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RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 6:23:28 AM

DomImus

Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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With the right person the play is there. No real need to choose one over the other. If you are making major compromises in your play style then that person is not the right person for you. It's a global thing.

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Post #: 61

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 6:28:30 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
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And sometimes one is more value than another... life is fluid.

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Post #: 62

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 11:35:15 AM

poeticfreak

Posts: 80
Joined: 6/1/2008
Status: offline

for me it's the person. no matter how physically enjoyable play time is, if there's not a good connection then there just feels like there is something missing

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Post #: 63

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 1:31:28 PM

windchymes

Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
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If I don't like the person, there ain't gonna be no playing.

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Post #: 64

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 3:14:01 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: windchymes

If I don't like the person, there ain't gonna be no playing.

Great minds must think alike.
Not only will there be no "playing", if I don't "like" you, there ain't nothing
"happening", I won't even touch you.

If I don't like/care about you deeply as a "person", I don't want to play with you.
Not saying I couldn't be tempted for a billion dollars.

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/14/2010 3:33:32 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
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Post #: 65

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 3:18:13 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DomImus

With the right person the play is there. No real need to choose one over the other. If you are making major compromises in your play style then that person is not the right person for you. It's a global thing.

This statement is "bang on" for me.
I agree 100%, dang, I hope the end is not near.

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to DomImus)

Post #: 66

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 3:32:59 PM

lally2

Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline

but what if you found the right person but the play wasnt right at all - like his sadism was too extreme, what then and dont say 'communicate' thats a cop out - if someone has extreme sadistic needs you cant meet but they are the right person in every other way no amount of communication is going to alter his sadistic needs.

< Message edited by lally2 -- 4/14/2010 3:35:22 PM >

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Post #: 67

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 3:37:01 PM

Marini

Posts: 3629
Joined: 2/14/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

but what if you found the right person but the play wasnt right at all - like his sadism was too extreme, what then

lally, look at it this way.
If YOU are the right person for the Dominant, don't you think he would care about what you want and how you feel?
If his "extreme" sadism means more to him than you, he is not the right fucking person for lally!
Problem solved.

I have found life really ain't that complicated, most of the time.

Most people don't want to lose what they love and hold dear.
I like to think that if the "people" are RIGHT for each other, and care and love each other, they can work the "play" out.
At least in my world.
In my world if "kink preferences" mean more to someone than I do, they are not the right person for me!!!!!
I think the key here is how much they care for each other.
Men have climbed mountains, wrestled tigers, and fought wars over the women they love, most people can work things out for the right person.

Unless, it is not the right person for them, perhaps?
When BOTH people care DEEPLY for each other, they usually work it out.

The person is what it is all about for me, and if something happened to them, and they could no longer "play", it wouldn't matter.
Do you think I would leave the "right" person, because they were ill, handicapped or couldn't "play" any more?
Do you think for one New York minute that I want a partner that would leave me if I become ill, handicapped, or couldn't "play" any more?
With the right person, I am in it for the long haul, and whatever in life comes our way.

< Message edited by Marini -- 4/14/2010 4:11:23 PM >

_____________________________

As always, To EACH their Own.
"And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. "
Nelson Mandela
Life-long Democrat, not happy at all with Democratic Party.
NOT a Republican/Moderate and free agent

(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 68

RE: Preferences - 4/14/2010 3:57:38 PM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Our neighbor told Daddy and I to get a room one time cause we were all standing around talking and I was making goo goo eyes at him apparently hehe.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Ha. Wait until you meet us in person in August.
We are grossly in love.

(in reply to Aileen1968)

Post #: 69

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 1:18:08 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

For me, compatibility comes first. I just won't choose a partner who doesn't get off on my major turn-ons, at least as much as I do. The goal is mutual pleasure. If he doesn't want to be completely owned, humiliated and objectified by me, then he's not a good choice at all, for me to partner with.

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Post #: 70

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 1:48:12 AM

dreamerdreaming

Posts: 2839
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

but what if you found the right person but the play wasnt right at all - like his sadism was too extreme, what then and dont say 'communicate' thats a cop out - if someone has extreme sadistic needs you cant meet but they are the right person in every other way no amount of communication is going to alter his sadistic needs.

Adjust your thinking, please Lally! You seem to keep struggling with this, and its past time for a quantum shift IMHO.

If the play isn't "right" and yummy and sweet and beautiful and exquisitely pleasurable for you, then he's not the right person for you!

If he's not a good fit for you both in and out of bed, then he just doesn't fit well enough with you, period.

Decide what works for you in and out of bed, and then find the guy that fits with that.

If he doesn't fit well with you in vanilla ways, he doesn't fit. If he's not a good match for you sexually or D/s- wise, he's not a good match for you. He's got to match you closely in and out of bed! How is that not obvious? Could you please just get that, now? OMG!

Do you have some underlying self-esteem issues that are causing you to think you don't deserve to put your needs and desires up front, and find a guy who matches them? WTF? Jesus Christ.

Okay sorry for the rant, but damn! This is your day! This is your chance! Step in a new direction. You GO, girl!

< Message edited by dreamerdreaming -- 4/15/2010 2:16:11 AM >

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(in reply to lally2)

Post #: 71

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 4:25:15 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

Just going to jump on the band wagon and add my vote for person. With the right person I can find myself pushing past what were previously limits without fear nor concern simply because I trust them so much and want to please them so much. It can be incredibly exhilarating

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Post #: 72

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 4:39:10 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

I don't consider myself submissive and yet I have a man thats character (vanilla relationship or not) is very much a leader. A man that is so much in charge of his and my destiny that this lifestyle or not, that wouldn't change.
A man with a determination to rule and can do that with ease, care, love and success actually needs none of this apart from a woman that is willing.
Apart from some sadistic stuff we get up to, I consider our lives vanilla. I don't curtsy and call him Master/Sir and yet I know his expectations are high and I know that I am absolutely expected to fill those expectations! He didn't need a sub. He just needed a woman with a particular type of personality. Following his lead does not make me a submissive but it does make me the right sort of partner for him.
We mess around with all the sadistic stuff but thats just prolonged foreplay. We have done it for years and I think we have both reached the stage of just feeling like we have got the T-shirts! Besides that we do plenty of other wildly kinky stuff too and so if I was told tomorrow that there would be no more of this lifestyle with him it actually would make very little difference.

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Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 73

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 4:53:54 AM

allthatjaz

Posts: 2878
Joined: 8/20/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dreamerdreaming

For me, compatibility comes first. I just won't choose a partner who doesn't get off on my major turn-ons, at least as much as I do. The goal is mutual pleasure. If he doesn't want to be completely owned, humiliated and objectified by me, then he's not a good choice at all, for me to partner with.

I would agree with that, at least to begin with. When S and me first got together we spent the first year tasting each others delights with such vigor that we were both exhausted. After a year we started to settle in but by then the relationship was establishing itself and the lifestyle suddenly didn't feel like such a big deal to either of us.
If he told me tomorrow that the S/m was driving him nuts then I would laugh and just reassure him that its really not that important. I would not of said that during our first year together.
He's an out and out sadist and he knows that he has the ability to frighten the shit out of me but sadism isn't so high on his list that he's prepared to sacrifice his relationship over it.
I'm a masochist to a degree but I really can't handle what I know he would like to dish out but thats ok because we can talk about it, modify things (its only foreplay after all) and meet on even ground.
Mutual pleasure is to be worked out. Ready made stuff can be great but finding ready made in everything is going to dig up someone who just wants to sing to your tune and that can never be permanent.

_____________________________

S&M (Steve and Maria) persona libre de convencionalismos

Fan of edgeplay.co.uk

(in reply to dreamerdreaming)

Post #: 74

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 6:34:04 AM

Icarys

Posts: 5757
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

What is more interesting and important to you, the play or the person?

Are there activities that you could not live without, regardless of the person involved.

For the sake of this question, poly doesn't count. You have your own little group..:)

This has been done to death. Please use the search option!
(No offense Jeffff..It was on my bucket list)

To answer the question: I want it all, as usual. I won't accept one or the other. A high amount of compatibility is what's needed for me to stay. Now at this time, I've yet to see a female that was uber submissive enough to satisfy me so much that I could do without the desire to beat her silly. Now I have seen some not so submissives that I might entertain beating silly for the fun of it(Mine not theirs) but that has nothing to do with BDSM activities

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submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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Post #: 75

RE: Preferences - 4/15/2010 8:50:47 AM

Whiplashsmile4

Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
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If the Person is the right one, the experiences will be great. Person first and the activities and experiences fall into place. :-P

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Жизнь ума ебет.

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Post #: 76

RE: Preferences - 4/16/2010 12:32:28 PM

Aynne88

Posts: 3873
Joined: 8/29/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy
That is just a cocktail. A martini is made with gin.

Onion or olive?

Olive, with a splash of the olive juice, that is what makes it "dirty.". Yummy.

_____________________________

As long as people will shed the blood of innocent creatures there can be no peace, no liberty, no harmony between people. Slaughter and justice cannot dwell together.
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Post #: 77

RE: Preferences - 4/16/2010 12:50:45 PM

VirginPotty

Posts: 11624
Joined: 7/16/2008
From: Virginville
Status: offline

Most definitely the PERSON, Jefff!
Without the right person the play means nothing to me.

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Post #: 78

RE: Preferences - 4/16/2010 9:07:11 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

The person. Definitely.
There are things I prefer not to live without, such as variety and some kink. As far as a D/s or M/s dynamic, I don't need it as long as I have a partner who meets other criteria that are important to me, mainly the desire to try new things and keep it from getting boring.

_____________________________

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Post #: 79

RE: Preferences - 4/16/2010 11:56:52 PM

GinoVega

Posts: 81
Joined: 4/14/2010
Status: offline

If I don't enjoy the person then I cannot enjoy the play, therefore if the person isn't right there will be no play.

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 80

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