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RE: Thank You - 9/17/2004 11:33:18 AM

Lorriss

Posts: 5
Joined: 7/23/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrStrapwell

To all of the subs who carelessly delete dozens of emails from good men, one of whom might be her dream come true, I will say:
"Shame On You". These women are deserving of nothing.

I agree with the respondents who have observed that common courtesy is lacking in some (many?) of the female members on this website (and I'm sure, other dating websites), in that they lack the decency to reply to thoughtful and carefully composed messages from male suitors. A good spanking might go a long way in teaching some of these ladies some manners. I also agree that it is their prerogative on whether to respond or not.

Clearly all of you are an example of the noblest act, which is helping a fellow human being. By your good actions, you are the antithesis of the cold and inconsiderate women who heap dozens of emails into the trash from the potentially loving and good men whom they disdain by not responding.

Thank you again, and I hope that the cold and inconsiderate subs will one day realize that the one for them is out there, if they would take the time to respond to potential suitors.

Oh my.

LadyShoshin gave excellent advice. But please don't feel victimized or disrespected because you are on a unlucky streak. Style is everything on a flirt-board, and sometimes the style people put out is not the style other people are looking for. It is that simple, an apple might be the best dang apple in the orchard but to an orange, it's still just an apple.

It always amazes me how self-proclaimed good men give into frustraion letting it turn into something ugly. We all fail at something, it's never about the failure it is always about will we get back up on the horse one more try?

I don't respond to most ads, because my blanket response would be "you can't ask me no better than that?" A dom or domme who can't read between the lines of my profile and figure out they are probably not what I'm looking for and then send mail anyway either needs a lesson in human dynamics or shouldn't be surprised when no mail is returned.

Lately I've been getting second and third mails with this inherent guilt trip that I haven't answered. Yeah guys, I'm a sub, guilt me into doing your bidding, oh wait I have a mother for that. Maybe just maybe what some of us are looking for are adults who understand chemistry and not every experiment is worth trying.

Finally in my rant, it's about power. I'm sorta surprised that has to be talked about on a B&D&S site, but in the beginning a submissive woman has the power, it is up to the peacock to show us his tail feathers and impress us. I personaly like nice-guys and tend to give them the benifit of the doubt, BUT too many times 'nice guy' is a convient cover story for being obnoxious pricks cuz when they don't get what they want they don't have the self respect or adult understanding to write it off to fate or possibly it might be their own fault

The orginal poster got some great feedback in the posts above mine, happily it sounds like he'll listen to some of it, but I beg him and guys in the same boat as he is, don't get mad at the women who turn you down, even if it is silence, and don't give into the evilness of finding someone else to blame when things didn't work out the way you hoped.

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 21

RE: Thank You - 9/17/2004 11:56:11 AM

January

Posts: 891
Joined: 4/17/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MrStrapwell

To all of the subs who carelessly delete dozens of emails from good men, one of whom might be her dream come true, I will say:
"Shame On You". These women are deserving of nothing.

After all the advice you got, this is still your conclusion? Bummer.

January

_____________________________

[link: http://www.bookstrand.com/miss-you-sir] Miss You, Sir by January Rowe is available from Siren now! It's my latest smokin' hot bdsm romance.[/link]

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 22

Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 12:38:54 PM

MrStrapwell

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline

I plead guilty to not leaving well enough alone, regarding this thread, which hopefully will turn into a "good, old-fashioned debate between the sexes", and through which hopefully men and women will gain some insight into each others psyches.

Thanks again to all.

And to Miss January, I'm sorry that I offended your sensibilities. It is my hope that when a woman posts her profile on this website in an effort to solicit responses, that she should then show some courtesy when the responses arrive. It is my opinion that those who lack the courtesy to reply to a carefully composed introduction, are therefore not deserving of receiving the responses to their profile.

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/17/2004 12:40:49 PM >

(in reply to January)

Post #: 23

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 1:26:11 PM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
Status: offline

Wow- after all the good advice and the attempts others have made in helping you.

I must say .. Shame on you.

As was explained to you, there are many reasons as to why some do not reply to email, damn good ones some of them are.
I wish you luck on your journey, I somehow feel you may need it.

Mod3

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 24

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 1:42:38 PM

MrStrapwell

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline

It's obvious that this is from a woman, and a rather stuck-up one at that.

(in reply to ModeratorThree)

Post #: 25

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 2:03:35 PM

ModeratorThree

Posts: 949
Status: offline

Do you hate all women or just the ones that do not do as you say?

It is becoming obvious what the issues really are.

Mod3

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 26

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 2:36:33 PM

Chaos

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline

Damn...this certainly got out of hand quickly enough.

lol

(in reply to ModeratorThree)

Post #: 27

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 2:44:50 PM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

Strap,

Resisted temptation the first time through, but this last comment....

I assume you are looking for a woman, or female right? Ultimately you want a submissive or maybe even a slave? Why would you insult the gender of what you desire? There are more reasons not to respond to your particular messages then the total messages you have sent. Speaking of which, maybe some of those "generally polite and well mannered" messages were not received as such.

I am a male, and have a slave, and have been with other slaves and submissives for over 20 years. In every case, I respected them and made sure they knew I respected them.

I do many things with woman that are both physically and mentally challenging and considered humiliating to the majority vanilla public. These are activities we both agreed to and enjoy. Always SSC but some RACK. In order for this to happen I had to trust the woman I was with and she had to trust me. With beth, I have unconditional trust, that's how she became my slave. beth's slave heart and mind are a valuable possession. I truly treasure her. Stroking her hair as she sits naked at my feet while watching TV is not just an image gleaned from story books. It happens at our house. And it serves a purpose.

If she came to me with little self esteem or self worth and had a low opinion herself what she gave me would be of NO value. If she was a mindless submissive "bimbo" what Dominance would I posses?

There are many places to go, especially in LA, where you can 'rent-a-slave'. Pay your money and spank an ass until your heart's content. You'll get much more satisfaction at those places then trying to find such a person in real life. Because you know what? They really don't exist.

There is a dynamic about this lifestyle. It's NOT like the fantasy life of novels or solely cyber practitioners. As beth's Master, I cherish and take care of her. Those feelings should not be foreign for a Master to feel for his slave. They should be what you aspire.

Merc

Attachment (1)

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 28

RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/17/2004 3:36:17 PM

MasterSnowBeard

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: Near Seattle WA
Status: offline

MrStrapwell
Well I have found always being a Gentleman is a good thing when contacting
a submissive here on the board or in real life.
But I believe from your post that you are a Gentleman.
You mentioned being direct in your first email...
I do not know what all that includes for you...
but as for Myself my first email to someone is more of a greeting
and do not get into specifics
of what I might have as desires or wants about that person.
I will save that till I know that there is some interest
created first from the person responding favorably to my first message.
But also I know that not all ladies will be attracted to Me....
and don't take it personal when someone does not reply ....
as everyone has their own tastes in what they are
looking for in a partner. That doesn't make you any less attractive though.
I also know ladies here sometimes become overwhelmed
with the massive amount of email they recieve
and sometimes do not have time to respond to all.
I have not read your profile yet ...
so don't know what you say or what kind of mental image of yourself you paint.
But I do suggest putting a little fire in your profile if there isn't.
Something that makes a lady who is attracted have to stop and think about
you and what you have written. And does not have to be sexual.
Just the energy and aura you project and create will draw ladies to you.
I have many ladies contact Me ...that I have not contacted,
because the see something in my eyes in my picture.
They can sense something by what they have read in my profile.
I wish you much luck in finding what you are looking for.
Namaste
Larry MasterSnowBeard

< Message edited by MasterSnowBeard -- 9/17/2004 3:40:05 PM >

_____________________________

This lifestlye is base on respect... respect for A/all ..
Without respect there is nothing...

One should never question the power
of a Magickal Long Silver Haired Wizard

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 29

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 3:56:53 PM

GoddessJules

Posts: 549
Status: offline

Since when has it been OBLIGATORY to respond to unsolicited email? If they respond, fine. . .that is their perogative. Keep in mind that it was YOU that initiated contact. . .and quite frankly maybe after looking at your profile, or the content of the email. . .they chose not to respond. I don't see that as being morally reprehensible. It is also within their rights to delete it on the spot. Until you start paying these people's monthly internet bill. . .it isn't up to you to say that they should or shouldn't respond.

cheers

~Jules~

_____________________________

A pig's pussy is still pork, just like a bull's balls are still beef.
Click here to visit my site

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 30

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 4:19:09 PM

happypervert

Posts: 2203
Joined: 5/11/2004
From: Scranton, PA
Status: offline

He seemed to be doing ok until the "shame on you" post. I'm sure he wishes he could spank all the girls for being so naughty and not responding to him. heh

(in reply to ModeratorThree)

Post #: 31

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 4:20:00 PM

siamsa24

Posts: 2426
Joined: 2/2/2004
Status: offline

That is exactly what I was thinking GodessJules, if your letter was not asked for in the first place why should anyone be obligated to reply? Is it polite to simply delete it? Maybe not, but I believe that's the choice of the person on the recieving end of the letter, not the other way around.

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 32

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/17/2004 4:56:24 PM

newflowers

Posts: 292
Joined: 5/23/2004
Status: offline

While I usually do respond to most emails I receive, even if it is just thanks but no thanks, I do not think that anyone is obligated to do so. As a seeking submissive, I have my own personal wants, likes, and dislikes and issue I look at in correspondance I receive that govern my potential interests and responses. One of the things I do is read the message boards to see if a gentleman has posted as I feel that gives a greater insight into the man than what is written in a profile. The edited profile gifted to the originator of this post makes him seem like an interesting and personable dom, however, the posts made here completely negate that which is in the profile.

It is entirely possible the posts are all part of a bad day -we all have them - yet the submissive of your dreams may read your email and then your posts and change her mind based a the unpleasantness displayed here. Strapwell indicates that the woman not answering email may miss her opportunity for Dom Charming, yet I think the same applies here as well as the whining, short-tempered, woe is me tone of this post, not to mention the meanspirited responses after so many offered assistance should show as HUGE red flags to any potential submissive who could be interested.

Words have power and reverberate long after they are released.

newflowers

(in reply to siamsa24)

Post #: 33

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/18/2004 9:23:14 AM

Chaos

Posts: 30
Joined: 4/1/2004
Status: offline

I'm not going to speak for Strapwell, I only speak for myself.

I think some of what I tried to say has been misunderstood. I wasn't insisting that everyone I send a message to be required to respond to it, that would be not only rude but impossible. I simply commented that anyone who is bitching and moaning about the lack of politeness should look to their own house first.

It just annoys me greatly to see a sub that has repeatedly posted in a journal about how rude and inconsiderate "all the Doms" are, respond to a polite message with verbal abuse, or simply ignore it. That is all.

I have repeatedly stated in my conversations with submissives that I HAVE NO CLAIM ON THEM!!!!! Until and unless I offer a collar, I will not presume to regulate behavior. I believe that a lady should regulate her own. Sadly, I don't see this happening in more than a few cases.

I hope that no one here will take this amiss. I certainly do not intend this criticism to appy to the ladies (and gentlemen) that have replied in this post. From what I can tell, you have all been sincere and genuine in your comments and advice, for which I thank you all.

C

(in reply to newflowers)

Post #: 34

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/18/2004 11:10:08 AM

subbiejenn

Posts: 631
Joined: 7/12/2004
Status: offline

Well this sure turned ugly since i last read...

MrSrtapwell being bitter and upset about this isn't good. The one thing i look for (when i was looking for a Dom) is hate and anger. In this lifestyle to me anger is a bad thing; i sure don't want anyone beating my ass with a strap (or anything else) who has built up anger towards woman. i had a Dom one time i was talking to and thought i may meet someday until something set Him off and He showed His anger, His next e-mail from me was to leave me alone and He was put on ignore. Being safe in the lifestyle comes first for a sub and we have to make sure that the Dom in which we are trusting to inflict pleasure with pain is mentally stable and wont get angry in the middle of beating my ass at woman and serious hurt me.

If a sub not responding to Your e-mails upset You, just accept it and trust in the fact that she isn't right for You... If You want a sub who responds to all e-mails because that is the way You feel it should be done then don't get upset at the ones who don't just know they are not right for You...

The angry Dom maybe just having a bad day and maybe is the perfect one for me but I will not risk my life to find out…

i do wish You the best but i would seriously think about all this and understand how "anger" towards woman/subs will make it harder for a sub to trust.

Be Well...
~jenn~

_____________________________

~Subspace is my perfect paradise vacation from busy-mind... blessed be to the Dominant who can stamp my ticket there.~

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away"

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 35

RE: Help needed regarding getting replies from subs - 9/18/2004 5:03:20 PM

Laura

Posts: 573
Joined: 6/22/2004
From: Ontario, Canada
Status: offline

Consider more than half of them to be very intimidated. I've been there, as a female sub. It's easier if she is the one who starts things off, sends a note to you. Yet, to many that's just not what a sub does! Oh horrors!

I was made to be a Switch. *egotistical laughter*

_____________________________

Bait & Switch - Adult column

(in reply to subbiejenn)

Post #: 36

Elegant and enlightening responses from a bland topic - 9/18/2004 9:50:18 PM

MrStrapwell

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline

The elegant and enlightening responses to what was my initially "bland" topic have revealed so much from both sides of the fence, male and female regarding the nature of online (and online D/S) dating. How reassuring that human kindness is alive and well at Collarme.com as so many of you have given your time, and your wisdom to expound upon the interworkings of online seduction, and the protocol for initiating a relationship.

I apologize for lashing out. It is inappropriate to act out negatively at any time, especially during a discussion, and therefore I was way out of line.

What I should have said was that I am saddened (angered?) at the apparent "sense of entitlement" which seems to exist among members of the fair sex on this, and other online dating websites, due to females recieving so much attention from members of the less-fair sex, otherwise known as men. As a man, I personally view each and every email I receive at Collarme as a compliment, and in return for this compliment, I send a response, and usually a very polite one. I wouldn't think of returning a compliment with silence and indifference. Gratitute is of paramount value in my code of moral conduct. I now see that many others each have their own perspective on this issue of silence as an acceptable response to emails. The general concensus is that while we are responsible for our own actions, there's not much we can do about the actions of others, and if another member of the Collarme community to whom one is attracted is unresponsive, so be it. It is the nature of the online beast (I now accept this).

Peace and love to all of you. You are truly gracious and loving human beings.

Todd

(in reply to Laura)

Post #: 37

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/18/2004 9:58:41 PM

MrStrapwell

Posts: 15
Joined: 9/10/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessJules

Since when has it been OBLIGATORY to respond to unsolicited email? If they respond, fine. . .that is their perogative. Keep in mind that it was YOU that initiated contact. . .and quite frankly maybe after looking at your profile, or the content of the email. . .they chose not to respond. I don't see that as being morally reprehensible. It is also within their rights to delete it on the spot. Until you start paying these people's monthly internet bill. . .it isn't up to you to say that they should or shouldn't respond.

cheers

~Jules~

Dear Goddess Jules,

Let me point out that a profile at Collarme implicitly is a "solicitation" for responses, unless the profiler explicitly states that he or she is "not looking right now". Therefore, responses are not "unsolicited" mail, as you suggest in your reply.

< Message edited by MrStrapwell -- 9/18/2004 9:59:21 PM >

(in reply to GoddessJules)

Post #: 38

RE: Elegant and enlightening responses from a bland topic - 9/18/2004 10:11:15 PM

EStrict

Posts: 729
Joined: 1/11/2004
Status: offline

quote:

Gratitute is of paramount value in my code of moral conduct.

Just a small comment. I personally don't feel *gratitude* that someone writes me... to me that comment makes you (btw, this is a general you, even it if it applies to you personally in this instance) sound weak and pathetic. It is one thing to appreciate the efforts of someone else, it is another to feel grateful that someone notices you enough to chose to correspond.

_____________________________

Sandy

Don't take life too seriously, no one gets out alive anyway...

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 39

RE: Things are getting interesting ... - 9/18/2004 10:36:01 PM

compes

Posts: 92
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Perhaps a profile IS a solicitation for responses. However, there is no guarantee that there will be an answer to your response.

It is a woman’s prerogative to ‘pick and choose’ among possible suitors, not due to any “sense of entitlement” but due to our basic culture. The way the whole thing is set up, women are more likely than men to be surrounded by suitors. I don’t think we can change that without actually making major cultural changes, and possibly biology changes.

Look at it in a sort of Zen way. When sending a note - be honest, show a bit of yourself that you think she may be interested in, and expect nothing in return. You are living in the moment – not planning a future that may or may not happen. It’s okay to have hope, but you get angry if you make a premature emotional investment in a possible future, a future that may not happen.

Speaking from experience – anger makes you say dumb things. newflowers said it so well:

quote:

Words have power and reverberate long after they are released.

I do hope you do well – your apology impressed me. From what I’ve seen in the BDSM community, some Doms feel as if they have no need to apologize, which is something I disagree with.

Compes

(in reply to MrStrapwell)

Post #: 40

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