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RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 4:24:29 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ThatDamnedPanda


Others may disagree with you, but I'm not one. It depends upon which particular "Domme Barbie" outfit you're referring to, but in general, most of those standard fetish costumes are completely lost on me.




Hey Panda Darling,
Is that like the Gay Ken doll with the cock ring?

*back to your regularly scheduled hoopla!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to ThatDamnedPanda)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 10:15:47 AM   
itsmeinLV


Posts: 207
Joined: 12/23/2009
Status: offline 		Personally, I don't think a Dom or Master have to be cruel or evil at all.  Or that they need to degrade anybody once, let alone all the time.  Unless his sub/slave wants it any other way, then that is their decision.  But anybody outside of it shouldn't be treated the same way.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 10:21:59 AM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Barbie is the ultimate feminist. Ken exists in her world only as a dickless accesory.

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I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 10:01:04 PM   
hermione83


Posts: 393
Joined: 8/1/2007
Status: offline 		I used to be very very attracted to sadism, and as a masochist.. well, that just makes sense. But with experiences with sadists.. especially one, and how they were in relationships.. .. I actually look for loving dominants, and get scared when they say the word sadist at all. (I tend to run actually after so many experiences.. oh the evil that may lie beneath!) I do enjoy quite a bit of certain kinds of pain only to be honest with you, however, I want someone to baby my heart, and to find no pleasure in hurting me in anyway.... it's kind of sexy if sometimes he gets turned on by my tears or being tortured in a good way, squirming and begging and such and making me do something I dun wanna, but only if it's also because he knows that deep down whatever is happening is what I love too, and though he does insist on his way, he pays careful attention that it's good for me, i'm okay with it, or it's exactly what I want and need too.. .. and would not have joy in manipulating me into anything that would truly be upsetting in a negative way, or would violate my trust.. .. 

< Message edited by hermione83 -- 4/6/2010 10:02:20 PM >

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 10:18:33 PM   
HisEvelyn


Posts: 252
Joined: 1/21/2010
Status: offline 		I would never want my Master to be cruel and mean all the time. During play, we both enjoy some humiliation and degradation. I happily submit to being his little cumslut and endure the rough treatment he gives my body. But when we are not playing? He is very loving and gentle with me. He is always clearly in control, and all he has to do is raise an eyebrow at me and say, "Really?" in a certain tone of voice if I step out of line (I'm still new to this dynamic so sometimes I speak without thinking) and I will back down quickly. But he is never mean or cruel in any way. I could not be with him if he was.

(in reply to hermione83)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/6/2010 10:30:55 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		it is not necassary for my Mistress to be on all the time. there is quiet time and meal time and playtime. i enjoy playtime very much but just sitting at Her feet is enjoyable as well.

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proud to serve the awsome
LadyPact

(in reply to HisEvelyn)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/7/2010 6:18:14 AM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum
degrade people all the time? just curious.

By "people," do you mean people other than his or her submissives? That would make the Dom an asshole with no social skills. I don't see how that would be a good thing.

My Owner is ALWAYS in control of me. Often he does that in ways that are simply firm rather than "cruel" or even bossy. I think it would be absolutely inappropriate for him to degrade me in front of my child or any other hapless witness.

So I guess that makes my answer to your questions NO.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/7/2010 2:56:48 PM   
Wheldrake


Posts: 477
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

I'm not cruel and evil.  I'm sadistic.  I happen to think most Dominants know the difference.


Maybe I only need to ask because I'm not dominant... but how exactly do you distinguish between cruelty and sadism? I've always thought of sadism in the BDSM sense as cruelty kept within safe limits - in other words, a kinky sadist enjoys making people suffer (which I would consider cruel by definition) but doesn't want to damage them in the process.

Anyway, my feelings about full-time cruelty are similar to what I think OrpheusAgonistes is getting at. I would never want to belong to someone who was actively treating me cruelly on a 24/7 basis, but equally I wouldn't want to belong to someone whose personality didn't include a streak of fundamental sadism (as I've defined it above) that could express itself in a variety of ways.

(in reply to LadyPact)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/8/2010 8:20:50 PM   
trueshadow


Posts: 388
Joined: 1/1/2005
Status: offline 		No.  Actually, I don't want to be with anyone who is cruel.  I dated a beautiful, sexy Domme for a while.  She got her kicks out of treating waitstaff and sales people rudely, then she would denigrate them, and ridicule them to their face.

Ah, no thank you.  She could beat me with the best of them, but life isn't a constant whipping.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/8/2010 8:29:11 PM   
dreamerdreaming


Posts: 2839
Status: offline 		No, of course not. That would be ridiculous.

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(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/8/2010 8:37:22 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		no

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This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/8/2010 8:41:07 PM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Lockit

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

and usefulidiot- this is the wrong forum for that post. good luck in your search


Why was usefulidiot's post wrong? All that was said was that the op  sounds exhausting. The comment fit the thread quite well. Anyone can post anywhere and if there is a problem with it, I am sure the mod's can readily take care of it. In this situation... your correction of usefulidiot's post was in error.

New question... do we apologize as a dominant when we are wrong?



I was wondering about that also. The first thing that came to my mind when I read the op was how exhausting it would be. Not sure why it was wrong for him to point that out.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to Lockit)
Profile   Post #: 52
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 9:03:23 AM   
beltainefaerie


Posts: 610
Joined: 4/15/2006
Status: offline 		I would find it irritating and disappointing.  Unfortunately, I have met quite a few dominants that seem to believe that they should dominate/control/humiliate everyone all the time.  This does not make one dominant, merely a boor.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 53
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 9:12:34 AM   
RuffneckandHis


Posts: 15
Joined: 3/15/2010
Status: offline 		I, personally, don't want cruel and evil.... I want controlling, dominant and above all very confident. He must be caring and loving as well or I just won't feel that desire to submit if He's just barking orders or demanding respect.

_____________________________

"And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music."
— Friedrich Nietzsche

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 54
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 9:28:11 AM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bondmaid123
And since this is Earth, and I'm not in a 3rd world country, if I were in a relationship like that I'd be exiting, post haste.

*grins* freakin pansy assed earth girls :)

More seriously, I have to agree with bondmaid here... I'm trying to imagine a situation in which constant cruelty and evilness would be desirable... even for the more kink/fantasy oriented folks.

For the record, I think you are confusing dominance with sadism. Not all dominants are sadists. Not all submissives are masochists.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to bondmaid123)
Profile   Post #: 55
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 9:35:46 AM   
Marquesav


Posts: 1
Joined: 4/11/2010
Status: offline 		you cant be cruel all the time without some wiring being twisted. I have two sides and yes I can be cruel but it goes against my base nature. I hate real everyday pain. Dont get me wrong clothspins to the scrotum for fun hell ya.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 56
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 9:53:49 AM   
esoclectica


Posts: 16
Joined: 1/9/2010
Status: offline 		As a dominant it is hard for me to understand the people who advertise for a Master whom I would think has no redeeming qualities as a person. In an actual 2 way street relationship a dominant has to put a lot of emotional energy and creativity into APPROPRIATE evil and cruelty. So many adverts want 24/7 TPE and do not seem to realize that you cannot live a permanent SCENE. Sleep, potty breaks, jobs and etc are the largest part of any life. Most people get BORED when you lock them in a cage with nothing to do while I am at work. Sure, there is a deep little voice that says a slave shaped robot might be fun for a few days, and turning someone into one could conceiably be fun, but after the fantasy new wears off you would just want to put the toy in the closet most of the time. To me, the more cruel and sadistic slavery is the more intimate the relationship has to become. I actually know a circle of couples where the couples are Don/sub but the wives go to the next husband in the circle for their maso fixes because the husbands empathize and love their wives too much to beat them enough :)

(in reply to Marquesav)
Profile   Post #: 57
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 7:52:23 PM   
RealSub58


Posts: 1073
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

degrade people all the time? just curious.


My Sir states that a dominant whose first choice is to degrade another individual, esp his submissive, has low self esteem.  A dom's responsibility is to motive, encourage and discipline, rather than tear down his submissive with something that will decrease their self esteem.

(in reply to MissAsylum)
Profile   Post #: 58
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/12/2010 7:58:49 PM   
Smutmonger


Posts: 995
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Unless degredation is a hot trigger for a sub.....and it's really for play purposes. Something a lot of stuffy D/s sorts seem to not realize for some reason. It may be difficult to see clearly from on high.

quote:

ORIGINAL: RealSub58

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissAsylum

degrade people all the time? just curious.


My Sir states that a dominant whose first choice is to degrade another individual, esp his submissive, has low self esteem.  A dom's responsibility is to motive, encourage and discipline, rather than tear down his submissive with something that will decrease their self esteem.



_____________________________

I didn't get into an alternative lifestyle to explore new frontiers in conformity.

(in reply to RealSub58)
Profile   Post #: 59
RE: Subs- do you feel a Dominant has to be cruel and ev... - 4/13/2010 6:47:09 PM   
perfectflaw00


Posts: 96
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline
quote:


Fast Reply

absolutely not I  enjoy going out to dinner and having intelligent conversation with another person, as well as any play aspects.






more smileys..


(in reply to Smutmonger)
Profile   Post #: 60
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