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RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:26:49 PM   
DWCskitten


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/2/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
What is more interesting and important to you, the play or the person?

The person. Definitely the person. Although i do prefer a D/s or M/s based relationship that includes kink, it's definitely the person that's more important.

~kitten~

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formerly sweetsub1957.

New beginnings...my first poly relationship.

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(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:35:42 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		And yet, here we all are on a site for BDSM, D/s, M/s, bondage, S+M.
I have 'nilla guy friends but it will never go beyond friendship because all of the above is important to me in order to have an intimate relationship. I want a compatible, likeable, intelligent and handsome man who is sadistic and wants to dominate me.
<<<whines>>> Is that so wrong?

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:38:25 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
What is more interesting and important to you, the play or the person?


Definitely the person.

If you're with the right person, a look, a glance, a touch - can be incredibly erotic. Simple conversation can become an amazing turn-on. Just bumming around somewhere together can be a joy.

If you're with the wrong person - all the toys and scenes and play and props can't mask the fact that they're the wrong person.

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:41:41 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
What is more interesting and important to you, the play or the person?


Definitely the person.

If you're with the right person, a look, a glance, a touch - can be incredibly erotic. Simple conversation can become an amazing turn-on. Just bumming around somewhere together can be a joy.

If you're with the wrong person - all the toys and scenes and play and props can't mask the fact that they're the wrong person.


Preach my brother!
That is why, I get to know someone WELL, before  "play time" .

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/12/2010 8:45:52 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to InvisibleBlack)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:43:51 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		People are over rated...I have learned to appreciate the understudy. I am just a showbiz kind of guy. The show must go on. It's all about the play.

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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:44:25 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

And yet, here we all are on a site for BDSM, D/s, M/s, bondage, S+M.
I have 'nilla guy friends but it will never go beyond friendship because all of the above is important to me in order to have an intimate relationship. I want a compatible, likeable, intelligent and handsome man who is sadistic and wants to dominate me.
<<<whines>>> Is that so wrong?


But isn't being sadistic and dominant all part of the person?  I would say it is still all about the person, but part of the draw to that person is their specific character and personality traits.  I don't think this all separates quite that easily for me. 

I would be inclined to say it is the person and not the activities, but then again a person with the set of traits I seek would want certain activities.  As activities go, I don't think there is any except for the sex itself that I would be miserable without.  I certainly appreciate not having to choose, however.

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:51:14 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: catize

And yet, here we all are on a site for BDSM, D/s, M/s, bondage, S+M.
I have 'nilla guy friends but it will never go beyond friendship because all of the above is important to me in order to have an intimate relationship. I want a compatible, likeable, intelligent and handsome man who is sadistic and wants to dominate me.
<<<whines>>> Is that so wrong?


I don't think it is "wrong" at all, and 20 years ago I might have said "activities".
But now?
It is all about the "person", I feel like I am "the party" so being with me/the activities are going to "fun".
 
comprende?
As always/to each their own, as long as being with your own doesn't cause you to bitch, whine, and complain, I guess you are straight.

Listening to people bitch, whine, and complain about being with the wrong "person" gets old fast.

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/12/2010 8:53:41 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:54:35 PM   
lucylucy


Posts: 612
Joined: 3/1/2009
Status: offline 		Definitely the person. The play is just a way to demonstrate my submission, devotion, and, um, general horniness.

As long as I have my Hitachi, I can live without anything. I'd rather not, but I could.

_____________________________

“There are those who give with joy, & that joy is their reward.” Gibran / "Those who are willing to be vulnerable move among mysteries." Roethke / "Let the beauty we love be what we do. There are hundreds of ways to kneel & kiss the ground." Rumi

(in reply to NuevaVida)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 8:57:55 PM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline
quote:


But isn't being sadistic and dominant all part of the person? I would say it is still all about the person, but part of the draw to that person is their specific character and personality traits. I don't think this all separates quite that easily for me.

I would be inclined to say it is the person and not the activities, but then again a person with the set of traits I seek would want certain activities. As activities go, I don't think there is any except for the sex itself that I would be miserable without. I certainly appreciate not having to choose, however.


I can't separate the two choices offered in the OP's question.
I was single and celibate for 15 years, I was content with that for the first 10.
But if I am going to be in a relationship, the person and the play, the person and the D/s have equal importance

_____________________________

"Power is real. But it's a lot less real if it's not perceived as power."
Robert Parker, Stranger in Paradise

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:01:39 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		Whatever makes you happy, I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

The OP asks "What is your preference?"

Whatever floats your boat!
If you don't have to make a choice, that is even better!
For me, I have found I do have to choose, and for me, it is always about "the person" first.

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to catize)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:14:58 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		What I am saying (and perhaps catize too, but I won't speak for her), is that the person and the personality that would engage in such activities are inextricably linked.  The person attracts me based on features of their personality, looks, and general approach to the world.  I would be more likely to be drawn to someone more intensely and deeply who has certain traits that are common for folks who are into wiitwd.  It is not at all that I am necessarily intentionally screening people based on D/s or kink, etc, but that I am attracted to things in a person that tends to predispose them to be involved in such things.  How can anyone pull that apart into two distinct and neat little piles?  I can't. 

I do know I enjoy people for being people and tend to accept folks as they are.  I like to interact with lots of different types of personalities.  I enjoy what different people bring to my life and, hopefully, that I bring to theirs.  In an intimate setting, however, I need something a bit more specific.  Everyone does.  Some people will trigger feelings of closeness and intimacy more than others and it is because of certain traits that they possess that others don't.  Again, it isn't a conscious effort necessarily, but it occurs anyway just as a function of my own traits.  I would probably be pretty hard to live with for someone who didn't know how to handle certain quirks in my personality.  Those who can't handle them pretty much eliminate themselves.  Then there is the fact that some people will even feel drawn to and even eventually attach to me based on those same traits.  Out of those that can stand to be around me and actually enjoy it, the qualities in the group have already homogenized greatly.  When my own personality kicks in for the selection process from those few candidates, it becomes even more so.  Eventually, I am left with someone who was probably going to be into this even though it was never the focus of the hunt for either of us.  If that person didn't have that personality and if I didn't have the personality I have, then perhaps we would be choosing someone else entirely in the first place.  Kink, power dynamics, and the rest are just some of many variables that are part of the whole in selecting an appropriate mate. 

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:20:43 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		At the end of the day, I am not limited to seeking partners in the "kink" world.
In fact, these days, I prefer to find the "right person" and then turn him onto kink.
It really isn't that hard, most vanilla people are more open minded than they get credit for.
 
I actually prefer, new and fresh "blood", over the men that have been around the BDSM block a million times.
 
 

 

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/12/2010 9:26:11 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:23:38 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you.  And I will say that I am not limited either, it's just that somehow things seem to work back around that way in the long run. 

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:30:03 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingpet

Thank you.  And I will say that I am not limited either, it's just that somehow things seem to work back around that way in the long run. 

lovingpet


I was born a Dominant woman, I was a Dominant woman long before I "discovered" this lifestyle 7 years ago.
I will die a Dominant woman.
From the womb to the tomb, I am what I am.

If I never do anything kinky, believe me I am a Dominant woman.
Anyone that wants, loves or accepts me, is going to get....guess what? a Dominant woman.
So for me, where I get my mate, doesn't really matter.
My mate is going to be someone that loves and adores................me!  
If a vanilla man is not into or turned on by a Dominant woman, lol, he will run from me.

You can bet your last money on that.

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/12/2010 9:34:27 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:34:29 PM   
lovingpet


Posts: 4270
Joined: 6/19/2005
Status: offline 		Exactly what I am saying.  You could no sooner extricate that from your personality than you could change the size of your feet.  He will have to accept you as is and you will accept based on him not being dominant.  You can find this person at a bookstore, a bar, a kink site, a gym, or even inside a church, but the person will still be someone who is not looking to oust you from the dominant position that you so naturally take.  As a matter of fact, they will adore you being in that position and love that you want to handle those things in your relationship with them.  I'm the same way.  They will always get exactly what I am.  It doesn't matter where I find the lovely gem. 

lovingpet

_____________________________

If you put your head into more, you'd have to put your back into less. ~Me

10 Fluffy pts.


(in reply to Marini)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Preferences - 4/12/2010 9:35:51 PM   
Marini


Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline 		At the end of the day, LP, wherever we go, there we are!
Thanks for a fun conversation.

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to lovingpet)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Preferences - 4/13/2010 12:25:41 AM   
crazyml


Posts: 5568
Joined: 7/3/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

What is more interesting and important to you, the play or the person?


The person, 100%.

quote:


Are there activities that you could not live without, regardless of the person involved.


No, I don't think that there are - besides the activities that I like tend to vary according to the person - Different people tend to produce different "urges".

quote:


For the sake of this question, poly doesn't count. You have your own little group..:)


Grin.

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Preferences - 4/13/2010 12:26:22 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Person.

Activities - We could live without sex in a romantic relationship. We could not live without the dynamic in an Ms relationship.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to Jeffff)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Preferences - 4/13/2010 2:44:21 AM   
kanina


Posts: 147
Joined: 11/19/2009
Status: offline 		i believe in the ideia that the two are combined... 

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Preferences - 4/13/2010 5:48:32 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		If it really was about the person entirely and not the play, then none of us would have any hard limits.
We wouldn't say that we're not compatible if we're deathly afraid of needles and the guy thinks they rock and wants to do that to you daily.

The whole problem with this post is that it assumes it is one or the other. It isn't, it's both. If you need pain play, then you need it. But you need it inside a good relationship.

Hell, if it really was about the person and not the play, then we would all be vanilla. We could even be Shakers, celibate in marriage. Anyone here signing up for that?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to kanina)
Profile   Post #: 40
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