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RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 1:39:31 PM   
elleX


Posts: 161
Joined: 10/24/2009
Status: offline 		No , that would not make sens to me,, to me a Dominant has at time to be my refuge,, my home ,,,especially these hards time that i am going through,,,
what you  are talking ( been cruel all the time ) is a fantaisy  ,,, something coming out of a book or a role play  ,,, i dont beleive a submissive women could endure it on a long road ,,,
my point of view,,,,

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 1:59:43 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		thanks everybody. love the input. i'm a fairly open minded individual- so typically, if somebody disagrees with me, i'm open to seeing another side to the situation. since i could really find one (lol) i thought, "ok...maybe its just me." after reading your responses, i can see that isnt the case. oh, and today for the first time, i watched femdom and D/s porn today. i mean seriously- THAT is what's expected of me? i think i may need to stick to vanilla life if that was the case lol

(in reply to elleX)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 2:09:39 PM   
HisSweetElysium


Posts: 600
Joined: 11/12/2009
Status: offline 		LOL no that's called an asshole. They need not apply.

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(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 2:30:04 PM   
afkarr


Posts: 328
Joined: 1/13/2010
Status: offline 		People who are sadistic, cruel, and genuinely evil all the time exists far too often in nature; I believe the proper term for them is not dominate, but "abusive", and their submissives are victims. They're the ones using the cloak of BDSM to lend legitimancy to their sociopathics tendencies.

(in reply to HisSweetElysium)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 4:09:37 PM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline 		No.  Not even a comic book supervillain is cruel and evil ALL the time.  I'm pretty sure even Lex Luthor sometimes plays fetch with adorable puppies.  He may later inject them with something to mutate them into giant super atomic hellhounds, but they have a few nice moments together.

Just to be clear, I'm coming at this from the perspective of someone who is far, far, far more drawn to sadism and cruelty in a partner than even the average masochist.  Capacity for cruelty, the ability to laugh at the suffering of another, a sick sense of humor, a genius for inventive torment--these are all things I absolutely value.  So basically, I totally understand how strong the urge is to find someone to be cruel and evil, and do it well.

Even I'm well aware that someone who is "cruel and evil ALL the time" is a cartoon character.  That would be a tedious, soul-sucking dynamic.  The thing is, I have to like the person who is torturing me.  It's the interpersonal dynamic that tweaks me way more than anything in particular that they might do.  Without the capacity to relate to each other as human beings in some way you essentially have a TortureBot 3000, and that gets boring fast the first time you want to talk about books or don't have any more tokens to cram in its mouth.

At the end of the day, though, let me add that one extremely appealing trait for a sadist to have is this:  Not to be cruel and evil ALL the time, but the capacity for turning on a dime and suddenly being cruel and evil abruptly, unexpectedly, like a bolt from the blue.  That's hot.


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What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to afkarr)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 5:01:14 PM   
Lockit


Posts: 11292
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

and usefulidiot- this is the wrong forum for that post. good luck in your search


Why was usefulidiot's post wrong? All that was said was that the op  sounds exhausting. The comment fit the thread quite well. Anyone can post anywhere and if there is a problem with it, I am sure the mod's can readily take care of it. In this situation... your correction of usefulidiot's post was in error.

New question... do we apologize as a dominant when we are wrong?


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(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 5:25:57 PM   
Phoenix73Sir


Posts: 139
Joined: 4/2/2010
From: Northants, UK
Status: offline 		I know that if i put my mind to it I could be a complete SOB and could probably maintain that for some time, but I know that i could not keep that up To do that to me would involve such a deep flaw in character that any sensible sub or slave would steer well clear.

Maybe I'm not Evil ENOUGH, but i would find it impossible to not take my slave into my arms and bring her back to the love and warmth before too long.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 5:46:47 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		I dont think its below me to apologize when i am wrong. we are all human- we all make mistakes.i'm not going to hold myself to some rediculous self-serving high standard to believe i am too big to say "sorry". i guess there would only be the possibility of transfer of power. but i think thats an instance one must take care not to grovel.

(in reply to Phoenix73Sir)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 6:06:10 PM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

i had a conversation today with somebody who was supposed to meet me. he asked for me to dominate him over the phone(not my thing- it strikes me as "i'll degrade and humilate you while you jerk off") and when i said no- he said "i'm looking for a dominant mistress and good luck in your search". so because i wont vocally jerk you off, I'm not dominant? pssh. whatever.


Sooo... you're not Dominant because you wanted to Dominate him in your way and not his?

That makes my head hurt


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 7:25:28 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline 		I had a similar experience as you describe, MissA. I was casually chatting with a new person, and we were exploring potential. He then told me that he couldn't consider meeting me because I was too "nice". I found that to be quite amusing, espcecially since he was new, with no experience other than his fantasies.

<sigh> - Some men make me feel like a caricature of FANTASY DOMME! LOL.


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Warmly,
LD

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 7:41:21 PM   
OrpheusAgonistes


Posts: 253
Joined: 3/29/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

I had a similar experience as you describe, MissA. I was casually chatting with a new person, and we were exploring potential. He then told me that he couldn't consider meeting me because I was too "nice". I found that to be quite amusing, espcecially since he was new, with no experience other than his fantasies.

<sigh> - Some men make me feel like a caricature of FANTASY DOMME! LOL.



Actually, I don't see anything wrong with that.  If the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there.  I (tactfully) blow people off frequently for both vanilla and kinky relationships for being, for lack of a better phrase, a little "too nice."  It isn't a judgment on them as people.  I'd never tell someone else how they're "supposed to be."  They're fine how they are--but they're not for me.

I don't know any of the details of the anecdote you're describing.  It's entirely possible that he had wildly unrealistic expectations and was acting like a schmuck.  But I do think there is a difference, as a general rule, between saying to someone "Well, this is the way you have to be or else you're doing it wrong," and saying "You know, I'm just not feeling much chemistry here, you're a little bit too 'nice' a person but good luck."


_____________________________

What I cannot create, I do not understand.--Feynman

Every sentence I have written here is the product of some disease.-- Wittgenstein

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 7:53:56 PM   
TheLadyIsADomme


Posts: 89
Joined: 4/10/2009
From: Florida
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: OrpheusAgonistes


Actually, I don't see anything wrong with that.  If the chemistry isn't there, it isn't there.  I (tactfully) blow people off frequently for both vanilla and kinky relationships for being, for lack of a better phrase, a little "too nice."  It isn't a judgment on them as people.  I'd never tell someone else how they're "supposed to be."  They're fine how they are--but they're not for me.

I don't know any of the details of the anecdote you're describing.  It's entirely possible that he had wildly unrealistic expectations and was acting like a schmuck.  But I do think there is a difference, as a general rule, between saying to someone "Well, this is the way you have to be or else you're doing it wrong," and saying "You know, I'm just not feeling much chemistry here, you're a little bit too 'nice' a person but good luck."



At the risk of hijacking the thread, I agree with you regarding chemistry. No question that that is something that cannot be manufactured.

However, the OP (as I understood it) was regarding whether a dominant person had to be evil or cruel in order to be dominant. I think that this is an unrealistic expectation, similar to those that think that they must submit in some fantastical way to any or every dominant.

For me, when I am involved with someone, I want to *enjoy* them. Can I be mean or cruel at times? Sure, but as LadyPact described, I consider that more along the lines of sadistic. A steady diet of anything, even the most delectable thing you can imagine, soon becomes tiresome and unwelcome.

Just my 02c.


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Warmly,
LD

(in reply to OrpheusAgonistes)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 8:11:28 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Only if they charge you to play.   >:))

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 9:11:50 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline 		yes...i didnt even give it much thought i my head was hurting.

(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 9:17:57 PM   
MissAsylum


Posts: 1863
Joined: 1/9/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

I had a similar experience as you describe, MissA. I was casually chatting with a new person, and we were exploring potential. He then told me that he couldn't consider meeting me because I was too "nice". I found that to be quite amusing, espcecially since he was new, with no experience other than his fantasies.

<sigh> - Some men make me feel like a caricature of FANTASY DOMME! LOL.




its really quite irritating. chemistry is one thing, and i have no problem with blowing off/being blown off(lol) if the feelings just arent there.

however, the whole "too nice" shitck....

*slaps forehead*

...really gets under my skin. and not many things do. Like i said in one of my earlier posts, i watched some D/s and FemDom porn- it was typical of what i think some subs expect of me.

We all have different styles of what we do- i don't know why that was selected as the golden standard.

IMO, if a domme prances about in the manner that is displayed in porn, she isnt one, just somebody playing dress up.

but like i said, in my opinion.

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 10:26:39 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

degrade people all the time? just curious.


Yes. Absolutely!

As long as she's someone else's dominant. Mine? No, because nobody with that of attitude or personality would ever get past the first 3 minutes with me.


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Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 10:33:06 PM   
ThatDamnedPanda


Posts: 6060
Joined: 1/26/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum


We all have different styles of what we do- i don't know why that was selected as the golden standard.


That's an outstanding question. I've never been able to figure that out either. Where did that come from, and how did it become so ineradicable? I've never understood it.



quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
IMO, if a domme prances about in the manner that is displayed in porn, she isnt one, just somebody playing dress up.

but like i said, in my opinion.


Others may disagree with you, but I'm not one. It depends upon which particular "Domme Barbie" outfit you're referring to, but in general, most of those standard fetish costumes are completely lost on me.


_____________________________

Panda, panda, burning bright
In the forest of the night
What immortal hand or eye
Made you all black and white and roly-poly like that?


(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/5/2010 11:33:50 PM   
GreedyTop


Posts: 52100
Joined: 5/2/2007
From: Savannah, GA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

and usefulidiot- this is the wrong forum for that post. good luck in your search


Why was usefulidiot's post wrong? All that was said was that the op  sounds exhausting. The comment fit the thread quite well. Anyone can post anywhere and if there is a problem with it, I am sure the mod's can readily take care of it. In this situation... your correction of usefulidiot's post was in error.


hear hear

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polysnortatious
Supreme Goddess of Snark
CHARTER MEMBER: Lance's Fag Hags!
Waiting for my madman in a Blue Box.

(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 1:08:03 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TheLadyIsADomme

I had a similar experience as you describe, MissA. I was casually chatting with a new person, and we were exploring potential. He then told me that he couldn't consider meeting me because I was too "nice". I found that to be quite amusing, espcecially since he was new, with no experience other than his fantasies.

<sigh> - Some men make me feel like a caricature of FANTASY DOMME! LOL.



with respect to youreself but wasnt that just the slave still living in the unreality of something as yet unrealised - by that i mean, he hasnt put his ass on the line yet and is still all tied up in knots with the fantasy of being treated badly.

we all start off with a fantasy driven idea of what this all means and how we want it to be.  you have to go down the track and around the block once or twice before you realise that what you really want is a happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship.  maybe some dont, in fact im sure there are those that dont want that at all.  but in general i would say people do.

the whole 'do me' prototype of submissive/slave is largely based on inexperience i often feel, but i could be horrendously wrong

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to TheLadyIsADomme)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 4:20:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Cruel, evil and degrading? That makes you someone to avoid, in my book.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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