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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/30/2010 8:53:38 PM

itsmeinLV

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Oh, I saw the episode! I crushed on Lady Heather so bad, lol!

My opinion on the topic is both parties have the power to end a session and/or relationship.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 2:26:13 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

The day he doesn't have control of the dynamics of our relationship is the day that our relationship is over.

Dominants are known to lose the plot at times
To make a statement that your relationship is over when your Dominant falters is totally selfish, would you not first give him time or even try to help him?

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 2:59:14 AM

dananddawn

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The person who can walk away from the relationship is the one in control.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 3:37:27 AM

Aileen1968

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

The day he doesn't have control of the dynamics of our relationship is the day that our relationship is over.

Dominants are known to lose the plot at times
To make a statement that your relationship is over when your Dominant falters is totally selfish, would you not first give him time or even try to help him?

Oh please....yeah. I meant it so literally that at the exact moment he faltered I'd be packing my bags. If the relationship became one where I am suddenly given choices or equal say then yes, it's over. It's not a dynamic that either one of us wants.

I'm coming back to this after thinking about it a bit. It might actually be just that literal. You interpretted what I said to mean that I would be the one leaving. In actuality, it would be him that would leave. If he tells me to do something and I say no to him for no other reason than just not wanting to do it, then yes, it's over. It's over by his rules. He has made it clear to me that if that were to occur then he would walk away. If there is a certain reason why I can't do something he has told me to do then I tell him what that reason is. He would then give me new instructions. But to outright say no to him would end the relationship on the spot. That being said...he isn't the kind of man that tells me to do something just to have me jump through hoops. If he has me do something, there's a reason for it. He sets the rules and they are easy. I do as he says. The day I don't, we become a vanilla couple and it's over. We both had vanilla relationships and neither of us want that dynamic again.

< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 3/31/2010 4:15:47 AM >

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 12:25:01 PM

leadership527

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quote:

ORIGINAL: dananddawn
The person who can walk away from the relationship is the one in control.

... And if neither party can walk away from the relationship? Then what?

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I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 12:50:18 PM

Smutmonger

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They both need a shrink.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 3/31/2010 4:46:00 PM

StrongSpirit

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"I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any moment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?"

You do realize that the DOM can end the relationship at any moment he or she wants to so. So the Dom has just as much control as the sub.

Now it might be true that some Dom's are too desperate to leave the relationship. But as my father used to say, I am more than willing to cut off my own nose to spite my face. As such, I maintain the power in my BDSM relationships. As long as you are willing to leave the sub, then you have more power than the sub does.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 4/1/2010 2:23:00 AM

ranja

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

quote:

ORIGINAL: ranja

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

The day he doesn't have control of the dynamics of our relationship is the day that our relationship is over.

Dominants are known to lose the plot at times
To make a statement that your relationship is over when your Dominant falters is totally selfish, would you not first give him time or even try to help him?

Oh please....yeah. I meant it so literally that at the exact moment he faltered I'd be packing my bags. If the relationship became one where I am suddenly given choices or equal say then yes, it's over. It's not a dynamic that either one of us wants.

I'm coming back to this after thinking about it a bit. It might actually be just that literal. You interpretted what I said to mean that I would be the one leaving. In actuality, it would be him that would leave. If he tells me to do something and I say no to him for no other reason than just not wanting to do it, then yes, it's over. It's over by his rules. He has made it clear to me that if that were to occur then he would walk away. If there is a certain reason why I can't do something he has told me to do then I tell him what that reason is. He would then give me new instructions. But to outright say no to him would end the relationship on the spot. That being said...he isn't the kind of man that tells me to do something just to have me jump through hoops. If he has me do something, there's a reason for it. He sets the rules and they are easy. I do as he says. The day I don't, we become a vanilla couple and it's over. We both had vanilla relationships and neither of us want that dynamic again.

The problem is when he does NOT tell you to pack your bags... when he starts telling you less and less what to do or what he wants because he has ran out of steam for a while... this might of course never happen in your relationship, but to many it does happen and yes it can be very vanilla at times... this BDSM stuff is hard to keep up forever and ever for some...

and this question is not about one day he does not quite feel up to it, or a week even, what if he feels he can't be bothered with all this contolling stuff for a period of a few months... or even a year?

Will you then take some control yourself?
Carefully try to manipulate him into a better mood?
or will take your own decision and walk?... as you said, that day your relationship is over.

or would you perhaps just wait and wait untill he feels all mighty again?

You see in my opinion you have just as much part in the control of the dynamics of your relationship with him as he does with you.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 4/2/2010 7:42:38 PM

CelticPrince

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quote:

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

K13,

You have mixed two entirely different situations in a single question. A relationship is just that.......ongoing with no known antisipated end. A session is just a small segment of the whole.

CP

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 4/5/2010 6:30:59 AM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

They can both end the relationship at any moment.

In terms of the bigger picture - a constructive relationship - responsibility is shared equally.

In terms of how they achieve that constructive relationship - the final decision will be the dominants.

I don't find any credibility in the notion that the submissive is in control - because stopping short of nailing her to the floor she always has the option to walk away - as does the cleaner at Microsoft's head office (but she ain't in charge - unless of course Bill Gates decides a spot of dust on the desks is more important than strategic direction and he hands over the keys to the place to the cleaner).

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 4/5/2010 6:51:54 AM

domiguy

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Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dananddawn

The person who can walk away from the relationship is the one in control.

Not if you cut the cunts legs off and stick her in a box.

That is real love, that is true devotion. Put that in your pod cast and smoke it!

quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterK13

I watched a CSI epispode where the moral was that because a sub can end the relationship/session at any momment he or she wants that makes them the ones in control what do you think of this?

They can both end the relationship at any moment.

In terms of the bigger picture - a constructive relationship - responsibility is shared equally.

In terms of how they achieve that constructive relationship - the final decision will be the dominants.

I don't find any credibility in the notion that the submissive is in control - because stopping short of nailing her to the floor she always has the option to walk away - as does the cleaner at Microsoft's head office (but she ain't in charge - unless of course Bill Gates decides a spot of dust on the desks is more important than strategic direction and he hands over the keys to the place to the cleaner).

Exactly....It's like a sailboat. I have to gauge the wind and steer my craft accordingly. If I make a horrible mistake I might just wind up on the rocks. But I am the one that makes the decisions. I am the one that ties my sailboat up, beats it, fucks it hard and plunders it's keel.

There is nothing worse than you are moving along heading towards your first fisting when your sailboat suddenly chooses to drop anchor....What the fuck is up with that shit? Bad boat!! Very bad boat!!! Or perhaps your sailboat has decided to add a little more ballast than is aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Again, bad sailboat!

I am incredibly partial to watching my sailboat choke on my cock. I really like how my sailboat stares up at me and responds to my every whim. Nothing better than a sailboat that is struggling to stay on line with tears in it's eyes. I watch the wind and will grab the bitch by the tiller when provoked.

Bdsm is just like a sailboat.

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RE: Who's really in control the Dom or sub? - 4/5/2010 12:16:29 PM

kysanguinox

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I agree with DarkSteven on this one...The Domme/Dom makes the rules of the relationship and it is the sub's choice to follow them or not enter the relationship.

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Post #: 92