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Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/21/2010 9:09:24 PM

MadeiraDarling

Posts: 30
Joined: 3/16/2010
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I'm an adult woman, I'm normally also a fairly sensible sort of woman who doesn't randomly get worked up about tiny things, however here I'm going to admit something, I'm scared of the bedroom I use as a closet at night. I acknowledge this fear is completely unreasonable, but any time I have to walk past the damn thing at night I can't shake the feeling something terrible is lurking there to get me, despite the fact that obviously nothing is. I have a few other little things like this, and again I know it's silly. Now I'm sure I'm not the only dom/me who has a silly fear, and I was hoping that others would perhaps enlighten me on how to better cope with them, and whether these little things make me less dominant in the eyes of subs?

Post #: 1

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/21/2010 10:13:29 PM

perfectflaw00

Posts: 96
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline

I don't think having a fear like that makes you any less dominant it may be irrational but then again many fears are. I know a lot of women who are afraid of any sort of insect when in reality they could squish them and just be done with it/

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 2

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/21/2010 10:30:10 PM

ReginaMirus

Posts: 240
Joined: 3/7/2010
Status: offline

Ok, questions for you...

Have you always had this phobia? IOW, is this a phobia of bedrooms in general, or is it specific to the bedroom that you have, right now? Do you feel better if someone's in the room with you?

There may well be a rational, physical explanation with that specific room, if that is the case. If it's a childhood thing, then I dunno. You may need to seek a bit of professional intervention to combat the phobia.

As far as the "dominant" thing...you either ARE, or you AREN'T. It is a total state of being, not merely what parlor tricks one performs in the bedroom. We all have our own particular phobias, because god forbid, we're HUMAN. But that doesn't negate one's dominance, not one iota...anyone that tells you that it does is an idiot.

(in reply to perfectflaw00)

Post #: 3

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/21/2010 11:40:34 PM

NorthNewbie

Posts: 24
Joined: 4/8/2010
Status: offline

Phobias are irrational fears. Almost everybody's got one or two, and it doesn't in any shape, way or form detract from the personality of that person, be it submissive or dominant. Personally, I'm afraid of spiders. Enormously irrational fear, since Norwegian spiders are about as dangerous as dustbunnies on valium. Yet, I can't make myself touch one. Hell, it's even more irrational since I am far less afraid of large and actually dangerous spiders (Tarantulas for instance) than I am of the local harmless varieties. That doesn't make me any less... me. I am still me, and even though you have your own little fear or phobia, it doesn't make you any less... you.

And you are Dominant, yes?

Don't worry at all. Any sub with a semi-formed brainstem won't find you any less Dominant because of a phobia. That is wholly separate from your Dominant side, and beyond your control. That said, if you find it uncomfortable enough, I recommend looking up local phobia experts and have a chat with them. With a little help, most if not all phobias can be handled and even removed.

(in reply to ReginaMirus)

Post #: 4

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 2:41:49 AM

PeonForHer

Posts: 19612
Joined: 9/27/2008
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Frightening dreams about a room or rooms in ones house (especially rooms that one didn't know 'existed') are quite common. I wouldn't mind betting that fears while awake - to the level of phobias - of particular rooms are not unusual, too.

As for 'less dominant' - I'd forget about it. For the sort of sub who thinks in such terms, a woman's choice of dress or footwear is more likely to be the crucial factor in whether or not he considers her 'dominant'.

_____________________________

http://www.domme-chronicles.com

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 5

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 4:58:41 AM

DarkSteven

Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline

OP, you have not yet had children!

As a parent, I have had to deal with situations that freaked the hell out of me, and remain absolutely calm so my daughter felt safe. The worst was when I had to slam on the brakes on a slippery highway, and my Geo Metro spun around out of control and eventually settled in a snow bank. Everybody was fine including the car, but for several seconds I was in wild panic. While seeming totally relaxed. And after the car was at rest, I calmly backed it out and went on my way.

Have a couple of kids, OP (I'm available for help with that part should you need it), and you'll learn to bluff your way through anything!

_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to PeonForHer)

Post #: 6

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 5:07:09 AM

Lashra

Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Have a couple of kids, OP (I'm available for help with that part should you need it), and you'll learn to bluff your way through anything!

This is SO true, once you have kids you learn to be terrified on the inside while looking perfectly calm on the outside.

Truth is just because your Dominant does not mean that you are immune to fear, everyone has something that they are afraid of and those who claim that they don't are full of poop.

Fear is healthy it keeps us alive, you just have to learn to control it.

~Lashra

_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 7

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 7:00:01 AM

Angelsprey

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/5/2010
Status: offline

The kink me says no, your phobia does not make you less of a dominant.

The other me says you should face your fear and learn to control it before it controls you!

(in reply to Lashra)

Post #: 8

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 9:51:56 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Everyone has fears. Someone who claims they do not is probably someone whose fear is of being afraid or of admitting it.

Whether or not that lessens your dominant personality or your domination skills is a two fold matter. First, how it makes you feel. If it makes you feel less then that is going to affect what you do and how you act. Second, how your partner feels about it, if he/she thinks it makes you less then you probably aren't with the best match for you.

For example: I hate spiders, always have and am in fact slightly allergic to them so being bit makes a welt where it would do nothing for the average person. I see my fear as a reflection of this allergy really though I didn't learn about it until many years later. My slave could think that makes me less dominant but instead he see killing them as part of his duties to me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 9

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 10:09:13 AM

MissLilyDarkness

Posts: 3
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline

Fear is a natural emotion left over from our ancestors who had to stay on their guard for nasty animals jumping out of caves looking for dinner. In the present day, our challenges and dangers are more subtle but I believe that the instinct to protect ourselves is still very functional. I agree with Angelsprey that one thing we must do is face our fear and not let it control us. I have an irrational fear of dentists. I have a panic attack just walking into the office. So I only go into offices that offer nitrous and knowing that I will relax and be ok helps me control that fear.

I know that I might get a little flak for this comment, (but I'm driven to ask this question): have you explored the possiblity that there may be a negative spirit or negative energy attatched to that room? When I moved into a 100 year old house I couldn't go into the basement without this irrational fear that someone was going to leap out at me and attack me from a dark corner. After cleasing the room with some sage and a few ritual words, that fear abated significantly. If you would like some advice on how to cleanse your home of negative energy, please feel free to write me and I'll tell you how to get the sage and how to use it. (anyone else with a similar problem is also welcome to write) Also, moonstone helps to balance the emotions and remove feelings of fear, and stabilize psychic ability. You can place moonstones in the room that is causing you the panic, as well as under your mattress, or you can wear moonstone jewelry.

I wish you the best with this struggle.

Miss Lily

edited for spelling

< Message edited by MissLilyDarkness -- 4/22/2010 10:11:57 AM >

(in reply to Angelsprey)

Post #: 10

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 10:45:53 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
For example: I hate spiders, always have and am in fact slightly allergic to them so being bit makes a welt where it would do nothing for the average person. I see my fear as a reflection of this allergy really though I didn't learn about it until many years later.

I think it is highly likely that there is something going on here that is not related to subcutaneous exposures to venoms or proteins of arachnid origin, for a number of reasons. Allergic response to envenomation, even a relatively trivial envenomation, is characterized by systemic symptoms that are usually severe and which may be immediately life-threatening. What you're talking about is allergic contact dermatitis, or possibly irritant contact dermatitis, and it is *not* known to be caused by arachnid envenomation despite common medical misdiagnoses of "spider bite" for a wide range of common conditions. A number of excellent papers including a position statement by the AMA have been published decrying frequent medical misdiagnosis of loxoscelism and necrotic arachnidism where possible culprits do not exist, and physicians completely missing the appropriate differentials for their geographic area. True insects are a frequent culprit, as are toxic plants, mites and bacteria.

People are taught that the vast majority of spiders are harmless to humans, and that is true, but it's not because their venom is too weak (though in many cases, that is also true). The majority of spiders literally cannot bite people, because their specially adapted biting mechanisms are incapable of penetrating or even scratching human epidermis. It is actually rather difficult to be bitten by a spider if you happen to be a human, and a lot fewer people manage this trick than you might think from all the diagnoses that occur in hospitals around the country.

Very few spider venoms or proteins are commercially available, and I do not think any are routinely stocked as testing supplies at allergy clinics. You may not like spiders or want them in your home, but you may also want to get a better dx for the real cause of your contact dermatitis in case it ever becomes medically relevant.

< Message edited by LadyNTrainer -- 4/22/2010 10:53:58 AM >

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 11

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/22/2010 6:34:46 PM

GraciousLady

Posts: 529
Joined: 7/7/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissLilyDarkness

Fear is a natural emotion left over from our ancestors who had to stay on their guard for nasty animals jumping out of caves looking for dinner. In the present day, our challenges and dangers are more subtle but I believe that the instinct to protect ourselves is still very functional. I agree with Angelsprey that one thing we must do is face our fear and not let it control us. I have an irrational fear of dentists. I have a panic attack just walking into the office. So I only go into offices that offer nitrous and knowing that I will relax and be ok helps me control that fear.

I know that I might get a little flak for this comment, (but I'm driven to ask this question): have you explored the possiblity that there may be a negative spirit or negative energy attatched to that room? When I moved into a 100 year old house I couldn't go into the basement without this irrational fear that someone was going to leap out at me and attack me from a dark corner. After cleasing the room with some sage and a few ritual words, that fear abated significantly. If you would like some advice on how to cleanse your home of negative energy, please feel free to write me and I'll tell you how to get the sage and how to use it. (anyone else with a similar problem is also welcome to write) Also, moonstone helps to balance the emotions and remove feelings of fear, and stabilize psychic ability. You can place moonstones in the room that is causing you the panic, as well as under your mattress, or you can wear moonstone jewelry.

I wish you the best with this struggle.

Miss Lily

edited for spelling

I agree with Miss Lily. Indeed there could be a negative energy of sorts in that one room. I think not in this case because she's had a few other issues like this one and her fears are only at night. Although, some bad nasties do like the night best so one can not completely rule it out. It can't hurt her to clean the place herself but my concern is if the negative entity senses her inexpierence. I once had my son do some work before he was proficent and I had quite a time settling things down. And, if there is no real entity there she could actually attract one by opening up an avenue. Perhaps clergy of her choice could be called? I would, and I'm sure Miss Lily would agree, that calling a reputable Priest or Priestess to get a sense of the room is a good first move toward working out her problem.

(in reply to MissLilyDarkness)

Post #: 12

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 3:29:55 AM

MsStarlett

Posts: 1879
Joined: 12/23/2007
Status: offline

Many people are afraid of attics or basements because they are dark, unused and therefore unfamiliar, full of unusual, forgotten things and the fear arises that something spooky might also be lurking there. A room used as a storage unit can easily take on those same frighting aspects.

There is quite a fad for "Ghost Busting" these days. You might want to call out one of those paranormal groups to check out your room. There may be something odd going on in there. While these groups do not have a high success rate in finding ghosts, they often flush out other problems, such as faulty wiring that can cause 'tingly' or 'creepy' sensations or bad pluming that causes unusual sounds. Sometimes it just helps a person to feel more 'normal' or 'less crazy' to have outsiders confirm that sometimes places can make you feel spooked.

_____________________________

It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.
It is by the beans of Java that thoughts acquire speed,
the hands acquire shakes, the shakes become a warning,
It is by caffeine alone I set my mind in motion.

(in reply to GraciousLady)

Post #: 13

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 3:42:42 AM

LadyAngelika

Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Angelsprey

The kink me says no, your phobia does not make you less of a dominant.

The other me says you should face your fear and learn to control it before it controls you!

Couldn't have said it better myself!

- LA

_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to Angelsprey)

Post #: 14

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 7:58:55 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Thanks for the info, LadyNTrainer.

I'm allergic to a, well, it isn't far off to say almost all of mother nature. Almost any insect bite will cause a welt on me and I wouldn't be surprised if something simply walking on me caused a reaction.

As I tell my slave in part fun and in part seriousness: Invent me bubble technology so I can just live in a bubble away from all these things.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to LadyNTrainer)

Post #: 15

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 8:46:10 AM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo
I'm allergic to a, well, it isn't far off to say almost all of mother nature. Almost any insect bite will cause a welt on me and I wouldn't be surprised if something simply walking on me caused a reaction.

As I tell my slave in part fun and in part seriousness: Invent me bubble technology so I can just live in a bubble away from all these things.

Since the bubble idea probably isn't going to be practical, it might be a help for you to narrow down the specific classes of proteins you're sensitive to. I would actually suggest that arachnids are probably very low on the list of likely culprits for a current contact allergy because they are not well equipped to have delivered any prior subcutaneous exposures, whereas true insects and mites are much, much higher, because they are very much so. Without going into too much annoying detail, the chances of any prior exposure being a sensitizing one is greatly increased if it is inhaled or injected, and spiders aren't the most likely candidates for either one. Additional strong suspects in your case would be plants, given the history you've mentioned.

Good luck and if you want more specific references to relevant papers, feel free to drop me a line on the other side. I think I've hijacked this topic enough for now.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 16

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 9:41:37 AM

leadership527

Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline

*shrugs* I'm afraid of sharks when I get into the deep blue. Does that make any sense? No. In general, if your phobias don't impact your life significantly, then I'm all for laughing at them and moving on. If they do, then face them down and get rid of them.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 17

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 10:08:20 PM

Ladynslave

Posts: 376
Joined: 7/30/2009
Status: offline

I am terrified of small confined spaces and spiders. My slave has never thought less of me because I can't crawl under the bed to retrieve the fallen remote or because I scream for him to come kill the creepy crawly. He feels as though he is doing me yet another service when he comes to my rescue.

Lady

_____________________________

Women and cats will do what they please. Men and dogs need to relax and get used to the idea.

If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 18

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 10:16:51 PM

LinnaeaBorealis

Posts: 8595
Joined: 10/5/2008
From: Insanity & beyond
Status: offline

Not a Mistress, but you did ask if it would make you look less dominant in a sub's eyes. No, not in my opinion. My Owner has a spider phobia that is extreme. When they bought their new home, my first task was to go in & hunt down & eliminate any & all spiders I found along with the webs, etc. I love spiders myself. He told me that it wasn't ok to just take them outside. They must be dead. For him, I actually killed spiders for the first time in my life. At no time did he seem less domly to me. As Lady said above, it was another service that I happily provided for him.

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
~~L. Cohen

Just one of the yahoo's

(in reply to MadeiraDarling)

Post #: 19

RE: Silly Frightened Moments... how to stay dominant? - 4/23/2010 11:04:40 PM

LadyNTrainer

Posts: 1584
Joined: 5/20/2009
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LinnaeaBorealis
Not a Mistress, but you did ask if it would make you look less dominant in a sub's eyes. No, not in my opinion. My Owner has a spider phobia that is extreme. When they bought their new home, my first task was to go in & hunt down & eliminate any & all spiders I found along with the webs, etc. I love spiders myself. He told me that it wasn't ok to just take them outside. They must be dead. For him, I actually killed spiders for the first time in my life. At no time did he seem less domly to me. As Lady said above, it was another service that I happily provided for him.

People who kill small, helpless living creatures because they are irrationally afraid of them make me very, very angry. Little creatures don't understand human phobias, nor are they guilty of causing them, or of anything except being ugly in our eyes. They do suffer and die because of them.

My opinion of a dominant who makes someone kill small helpless things that they love is not a good one.

_____________________________

Your dominant Personal Trainer for fitness and body shaping in the lifestyle. Let my fetish be your motivation.

(in reply to LinnaeaBorealis)

Post #: 20

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