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Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 7:59:27 PM   
MrStrapwell


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline 		Well, perhaps I am either unattractive or naive, or perhaps mine is an age old complaint / question, however:

I get few or no replies to messages I have been sending to female subs. My emails are generally polite and well mannered, although I do confess that sometime they are rather direct. To be honest, I prefer to be direct with subs, however I have toned things down in the interest of not frightening them away. Neither style seems to be particularly successful.

I am interested in hearing from members of the collarme community on this topic of female members replying to messages (and the lack thereof).

Thanks to all -

Todd

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/16/2004 8:04:15 PM >
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:14:18 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Politeness seems to be on the decline these days. Unless what you're sending is rude or intrusive, you're probably just running into the ever increasing number of people completely lacking in social graces. Try not to take it personally, it just happens.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:23:53 PM   
ScorpioMaster


Posts: 146
Joined: 3/30/2004
Status: offline 		I hate to say I agree with sfgrrl because I have had the same problem with impoliteness when I respond to take my time to respond to their profiles. IT is the nature of the on line beast for so many like to create files and they feel they do not need to show the politeness to respond back for they are nothing more than players. I have even had some we would be talking for months then on day they block me with out a reason why. Just accept this is how on line dating is like. I wish you luck and one day you will find one who is worthy to be called yours so take your time.

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:23:54 PM   
MrStrapwell


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Stef,

You are very intelligent and articulate. I notice that you are in Boston. I wonder if any women in Southern California are as intelligent and articulate as you? I wonder if the lack of politeness in not responding to messages is a regional Southern California thing? Or perhaps your commentary reveals a sad fact that a selfish and inconsiderate state of mind exists among women who post their profile at dating websites.

Todd

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/16/2004 8:24:48 PM >

(in reply to stef)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:27:00 PM   
LadyShoshin


Posts: 492
Joined: 7/19/2004
From: Burlington, Ontario
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrStrapwell

Well, perhaps I am either unattractive or naive, or perhaps mine is an age old complaint / question, however:

I get few or no replies to messages I have been sending to female subs. My emails are generally polite and well mannered, although I do confess that sometime they are rather direct. To be honest, I prefer to be direct with subs, however I have toned things down in the interest of not frightening them away. Neither style seems to be particularly successful.

I am interested in hearing from members of the collarme community on this topic of female members replying to messages (and the lack thereof).

Thanks to all -

Todd

Mau I suggest for your photo, a nice casual suit and a less stiff pose. The t-shirt and "deer in the headlights" look of the photo undoes the image you want to put across.

May I also suggest

I am a kind, sensitive, educated gentleman with interests in the arts and music. I am experienced in administering old fashioned domestic discipline to naughty ladies. I am seeking a polite, well mannered, educated and cultured adult lady who deep inside understands that she is a "lady" in desperate need of old fashioned discipline, including but not limited to spankings and enemas.
*******************

I am looking for an articulate woman who is adventurous in the bedroom, with some experience. Cleanliness is a must.

If you are a beginner who is ready to begin the journey of exploring your fantasies through real live participation, then you will be find me to be a kind, but strict, teacher.

I work out at the gym daily and believe that the body is a temple.

I am not seeking a master-slave relationship, but rather a relationship involving age-play and discipline in the bedroom, and love, friendship, understanding and mutual respect in all areas.

Most of all, I desire a woman who is comfortable with herself and her desires; who has a strong sex drive and to whom the idea of getting a spanking is a tremendous thrill and turn on.

If you meet at least some of the qualifications as described above, and you are ready to be taken firmly in hand by a surrogate parent for a strict spanking, then you are invited to contact me.
******************************
I have made minor changes, taking out some of the negative and midly confrontational language. In parts of your profile, you seem to be judging the woman & she hasn't contacted you yet.

If you try my way & get no responses in 6 months, go back to your way. The keys here are presentation and patience.

_____________________________

PHLOX: “It’s unethical for a doctor to cause harm...I can inflict as much pain as I like.”

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:27:06 PM   
siamsa24


Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline 		Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that you do this, but I don't reply to people who don't bother to read my profile. There are many e-mails that I get that assume that I am single and searching when in reality it is very clear in bold underlined letters that I currently have a Dom and am only seeking a second female.
There are also many that are, as sfgrrl said, simply rude. Even the ones that make assuptions about me I tend to give a simple reply, although I do know some who won't even do that.

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 6
Lady Shoshin, you are a best friend - 9/16/2004 8:31:31 PM   
MrStrapwell


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline 		Dear Lady Shoshin,

My compliments on your excellent editing skills. Your changes will be implemented imminently.

And I will get a new photo ...

Mr Strapwell

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/16/2004 8:56:24 PM >

(in reply to siamsa24)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:40:47 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		Todd,

I can't speak specifically on the state of social ineptitude in southern California, but I have experienced the same phenomenon in New England. From my experience, poor behavior doesn't appear to restrict it to a particular gender. I've had men, women and couples all act in similar fashion.

Are we running into rude people or just people playing on-line games who have no desire to actually interact with the others here? Who can say.

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/16/2004 8:41:42 PM   
stef


Posts: 10215
Joined: 1/26/2004
Status: offline 		What do you mean you hate to agree with me??

~stef

_____________________________

Welcome to PoliticSpace! If you came here expecting meaningful BDSM discussions, boy are you in the wrong place.

"Hypocrisy has consequences"

(in reply to ScorpioMaster)
Profile   Post #: 9
[Deleted] - 9/17/2004 12:08:03 AM   
Deleted User
 [Deleted by Admins]

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
  Post #: 10
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 3:24:30 AM   
theroebabe


Posts: 3155
Joined: 7/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MrStrapwell

I am interested in hearing from members of the collarme community on this topic of female members replying to messages (and the lack thereof).

Thanks to all -

Todd

Hi Todd,

Well i respond to all messages and interests in my profile as to do otherwise would be rude. However its difficult for a sub to say no thanks sometimes. But i try and be polite when i respond, even to people who send one liners! So its not everyone, I hope you have better luck meeting people in the future. Roe

_____________________________

Roe

People always ask me why I do these things . . .
It's because I can!

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 6:14:50 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Very good editing LadyShoshin!! MrStrapwell, you are an attractive man so I do not believe that is the problem. I think it might help to add more pictures, like Lady suggested, including ones that show you participating in your interests. Do you swim? A man in a speedo is always good, but not just a torso shot which says, "I only want sex". Do you participate in leather gatherings? Maybe a nice leather outfit would show your dominant side. Do you have a dog? A picture of a man with his dog in a park is a big turn on for me. These are all my own opinions. I respond to letters politely; I believe there are more subs out there like me that you will have the good fortune to meet!!

Good luck,
ann

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to LadyShoshin)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 6:30:12 AM   
Chaos


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline 		MrStrapwell,

I have noticed the same thing you have. I suppose I am just a little out of step, but if I send a polite complimentary note to a sub...I kind of expect a polite answer.

And sometimes I even get one. Not that I hold my breath anymore........

I have read over and over in the journals of submissives how "fake" and "rude" some Doms are...and yet the same ladies don't seem to think ignoring mail is much the same thing?

Anyone else have an opinion?

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 6:47:58 AM   
January


Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline 		Hi,

You know, sometimes when Joe writes Sally, he's already imagining the possibilities. The play, the fucking, the love, the whatever. If Joe's a Dominant, he's certainly expecting Sally's respect and submission.

The problem is they don't have a relationship yet. The message, if it's not what Sally wants, can be tossed. You see, she thinks the message is no different than the junk mail she gets from credit card companies every day. It's not a person, it's a solicitation.

There is no real established protocol on e-mail messages on a site like this. Nobody has to respond. I'm not really sure it is rude if someone doesn't respond to a stranger.

Rather than think of the first message as you being a suitor, standing, hat in hand, at the woman's doorstep, maybe you should think of your message as a letter from a mortgage broker. Nothing personal if she says no thanks to that 4% refinance. Maybe she just thinks the closing costs are too high, or wants an adjustable.

January

P.S. This is a very, very common complaint.

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]




(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 7:34:30 AM   
Chaos


Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks January for replying, I suppose I wasn't clear enough in what I was upset over.

I am not searching right now, and that is clearly stated in my profile.
My messages are usualy complimentary or encouraging in content.
I am not expecting a long correspondance.

Having said that, I am still disgusted with the lack of common courtesy here. I can totally understand someone not replying to a message consisting of (basically) "CUM LIVE W/MEANDPAYALL MY BILLS AND FUK ME WHEVEAVR I WANT". Enough said about those "Doms" lol

What I have a problem with is so called "subs" who bitch and moan about the fake Doms, then don't have the courtesy to answer a polite e-mail, or sometimes even to open it.

I have NEVER failed to reply to a message I have recieved. I even went as far to journal post about maybe missing some, and to please resend.

I DO NOT expect submission from someone I have not developed a relationship with. I DO NOT expect automatic respect from someone I have never spoken with in RL.

What I DO expect is a little (un)common courtesy.
I guess I am just out of step.

(in reply to January)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 8:01:18 AM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline 		Hiya

i remember when i first joined collarme.. WOW at the e-mail! Like the first hour i got 30 or so... i couldn't keep up! i always thought it was rude not to answer them all but when i answered they would write back just as fast, there was no way for me to keep up. i felt bad ignoring some of them but basically picked out which was closer to what i was looking for to answer. Now since i been a member a while i don't get e-mails like that anymore but sometimes it is overwhelming so don't feel bad if You get no response..

i think You got a lot of really good advice here but i would look and read profiles, write to subs who are looking for someone such as Yourself.... if there is something in their profile that You have in common then that is a good thing to add in the letter... maybe ask couple small questions more so then just statements, maybe she will feel more apt in answering back if she had specific questions to answer..

i remember the first letter my Dom sent me (W/we meet here in collarme) but W/we were both going thru a lot of the same things... but He commented on that which made me go look at His profile...

i also hate when i get letters, rather long letters which seem like FORM MAIL... so impersonal .... Not saying You send these out but something that bugs me…


i wish You the best of luck... be patient....

~Jenn~

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 8:18:10 AM   
sweetpleaser


Posts: 689
Joined: 8/5/2004
From: Florida
Status: offline 		Hey Jenn: you got a new title!! I love it

ann

_____________________________

~ann~

It's not the men in my life that count, it's the life in my men.--Mae West

(in reply to subbiejenn)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 10:06:04 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline 		Mr Strapwell,
My slave beth agrees with the others that say the picture doesn't invoke submissive passion within her. Actually I took literary license with that. The reality is that I asked her if she would read or send an email to you based on the picture and she simply replied no.
Even as a terminally heterosexual guy I would agree with the consensus that the picture needs upgrading.

Remember, the key to marketing is to make the picture be a reason for the person who sees it to read the profile. The profile and your comments then will interest them enough to send you a messge.

But generally, don't give up! And don't limit your search to one site or only on-line ads. For instance, you're in LA, Beverly Hills, you have a great opportunity to come out this weekend and meet some real people at the Threshold Event I've been harping on. (Details in the Events Forum)

If you want/need an encouraging story from your own back yard I'll relate my experience. I moved from NYC where I was VERY active in the lifestyle to LA shorty after 9/11. I was a bit older then you (44) when I posted my first ad. I don't think this group existed at the time, I think it was either Alt.com or BDSMpersonals.com or both for that matter. Anyway, I think that the ratio of real people to posers was about one out of every 20 emails. But I met people, dated them, found out about local clubs, attended parties, and generally had a great time.

Eventually, beth answered my ad. And 6 months later, she was living with me as my slave. So, we are a lifestyle internet ad success story! Now, so far at this site, we haven't met or been with anyone we've chatted with, but we're still enjoying the on-line friends. And it's still a 1 in 20 response rate from messages we've sent to others.

As far as incoming, we get a LOT of single men wanting to play with beth. Proving, at least for the men, my second paragraph marketing theory regarding the picture. (Go Figure!) It's educated me as to how hard it is for a female poster. They must have to weed through a whole bunch of crap. So, if nothing else appreciate that aspect. However I believe in protocol and courtesy, so we reply to EVERY message, even to the rude crude obvious fake wannabe posers.

Keep the faith! Keep trying!

Merc & beth

(in reply to MrStrapwell)
Profile   Post #: 18
Thank You - 9/17/2004 10:43:46 AM   
MrStrapwell


Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline 		A gracious "Thank You" to all of the incredibly caring and wise people who have posted replies. Your recommendations, and all of them, will be utilized so that I might better ingratiate myself into the heart of that one special sub whom I seek.

To all of the subs who carelessly delete dozens of emails from good men, one of whom might be her dream come true, I will say:
"Shame On You". These women are deserving of nothing.

I agree with the respondents who have observed that common courtesy is lacking in some (many?) of the female members on this website (and I'm sure, other dating websites), in that they lack the decency to reply to thoughtful and carefully composed messages from male suitors. A good spanking might go a long way in teaching some of these ladies some manners. I also agree that it is their prerogative on whether to respond or not.

I am overwhelmed at the kindness and graciousness of those who spend their valuable time to respond to my post, and with such good advice. Clearly all of you are an example of the noblest act, which is helping a fellow human being. By your good actions, you are the antithesis of the cold and inconsiderate women who heap dozens of emails into the trash from the potentially loving and good men whom they disdain by not responding.

Thank you again, and I hope that the cold and inconsiderate subs will one day realize that the one for them is out there, if they would take the time to respond to potential suitors.

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/17/2004 10:44:39 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 11:13:18 AM   
subbiejenn


Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sweetpleaser

Hey Jenn: you got a new title!! I love it

ann


yes i noticed this morning and wanted to thank you for it :) thanks for the nomination ann....

hugs
jenn

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to sweetpleaser)
Profile   Post #: 20
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