop
her rantings from reaching Him (see #2 above), i would start
to question His decision-making and His ability to take care of
Himself, let alone a slave. As a slave who turns all her rights
and decision-making over to her M, i would question whether
i could trust a Master Who is incapable of making sound and
emotionally-healthy decisions even for Himself, let alone me.

7) If this were my problem, if He is willing to stop taking her
harrassing phone calls and really work on your relationship
with you, i say stay and be as supportive as you can be for
as long as possible if you love Him and want to be with Him.
But if He is going to continue allowing her harrassing behavior
and not do relationship work with you, i'd say start asking
yourself if He is the Master for you. This is all just my
.

~kitten~



< Message edited by DWCskitten -- 3/16/2010 2:28:21 PM >

_____________________________

formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.


(in reply to chiara)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 3:26:59 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		I had a girl or two issue me with unreasonable demands in the past.

Note my use of the word "had."

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Help...........Please - 3/16/2010 5:07:47 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		fast reply~

Slightly different take on this, but whether you give an ultimatum or not, you're feeling it in your heart. This situation is EXTREMELY common all DS aside.  I can tell you my last long term vanilla relationship ended for pretty much exactly these reasons. I had ZERO problems with the children themselves, it was his evil ex (hadn't been together in over 10 years, so it had nothing to do with me "stealing") and watching her troll-like self turn him into a wimp. I watched her berate him over and over again, and he never stuck up for himself. WORSE, I watched her make horrible decisions for the children, and he never stepped to the plate and fought her. Meanwhile, I am supposed to stand on the sidelines and not say a word?  Nope, sorry, not my personality.  I lost so much respect for him as a man, there was no way I could continue the relationship. Bad enough you won't stand up for yourself, but you're not a man if you won't defend your children. 

I wish you the best possible outcome, whatever you decide, but it sounds to me that your heart has made a decision, whether your relationship has caught up to it or not. 


_____________________________

“This is love: to fly toward a secret sky, to cause a hundred veils to fall each moment. First to let go of life. Finally, to take a step without feet.” Rumi

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 3:25:39 AM   
WyldHrt


Posts: 6412
Joined: 6/5/2008
Status: offline
quote:

Actually if you have professional experience I am surprised you would take that tack. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying? (switches drive me nuts lol)

I understood her just fine, and agree with what she said. I have no idea why you felt the need to drag her orientation into the discussion.
quote:

Any master would advise, stfu and be the best slave you can be, it's through you that I experience the beauty of M/s so BE slave.

Yup, just wipe your brain, put on some makeup and blow him when he walks through the door. It won't change a damned thing, but he'll be happy as hell.
quote:

Clearly you see the only way to stop the madness is for at least one to stop picking at the boil?

Boils simply fester and spread infection until they are lanced. Perhaps a better analogy than you thought.
quote:

It's about her being happy, her being a slave (not a voting member of parliament), it's about her being love in submission. If I come home after a bad day, give me honey, I already got shit, I don't need more shit. Seriously. On top of that, if he's stressed, we all know what relieves stress. Put on your best slave outfit, your best slave smile, your most submissive nature and relieve his stress. It's not an insignificant act, not a trite act, it is a slave's love manifest. "How can I make your life better sir?" You create your life. You choose. Create or get in the middle of hell and keep feeding it, or create an amazing M/s relationship and keep feeding that. How does your garden grow? It's quite simple.

The point is, she isn't happy, or she wouldn't be here asking for help 2 1/2 years into a relationship. As for shit, it sounds like he's the one choosing to drag it in the door every friggin day and allowing it to poison his current relationship. This isn't work stress, or "stuck in traffic because the commute sucks" stress; it is stress that he willingly participates in and encourages.
How is she supposed to create a beautiful garden when the soil itself is sour?
quote:

Frankly I doubt he is a master. A master would have resolved this long ago, either by putting his ex in her place and moving on or by clearly informing his slave what her duties are when he is venting. Was he a master to his ex or was this a vanilla ex? Hmmmm. I could be wrong, but I don't see master anywhere in the OP, except for the word being used.

Let me get this straight... he isn't a master (I agree on this), but she should still stfu and be the perfect slave? How does that work?
quote:

Can she make him a better master? Ya, but it means stfu and BE the best girl.

Unless I've misunderstood the job description, it isn't her responsibility to make him into something he obviously isn't.

Bottom line is, the decision is hers. A slave has two choices, obey or leave (wow, that sounds suspiciously like an ultimatum, dunnit?)
If the stress of this situation is causing a rift in the relationship that he refuses to resolve, then she has some serious thinking to do and a choice to make.

Last thing, because it has been bugging me:
@Nslavu- using the word "bitch" in place of woman, ex, submissive, or slave makes you look like an HNG. Just saying.




_____________________________

"MotherFUCKER!" is NOT a safeword!!"- Steel
"We've had complaints about 'orgy noises'. This is not the neighborhood for that kind of thing"- PVE Cop

Resident "Hypnotic Eyes", "Cleavage" and "Toy Whore"
Subby Mafia, VAA Posse & Team Troll!

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 6:44:09 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		OP:

In 12/08 you asked the following:

3, doesnt this tell me something about O/our future, bearing in mind this was O/our first Xmas to gether ?

You have your answer and you have a looking glass into the future as to how things will continue to be. No need for ultimatums and the like. You need to make a decision about your relationship and your own life. In my  world: an ultimatum means I have made a decision, but I don't want the responsibility of carrying it out, so I am forcing your hand to make the decision.

Leaving me alone on Christmas to be with the ex wife wouldn't have been a red flag, it would have been a screamin neon billboard. As for the grown children and grand children, are they welconme in your home ? Are you involved with them on any level ? If not, was that your decision or his ? If it was your decision: shame on you. If it was his decision: shame one you: I would have serious issues with a man who wanted to keep me away from his children. < adult or young >
There is no reason those adult children should not be part of his life, and simply by being with a man with children, whether young or adult, they become a part of your life on some level. And, IMO: that is in the best interest of the children/grandchildren.

I dated a vanilla guy about a year ago. He had an ex wife and a daughter in college. He and his wife have an excellent relationship and every Wednesday he and the ex and daughter went out for dinner as a " family ". Christams Eve, they went to the ex's house and had a " family " Christams Eve. I got  Christmas, she got Christmas Eve. The daughter got both.  Never bothered me a bit. However, the ex and I saw each other and spoke to each other and it was a pleasant relationship. His daughter was welcome in my home anytime and often visited without her Dad. < lol, actually she still does visit me > 

So, different story with the ex, but no matter how old the kids, they need their Dads and Moms, and if you enter a relationship with a man or woman with kids, it is your responsibilty to nuture that relationship and make his home a place where the children feel welcome and a part of something.  * I * don't believe anyone has this same obligation to the ex. * I * believe the obligations with the ex are to try and make it work/amicable, but if she isn't participating, then I stop trying. If I can't make it work or at least superficially pleasant, then he needs to respect my efforts and come up with something that is workable to all of us. If he can't do that, then I am out. I make the decision, I take resonsibilty for the decision and any fall out. I do not try and manipulate him into making the decision. I see that as a way avoiding the consequences and trying to blame some one else. I never liked the victim role, so I don't put myself in position to be one.

There is a poster here who has one of the wisest sig lines : There are no victims, only volunteers. < paraphrased >

Good luck.


                            mbmbn

_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 6:59:08 AM   
bliss4us09


Posts: 106
Joined: 3/31/2009
Status: offline 		If you've gotten to the point of ultimatums, not much more can be done. I agree with many of the other respondents that this is not likely to work out well now, but I would add that if you gave an ultimatum, you'd better follow through. If not, you're just just implying that there are no limits at all to what you'll take - but then maybe that's the subconscious message you're trying to deliver.

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 8:24:13 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu

Actually if you have professional experience I am surprised you would take that tack. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you're saying? (switches drive me nuts lol)


On one hand I would like to just direct you to Wyldhrt's response to you, but at the same time, I feel a need to respond myself.

I don't know why my professional experience makes my position a surprise to you. Perhaps you think that dealing only with the OP's issues is the way "professionals" handle it? In any case, dealing only with the OP's issues isn't going to resolve the problem. Only dealing with all three of them will manage to do that.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu
These things play out that way because none of the parties surrenders the power position. Waaa, a slave not surrendering a power position? Why would a slave need the power position? ... Each one of them keeps contributing to the festering boilas we can see. No end in sight. And it does NOT matter what he is venting about, the car, the job, the neighbors, his ex... what good is it to add more fuel to the fire? I hate your job, I hate your car, I hate your ex, ... its me or your car, me or your ex, wah wah wah... is just more fuel to the fire. Any professional would advise a vanilla, get out of the middle, its' not your place to be. Any master would advise, stfu and be the best slave you can be, it's through you that I experience the beauty of M/s so BE slave.


Just because someone is involved in a power dynamic it doesn't negate the fact that they are human beings involved in a relationship. Your personal view is to look at everything as "she is a slave, so shut the fuck up and deal with it." Then again, as Wyldhrt also pointed out, your needing to refer to women as "bitches" pretty much shows that you aren't really qualified to give any kind of opinion that has much merit here.

These things do not play out as they do due to any sort of "power" issue. It is playing out as it is because the OP is in, what we are led to believe is a monogamous relationship with her partner and his behavior is making her feel like she is being put second. That isn't about "power," it is about respect. Being a slave doesn't mean that "master" has the right to disrespect "slave." At least not if wishes to continue having said "slave," and said "slave" has any self esteem of her own. Once again, your comparison of the ex to inanimate objects screams of your inability to view this situation realistically.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Clearly you see the only way to stop the madness is for at least one to stop picking at the boil? Since we only have the slave here, asking for help, then any directive in that vane is valuable to her.


Actually, any directive telling her "tough shit" you're nothing but a slave isn't valuable to anyone. It is saying "what you feel means nothing." Refer to Wyldhrt's comments regarding a boil.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu
It's about her being happy, her being a slave (not a voting member of parliament), it's about her being love in submission. If I come home after a bad day, give me honey, I already got shit, I don't need more shit. Seriously. On top of that, if he's stressed, we all know what relieves stress. Put on your best slave outfit, your best slave smile, your most submissive nature and relieve his stress. It's not an insignificant act, not a trite act, it is a slave's love manifest. "How can I make your life better sir?" You create your life. You choose. Create or get in the middle of hell and keep feeding it, or create an amazing M/s relationship and keep feeding that. How does your garden grow? It's quite simple.


And she ISN'T happy. What part of that do you not understand? What part of her being unhappy is resolved by sucking his dick? Do you really believe that people are in love with "submission?" They are in love with their partner and love submitting to their partner. If it was purely about the submission, then they would submit to anyone.

It would seem that you seem to think all of life's problems melt away as long as some "bitch" has her mouth around your cock. Welcome to reality, because that isn't the way things work.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nslavu
Can she make him a better master? Ya, but it means stfu and BE the best girl.


Advising her to basically put up with bullshit is the worst advice I have ever seen. Perhaps what you don't like about us "switches" is that we have no problem telling you "dominants" to STFU and get a clue.

(in reply to Nslavu)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 8:31:27 AM   
LafayetteLady


Posts: 7683
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Northern New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: chiara

scenario.........
Master @ work , ex wife calls Him daily ! calls usually begining and ending with oh i am So lonely .
Master returns home to slave .........
slave is 'blindfolded' in a manner of speaking
Master is not going to comunicate to me that He has had another call
from her, because as this ultimatium has become 'clear'
He has changed the wording...........
and says , he will Not be told who to have as friends.
and i as His slave told him that there was something
jeapordising our relationship, and i believed it was her.
his wording to this is .....
He will not be told who to be friends with !

life within my slavery to Him
was all it could have been........

we have never had a cross word.......
with the expecption of the 'ex wife'

This has not been easy for Him , by any means.
and i hear , the results of the ultimatum , loud and clear.



As maybemaybenot brought to our attention, this problem (as I suspected) HAS existed throughout your entire relationship.

He WANTS to have these conversations with his ex wife. He WANTS to hear her talk about being lonely. He WANTS you to know that she still wants him.

This has not been difficult for him, don't fool yourself. He was attending his ex's birthday celebrations when you first got together, I bet he still spends "special" occasions with her and leaves you sitting home. I'm friendly with my ex and he is welcome for our son's special occasions, but we don't celebrate each other's special occasions with each other, that ended with the divorce.

This will not stop. He will continue to make you feel like shit about this issue. He will continue to put you in second place behind her. You issued an ultimatum about it. If you want to live the rest of your life this way, then retract the ultimatum and stop complaining about behavior you accepted from the start. If you don't want to live the rest of your life this way, then hold to the ultimatum and end it.

(in reply to chiara)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 8:39:21 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		This thread clearly exposes some rather profound differences in style and philosopies regarding relationships, it isn't often I agree (at least in public) with Domi but he is right on.

Some here keep trying to lay this shit on the submissive/slave/whatever as if all you have to be a master is con some bitch once and you get some sort of free ride after that. The guy is a dipshit who is enmeshed with his ex wife and the OP is finally growning the balls to call him on it. It would be one thing if he could keep his ex in some compartmentalized emotional space but he can't, he isn't dealing with the situation and it is effecting his job, the op's relationship and sorry, I would counsel her to tell him to start fixing that shit or she is going to go apartment shopping.

(in reply to LafayetteLady)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Help...........Please - 3/17/2010 9:02:56 AM   
Nslavu


Posts: 342
Joined: 2/1/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WyldHrt

I understood her just fine, and agree with what she said. I have no idea why you felt the need to drag her orientation into the discussion.


Because orientation sometimes affects my perception. What a drag huh?

quote:

Yup, just wipe your brain, put on some makeup and blow him when he walks through the door. It won't change a damned thing, but he'll be happy as hell.


When someone, anyone prefers to be a nag, then let em have their hell. Had you read the OP ad hominem you would see exactly what this slave has done. The ex may well be vindictive and mean, but so is the slave, maybe more so. you can see by latest post that she monitored her Master, who knows how, checking his phone, maybe has some arrangement with his receptionist, I don't know and don't really care. I could see from the OP that clearly she was the bitch she was yakkin about (herself) and has been for 2 1/2 yrs. What the ex is is irrelavant, he dumped her already. The slave already won, 2 years ago. What need is there for the s to extend the battle she has already won? , though she may have lost now because she did as all the whiners suggested and keep on yammering.

quote:


Boils simply fester and spread infection until they are lanced. Perhaps a better analogy than you thought.


Indeed. And as I have noted several times.. the M may well feed off that shit, if he does, its time to leave. Either way, someone STOPS picking at it.


quote:


The point is, she isn't happy, or she wouldn't be here asking for help 2 1/2 years into a relationship. As for shit, it sounds like he's the one choosing to drag it in the door every friggin day and allowing it to poison his current relationship. This isn't work stress, or "stuck in traffic because the commute sucks" stress; it is stress that he willingly participates in and encourages.
How is she supposed to create a beautiful garden when the soil itself is sour?


She wasn't happy because she couldn't, wouldn't see what she had already and or she is basically insecure when it comes to jealousy or whatever, I don't know, but defo insecure.. Instead she went behind his back and monitored him. We have no real information on him, only her whining perception. Is he a fuck? Seems that way. In the end, it's her garden, just like your garden, my garden, it is our own garden. If your garden yields more without some jerk in it, then you toss the jerk, if you want your garden to have said jerk in it then you learn what nurtures that jerk. (assuming her whining really means he is a jerk)

quote:


Let me get this straight... he isn't a master (I agree on this), but she should still stfu and be the perfect slave? How does that work?


By finding out what nurtures said jerk. She says she is an owned slave, he is master. All I have to go on whether I believe he is or not is irrelavant. She wants him as master, if thats the case then fucking learn how to make him grow. Simple.

quote:


Unless I've misunderstood the job description, it isn't her responsibility to make him into something he obviously isn't.


Whats obvious is that there is an M/s operating in her eyes. People grow into who they are, become better at what they are, when nurtured. He is likely D to some degree near as I can tell from limited info. Anyone can grow, One's innate nature isn't always obvious. For some it takes something in their lives for them to realize they are sub, or slave or dominant. Imagine that! We don't hop out of mom a with a d or s stamp on us, much less know we'd like to take it further and grow as who we are. Really.


What he is, isn't overtly obvious. I am not even sure she is a slave. I have said this a number of times. Read the OP ad hominem, you'll find she is talking about herself, pointing fingers outward, that really should be focused inward. That is where her garden is.

quote:


Bottom line is, the decision is hers. A slave has two choices, obey or leave (wow, that sounds suspiciously like an ultimatum, dunnit?)
If the stress of this situation is causing a rift in the relationship that he refuses to resolve, then she has some serious thinking to do and a choice to make.


Agreed. Unfortunately if she wants to stay and her OP clearly says "WHAT CAN I DO, if anything" (meaning help me stay, help me fix this), then stfu and be the best. stop harraning him, stop monitoring him, stop anything she does regarding the ex. If he feeds off this shit, he will eventually see it ain't there to feed off anymore. Take his silly 'jealousy toy' away from him and see how he reacts. No matter how you look at it and seriously if you don't see this, well ... here goes. For 2 1/2 yrs the bitching and crap hasn't changed a thing. It doesn't work, 2 1/2 yrs of proof, seriously, stfu, try it, she may like the results.

quote:


Last thing, because it has been bugging me:
@Nslavu- using the word "bitch" in place of woman, ex, submissive, or slave makes you look like an HNG. Just saying.


I see two of them in the OP... two major bitches and one guy who feeds off it. Just saying.


(in reply to WyldHrt)
Profile   Post #: 60
Page:   <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Help...........Please Page: <<   < prev  1 2 [3] 4 5   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094