"Online training"

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poshspice -> "Online training" (4/17/2010 9:54:09 AM)
I am seeking an opinion from the experienced really. As a newbie, I am subject to a whole variety of influences and opinions and I can never quite get away from the sense of paranoia that follows me round like a black cloud in all my dealings so far. Is there ever any validity to online training or is it always a precursor to a free "fuck" as it were or at the very least an online thrill? I am involved in online training right now and have been for sometime ,whilst I will admit to learning a fair bit and he has never asked anything particularly sexual of me, am I deluding myself as to his intentions? The reason I ask, is that of late , it has moved up a notch and become far more sexually orientated. He is local to me, claims to be in a monogomous M/s relationship and therefore unavailable. says he is disinterested in me sexually but does eventually want to train me in real time for my own benefit, although I am not "ready" yet. The added twist is I was "referred" out to him off CM by a cousin of his who found me on CM and I have never quite shaken off the feeling they are the same person. When I write it down like this, it seems crazy but he is very smart and very convincing and I would never have considered myself easily manipulated or gullible as I have a fair amount of smarts myself. Am I more gullible than I thought perhaps? Is all this effort he has put in , which has been plenty over a long period of time, really all for a freebie or even to claim me for himself, surely there are easier ways and frankly, I am hardly "all that" anyway. If this is a familar senario to those more experienced amongst you, what on earth could be the motivation behind such an elaborate ruse if indeed it is a ruse? Very interested in hearing what you think.

Jeffff -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 9:57:16 AM)
You are attractive. He wants to bang you.

windchymes -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:06:18 AM)
He's in a relationship right now, probably married. He's trying to build up the nerve to step out on the wife, but hasn't gotten it yet. Or, that relationship is on the rocks and he's making himself a Plan B should it actually end. He figures reverse psychology will make you want him more, and will also absolve him of the responsibility...."I kept telling her I wasn't interested in her sexually, even though I brought up the topic of sex every chance I got! She wanted it!" If your gut is telling you it's your cousin, it might actually be. Jeff wants to bang you.

twistedwillow -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:06:26 AM)
Yup, what Jefff said. And it sounds to me like he is a 'fisherman' he is enjoying the play of reeling you in slowly but surely. Personally I think online training\submission etc is a pile of horse pucky covered in wank stains. But thats just me, I am cynical like that.

DarkSteven -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:27:55 AM)
The "referred by someone else" is a dead giveaway. Old trick. Step back and ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Then go for that and just that.

jbcurious -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:28:33 AM)
I´m new as well... but from what I understand every D/M is going to want different things. What is the point of online training to someone you don´t plan to spend real time with? What benefit is the training to you? I´ve given these "kind offers" a wide berth... the only way I would consider online training would be after meeting someone and deciding to proceed with the relationship, but because of what ever circumstances we can´t be together immediately.

poshspice -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:29:35 AM)
For the first time in a good while I was temporarily lost for words. A big pile of horse puky, covered in wank stains? I think I may have wet on myself a little. Jefff wants to bang me. You guys are hilarious LOL You cheered me up no end at the very least! I had already asked him to go away actually before I posted but because of all that had been exchanged I was feeling a bit bereaved by that and was hoping I was wrong. What an idiot I have been.

poshspice -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:33:49 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DarkSteven The "referred by someone else" is a dead giveaway. Old trick. Step back and ask yourself what kind of relationship you want. Then go for that and just that. So, this is a common trick? All this just to bang me? I am not sure whether I should be flattered or horrified.

MrOncology -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:44:49 AM)
It'll become monotonous over time and the "flattery" will wear off. Unfortunately the internet makes it so anyone can be anything they want online behind the closed quarters of a screen, a married man can be single, an older woman a young scarlet, and a 55 year old transvestite a stunning 24 year old professional that works in the medical field who specializes in baked goods...shakes fist angrily Er I mean.... It's important to be VERY weary of people you come across on here, too much communication is obscured without actually having that personal physical form of contact. -Jeff PS. Jeffff wants to bang you.....not Jeff.... PSS. Eh who am I kidding, yes I do....mmm....cookies.

CastleOfDreams -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:46:42 AM)
As a Dom who uses online training with each new potential sub, I agree with everyone else here, it just doesn't pass the "smell test". My use of online training, is part training and part investigation into the person I am considering. I will spend upwards of maybe 15-20 hours with them online, BEFORE, the eventual face to face first meeting, or the parting of the ways because we really aren't that compatible to start with. Our time together online is what determines which it is..... parting of the ways, or actually meeting to take the relationship forward. As attractive as you are, I think you could easily replace your "trainer" in a heartbeat and move on to someone who has a serious interest in you for a relationship.

blueeyedbbwsub -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:58:36 AM)
Posh, Not an idiot by any means. Some of these guys can be quite persuasive and know it. I say this because I know this all to well. I was introduced to a Dom by my best friend. She had no idea he wasn't all that he said he was. That and a bag of peanuts. I was with him for a year, we met once, (that pesky long distance thingie), after that it was all downhill from there. I learned another hard lesson, but that's just it, I learned. No one is perfect, we can take the mistakes we make and turn them into lessons. I did learn a lot from him, it just wasn't meant to be. And, as windchymes pointed out, he's most likely married. If he's local and only doing online then he either can't get away or isn't who he says he is. Once you start to look back, you may start to realize things just didn't mesh. It's easy to call yourself a Dom (or sub for that matter) and just be into it for the kink and/or sex. Otherwise known as wanking material. [;)] As to whether you should be flattered or horrified? Go for horrifyingly flattered. Gives you a two fer one. [:D] Edited cuz something just wasn't right. [>:]

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 10:59:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poshspice ... does eventually want to train me in real time for my own benefit, although I am not "ready" yet... This bit made me go 'neh?!?' He wants to make the call that you're not ready? I'd be suspicious of any Dom who didn't feel you were ready to meet face to face, but felt that you were ready to 'train' online-sounds very convenient, to me. y/n? Am I being harsh here, anyone?

blueeyedbbwsub -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:03:37 AM)
Not harsh at all Vaguely, just pointing out that it's got that tuna smell. After the tin's been sitting out in the hot sun for a week and it's blown up.

domiguy -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:04:13 AM)
You're a bangable broad, who can apparently type and you bathe, too? A true CM triple threat!!! I have used the Domi referral network to gain access to multiple subbage....I have set up a number of profiles ranging in age, ethnicity and appearance and they are utilized based on my belief of who my future bangee might best respond too. You get one referral and that says, you might be nice. When the silly subbie gets mail from thirty different people saying that you should meet Domiguy...That makes me The King of the Doms!!! Online is for losers. I use online training. I am a pile of horse pucky covered in wank stains

poshspice -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:06:53 AM)
All joking aside, this realization is actually rather painful and more than a little bit embarrassing. I had beome fond of them "both" and shared much with "them" and it will take a little while to get over this, not sure I would ever consider "online training" with anyone again. What annoys me the most is his insistence that I am not ready for a relationship with a Master/Dom yet and it would end badly. I have to wonder, how many opportunities I have missed because of this , although I did ignore him a few times to get a bit of "hands on" but was influenced as regards how seriously I took these poor men.

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:17:04 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poshspice What annoys me the most is his insistence that I am not ready for a relationship with a Master/Dom yet and it would end badly. I have to wonder, how many opportunities I have missed because of this , although I did ignore him a few times to get a bit of "hands on" but was influenced as regards how seriously I took these poor men. Don't be annoyed about the past; this is a learning curve, and you're further up than you were before, so it's a good thing. You're hot and eloquent-that means that you can get the creme de la creme of partners. Be discerning. Don't settle for anything less than utterly awesome. And once you have found awesome, get out there and have some real life close-enough-to-smell-their-sweat-and-hear-their-heartbeat fun!

myotherself -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:17:24 AM)
Posh - don't beat yourself up over this! Plenty of intelligent women (including myself, sadly...) have been fooled by people not being who or what they say they are. Yes, you've invested a lot of time into this fuckwit, but you've learned a lot about yourself too. You have a clearer idea of the kind of sub/slave/switch/whatever you think you could be, and that's a good thing, right? You've also had a lucky escape - at least you didn't get to meet this guy and have a potentially nasty experience. I work on the idea that bad shit happens for good reasons. You're wiser, and now you're more ready to meet the right guy for you...look forward, not backwards, smile and enjoy! [:D] trust me...domiguy is NOT that guy! [:D]

poshspice -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:25:44 AM)
You are right, thank you Vaguely for the kind words. I am unfettered and ready if I want to be and if I need training then he can do it himself in person. All the bullshit is done and no more journals, orgasm control and whatever else he can think of. I am off to use my magic wand until it explodes, I might be gone for sometime! Better get some candles, this might affect the national grid. Thank you, all of you actually, just the wake up call I needed, even Domiguy for being so open about being an asshole/big pile of horse pucky covered in wank stains.

lizi -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:29:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: windchymes He's in a relationship right now, probably married. He's trying to build up the nerve to step out on the wife, but hasn't gotten it yet. Or, that relationship is on the rocks and he's making himself a Plan B should it actually end. He figures reverse psychology will make you want him more, and will also absolve him of the responsibility...."I kept telling her I wasn't interested in her sexually, even though I brought up the topic of sex every chance I got! She wanted it!" Quoted for truth. Ask yourself this...what's he getting out of it? Why would a complete stranger want to 'train' you for someone else to then have you? Men aren't that altruistic- they want you for themselves. That's not a slam on men at all...why else should they expend time and energy on something if not for themselves? Look at it this way....would you offer to a woman you met off the street to watch her kids while she went out to a movie? Not usually. Would you do that for your sister or brother or a friend? Probably. It's your time and you'll spend it in a way that has meaning to you. He definitely has some type of plan like the one windchymes outlined above to get something in return for the time he's put into this so far. And btw...why do you need training? I don't get that. You're just as valuable a sub exactly the way you are. In fact some Doms might view it as a nuisance to have had you 'trained' by someone else. Training in my opinion is being asked to do things to the taste of someone....so it's really just learning what they like/want/expect. It's going to vary from person to person. This man 'training' you is useless in my opinion since the next man you meet may want different things. He's not giving you anything of value so there really isn't anything in it for you- go find someone you can actually build something with. His little game is holding you back from finding someone that you can actually be with. At least he's been open with you about being unavailable - that's something I guess...

VaguelyCurious -> RE: "Online training" (4/17/2010 11:30:18 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: poshspice I am off to use my magic wand until it explodes, I might be gone for sometime! Better get some candles, this might affect the national grid. Attagirl! PS: I know for a fact that Jeffffff disapproves of orgasm control. He once said something like 'people have nowhere near enough orgasms'. On this, we agree. Use the wand till its batteries go flat :D Bystander: But, VC! It runs on mains electricity! VC: I know [;)]

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