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The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 10:10:25 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I'm curious... Within BDSM there seems to be a lot, of what in the vanilla world, would be considered derogatory language in regards to subs/slaves.

If someone were to say to me "get me a beer slut" my first reaction is "fuck you" as opposed to "can you grab me a beer" which I'll happily do.

So my questions are...

Is this just the way things are said online and it's different in real life or is this standard terminology in BDSM?

subs/slaves... If you are spoken to in that manner how do you respond... is it positive in confirming your status, do you like it???

Doms/Dommes/Masters/ Mistress's.... Does it help to establish a boundary, of keeping a person in their place?

Or is it just a bunch of words and no one gives it much thought?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 10:59:07 AM   
BeIgnited


Posts: 191
Joined: 6/23/2008
Status: offline 		I enjoy being called names in a sexual context--it turns me on.

Outside of a sexual context he still uses those names either jokingly or as terms of endearment, just like other couples would use pet names (we have those, too). They're not derogatory, and have little to do with 'keeping me in my place'. He's never called me a name in anger or during an argument, and I suspect that he'd be very angry if he heard someone else call me a name.

I'm assuming from your post (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that you have no positive connotations for words like bitch, slut, whore, etc? I think because this type of 'humiliation' is sexually exciting for me, it's natural that I view them positively (from him) non-sexually as well.

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:10:28 AM   
aphrodite5


Posts: 71
Joined: 8/5/2007
Status: offline 		In general, if Hubby said something like that to me, it would leave me very confused. In the context of certain 'scenes,' on the other hand, it could be very hot. If he suddenly took up the use of demeaning and humiliating names on a regular basis, it would break my little heart.

I think context and relationship makes all the difference to me. I have heard 'slut' used in a playful, friendly manner. I don't have a problem with that. I have heard it used in a negative manner, and I am not into that kind of humiliation. It tends to stick with a person after a while. I use the word to describe myself, as well -- in the sense that I like sex pretty indiscriminately, not in a self-depreciating way.

In a dominant mind frame, I would not say such things. I feel if the way to establish or maintain control is to break the other person down, it's not much control at all. I prefer knowing that my boy/girl is strong, confident, and aware of their fabulous-ness. When that confidence falters, I build it up, I don't use the fall to enforce my will.

Is it standard terminology? I'm not sure there is such a thing. It's common enough, but there are probably as many folk who don't speak that way as folk who do. There are also probably as many subs who like to be spoken to that way. (I think even for those, it depends on who says it and when, however.) Yes, people tend to say things online that they wouldn't say in person. There are a lot of wankers online.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:13:08 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		No one calls me anything other than my name.
Master calls me his slut, woman or his girl or whatever he decides as a form of affection.  It has nothing to do with keeping me in my place.  I get the same feeling from whatever he calls me, from slut to beloved.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:15:06 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: BeIgnited

I enjoy being called names in a sexual context--it turns me on.

Outside of a sexual context he still uses those names either jokingly or as terms of endearment, just like other couples would use pet names (we have those, too). They're not derogatory, and have little to do with 'keeping me in my place'. He's never called me a name in anger or during an argument, and I suspect that he'd be very angry if he heard someone else call me a name.

I'm assuming from your post (and please correct me if I'm wrong) that you have no positive connotations for words like bitch, slut, whore, etc? I think because this type of 'humiliation' is sexually exciting for me, it's natural that I view them positively (from him) non-sexually as well.



Bitch, yes... between friends. Slut, cunt, whore... When used towards me have never been in a "friendly" manner so your assumption is correct.

(in reply to BeIgnited)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:29:16 AM   
SimplyMichael


Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		JB,

Just like spanking isn't a turn on for lots of people, being called a slut isn't hot for everyone. It also matters WHO is calling you a slut and why.

I would never call a partner of mine a slut in front of her vanilla friends but I might call out to "my glorious slut" at a kink party. Perhaps when I hold my cock against the tight ring of her little hole, I might whisper "show me what a slut you are for my cock, force your ass down on it you little anal whore"....

There are also plenty of clueless dominant and submissives who use the term in a way that slowly erodes someone self esteem but not much I can do about that.

Context, it is all about context

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 4/1/2010 11:30:02 AM >

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:33:59 AM   
NibbyJibby


Posts: 85
Joined: 7/9/2006
Status: offline 		With exception of obvious humiliation/degradation scenes, verbal communication has always been respectful. In giving such i suspect my demeanor relayed i also anticipated such. However with most recent Goddess i found myself subjected to derogatory language on regular basis. I was perturbed with such phrases as "goodbye asshole", or to be called "fuckin' idiot" would rub me the wrong way and i took offence to it. Such must have been obvious as She mellowed in that aspect then slowly built upon it so that i became to be referred to by many derogatory names. Interesting in at first resenting such, i have since become aclimatized and found it to heighten my sense of submission. During moments of degradation or humiliation derogatory words were hot, but outside that parameter it took me much time to get used to.  

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:37:23 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		I have a policy about those terms that might be seen as offensive.  If a person is not in a dynamic with Me in some way, words like slut, whore, etc are off the table for Me. 

My own property, of course, is an entirely different story.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:42:29 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		have to say im with you OP - i just dont get off on that at all but ill go with it within a relationship if they want to call me their slut and its turns them on to say that.

i was thinking on why the word slut is so powerful to men.  i think maybe it has something to do with the stigma attached to the slut in heels and a high skirt that no one is supposed to want but secretly does because they can have what they want with no strings and no glance back.  along those lines calling a submissive a slut is like saying i own that peice of meat and i can have it any way i like.  the big difference being, noone else is having her and they know shes clean and will get him a beer later and put up with the footie.

Dominants arent as stupid as they look you know

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to NibbyJibby)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 11:50:12 AM   
DickSteel


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/20/2010
From: Man of Mystery & Intrigue
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

...So my questions are...

Is this just the way things are said online and it's different in real life or is this standard terminology in BDSM?
Doms/Dommes/Masters/ Mistress's.... Does it help to establish a boundary, of keeping a person in their place?
Or is it just a bunch of words and no one gives it much thought?

Were you raised by nuns? Are you a prude? Do you really have to ask? Haven't you ever had hot sex? Look bitch, this isn't some online fantasy, a lot of thought goes into what we do. It's all about humiliation.

A vanilla would be humiliated to wear an animal collar.
A submissive would be proud to wear their partner's collar.
A vanilla would be humiliated to objectified.
A submissive would content and satisfied to service their partner as a footstool or sex toy.

Along the same lines, a vanilla would be humiliated to be called a slut, bitch, cunt, whore, slave, boy, girl, puppy, pony, kitten, baby, prisoner, pig etc. Most submissive's with an active libido find all that quite stimulating and they a quite happy to hear their partner call them buy these names. Most Dominants get arroused by using these names, especially in the heat of passion. It makes them both cum harder.

So, take your inexperienced little cunt on a test drive and try it, you'll like.

< Message edited by DickSteel -- 4/1/2010 11:55:30 AM >

_____________________________

The man of steel is laughing with you, not at you.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:00:59 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DickSteel

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

...So my questions are...

Is this just the way things are said online and it's different in real life or is this standard terminology in BDSM?
Doms/Dommes/Masters/ Mistress's.... Does it help to establish a boundary, of keeping a person in their place?
Or is it just a bunch of words and no one gives it much thought?

Were you raised by nuns? Are you a prude? Do you really have to ask? Haven't you ever had hot sex? Look bitch, this isn't someone online fantasy, a lot of thought goes into what we do. It's all about humiliation.

A vanilla would be humiliated to wear an animal collar.
A submissive would be proud to wear their partner's collar.
A vanilla would be humiliated to objectified.
A submissive would content and satisfied to service their partner as a footstool or sex toy.

Along the same lines, a vanilla would be humiliated to be called a slut, bitch, cunt, whore, slave, boy, girl, puppy, pony, kitten, baby, prisoner, pig etc. Most submissive's with an active libido find all that quite stimulating and they a quite happy to hear their partner call them buy these names. Most Dominants get arroused by using these names, especially in the heat of passion. It makes them both cum harder.

So, take your inexperienced little cunt on a test drive and try it, you'll like.


im no prude and i find being called a slut really at odds with who i am - but i go along with it.  im not a slut, but if he needs to think of me in those terms then fine.  but dont tell someone to ignore their conditioned response to something because it isnt being submissive or that its some expected thing that will always happen.

ive been called a slut in a warm and fuzzy way and i liked that, His slut is fine with me.  banging away at me and feverishly mumbling 'you slut you slut' would make me think he has a wire bent somewhere and cant cum without fantasising about some skanky ho.  thats not hot.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to DickSteel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:03:51 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		*breaths heavy sigh of relief*  I´ve never thought of myself as a prude but some of the stuff I hear on this site sometimes makes me wonder.  During a scene, in passion....  I wouldn´t have a problem, but used in a demeaning way... I definitly would.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:05:12 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DickSteel


Were you raised by nuns? Are you a prude? Do you really have to ask? Haven't you ever had hot sex? Look bitch, this isn't some online fantasy, a lot of thought goes into what we do. It's all about humiliation.

A vanilla would be humiliated to wear an animal collar.
A submissive would be proud to wear their partner's collar.
A vanilla would be humiliated to objectified.
A submissive would content and satisfied to service their partner as a footstool or sex toy.

Along the same lines, a vanilla would be humiliated to be called a slut, bitch, cunt, whore, slave, boy, girl, puppy, pony, kitten, baby, prisoner, pig etc. Most submissive's with an active libido find all that quite stimulating and they a quite happy to hear their partner call them buy these names. Most Dominants get arroused by using these names, especially in the heat of passion. It makes them both cum harder.

So, take your inexperienced little cunt on a test drive and try it, you'll like.


Fuck you Dick.. oh my there goes that knee jerk reaction... not very subby of me.  No I´ve never experienced hot sex, my habit is hanging in the closet and I´m the humbleist little cunt you´d ever want to play with... now get my fuckin´ collar.

But, yes I am inexperienced in BDSM and it´s a learning process... when I find a good Dom I´ll start my test driving. 

(in reply to DickSteel)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:09:59 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

*breaths heavy sigh of relief*  I´ve never thought of myself as a prude but some of the stuff I hear on this site sometimes makes me wonder.  During a scene, in passion....  I wouldn´t have a problem, but used in a demeaning way... I definitly would.



SO DON'T DO IT THEN..... there no right way or only way. Lots happen within these dynamics and none of it happens in all of them. Choose what works for you.... and just leave the rest for those that do enjoy it.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:18:44 PM   
DickSteel


Posts: 148
Joined: 3/20/2010
From: Man of Mystery & Intrigue
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
quote:

ORIGINAL: DickSteel

Were you raised by nuns? . . .

Fuck you Dick.. oh my there goes that knee jerk reaction... not very subby of me.  No I´ve never experienced hot sex, my habit is hanging in the closet and I´m the humbleist little cunt you´d ever want to play with... now get my fuckin´ collar.

But, yes I am inexperienced in BDSM and it´s a learning process... when I find a good Dom I´ll start my test driving. 

Hey, I never said nuns weren't hot. Hope you cum out of your closet and take that test drive soon. Hot sex is good for you. It makes your breast swell, up to a cup size. It makes your lips puffy and it will put a little extra bounce in your stride.


_____________________________

The man of steel is laughing with you, not at you.

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:31:14 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DickSteel

Hey, I never said nuns weren't hot. Hope you cum out of your closet and take that test drive soon. Hot sex is good for you. It makes your breast swell, up to a cup size. It makes your lips puffy and it will put a little extra bounce in your stride.



As it is my cups overfloweth... but I could do with puffy lips

(in reply to DickSteel)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:34:55 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

SO DON'T DO IT THEN..... there no right way or only way. Lots happen within these dynamics and none of it happens in all of them. Choose what works for you.... and just leave the rest for those that do enjoy it.


Yes, I think the thing I´m learning the most on here is there are no standards, rules, or norm...  I´m used to structure... I´m a sub.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:37:16 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline 		JB:

All the derogatory words don't really do it for me either. When I'm speaking in technical terms, I tend to call her my sub, slave, or wife depending on who I am trying to talk to and what I'm trying to communicate. When I'm speaking to her, she's usually just "mine" although various other terms like "bunny" (or pet name for each other) and "slave girl" come up.

In the end, this is going to be one of those "whatever communicates" between speaker and listener. And you have to remember that just because you or I associate negative connotations to "slut" (or any other word) doesn't mean that everyone else does. One might argue that "slave girl" is pretty derogatory, yet on my lips and Carol's ears it is a term rich in love, affection, and closeness. I cannot imagine myself saying some word to her that actually meant anything derogatory to either of us.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:45:14 PM   
VaguelyCurious


Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

As it is my cups overfloweth...



Hop over to the 'ask a sub' forum, there's a thread there for that

In answer to your question: some Dom/mes talk like that, some would never dream of it, some (me included, occasionally) only talk like that in the bedroom. Some people (me) do it because (or if) it gets their sub hot and bothered, some people do it because (or if) it gets their sub embarrassed and blushing, some people do it because they are terrible horrible awful people who should not be allowed to touch you through a hazmat suit with a fishing rod mounted on a bargepole.

Use of nasty words doesn't automatically put anybody in the last category, though-you have to take into account context and motivation when you make that call.

Also, you might be surprised at the stuff that you think will bother you which actually doesn't-DickSteel's got a point, although he coulda been a bit nicer about expressing it-maybe take it for a test-drive before you dismiss it?


_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.




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RE: The language of BDSM - 4/1/2010 12:46:29 PM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

As it is my cups overfloweth...


..runneth over...

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to VaguelyCurious)
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