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Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:25:49 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

It's a big word and has bigger consequences!!!

But.. like so many words it's thrown around that I wonder what it's meaning is on occassion.

I see some d-types throw it out as a huge importance and in effect minimizing the s-types responsbilities. All that seems like Ego inflating to me!

I see some s-types actually minimize their responsibilities and put it on the d-type more often than not. All that seems like low self-esteem to me.

I personally see that responsibilities exist for both d-types and s-types. I am not worried about how has more or less... since to me that is more about one's ego than actual upholding one's responsibilties. I believe that there are responsibilities for everyone in a relationship and no one relationship is going to be particularly the same in who those responsibilities will be laid upon.

I am not so sure I have a question here. But I am concerned by seeming disregard and misuse of responsibilties for the sake of one's eqo.

so... what is your take on responsibilities!

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

Post #: 1

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:28:37 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline

At the end of the day, we all have shit that needs to get done. Anyone who is willing to use their " role" to escape that is not someone I would like to know.

_____________________________

"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 2

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:30:45 AM

Musicmystery

Posts: 30259
Joined: 3/14/2005
Status: offline

Response Ability.

I can't choose everything that happens. I CAN choose my response.

And take responsibility for those choices.

< Message edited by Musicmystery -- 4/11/2010 9:31:38 AM >

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 3

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:41:26 AM

jbcurious

Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline

This is one of my pet peeves... We live in a world that no one is responsible for anything that they do... a silly woman spills hot coffee on herself and is awarded millions, a burglar breaks into a home, hurts himself and sues the person he tried to rob, and wins. Everywhere you turn someone is telling you that there is always someone else to blame for every stupid or thoughtless thing you do.

Is it surprising that in the context of BDSM there will be some who want power without the responsibility that goes with it... or that others may want to make the person in control solely responsible for everything?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'

I have an explosive personality...

(in reply to Musicmystery)

Post #: 4

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:42:57 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

Well, since I'm one of those "responsibility is mine" people, I better show my work. It certainly has nothing to do with my ego.

Ultimately, I am responsible for the success or failure of my marriage and all it's works. This is in accord with my dearly held belief that if responsibility and authority do not go hand in hand, then the authority is corrupt. Since I want all the authority, then it follows that all the responsibility is mine too.

That, however, glosses over the significant point that in a hierarchical power structure, both authority and responsibility are nested. Authority flows downhill and responsibility flows uphill. Carol has both the authority and responsibility that I give her within her role as my slave and that includes little tidbits like mentioning potholes in the upcoming road that she happens to see. But as long as Carol obeys me and performs her role as I have stated it to her, then I cannot wiggle out of the results of my decisions... for good or bad. Anything else, in my mind, is corrupt.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 5

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:47:35 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I equate "the dom has the responsibility" to Harry Truman's sign on his desk when President. "The buck stops here".

Yes I can offer my opinion and advise him sometimes strongly not to do something. But if he does it anyway, then it's his problem to solve. I can offer suggestions but if his decision caused the problem, then he's the one who needs to take the lion's share of the work to fix it. Making poor decisions and leaving the sub to clean up the mess is not the hallmark of a good dominant.

For example. The shop wants a ton of money to fix my VW. He's contemplating doing it himself. If he gets it half done and can't go any farther then he has to figure out how to get it to the shop. He can fix the car trailer or call the tow truck but either way he needs to solve it. And he needs to be the one to tell the mechanic he made a hash of it. He can't just tell me the pieces are all over the garage and he's walking away from it.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to jbcurious)

Post #: 6

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 9:53:23 AM

RedMagic1

Posts: 6470
Joined: 5/10/2007
Status: offline

The primary contradiction I see on this site is:

Responsibility is more important than sex. And yet, many people feel their horniest -- and their kink-horniest -- when they fear they will not measure up to their responsibilities.

_____________________________

Not with envy, not with a twisted heart, shall you feel superior, or go about boasting. Rather in goodness by action make true your song and your word. Thus you shall be highly regarded, and able to live in peace with all others.
- 15th century Aztec

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 7

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 10:14:15 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

I personally see that responsibilities exist for both d-types and s-types.

Funny how I just said that about an hour ago to someone in a private correspondence.

At the end of the day, we are all adults and are all responsible for our own lives regardless of the dynamic we chose to have with someone.

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 8

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 10:15:47 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

And yet, many people feel their horniest -- and their kink-horniest -- when they fear they will not measure up to their responsibilities.

I don't get that. I feel my horniest when I am totally in control and mastering a situation and have a big strong smart guy all mushy like putty in my hands.

Is that an s-type thing?

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 9

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 10:27:25 AM

reynardfox

Posts: 417
Joined: 9/8/2009
Status: offline

I take full and complete responsibility for what happens within my area of control.
If someone submits to me then they enjoy a holiday from the everyday. as I'm driving

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 10

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 10:29:34 AM

VaguelyCurious

Posts: 5264
Joined: 12/2/2009
From: United Kingdom
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: reynardfox

I take full and complete responsibility for what happens within my area of control.
If someone submits to me then they enjoy a holiday from the everyday. as I'm driving

But why is a 'holiday from the everyday' the same as being free of responsibility?

_____________________________

Sthetic on FetLife.

(in reply to reynardfox)

Post #: 11

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 10:30:22 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

In in very large agreement with the comments made by Jeff and Des.

When we start talking about responsibility, I don't want anyone to think that clip doesn't have any in this dynamic. I don't think that's even a possible scenario. (It might be, but it isn't how things work in My head.) There is absolutely the responsibility for him to bring Me issues when they arise. It's his responsibility to participate in the dynamic and to abide by the rules of the household. You can use the word in so many ways that apply that I can't even list them all.

Yet, being the person in authority makes Me responsible for all things that are a result of Me utilizing that authority. Any decision that I make, leads Me to be responsible for the outcome. If it was a bad decision, I have to own that, and take the necessary steps to correct whatever went poorly. I certainly can't lay the responsibility on clip because as My slave, he was doing whatever it was that he was told to do. Personally, I'd rather have the obedience than the ability to blame him should something not turn out the way I expected.

If that's ego driven, I'll just have to accept that.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to RedMagic1)

Post #: 12

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 11:10:06 AM

RealSub58

Posts: 1073
Status: offline

Didn't you start an excellent thread on responsibility not too long ago? That one was an excellent read.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 13

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 11:26:22 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact
If that's ego driven, I'll just have to accept that.

I always knew you were an egotistical bitch. That's probably why I like you *laughs*

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 14

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 11:35:13 AM

Frankseas

Posts: 61
Joined: 1/16/2010
Status: offline

Now that wasnt very responsible was it?? Just kidding! Think the R words should work all the time and mostly for yourself as dont worry about the other persons act but worry about your own actions and how they effect you.

You must live with yourself first before others!

And responsiblity works here as well as Vanilla life to!

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 15

RE: Responsibility!!!! - 4/11/2010 11:59:40 AM

crazyml

Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline

For me it rather depends on "what" we're responsible for.

A long time ago, I was the subject of one of those silly rumour campaigns that happen every now and again in online (or offline) communities. A certain sub was telling people that I was an undercover journalist, planning to write an expose.

Well, the sub in question was exposed pretty quickly when she repeated the lie to one of my friends (a person I'd met in R/L). When I challenged her about it her response was "My dom is responsible for my actions".... How fucked up is that? Would she use this defence if she was caught DUI, Would her Dom surrender his license? sheesh.

I'm responsible for my behaviour, any partner of mine is responsible for hers. Period.

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 1:20:50 PM

Wolf2Bear

Posts: 3204
Joined: 9/6/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

so... what is your take on responsibilities!

Both have equal responsibilities to ensure their dynamic remains healthy and continues in the mnanner which suits them both.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 17

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 3:03:00 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

~ Fast Accountability ~

It is my responsibility to accept, and identify personally, with the consequence, good or bad, of any decision made by another under my assigned or implied authority, having direct impact on my life.

(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

Post #: 18

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 3:26:00 PM

Andalusite

Posts: 2492
Joined: 1/25/2009
Status: offline

crazyml, a lot of dancing instructors teach people that if anything goes wrong within the dance, it's always the "lead's" responsibility/fault. A lot of people seem to have a similar view of D/s or M/s - if anything goes wrong, it's the Dominant's "fault" for not preparing enough, or whatever. Blaming her Dominant for her lying about you does strike me as a particularly absurd extension of this!

KOM, people need to take responsibility for their actions and the outcomes. If something does go wrong, I think it can be a bit counterproductive to focus on blame. Instead, both/all of the people within the relationship should focus on, "OK, what do we do now to fix it?"

Celeste, in that kind of situation, I wouldn't have any problem with my Master delegating me to call the tow truck, or to start boxing up parts while he called the tow truck. If he yelled at me because he couldn't fix it, I'd feel a bit hurt and frustrated, but I'd assume that it was more that he was frustrated with the situation and would be reasonable again once he'd calmed down. My Master hasn't so far done that to me, but plenty of people have at work, and were very apologetic about it a few hours later or the next day. Sometimes, people just have a bad day and get grumpy.

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 19

RE: Responsibility!!!!! - 4/11/2010 3:34:50 PM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Since I want all the authority, then it follows that all the responsibility is mine too.

This

quote:

Yet, being the person in authority makes Me responsible for all things that are a result of Me utilizing that authority. Any decision that I make, leads Me to be responsible for the outcome.

and this

quote:

Making poor decisions and leaving the sub to clean up the mess is not the hallmark of a good dominant.

and this.

And on the other side of things:

quote:

There is absolutely the responsibility for him to bring Me issues when they arise. It's his responsibility to participate in the dynamic and to abide by the rules of the household.

This

quote:

Yes I can offer my opinion and advise him sometimes strongly not to do something. But if he does it anyway

and this

quote:

Carol has both the authority and responsibility that I give her within her role as my slave and that includes little tidbits like mentioning potholes in the upcoming road that she happens to see. But as long as Carol obeys me and performs her role as I have stated it to her...

and this.

Thank you for being so wonderfully clear Jeff, LP, and Celeste.

Best,
sunshine

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 20

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