RE: Master- Friend or no?

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/22/2010 8:12:28 PM

AnimusRex

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There is an old saying: "No man is a hero to his valet."

Meaning that when you are in 24/7 intimate proximity to someone, slowly you see the inner flawed human behind the uniform facade.

So the detached remote master is fine for a detached remote relationship, but I think that it would be extremely difficult to maintain in a 24/7 one.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/23/2010 2:46:18 AM

Focus50

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I'd say impossible....

But you seem to know that - so your point is....?

Focus.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/24/2010 6:57:09 PM

littlegirlangel

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I'm friends with Daddy first, that's how we started out our relationship. I also started out as friends with my Ex and we're still friends to this day. It helps me to be on a friendship basis with the one I submit to, it builds the confidence in them that's needed to trust them. Besides it makes it fun to be able to spend the day doing something totally vanilla like going down to the pier and just looking around without worrying that you're going to meet his eyes or you're going to touch him without permission. It just makes life fun and that's what it's all about.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 1:55:08 AM

aldompdx

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One who respects themself will choose a partner who is aligned with their preferences. If you prefer a partner to be friendly, then choose such a partner.

One who disrespects themself (a masochist) will choose a partner who is in colflict, who is abusive, who violates limits (violence), and who is certainly no friend -- a foe.

Respect starts within. A person who lacks the capacity to respect themself also cannot truly respect their partner.

An "alternative" lifestyle is just that, a style of living that is not limited by the BS of labels, titles, and conceptual definitions of "supposed to be" roles.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 5:50:56 AM

lizi

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I don't have much to add except stand up and be counted. My Dom and I are bestest friends. I never thought I'd find a man who was so close to me in temperament, attitude, and outlook. We spend most of our life together in the vanilla world at this point for various reasons-don't have tons of private time together- although the D/s is an undercurrent that's always there. Maybe that leads more to the friends feeling between us...I'm not totally sure.

Our roles in the relationship mean we each have to trust the other, which is no new concept, but I do think that trust comes easier between friends.

I've seen the profiles of men who claim not to want a friendship with their subs and been pursued by some of them once upon a time, perhaps this is looked upon as being 'less' by them. As in they perceive their position to be more lofty than that of friends, that it would be a step down to be buddies. As long as they view themselves as being on a pedestal where titles/honorifics and protocol can be ways of paying homage, the hey there ! friend approach can seem perhaps less valuable to that mindset. I'm not saying it's wrong to want that and feel that but it wouldn't work well for me.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 10:06:15 AM

Steelslilbit

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I just thought I'd share my congrats with those of you who have found the M/s D/s relationships that fit you all so well first. Brings a smile to my face that so many in this lifestyle have found their best friends in their partners. And I wish you all the best in maintaining those relationships as well. ^.^

For my own vote? To be able to submit I have to respect the person, know them, and like them = friends. With both masters that I have been with, that grew into love given the time and patience to do so. True I am not with either of them any more, but that doesn't mean that I loved/loved them any less. As my own version of being a switch, the 24/7 life just does not hold the appeal that it would for someone who was submissive.

And now...

Now I'm kind of spoiled. I'm in a quasi-bdsm relationship with a guy I've known since middle school who knows everything there is to know about me in the vanilla world, and so many of my kinks and fetishes that I don't know if there's anything left to share anymore. He knows I am not up for being collared in a permanent fashion, but thinks of me as too much an equal to want something like that for himself. He also knows on the other end of the spectrum that I don't want someone who is going to submit to me all the time either..... and boy can he put up a fight!!!

LoL. So again, congrats to you who have found your other half, and best of luck to you still looking.
Heart and eyes open, and you'll find it. ~winks~

Lil Bit

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 10:11:51 AM

domiguy

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Most of the people will languish in despair and not find what they are looking for. Many would perish if they actually found that which they seek, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, and many of the others are simply too far gone to be able to participate in something meaningful.

Oh well.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 10:14:06 AM

Phoenixpower

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I think if he is a great friend as well then it is beneficial for both of us...as he gets much more out of me on such a level...however I do know that I also can function on a level that he is not my friend...but then he is also more likely to get only basic service

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 2:09:40 PM

DomDolf

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I am required to be her pillar of strength. I represent everything that she finds comforting in a man. I listen, I give, I take what she has to give, I provide her with the words of wisdom and actions that create the comfort that she needs to keep her focused on the responsibilities she has to me, to herself, her children, her family and her career. The last thing she has to worry about is me being anything less than the man she needs me to be.

I am not her friend. I am more than a friend. I give her no guilt or fear, only security.She does not have to worry about me or feel at all that I will lose control of my emotions and harm her or our relationship by doing so. I do not ever have to ask her to forgive me for being emotional. There is far more at stake than a friendship in my mind. A master provides security. I am her master. I will make enough mistakes with her without treating her like I do my friends. Friends are those that I depend on to let me vent without judgment, whether conscious or subconscious.

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RE: Master- Friend or no? - 4/25/2010 2:35:39 PM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: laura2161

Hiya,

Something I've run across lately and it has me wondering of other's dynamics. I've seen quite a few profiles of men lately who identify as a Master and in their profile they state (I'm paraphrasing) I am a Master. I will not be your friend. You will be my sub OR you will be my slave (I've seen it both ways) but we will not be friends.

Now, I state in my profile that I am looking for a dominant Man who I also wish to be a friend,lover, confidante etc so obviously I am not compatible with these men but it does have me curious.

For those of you who either identify as a Master or are the s-type to a Master, are you also friends with him/her? Or does friendship not even enter into your dynamic?

Just curious. :-)

Thanks-
Laura

My very first master/slave dynamic was like that, I was owned by a Master who made it quite clear from the start that I was not his lover/partner nor was I a friend but his slave and property to do with as he saw fit. Frankly that type of dynamic I found was too cold/detached and I did not thrive under those circumstances.

As another had pointed out, now I'm a bit older and way more wiser, I want the whole ball of wax with the next person I serve. Art some point I will be seriously seeking sub for myself and there again; he will be friend, lover as well as my boy/pet/toy.

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