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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 8:40:27 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

Sooooooooo, is there a new rule that the dominant party cannot end the relationship anytime he/she wants?

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 21

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 9:39:27 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
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If the submissive needs him more than he needs to keep her then she is going to do things for him beyond her comfort zone. Thus, she is not in control. On the other hand....you get the idea.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 3/29/2010 9:47:15 AM >

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You can paint a cinder block bright pastel pink, but it's still a cinder block. (By Me.)

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Post #: 22

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 9:42:19 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
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I'm no BDSM authority.

However, the bulk of the BDSM relationships I've seen have the submissive (girl) in control of the situation.

There are exceptions, and I find the happier girls are in the exceptions.

Not a judgment--just my observation.

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 23

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 9:48:28 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

Sooooooooo, is there a new rule that the dominant party cannot end the relationship anytime he/she wants?

Only in CSI land. In the real world, nope. If my slave ever breaks my hard limits, we're done.

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(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 24

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 10:13:23 AM

DWCskitten

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

In reality, the Dominant OR the sub/slave can end the relationship any time He/she wants. In MY reality, if i insist on ending the session, it might result in Him ending the relationship. He is the one to end the relationship. If i choose to leave without His okay, i would be considered a runaway slave and, if that's the case, why would any other Dominant want me then?

~kitten~

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formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

Proudly Owned property of MasterDWC.

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 25

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 10:19:05 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: allthatjaz
Smutmonger said: No matter how big or bad a master/mistress thinks they are -- the only power they really have is what the sub gives to them.
and with those words I couldn't agree more!

Personally, I find this rather to be one of those statements that is not true for Carol and I. It seems so intuitively obvious on the face of it. As I've dug deeper into what goes on between Carol and I, however, I've become less and less convinced that it's true. My thoughts on that have nothing to do with what a big bad dom I am since I don't ascribe much value to that. They have to do with a sincere effort to understand the woman I love and have committed my life to. I have no idea what is true or not for other people. For us, however, I'm more and more finding the idea that Carol has a lot of "choice" to be an illusion I cannot afford to maintain if I am to love her and care for her properly.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to allthatjaz)

Post #: 26

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 11:02:02 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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For me......it's something that has been made into a 'chicken or egg' argument.

When I actually see it as the argument turning a behaviour and facet of personality into a thing. A person does not 'give me' their submission. Either they submit or they don't, they are either submissive or they are not.

While it sounds flowery and

the phrase 'inspiring submission' fits my thoughts much better.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 27

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 11:04:53 AM

masterofholly

Posts: 197
Joined: 9/26/2007
Status: offline

I am in total control. Well, I would be if only Holly would give me the chance.

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 28

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 11:14:35 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

Who's really in control the Dom or sub?

Considering how those labels are tossed around on CM - the question is irrelevant.

On a personal basis, within my relationship, the unqualified answer is: - I am.

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 29

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 11:15:47 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: masterofholly

I am in total control. Well, I would be if only Holly would give me the chance.

Udaman!

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to masterofholly)

Post #: 30

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 4:34:13 PM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
Status: offline

I would pretty much agree with the CSI statement. This is one of those "Emperor's New Clothes" moments and in an effort to keep the illusion alive most people in most bdsm dynamics just refuse to admit that the guy is naked. People put the same spin on safewords. They are what they are - a vehicle whereby the submissive can arbitrarily stop everything on a dime for any reason or no reason at all. Good idea or not, it constitutes control.

Kidnap someone in a parking lot, force them into your vehicle and take them to your home and lock them in your basement. Now you are in control. Anything short of that is something less than control.

The dude really is naked. Look closer.

_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 31

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 5:10:02 PM

PrimalConsonance

Posts: 463
Joined: 7/11/2009
From: Southern New Jersey
Status: offline

I think any Dom who spends a lot of time worrying about whether or not he's in charge, isn't.

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Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. ~Dr. Seuss

(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 32

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 5:21:56 PM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

I find it interesting that so many people threw "safewords" into the mix when the OP said nothing about safewords.

I also think the quoted statement is hogwash. Every relationship except the one you have with yourself involves another person staying in it and therefore agreeing to its terms, and neither has control over the other person, just over themself.

And before anybody jumps on the statement of "agreeing to its terms", if a dominant says "you will obey me" and the sub doesn't, and the dom doesn't boot the sub, then the terms are not really "you will obey me".

Cali

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(in reply to PrimalConsonance)

Post #: 33

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 5:31:07 PM

jbcurious

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Joined: 3/13/2010
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When I find the Dom who I admire and respect enough to become his...why would I want to be in control?

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 34

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 5:42:10 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

My honest response to this is that if only everything was as easily solved in a simple hour.... I mean you know we are getting ready to move in to the house he is buying, we are planning a wedding, I'm dealing with some health issues, but hot damn..... We've been together more than an hour so our problems should have been solved by now....

Sometimes television is just for entertainment.....

Kali

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(in reply to MasterK13)

Post #: 35

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 6:15:37 PM

littlewonder

Posts: 15659
Status: offline

either one can end the relationship for whatever reason they want. your point is what???

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 36

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 6:21:05 PM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: PrimalConsonance

I think any Dom who spends a lot of time worrying about whether or not he's in charge, isn't.

Brilliantly said.

- LA

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Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to PrimalConsonance)

Post #: 37

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 6:22:35 PM

takemeforyourown

Posts: 430
Joined: 2/24/2007
Status: offline

Dr. Laura says the weaker person in in control of the relationship. But she is a reactionary freak, so who knows?

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 38

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 6:26:40 PM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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Control is My gig. If it makes her happy to think otherwise?, thats cool. Untill the rubber hit the road....or her ass, as the case may be.

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(in reply to takemeforyourown)

Post #: 39

RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/29/2010 6:51:15 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Imagine a car racing through a turn and skidding...some might say the driver is in control, others might say he isn't. The driver might think he is in control but may or may not be. The driver may recover from the skid and make it through the turn and it might be luck or skill.

When you are on the sidelines, sometimes it is easy to tell and sometimes it isn't.

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 40

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