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Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 5:54:00 PM   
MstrDark1


Posts: 33
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline

Speaking My Peace........This was written a few years ago. see what you all think! May 5, 2007 9:09 am

Taking someone down this journey of life and fulfillment is not any easy thing to do. After searching for a long time to find some one worthy isn't easy either.You look.....you talk...you encourage....you look...you find.....
Everything looks good. All the matches are there.
Likes and dislikes are there. So you send an e-mail.....no answer.....you send to others hopefully you will receive the one you wanted it.
Ah it finally comes..very nicely written.
An invitation to her friends network and an invitation to her chatroom of local friends in the life. And also willing to chat to find out where we are going. An e-mail sent back and now it
starts.Phone numbers exchanged and the talk begins.She had it bad with other Dom's...Listening to what she had to say....Then she listening to what I had to say. She sees something different in me that was very different then others. We decide to focus on each other and each talk in im's each e-mail each phone conversation......getting better and better. The focus seeming better and better and the ideas of a future together getting closer to a meet.
Everything perfect.....I would think so....
not quite...She has mentors... and they see her
starting something and being happy about it..so they check me out...visited my profile...visited my blogs..I'm receiving great e-mails from her. Everything still on the up and up...So one night when we were suppose to talk when she came home from work.....she was no where to be found.
so I left the morning e-mail of which I always got an answer from.......this time no answer...
Now mind you things are going very well supposedly, in my eyes we had a start to really have a good relationship.....so I catch her in I'm's and then I get told she accepted a collar from her mentors.....what she dreamt about. So I said congrats against my better judgement. And let go. If that's what she wanted then who am I to say no or cause a scene. It's already done.
You started to get your head caught up in a situation that you thought was good. And then get the door slammed in your face. You know you feel something for her or your talking wouldn't have stressed a loving D/S relationship long term...just what she wanted.
All those nice e-mails were saved and the I'm's too....and you go in to your file cabinet and one by one you delete all these nice things that were said to you.........now they don't mean anything and no reason to save them. Took her off the hot list and took her off the friends list...
so now she becomes lost in the Internet garbage can. A place where shit piles up. A beautiful being ,a beautiful heart and probably a great submissive.....for them....fine...they got a treasure.....and I'm still trying to get the door off of my face........I guess you don't chase what you can't catch!I'm a Dominant..I don't take things lightly...I'm just very Disappointed.............and very skeptical of the next submissive that says "yes Sir"! To my way of thinking they over stepped their bounds by interfering....what say you guys??

MstrDark1 owner of Wisdomtogive












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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:01:27 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Any woman who needs a mentor or a protector, doesn't trust herself  or know herselfenough for Me to bother with.

I would not waste My time


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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:04:56 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		This is why you never trust anyone online-or who has too many irons in the fire.

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:09:11 PM   
VampiresLair


Posts: 1307
Joined: 9/3/2008
Status: offline 		To say that this is true of all mentors is a grave mistake. I mentor, and have for a long while. I would never and have never considered collaring a submissive or slave I mentored. You say she dreamt of it, so she was looking for it, it didnt come out of the blue.

Some mentoring relationships evolve into something more, some do not. You had no claim to her yet, so what happened between she and her mentor was not overstepping. It was evolving. If she had simply been talking to another dominant at the same time she was talking to you, and he had collared her first would you have said anything about it? This rant would have been far different, ust about the disappointent of being beaten to the punch.

DV


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10/18 Wedding date. 1 year and still blissfully happy

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:12:18 PM   
CarrieO


Posts: 2432
Joined: 1/27/2008
Status: offline 		Mentor:  A wise and trusted counselor or teacher.

This is how I define the person I ask questions about and discuss things with that relate to D/s or bdsm.  When I tell him this, he laughs and says I'm his mentor because he gets the same from me.

I have no desire to seek his collar...he has a slave for that.

I have no desire to have sex with him...he has a slave for that.

I do desire to discuss, debate, exchange ideas and sometimes even gossip and share a silly joke and a laugh. 
We've also been know to play a mean game of online chess, dragging it out for a week or more.

My mentor is my friend...not my keeper.

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"No matter what happens in the kitchen, never apologize"~Julia Child~


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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:12:58 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Why does anyone need to be mentored. Are they children? kids needs mentors. You might need a professional mentor in you business. But for relationships?... Mentors?. Folks need people to tell them how to behave?

I will never be convinced


And if this person is a Friend, why not just call them a friend?

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 3/24/2010 6:15:46 PM >

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:19:48 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I don't see a thing wrong with a proper and ethical mentor.  It's done in all other areas of life (career, social, and even parenting) all the time without the backlash it gets when it comes to intimate relationship.  It seems the girl's trust was misplaced and the mentor wasn't ethical.  Then again, if I trust someone that much and can communicate such personal things with someone perhaps that's who I really belong with after all.  All in all, I see a lot of internet craziness without the good stuff of real time to solidfy, confirm, and bring to life the cyber illusion.  I don't mean to be cruel, but folks tread far too cautiously sometimes.  If it seems so right, go have a cup of coffee...meet each other...and see where things can go.  When is it time to take that big step into the sunshine or the real and beautiful world just on the other side of the screen and the phone line? 

lovingpet 

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:21:26 PM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		Having mentors and protectors and the rest of that drivel is a giant red flag to me of drama

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:22:31 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		I learned not to mentor subs I wasn't planning to collar years ago. One begged me to,and then got stuck on me. I told her in the very beginning "no collar,and never ask-it's a deal breaker."

She asked, and I stopped. Drama ensued-I was not pleased. I think doms mentoring subs is a BAD idea-they should have other subs do it.

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:23:57 PM   
thornhappy


Posts: 8596
Joined: 12/16/2006
Status: offline 		You don't see mentors in vanilla life, and there are plenty of things to read to gain knowledge...why in BDSM?  Why not just friends to shoot the shit with?

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:23:58 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I date women, not children. I am 53 years old. Anyone in My dating pool who needs a mentor, really needs a shrink

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:25:41 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		OP - can you accept that until you meet someone in real time you do not have a "relationship"?  You are in negotiations to possibly meet and see what happens.  Even after you meet, most people do not jump into a relationship, they are "seeing each other" or "spending time together".  You never really know what is going on with someone, whom they are talking to, how deep in they are with other people.  shrug

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:28:14 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		I tend to agree Smut, but then again I think it is most important to trust the person above any consideration of gender or orientation.  Generally speaking, however, that is how mentoring normally works in other facets of life.  One person of same rank, etc mentors the other and are even often the same gender.  It is to prevent just such a temptation.

At the end of the day, I won't mentor someone where those temptations exist.  Then again, I am ethical.  For the most part, I just believe in being a good friend and leaving the titles and designations out of it.

lovingpet

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:29:55 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		You really do have to keep this sort of relationship objective. People who fall under the influence of obviously unethical teachers make me twitch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I tend to agree Smut, but then again I think it is most important to trust the person above any consideration of gender or orientation.  Generally speaking, however, that is how mentoring normally works in other facets of life.  One person of same rank, etc mentors the other and are even often the same gender.  It is to prevent just such a temptation.

At the end of the day, I won't mentor someone where those temptations exist.  Then again, I am ethical.  For the most part, I just believe in being a good friend and leaving the titles and designations out of it.

lovingpet


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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:32:00 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thornhappy

You don't see mentors in vanilla life, and there are plenty of things to read to gain knowledge...why in BDSM?  Why not just friends to shoot the shit with?


I do.  Some of the best marriages I have seen out there have been ones where both parties had someone in a more advanced and successful marriage to turn to when they had trouble finding their way through difficult things.  Mentorship isn't a sign of immaturity or craziness.  It is a sign of the wisdom to know that those who have gone ahead of you just might be able to offer insights that you could never have from your own position.  I don't make it a big hoopla, but I do have mentors I consult about certain areas of my life and it helps me greatly in having success in them.  Then again, I'm just crazy.  *giggle*

PS:  I happen to call those people friends anyway.  I know... sooooo undramatic of me!  LOL

lovingpet

< Message edited by lovingpet -- 3/24/2010 6:35:41 PM >

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If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:33:26 PM   
Aynne88


Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Why does anyone need to be mentored. Are they children? kids needs mentors. You might need a professional mentor in you business. But for relationships?... Mentors?. Folks need people to tell them how to behave?

I will never be convinced


And if this person is a Friend, why not just call them a friend?


Because it's not nearly as "lifestyle" and bdsm-y and shit Jeffff.  .

I need to mentor you on how the cool kids are. Over hoppy beveri.


_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
—Isaac Bashevis Singer, writer and Nobel laureate (1902–1991)



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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:34:34 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Absolutely!  I don't know how I would respond to even being asked to take up such a role with someone.  It is a HUGE responsibility.  Since others have been there for me along the way, I think it would probably be the right thing to do to give back in some way.  Who knows?  Anyone wanna be my mentee guinea pig? 

lovingpet

quote:

ORIGINAL: Smutmonger

You really do have to keep this sort of relationship objective. People who fall under the influence of obviously unethical teachers make me twitch.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

I tend to agree Smut, but then again I think it is most important to trust the person above any consideration of gender or orientation.  Generally speaking, however, that is how mentoring normally works in other facets of life.  One person of same rank, etc mentors the other and are even often the same gender.  It is to prevent just such a temptation.

At the end of the day, I won't mentor someone where those temptations exist.  Then again, I am ethical.  For the most part, I just believe in being a good friend and leaving the titles and designations out of it.

lovingpet



_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:35:44 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		Ok.... but you'd better not be wearing panties or a bra!

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:36:58 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		You generally know a "mentor" is a poor choice when he offers classes like...

"learning to deal with the pain I give."

"Blowjobs 101 through 203"

"Taking it up your ass."



< Message edited by Smutmonger -- 3/24/2010 6:37:14 PM >

_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

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RE: Mentors........watch your step! - 3/24/2010 6:38:01 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		You forgot the ever popular "trolling for a third for us" class.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

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