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RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:11:27 AM   
DomImus


Posts: 2004
Joined: 3/17/2009
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
For a woman who has lived in flat shoes and is a total wimp when it comes to pain I find myself savoring the thought of wearing his marks or teetering precariously simply because I understand his desire that he be the focal point my life.


The kink universe sure could use more submissives like you.




_____________________________

"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." Sidney J. harris

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:17:59 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

His patience and openess in explaining that for him it's not about causing pain or hurting me but is about building a state of anticipation, uncertainty that keeps me focused on him. That while 5" heels are sexy, the fact that I wear them for him makes each step a reminder of his presence in my life.


The kink universe sure could use more Doms like him.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

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Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:19:05 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Let me chime in from the other side of the kneel.

It's huge for me.  If she wants to be spanked solely because she likes the sensation, that's fine but it means that I don't have enough power to make me happy.  If she wants to be spanked solely because I like it, I've found a match.  And if she likes it for both reasons...

Summing up, I don't want a do-me sub.  I want one who is driven to please me.



So, If I enjoy something that he does to me, that makes me a do me sub?

_____________________________



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Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:23:21 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		I disagree with subsfaith about you not needing this simply because in time you may no longer need it. If you need it in order to judge whether or not he's someone trustworthy to obey, then you need it. The fact that in time you may know him and his motivations well enough to no longer need it in no way negates the fact that you need this to get involved with him in the first place and then have the sufficient time together to know him well enough that at that future point you might not need to question.

This seems convoluted in the writing, but I hope you understand. Personally I think there is nothing wrong in needing to question why, this is how we learn about people. And I am not compatible with anyone who wants me to obey blindly when I don't know him very well.


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RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:27:03 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Let me chime in from the other side of the kneel.

It's huge for me.  If she wants to be spanked solely because she likes the sensation, that's fine but it means that I don't have enough power to make me happy.  If she wants to be spanked solely because I like it, I've found a match.  And if she likes it for both reasons...

Summing up, I don't want a do-me sub.  I want one who is driven to please me.



What's that Steven? Did you say kneel? Do you also want her to understand your motivation?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:29:11 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968


quote:

ORIGINAL: DarkSteven

Let me chime in from the other side of the kneel.

It's huge for me.  If she wants to be spanked solely because she likes the sensation, that's fine but it means that I don't have enough power to make me happy.  If she wants to be spanked solely because I like it, I've found a match.  And if she likes it for both reasons...

Summing up, I don't want a do-me sub.  I want one who is driven to please me.



So, If I enjoy something that he does to me, that makes me a do me sub?


No.  If it's solely about you liking it, and nothing about me liking it, then you are a do-me sub.  If you like it as well, that's the best.

quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

it means that I don't have enough power to make me happy.



Steven,
Could you explain that? How does it mean that you don't have enough pwer to make you happy. Thanks!

sunshine


If it's only about what she wants and not me, then she runs the relationship and I'm just a service top.  I need more.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:33:55 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Level


quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
So I'm curious... Do you want your your partner to understand what motivates you? Do you understand your own motivation? Or am I just strange in needing this but lucky to have found someone as strange?


Yes, if you've found someone that clicks, you ARE lucky.

Understanding one another is good; hell, great. Vital. When it is.

Other times, it does not matter. I want what I want. Why doesn't matter, just do it.

Now, if you have two people, and let's say the dominant cares nothing about motivation, but the submissive is overwhelmingly driven by it. They "fit" in most every other way. Is it the responsibility of the dominant to do whatever it takes to get the submissive to that place where they can submit?


Are you accepting if it takes some time to get to the "just do it" stage or is that something you look for in the nature of the sub?

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 5:39:22 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

quote:

His patience and openess in explaining that for him it's not about causing pain or hurting me but is about building a state of anticipation, uncertainty that keeps me focused on him. That while 5" heels are sexy, the fact that I wear them for him makes each step a reminder of his presence in my life.


The kink universe sure could use more Doms like him.


I couldn't agree more... but don't be getting any ideas...

DomImus, Thank you

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


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Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:00:19 AM   
MasterGoad88


Posts: 11
Joined: 5/9/2010
Status: offline 		I COULDN"T give two SHITS what MY partner THINKS she wants.  Thta's why I'M the MASTER and she's the SLUTWHORESLAVE.  What the fuck kind of MASTER would ever give a FUCK about his "partner"

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Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:02:20 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGoad88

I COULDN"T give two SHITS what MY partner THINKS she wants.  Thta's why I'M the MASTER and she's the SLUTWHORESLAVE.  What the fuck kind of MASTER would ever give a FUCK about his "partner"


Perhaps one whose partner is not inflatable?


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to MasterGoad88)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:10:51 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

I disagree with subsfaith about you not needing this simply because in time you may no longer need it. If you need it in order to judge whether or not he's someone trustworthy to obey, then you need it. The fact that in time you may know him and his motivations well enough to no longer need it in no way negates the fact that you need this to get involved with him in the first place and then have the sufficient time together to know him well enough that at that future point you might not need to question.

This seems convoluted in the writing, but I hope you understand. Personally I think there is nothing wrong in needing to question why, this is how we learn about people. And I am not compatible with anyone who wants me to obey blindly when I don't know him very well.



No, it's not convoluted at all and makes perfect sense to me. It's also more then just the trust factor, it's also about fear of failure... I would doubt a D/M is going to get much satisfaction out of a situation if the s/s is just gritting their teeth to get through it. I think that understanding and knowing you're on the same page would help to keep that from happening.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:11:33 AM   
subsfaith


Posts: 297
Joined: 11/21/2006
Status: offline 		DesFIP...

The point I was trying to make is demonstrated by your post... if time negates a need, it isn't a need but a desire.  A need is a constant; food, water, etc.  If wanting to know the motivations will help you, then it is sensible to find someone who fulfills that as you get to know them.

In my experience you can overcome your desires.  By not paying them any attention and focusing differently you will change your mindset over time.  I don't mean to say ignore all your desires, that would lead to a very unfulfilled life, but there are some behaviours that I am sure we can all look inside ourselves and find that are not necessary, or even attractive.

(in reply to DesFIP)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:13:38 AM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		I knew there was a reason I adore you Steven.

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to DarkSteven)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:18:31 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		when youre learning to submit youreself its natural enough to question and wonder why a guy wants those things - i certainly did.  eventually you kinda realise that the whole thing is about control, their control over you and thats hot for them.  knowing that youre wearing heels around the house when theyre not there, carrying their marks across youre arse is all about owning youre body and to some extent youre mind and you being completely open to each thing they come up with. (assuming youre on the same page and he isnt going to suddenly ask you to go and fuck youre neighbours husband)

but it is a process i went through too, as you try and get into the psyche of a Dominant mind it helps you to understand where theyre coming from rather than it feeling like some arbitrary command with no particular purpose there.

in the end its just their control over you and youre willingness to accept it. 

ive asked dozens of questions over the years and it basically boils down to that - its fun and hot to have a woman bend to their will willingly.

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:19:39 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

If it's only about what she wants and not me, then she runs the relationship and I'm just a service top. I need more.


Thanks Steven!

That makes sense!

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to jbcurious)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:21:17 AM   
sunshinemiss


Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGoad88

I COULDN"T give two SHITS what MY partner THINKS she wants.  Thta's why I'M the MASTER and she's the SLUTWHORESLAVE.  What the fuck kind of MASTER would ever give a FUCK about his "partner"



Wow. I'm shocked that you are single.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to MasterGoad88)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:24:09 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGoad88

I COULDN"T give two SHITS what MY partner THINKS she wants.  Thta's why I'M the MASTER and she's the SLUTWHORESLAVE.  What the fuck kind of MASTER would ever give a FUCK about his "partner"



Wow. I'm shocked that you are single.


........ and right on the heels of sunshine........,,, hows that working for you mate (sheesh)

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:24:56 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline 		liar

_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:25:55 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss


quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterGoad88

I COULDN"T give two SHITS what MY partner THINKS she wants.  Thta's why I'M the MASTER and she's the SLUTWHORESLAVE.  What the fuck kind of MASTER would ever give a FUCK about his "partner"



Wow. I'm shocked that you are single.


The reason that you are shocked is that he is an accomplished expert in electrical play.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to sunshinemiss)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Is understanding your partners motivation important? - 5/9/2010 6:26:07 AM   
thishereboi


Posts: 14463
Joined: 6/19/2008
Status: offline
quote:


........ and right on the heels of sunshine........,,, hows that working for you mate (sheesh)


If you think that is funny, you should read his profile.


_____________________________

"Sweetie, you're wasting your gum" .. Albert


This here is the boi formerly known as orfunboi


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 40
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