RE: Raising children?

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Lockit -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 12:38:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u Not trying to argue a one true way or anything of the sort but discipline does not need to take the form of a hand ,palm or otherwise to an ass or any other part of the anatomy. Again I'm not claiming their is a right way nor a wrong way.....just that there are other ways..I came from abuse,that formed and affected how I would raiise mine.The first rule I had in place was that under no circumstance would I ever use my hands(or any other implement) to get my point across.For me,and please remember I said for me...that was too scary a proposition. I'm quite happy with how he turned out and tickled pink that I was able to do so without ever tempting fate as far as following in my dad's footsteps(as a chill goes down my spine) Mike, as tough as I talk, two of my kinds might have met with my palm, five times their whole life. One, could have gotten that amount in a day. lol I think of lot of it is the child's temperament and such.(And yes I did worry about the effects of this difference, but did talk a lot to them all.) The one that got it a lot, was extremely hyperactive and he just didn't learn unless it hurt until he got much older. The girl, man all I had to do was look at her and she cried because she had been bad. They are all different and thus parenting HAS to be different to some degree. I actually with the average child do very little palm to butt, but it is something that is used if they push it and most do. Nothing says I mean it more than that when time out or another method doesn't work. It's a last resort but not avoided for too long. It's funny, my hyper one had a bunch of girlfriends over one night. He decided to tell them how I beat him. I smiled and let him have his turn and then took mine. By the time I told them all one week with my Robert, a couple of the girls turned to him, they were all laughing and they told him that they would have beat him too! lol He was playing dramatic and was trying to tease me. It didn't work. If I had beat him and scared him, he surely wouldn't have been joking about it all. There was a lot of love and jokes all throughout, but he did get spanked!

slvemike4u -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 1:48:53 PM)
Lockit as I said I wasn't arguing the evil of spanking....hell perhaps if I had been raised "normal" instead of as a victim of abuse....Michael would have gotten to know the feel of my hand.But I wasn't so I needed another way....both to live up to a promise I made myself at 12...and to avoid a fear I carried all the way thru raising him.That if I bent even a little bit and went down my fathers path....I just might find I wasn't all that different than him.In hind sight perhaps an irrational fear but given the level of violence inflicted on me and my siblings it stood me in good stead while raising Michael. One of the worst arguments I had with my ex(and keep in mind we had a highly contentious divorce...lol) was over an incident I witnessed one night in my house.Michael was getting on her nerves,truth is he was probably getting on mine too,but I had way more tolerance to give.Anyway he finally had pushed her over her edge and she went after him...he took off as I came into the room and witnessed her hitting him....only due to the fact he was running away she hit him in the back....now she swore she just meant to swat his ass.....but she ,the supposed adult had lost control and hit him across the back as he went up a flight of stairs. I know lots of parents talk about spanking and I can understand the concept....but how many times is that spanking administered because the parent is frustrated and has lost some measure of control over the situation.As far as I was concerned,I as the parent had to act as an adult...and if I couldn't show my child their were adult remedies to any given situation than I felt I had failed.....and I don't like failing.My favorite line during a point of conflict....was a threat(and on a few occasion I did have to carry thru) to "turn this room back to the stone ages"meaning every electrical device that brought him pleasure and/or amusement was ripped out of the room.Believe me that got his attention...perhaps even more so than a swat to the ass

TreasureKY -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 2:40:17 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: VideoAdminZeta Discussion of news reports is fine. Discussion of parenting styles is fine. We'll be watching this thread with interest, but as long as posters avoid discussing sex with minors (or sexual experiences they might have had when they were underage) it's good to go. I'm delighted to hear that restrictions have been lessened. There's been some confusion in the past over the use of the word "unmentionables", and people have had a hard time coming up with euphemisms for mentioning anyone under age. I think one of my favorites was "sprog". [:D] quote: ORIGINAL: tazzygirl quote: ORIGINAL: TreasureKY My thoughts are that posts regarding underage subjects are against the TOS. http://www.collarchat.com/m_2880418/mpage_1/tm.htm really? I apologize, Tazzy... I don't read a lot of the forums much anymore and I hadn't noticed that it was no longer verboten. It used to be: Unmentionables: Will someone please explain it to me? UM's What does UM mean?

mnottertail -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 3:15:48 PM)
I think that has been misunderstood for a long long time. I haven't seen much of a difference in the UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM (LOL) rules at collarme --- this being a link to a link to SURPRISE!!!!!!!!! http://www.collarchat.com/m_2908625/mpage_1/key_children/tm.htm#2909272 So........... Ron

kiwisub12 -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 4:53:16 PM)
I want to say - without pointing fingers - that when I had issues with my curtain climbers, the friend that had all the answers, was the one without children. Man, she was a GREAT parent!!!!! [:D] No matter the problem , she had the answer. edited to add : i have no idea of the child state of any given poster.

ShoreBound149 -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 5:33:15 PM)
You've got to wonder about the childhood of ThisYoungMan . One of my personal favorite parenting quotes: "A parent's only as good as their dumbest kid. If one wins a Nobel Prize but the other gets robbed by a hooker, you failed." Justin's Dad 2/22/10

winterlight -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 5:40:48 PM)
Agrees with Lockit

winterlight -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 5:42:54 PM)
Looked at that link. Aww his Mom and Dad must be so proud! Yuck!

ladynlord -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 6:13:02 PM)
There is a HUGE difference between punishment for misdeeds and abuse. A good parent must instill in their children that there are consequences for their actions. Sometimes those are positive and sometimes they are negative. When social workers decided that ANY spanking of little Johnny was child abuse, they did a great disservice to society. And it continues today, as teachers and counselors at school tell our children to report getting their ass spanked as bona fide abuse. And we wonder why little Johnny and his friends (stole a car, mugged a lady, shot the store keeper). But Mike I agree, ass swatting, spanking, whipping is only one avenue and there are other tools that may be even more effective with a particular child.

thornhappy -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 8:49:03 PM)
I also think there're a few other reasons - we hear about it more due to more widespread media, and there are a hell of a lot more people around than when "we" were kids. I'm 51 - when I was growing up there were neglected kids, abused kids, kids that killed themselves, kids that tried to but failed, kids that killed others while drunk driving, families with terrible reputations.... but now we hear about allllll sorts of cases, not just the ones in our immediate area. (Remember that the kids of the '60s were raised by WWII vets.)

slvemike4u -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 9:18:56 PM)
Let me throw another question out there,and if you feel this is a hijack tazzy I apologise for it.What is the opinion of a parent who finds it necessary to deliver that swat in the local departement or grocery store? How about the parent wh finds themselves in the position of delivering a verbal tongue lashing in publick?

couldbemage -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 9:50:14 PM)
Thank you! The world is so much safer and kinder now... A racist prank? Bad... But in the "good old days" it would have been a lynching. A rape. Back in the day, it wasn't rape if the girl hadn't gotten the shit beat out of her. Good old days weren't good. Kids these days are whiny pussys. Not out of control hooligans. quote: ORIGINAL: thornhappy I also think there're a few other reasons - we hear about it more due to more widespread media, and there are a hell of a lot more people around than when "we" were kids. I'm 51 - when I was growing up there were neglected kids, abused kids, kids that killed themselves, kids that tried to but failed, kids that killed others while drunk driving, families with terrible reputations.... but now we hear about allllll sorts of cases, not just the ones in our immediate area. (Remember that the kids of the '60s were raised by WWII vets.)

tazzygirl -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 10:03:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slvemike4u Let me throw another question out there,and if you feel this is a hijack tazzy I apologise for it.What is the opinion of a parent who finds it necessary to deliver that swat in the local departement or grocery store? How about the parent wh finds themselves in the position of delivering a verbal tongue lashing in publick? i dont feel you did, mike. this is about parenting styles, and i feel your question is right in line with that topic. i swatted mine maybe 6 times when he was growing up. often, him just realizing i was disappointed was enough. at times, i stripped his room bare of all the lovely things i had bought him and he had to earn those back, bit by bit. on the rare occassion i did spank him, it was never done in anger, always with a long time out before hand so we both could think about what had happened. for some, spanking was a way to abuse. for me, it was an attention grabber. as far as doing so in public... never. i would not embarrass him in that manner, even if he had embarrassed me with his behavior. the drive home enabled us to talk and cool off before any punishment was delivered. i believe in "spare the rod, spoil the child". However, that rod can take many different forms. beginning with the "curtain climber" theory of allowing a child free access to explore the world - which i often saw as a lazy way to parent - parents have grown more and more permissive. couple that with children raising children... and with that the belief that "I will never treat my child the way my parents treated me" .. and this is the end result. a society full of children - regardless of their ages - who are all out for themselves and to prove to everyone else they can "do it better". yet, among all this, is the true children who are lost in the confusion of growing up without discipline, direction or much guidance.

tazzygirl -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 10:15:33 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: couldbemage Thank you! The world is so much safer and kinder now... A racist prank? Bad... But in the "good old days" it would have been a lynching. A rape. Back in the day, it wasn't rape if the girl hadn't gotten the shit beat out of her. Good old days weren't good. Kids these days are whiny pussys. Not out of control hooligans. quote: ORIGINAL: thornhappy I also think there're a few other reasons - we hear about it more due to more widespread media, and there are a hell of a lot more people around than when "we" were kids. I'm 51 - when I was growing up there were neglected kids, abused kids, kids that killed themselves, kids that tried to but failed, kids that killed others while drunk driving, families with terrible reputations.... but now we hear about allllll sorts of cases, not just the ones in our immediate area. (Remember that the kids of the '60s were raised by WWII vets.) quote: A racist prank? Bad... But in the "good old days" it would have been a lynching. So im assuming you are ok with this so called prank. Im not. I find it malicious. Its truly a step backwards to even think this could be called a prank. And this is the kind of attitude that i started this thread about. This cost Whole Foods money in sales. It upset quite a few of their customers, disrupted the flow of business and intentionally hurt the feelings of others. perhaps we are seeing two different sets of children. And the kids of the 70's were raised with the notion that their worlds should have no boundaries (the curtain climber theory). But, let me ask... when was the last time you heard about a female raped while those she went to school with not only egged it all on, but participated as well, sharing the details with other people? If you believe the violence and stupidity among teens arent escalating, i envy you your fantasy world.

slvemike4u -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 10:17:34 PM)
Save for your reference to the "I will never treat my child the way my parents treated me" line there is little I would disagree with you there.To some folks,myself included that little line is a credo they lived by and with good reason [:)]. The berating or swatting of a child in public is IMO a form of abuse...and chiefly for the reason you mentioned the public embarrassment in addition every time I would see an example of this behavior I would be forced to wonder what the hell went on at home ?

tazzygirl -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 10:22:28 PM)
Its always been my experience that children tend to be far worse in behavior when out and about, mike. the little "darlins" believe they can get away with far more when in the public eye.

slvemike4u -> RE: Raising children? (4/16/2010 11:34:36 PM)
tazzy any parent who has reason to fear their child's behavior in public has lost the battle at home.

stella41b -> RE: Raising children? (4/17/2010 12:43:36 AM)
Personally I would much rather a parent was a friend to their kids than their enemy. Being a parent is about the most important function in society. It's not important how your relationship with your kids is, but it is important that there is a relationship. I feel that the most important objective of that relationship is to make sure that your kids don't turn out like you when they grow up. It's also important to remember that kids and teenagers learn their attitudes and behaviour from adults. If kids today are irresponsible, whiny and aggressive, it's because adults are too.

reynardfox -> RE: Raising children? (4/17/2010 1:47:03 AM)
Insanity is hereditary, you get it from your children. Never, ever judge children they come into this world as a blank page, look instead at the parents, isn't that scary?

tazzygirl -> RE: Raising children? (4/17/2010 3:11:41 AM)
my mother often says... children and grandparents get along so well because they have a common enemy... the parent.

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