RE: his secret.. (Full Version)

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LadyAngelika -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 4:09:59 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Must say this post from you stands toe-to-toe with your post about ladyangelica's avatar.

Would you care to explain what that line means?

- LA



LadyPact -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 4:38:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

because I can have friends whether they are dom or sub, vanilla, married, single etc


I'm sorry, LP and Kaiel, but I'm with the OP on this one-I chat to quite a few owned subs from the boards-I assume that if they're talking to me then they have the permission of their Dom/me.

Conversation tends to revolve around chocolate or music or the antics of my flatmates-nothing sexual, nothing inappropriate. While I respect people's decisions should they choose to have a high-protocol relationship, that is *their* choice, and it's not an option everyone chooses.

If someone talks to me I'm going to treat them like an adult and assume they aren't doing it behind anyone's back unless they tell me otherwise (at which point I would stop talking to them).


Which, actually, is exactly what the OP specifically states she was talking about with someone else's sub.  His sex life, to be precise.  Just because it wasn't his sex life with his Dominant, doesn't exclude that fact.  (I'm sure this little bombshell about him cheating wasn't their first sexual discussion.)  In addition, she's been receiving other intimate details of their relationship, that she has absolutely nothing to do with.

I'm rather old fashioned about this kind of thing.  Kink really doesn't have anything to do with it.  If it was someone's husband that we were talking about here, rather than someone's sub, I'd feel just the same way.  It's exceptionally disrespectful to the female in this relationship.  Very much to the tone of not giving a damn about what they do have between them.  The OP is going to do what she likes, regardless of how it may effect someone else.  Very well evidenced by some of the follow up comments.  Her own admission about not doing well with boundaries being one of them.

In My opinion, if someone is owned, they are owned.  It isn't upon Me to decide what it right for their dynamic.  It's up to them.  Both of them.  That means, if I'm going to have regular conversations with someone's property, their owner certainly should be aware of it.



Politesub53 -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 5:26:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: cloudboy


Must say this post from you stands toe-to-toe with your post about ladyangelica's avatar.


In which way ?  My question  was clear enough. Is chatting to someone else sub for six months, without her knowing ethical. If you have another agenda with me why not grow up and just say it.



Madame4a -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 5:40:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Which, actually, is exactly what the OP specifically states she was talking about with someone else's sub.  His sex life, to be precise.  Just because it wasn't his sex life with his Dominant, doesn't exclude that fact.  (I'm sure this little bombshell about him cheating wasn't their first sexual discussion.)  In addition, she's been receiving other intimate details of their relationship, that she has absolutely nothing to do with.

I'm rather old fashioned about this kind of thing.  Kink really doesn't have anything to do with it.  If it was someone's husband that we were talking about here, rather than someone's sub, I'd feel just the same way.  It's exceptionally disrespectful to the female in this relationship.  Very much to the tone of not giving a damn about what they do have between them.  The OP is going to do what she likes, regardless of how it may effect someone else.  Very well evidenced by some of the follow up comments.  Her own admission about not doing well with boundaries being one of them.

In My opinion, if someone is owned, they are owned.  It isn't upon Me to decide what it right for their dynamic.  It's up to them.  Both of them.  That means, if I'm going to have regular conversations with someone's property, their owner certainly should be aware of it.



I quite agree with LP and I'm likely as old fashioned about this.  Having friends and chatting with certain subject is fine.  That said, this seems like specific intimate details of a relationship are being discussed and that's not appropriate.  Its not the relationship that is a problem, its the nature of the conversations.



Kaiel -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 6:15:13 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

you dont have any subs that are friends? I find that highly unlikely.


I do have friends that are subs... However, they aren't attached to a Domme and if they are... She knows about the friendship communication w/ Me. Also, I wouldn't be that friendly that they would tell Me they were cheating. I guess I have different boundaries.



Kaiel -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 6:16:17 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

because I can have friends whether they are dom or sub, vanilla, married, single etc


I'm sorry, LP and Kaiel, but I'm with the OP on this one-I chat to quite a few owned subs from the boards-I assume that if they're talking to me then they have the permission of their Dom/me.

Conversation tends to revolve around chocolate or music or the antics of my flatmates-nothing sexual, nothing inappropriate. While I respect people's decisions should they choose to have a high-protocol relationship, that is *their* choice, and it's not an option everyone chooses.

If someone talks to me I'm going to treat them like an adult and assume they aren't doing it behind anyone's back unless they tell me otherwise (at which point I would stop talking to them).


Which, actually, is exactly what the OP specifically states she was talking about with someone else's sub.  His sex life, to be precise.  Just because it wasn't his sex life with his Dominant, doesn't exclude that fact.  (I'm sure this little bombshell about him cheating wasn't their first sexual discussion.)  In addition, she's been receiving other intimate details of their relationship, that she has absolutely nothing to do with.

I'm rather old fashioned about this kind of thing.  Kink really doesn't have anything to do with it.  If it was someone's husband that we were talking about here, rather than someone's sub, I'd feel just the same way.  It's exceptionally disrespectful to the female in this relationship.  Very much to the tone of not giving a damn about what they do have between them.  The OP is going to do what she likes, regardless of how it may effect someone else.  Very well evidenced by some of the follow up comments.  Her own admission about not doing well with boundaries being one of them.

In My opinion, if someone is owned, they are owned.  It isn't upon Me to decide what it right for their dynamic.  It's up to them.  Both of them.  That means, if I'm going to have regular conversations with someone's property, their owner certainly should be aware of it.



EXACTLY!



LadyAngelika -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 6:17:08 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Kaiel

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

you dont have any subs that are friends? I find that highly unlikely.


I do have friends that are subs... However, they aren't attached to a Domme and if they are... She knows about the friendship communication w/ Me. Also, I wouldn't be that friendly that they would tell Me they were cheating. I guess I have different boundaries.



Sounds like healthy boundaries to me.

- LA



VaguelyCurious -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 6:41:22 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

Which, actually, is exactly what the OP specifically states she was talking about with someone else's sub.  His sex life, to be precise.  Just because it wasn't his sex life with his Dominant, doesn't exclude that fact.  (I'm sure this little bombshell about him cheating wasn't their first sexual discussion.)  In addition, she's been receiving other intimate details of their relationship, that she has absolutely nothing to do with.

I'm rather old fashioned about this kind of thing.  Kink really doesn't have anything to do with it.  If it was someone's husband that we were talking about here, rather than someone's sub, I'd feel just the same way.  It's exceptionally disrespectful to the female in this relationship.  Very much to the tone of not giving a damn about what they do have between them.


So if a friend of yours was unhappy in their sex life or their relationship and wanted to discuss that with you, you'd shut them down on the grounds that wanting someone to talk to meant they didn't give a damn? That seems painfully harsh to me-maybe we'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

quote:

In My opinion, if someone is owned, they are owned.  It isn't upon Me to decide what it right for their dynamic.
I didn't mean that I thought it was up to me-I'm sorry if I implied that. But I do assume that if someone is owned, and their owner does not want them talking to other Dommes, then they will tell me this straight up. If at any stage I find out that they don't have the knowledge/consent of their owner I will stop talking to them, but I will not spend my life being suspicious of people because a minority of subs don't behave as their owners wish.

quote:

It's up to them.  Both of them.  That means, if I'm going to have regular conversations with someone's property, their owner certainly should be aware of it.


Has the OP explicitly stated that the owner doesn't know? Because if she has I've missed it.

It may well be that the sub in question has permission to talk to whoever he wants, without the knowledge/involvement of his owner-we don't know. I know you're high protocol, LP, but not everyone is, and I'm not sure it's the OP's responsibility to police that.



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:01:44 PM)

where anyone got that we had talked about his sex life I have no idea, I never mentioned sex anywhere in my OP or other responses. I have no idea if they even have sex and I really dont care. hes not my sub and I dont want him. he was just a friend. doesnt anyone think that you can cheat emotionally? I sure do and thats what I'm referring to.



Madame4a -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:14:12 PM)

funnily enough.. I noted you altered your original post.. were you unhappy with people commenting on what you wrote?

here's part of the post "he has also told me he has cheated on her. hes always complaining about how she doesnt push his limits." ... to me, you're talking about his sex life.. and intimate relationship details... seems like he should be talking to someone else... unless you're his best friend in real life?  perhaps you are and failed to say so?



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:17:21 PM)

wow you are a very assuming woman. I changed my OP right after I wrote it. and once again I do not talk to him anymore, you should read all the posts before commenting. also you are now putting words in my mouth which arent true so quit assuming and maybe ask some questions instead



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:19:06 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

where anyone got that we had talked about his sex life I have no idea, I never mentioned sex anywhere in my OP or other responses. I have no idea if they even have sex and I really dont care. hes not my sub and I dont want him. he was just a friend. doesnt anyone think that you can cheat emotionally? I sure do and thats what I'm referring to.



Generally speaking, when a person says they have cheated on their spouse/gf/domme, it means they have had sexual encounters with another person behind their SO's back. That is the general definition of cheating. If you were eluding to emotional cheating, it would have helped if you were a bit clearer in your OP. That is likely why the assumption of discussing their sex life has occured. I too thought you meant he sexually cheated on her...and if he did sexually cheat, then you were discussing the sex life of an owned slave.

Personally, I don't have a problem with discussing intimate issues with other people's subs/slaves...so long as their domme/owner/wife is aware of the fact that those discussions are taking place. I would not speak about such intimate things without the consent of the other party. If we were ALL friends, and their sub needed a sounding board, I'd be happy to provide it. I won't do that for a sub who is sneaking around behind his domme's back.



LadyPact -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:19:22 PM)

VC, I'm going to trim some of this just for the sake of brevity.
quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
So if a friend of yours was unhappy in their sex life or their relationship and wanted to discuss that with you, you'd shut them down on the grounds that wanting someone to talk to meant they didn't give a damn? That seems painfully harsh to me-maybe we'll have to agree to disagree on that one.

Actually, it's the opposite.  I happen to feel that the relationship that those two people have should be a priority over the friendship that I may have established.  Anytime that I have a male friend that starts a new relationship, My first reaction is usually how happy I am that they found someone.  My second reaction is, can this new person also be a friend, since I'm obviously on good terms with the male.  If the personalities mesh, I'd like to be her friend, too.  It would be great to include her.  Not keep her on the outside.

quote:

I didn't mean that I thought it was up to me-I'm sorry if I implied that. But I do assume that if someone is owned, and their owner does not want them talking to other Dommes, then they will tell me this straight up. If at any stage I find out that they don't have the knowledge/consent of their owner I will stop talking to them, but I will not spend my life being suspicious of people because a minority of subs don't behave as their owners wish.
Considering that we're talking about a situation where the male in the OP's original seems to have other things that he's hiding from his Domme, it doesn't really sound like a case that he's been honest on a few things.  He hasn't told his Domme that he cheated on her.  Why would I think that he's told his Domme that he's been talking with someone else, sharing intimate details of their lives?  The Domme probably doesn't know that her sub is talking to the OP at all.  Due to not having this information, how was she supposed to say if it was ok or not ok.  

quote:

Has the OP explicitly stated that the owner doesn't know? Because if she has I've missed it.

This is from post #5
quote:

no I dont know her personally.

Now, that could mean that the OP doesn't know her in the world away from the screen, or that she doesn't even have even as much as as an electronic introduction to her.  I'm actually going with the latter.  Somewhere along this six month line, the male in this scenario started discussing things with the OP that were probably inappropriate.  (I really don't believe that all of the conversation was casual for six months and then, WHAM, it all just poured out that there was all of this talk about the cheating and how unhappy the relationship was.)  When the little things started coming up, which boil down to this person talking about his SO behind her back, the OP could have put a stop to it right there.  If she really was his 'friend' she would have been encouraging him to talk to his Dominant about this, rather than the OP, in the first place.  Isn't that what we want for our friends?  For them to be as happy as possible and encourage them to do whatever it is that leads in that direction?

quote:

It may well be that the sub in question has permission to talk to whoever he wants, without the knowledge/involvement of his owner-we don't know. I know you're high protocol, LP, but not everyone is, and I'm not sure it's the OP's responsibility to police that.


It may be.  Then again, it may not be.  While the OP doesn't have a responsibility to police another person's dynamic, she does have the responsibility to respect what should be the relationship that has the highest priority in her friend's life.  I don't really think that's happened here.

I completely understand that some (if not most) folks are not high protocol.  I'm all for it, in fact, because they are doing what works for them.  At the same time, I ask that people do the same for Me.  If someone can't handle the boundaries that I've set down, please, feel free to move along your merry way.  However, if you didn't bother yourself to be educated on what is really the situation, then you have been nothing but a pawn in a manipulator's scheme.  Which, quite frankly, I think the OP was.



Madame4a -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:21:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

wow you are a very assuming woman. I changed my OP right after I wrote it. and once again I do not talk to him anymore, you should read all the posts before commenting. also you are now putting words in my mouth which arent true so quit assuming and maybe ask some questions instead


Where did I put words in your mouth?



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:22:21 PM)

your right I should have been clearer. I also will make sure in the future to find out if they are allowed to talk to others by going straight to the Domme/Dom. I admit I'm not perfect neither in real life or my writing. oh and I dont want to be. just trying to live life just like the rest of you here.



GoddessSpitfire -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:23:21 PM)

quote:

funnily enough.. I noted you altered your original post.. were you unhappy with people commenting on what you wrote?[/quote

funnily enough.. I noted you altered your original post.. were you unhappy with people commenting on what you wrote?

unless you're his best friend in real life?  perhaps you are and failed to say so?




Madame4a -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:28:25 PM)

hmmm.. .I asked you some questions.. where did I put words in your mouth?

on making assumptions?  I didn't.. I actually asked... but in the end, if I hear quacking, I know 99% of the time, its a duck



Domin8tingUrDrmz -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:29:04 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessSpitfire

your right I should have been clearer. I also will make sure in the future to find out if they are allowed to talk to others by going straight to the Domme/Dom. I admit I'm not perfect neither in real life or my writing. oh and I dont want to be. just trying to live life just like the rest of you here.


It's okay to make mistakes, we all do. The important thing is whether or not you learn from your mistakes or keep repeating them. Don't get upset by the replies you receive here, try to glean the information that is useful, and apply that to future incidents. That's all anyone can do.

EFT



VaguelyCurious -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:31:19 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
...


Lady P, it's two in the morning here-I'm fading fast. I'll respond when I've regained consciousness in the morning-I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, but today has completely toasted me and I've suddenly run out of logical thought juice, so I'll restock and get back to you, ok? :-)



domiguy -> RE: his secret.. (3/23/2010 7:32:21 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
...


Lady P, it's two in the morning here-I'm fading fast. I'll respond when I've regained consciousness in the morning-I don't want you to think I'm ignoring you, but today has completely toasted me and I've suddenly run out of logical thought juice, so I'll restock and get back to you, ok? :-)



I have 10cc's of thought juice ready for anal delivery



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