RE: his secret.. (Full Version)

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CynthiaWVirginia -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 1:25:08 PM)

quote:

he has also told me he has cheated on her

I would wish to be told. 

Also, how many men would consider it cheating if they turned to someone else for corporal punishment, etc.?  Very few, if any.  Some don't even consider oral or anal sex to be sex.  (I do.)  That he said he was cheating makes me believe it was sexual.  Maybe I'm wrong.

And yes, I would warn his Domme, whether I knew her or not, that her sub is endangering her by cheating. 

I think this thread gave a heads up to anyone who read it, and some might be having a talk with or investigating their subs right now.

I'm sorry if I'm not very tolerant or have offended anyone.  I don't know the real situation or the people involved. 

Personally, I'm almost burnt out again, tired of the married to vanillas, or whatever, who are looking for someone on the side and don't see it as cheating. 






LafayetteLady -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 3:21:40 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

no I dont know her personally. I would hope that any Domme would like to know if her sub is cheating but from who is the question? I agree with not wanting to be friends with cheaters though. I personally would be rather pissed if everyone knew except for me...


It's very easy to say that you would want someone to tell you. Until it happens. Imagine, a complete stranger coming to you and telling you that your partner is cheating on you. Then they confront their partner, who wiggles their way out of it, and then YOU are the subject of their anger. Granted you don't know these people, so you wouldn't care if they are angry with you.

You don't even "know" this guy. So while you mention being a "busy body" to LP, wouldn't you be doing the same thing? Worse, you have no real relationship with these people, so you "tattling" is for no other reason than your own personal viewpoints.

If the fact that this guy tells you he has cheated, did it ever occur to you that he really hasn't, but wants to convince YOU to cheat with him? If you are uncomfortable with what he is telling you, why do you keep in touch with him? Sounds to me like you enjoy hearing the nitty gritty details that are none of your business and maybe are now thinking about your own guilt in this.

Stay out of it.



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 3:26:14 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady


If the fact that this guy tells you he has cheated, did it ever occur to you that he really hasn't, but wants to convince YOU to cheat with him?


A very good point, one I considered making myself.


quote:

ORIGINAL: LafayetteLady
So while you mention being a "busy body" to LP, wouldn't you be doing the same thing?


To be fair, that was domi, not the OP who mentioned that to LP.



Madame4a -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 3:56:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

he contacted me on here over 6 months ago. we have chatted on and off since then. I have intimate conversations with people in the real world if they are friends. no matter if they are dominant, submissive, switch, vanilla, married or single. although I do sometimes have a problem with boundries I certainly am not meaning to step on anyones toes. I am not here to cause drama or the like. just an ethical question.


hmm... let's see.. 6 months... and you have trouble with boundaries... ever think about why he's sharing this info with you?

Sounds to me like you still have trouble with them...

something here is fishy... no?



Politesub53 -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 5:23:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

just an ethical question.
How ethical is it to chat to someone else`s submissive for six months ? I am curious as to why you have let it drag on this long ?



LafayetteLady -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 6:15:29 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Domin8tingUrDrmz

To be fair, that was domi, not the OP who mentioned that to LP.


I went back and checked, and OOPS, you are right, it was, domi, not the OP. However, there is still the very real issue of why she has been "chatting" with a guy involved with someone else for 6 months and why she thinks she should butt her nose into their relationship based on email/chat conversations.

On one hand, some would say how she has nothing to lose by telling, but in reality, it just ain't her business and quite frankly, her talking with him about such things and continuing to do so doesn't speak very highly of her ethics.



dreamerdreaming -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 7:23:53 PM)

I would want to be told, especially due to the chance of exposure to STD's. But be aware that he may be full of shit. Some people are just liars. And some people (borderline?) like to start shit, and then sit back and watch the drama they've created, as it unfolds. They get off on it, big time. Don't be a puppet for someone like that.

If he's told you something in confidence, I would still say the domme's safety trumps your promise. Some STD's are incurable, and some are deadly. If you really believe he has cheated on her, you could drop her an anonymous tip. That way he wouldn't necessarily be able to figure out that you got involved, or whether it was just her figuring it out all by herself, or what- so then he'd be deprived of getting off on that knowledge.

Act, don't react. You be the controller of what you can, in your life. To include setting your own limits for acceptable behavior, and acceptable topics of conversation. 

If it were me, I don't think I'd keep a friend like that. He has piss- poor boundaries, to say the least. If he is a jerk, or just clueless, or has some sort of a personality disorder, he will continue to tell you waaaay more than you want to know, in an effort to involve you in the creepy little dramas that he likes to orchestrate. I really don't think that kind of person will keep to the boundaries you set. But if you value his friendship go ahead and see what you can do, to set and keep proper parameters to the relationship between you two. I smell danger, though. He's either a cheat or just a jerk, or maybe worse. Its icky and sooo creepy, to wonder what he might do wrong, next. I don't even want to speculate, except to say that my twenty bucks is on him doing/saying something similarly offensive and troubling- or worse.


ETA: Wow, yeah- I guess I got distracted. The OP has major boundary issues, herself. I guess I was thinking she was sub- whoops. Who's playing who? Can she really be that clueless, or is she looking to poach?  [8|]



Kana -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 7:30:38 PM)

What someone else does is none of my business unless it impacts me



DarkSteven -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 7:35:04 PM)

If you go to the Domme and he denies it, your name will end up being involved in one ugly mess.  There's always the very real possibility that he's making this up to see if you would take up with him.

I'd just break off contact with him and stay out of everything.



ElanSubdued -> RE: his secret.. (3/22/2010 8:27:03 PM)

quote:

DarkSteven:
I'd just break off contact with him and stay out of everything.


+1

Yes, I've looked at all the responses up to this point.  DarkSteven's reply was my initial thought after reading the OP and that thought remains now.

Elan.



MsStarlett -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 4:45:48 AM)

Spitfire, you are in a pickle.  If you actually knew these people and knew all the facts, I would say tell.  However, you don't know if this sub is telling you the full truth.  As pointed out by Steven, if he is lying to you, then you look like a total idiot.  But you can still drop her a friendly note that just says something to the effect of  "Did you know that he is going around telling these tales?  I don't know what the truth is, but you might want to look into the situation."  

Once upon a LONG time ago, before the earth finished cooling off, my high school boyfriend was hitting on every female friend I had.  None of them would say a word to me about it... they all just started avoiding me as well as him.  I didn't find out until years later that he had driven all my gal-pals away.  To this day, I wish that SOMEONE would have told me what the hell was going on instead of leaving me to wonder why I was suddenly so unpopular.  It was a bad case of him playing "Prince Charming" to my face when he was a complete ass around everyone else.  Naturally, no decent person wanted to associate with him, or with ME because they all "thought I knew about it and did nothing to stop it."   *eye roll*  Yeah.  High School.  How did any of us ever survive the stupid childish games?

You, my dear OP, have landed right in the middle of a childish mess.  It's totally your choice as to how to get out of it.  But you do need to rid yourself of such nonsense. 



GraciousLady -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 5:38:17 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

hey ya'll a certain subbie here on collarme told me he is unhappy in his relationship with his Domme. he has also told me he has cheated on her. hes always complaining about how she doesnt push his limits. what would you do with this information? would you keep it a secret or tell her? thanks for your input.

Spitfire


Basicly, this guy is not getting what he wants out of his relationship so instead of fixing it, living with it or moving on he is lieing and cheating on his SO. Unless you are a friend to his SO I suggest you stay out of it. All you've heard is his side and can't know all the facts as you are not in their home. Besides, you only know this guy from the internet and his Domme not at all. Let them deal with their relationship and stay out of their drama.



cloudboy -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 6:32:58 AM)


Seems like your subject line answers the question.



Kaiel -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 1:35:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Politesub53

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

just an ethical question.
How ethical is it to chat to someone else`s submissive for six months ? I am curious as to why you have let it drag on this long ?


I totally agree. As LP said, these must not be protocol people because I would be pissed if a Domme was speaking with one of My boys and I didn't know it. When the sub mentioned he had a Domme the conversation should have ended.



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:24:23 PM)

because I can have friends whether they are dom or sub, vanilla, married, single etc



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:25:37 PM)

you dont have any subs that are friends? I find that highly unlikely.



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:27:47 PM)

again he is just a friend, I dont want him, I am not here to start drama, I am here to find a sub.



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:28:53 PM)

thank you for your advice I am definately taking it, I havent talked to him in like two weeks



VaguelyCurious -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:46:38 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

because I can have friends whether they are dom or sub, vanilla, married, single etc


I'm sorry, LP and Kaiel, but I'm with the OP on this one-I chat to quite a few owned subs from the boards-I assume that if they're talking to me then they have the permission of their Dom/me.

Conversation tends to revolve around chocolate or music or the antics of my flatmates-nothing sexual, nothing inappropriate. While I respect people's decisions should they choose to have a high-protocol relationship, that is *their* choice, and it's not an option everyone chooses.

If someone talks to me I'm going to treat them like an adult and assume they aren't doing it behind anyone's back unless they tell me otherwise (at which point I would stop talking to them).



cloudboy -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 3:54:07 PM)


Must say this post from you stands toe-to-toe with your post about ladyangelica's avatar.



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