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Would you close the door on a potential partner because... - 5/24/2010 4:35:06 AM

mistoferin

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Recently a very close friend was diagnosed with Hepatitis C. It is believed that she contracted it through a medical procedure. This has really sent her into a tailspin, as you might well imagine. She is single, not dating anyone and hasn't dated anyone in quite some time. I've been talking with her a lot and trying to give her support but to be honest, it's one of those kind of situations that unless you've been there.....so I don't really know how helpful I'm being. I have done a lot of research and found a ton of information that I have been able to share with her...and learned an awful lot myself in the process.

From what I have learned I am not even really sure why Hepatitis C is classified as an STD because from all the information I have read the odds of contracting it through sexual means is very slim. So slim that the CDC does not even recommend barrier protection in monogamous committed couples where one partner is infected and the other is not. There are even some experts who argue that it can be transmitted sexually at all.

Anyway, back to my friend. She is really feeling like her chances at ever finding a partner now are pretty non-existent. She doesn't think that she will be able to find anyone who is willing to take the chance, outside of someone else who is already infected. She describes feeling "dirty" and is having some real issues with the "unfairness" of contracting something like this through no fault of her own.

In the process of trying to learn more about this, surprisingly I have been told by a few people who I have known for a long time that confided to me that they also Hep C. Apparently, a lot more common than I had thought. Had they not told me, I would never have known this about them.

Anyway, my questions are...if you met someone that you really could see yourself having a successful relationship with, would you turn them away because of an STD? Would it depend on the STD? If so, where would you draw the line?

Lastly, what the heck can I say to my friend that could help her to feel any better about all of this?

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 4:47:17 AM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Anyway, my questions are...if you met someone that you really could see yourself having a successful relationship with, would you turn them away because of an STD? Would it depend on the STD? If so, where would you draw the line?

Lastly, what the heck can I say to my friend that could help her to feel any better about all of this?

Yes.
I'd draw the line at the person not taking an active role in ensuring they kept their health up and doing what is necessary to curing what STD they were infected with; if that STD is curable.
It depends if there ius a great chance that the relationship proves to be long lasting.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 5/24/2010 4:51:00 AM >

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 4:55:56 AM

mistoferin

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I happened to catch your post before you edited it. You do realize that the CDC reports that approximately 1 in 5 people are infected with Herpes virus and approximately 80 percent of them don't even know they have it.

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There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 4:58:19 AM

DesFIP

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Varied methods of transmission. http://www.pegasys.com/basics/hepatitis-c-spread.aspx
I certainly didn't know you could get it by borrowing a nail clipper. Or that almost half the people with it have no idea how they contracted it.

But it requires such a change in lifestyle to avoid transmission, that I probably would pass. Just too much work for me in a 24/7 situation. Going to dinner, being friends, fine, but living together, sharing a household? It will take a lot of work.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:00:49 AM

Wolf2Bear

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Yes, which the most common variety is Herpes simplex I which is what causes common cold sores around a person's mouth. Simplex II is the virus which is commonly referred to as genital herpes which does lay dormant for a period of time before flaring up. Pretty much there is no difference other than where the virus is found determines if a doctor diagnoses it's herpes simplex I or II.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 5/24/2010 5:01:16 AM >

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~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
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I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:04:34 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

Yes, which the most common variety is Herpes simplex I which is what causes common cold sores around a person's mouth. Simplex II is the virus which is commonly referred to as genital herpes which does lay dormant for a period of time before flaring up. Pretty much there is no difference other than where the virus is found determines if a doctor diagnoses it's herpes simplex I or II.

According to the CDC many people never experience an outbreak or it is so mild that they never noticed it, especially in women. The virus can also live in dormancy forever.

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When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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(in reply to Wolf2Bear)

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:07:51 AM

DesFIP

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With that said, there are many people who wildly overestimate the odds of getting one. But if they choose to lower the odds to zero, that's their right. Just as they have the right to turn someone down for age or height or weight.

Unfortunately I believe your friend is right. This will strongly lower her chances of finding someone. I'm not talking about should people believe all the scary rumors floating around, but about what they will do.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:14:50 AM

IronBear

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Would you close the door on a potential partner because of an STD?

Would depend on the person and the STD involved.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:20:26 AM

MsAlisedeSade

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YES! My health is too valuable to me to take risks with some who has an STD. Sorry about your friend it is unfortunate. You get Hep C the same way you contract HIV. This disease kills people Sometimes it's hard to look someone you care about in the face and say so when was the last time you were tested? Can I see your paperwork? or Say sorry I don't have unprotected sex. Does that tattoo shop have an audio clave what does the health dept say about their business? Or better yet does that Domina who does medical play? But If I don't do those things then I could end up with some awful disease that may never go away, cervical cancer or death. My body means enough to me to protect it. Maybe I am paranoid but when I had surgery previous to I had them draw my blood just in case of an emergency on the table. I would not end my friendship I would not risk my life or my health.

< Message edited by MsAlisedeSade -- 5/24/2010 5:37:16 AM >

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:21:46 AM

lusciouslips19

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I would never presume to be so high and mighty as to think I am better than those with an STD. The people who say they would never be with one who has one is woefully ignorant ,being that most people already have HPVand its not testable in men and most people have some form of herpes in their system.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:26:17 AM

Wolf2Bear

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade

NO! My health is too valuable to me to take risks with some who has an STD. Sorry about your friend it is unfortunate. You get Hep C the same way you contract HIV. This disease kills people Sometimes it's hard to look someone you care about in the face and say so when was the last time you were tested? Can I see your paperwork? or Say sorry I don't have unprotected sex or do anything that exchanges body fluid. But If I don't do those things then I could end up with some awful disease that may never go away, cervical cancer or death. My body means enough to me to protect it. Maybe I am paranoid but when I had surgery previous to I had them draw my blood just in case of an emergency on the table. I would not end my friendship I would not risk my life.

Sorry but HIV has many various way of being transmitted. Hep C is contracted through tainted blood and tainted blood products only.

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:28:03 AM

mistoferin

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade
You get Hep C the same way you contract HIV.

Actually, from what I have read this is not accurate. It would appear that it is far easier to transmit HIV sexually than it is HepC. Also, it is apparently not something that is commonly tested for, even when asking to be tested for STD's. She was tested for it because she was being prescribed a drug that is very hard for your liver to metabolize.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

(in reply to MsAlisedeSade)

Post #: 12

RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:33:45 AM

Wolf2Bear

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To rephrase my earlier answer and be less snarky, I would seriously have to weigh out the risk levels and if I was able to deal with having a partner with a STD. Overall, if the person was worth getting involved with, yea I would stand by them and take a chance by getting intimately involved. It all boils down to there's much more to a person than a viral STD they caught or any other STD which in most cases is curable.

Since most are focused on Hep C or HIV which both have no cure; again if the person was well worth getting involved with then I would. I have close friends who are afflicted by one or the other or both and they still are friends. As to my edited earlier post, it was written from snarkiness which I immediately censored.

< Message edited by Wolf2Bear -- 5/24/2010 5:36:51 AM >

_____________________________

~Resident Sadist Approved~

Take the pain
Take the pleasure
I'm the master of both
Close your eyes, not your mind
Let me into your soul
I'm gonna work it 'til your totally blown

(in reply to mistoferin)

Post #: 13

RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:35:36 AM

sunshinemiss

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It's not who you fuck, it's how you fuck.

How is it possible that in this day and age people don't know that?

Two of my dearest friends are married. She had herpes when they met. He contracted it eventually. As he pointed out... he loves her, they have each other, there is no risk for having children, and who cares? He takes a pill on occasion. pffffffffffft.

I would pause if it was HIV. I'd be exceedingly careful, but would I say no to someone? Of course not. I'm *EDUCATED* about STDs and how to prevent them. And frankly, I'd rather be with someone who knows they have one and takes care of their health... that is someone who also is educated and aware.. as opposed to all those people walking around with this and that and not knowing it and pretending there is no danger.

As for what you can say to your friend, erin, well... she has a good point. Ignorant people will think she's tainted. Ignorant people will decide she's not worth it. Does she really want an ignorant person?

As for what you can tell her, tell her to get mad! That's the thing that will give her energy and power and a strong backbone to those yahoos that give her a hard time.

Best,
sunshine

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:42:19 AM

MsAlisedeSade

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Semen is a blood product as well as vaginal secretions. MY health is MY responsibility. So if that protects ME. Thats all I care about. I read what they had to say about transmission. It's say's blood and tainted blood products. They do test for surgeries and the fact that I have tattoos I had to fill out a form for HepC testing when I got mine(surgery. You can ask to be tested. There is nothing wrong about taking responsibility for your health. No one has to live with it but you. I take the condition of my body seriously. I see nothing wrong with minimizing the risk for infection. It's not exactly the common cold.
Don't take my comments to be snarky. The question is would you close the door on a potential partner because of an STD.
I close the door on potential visits from my friends if they have a cold. I am mild Germaphobe. And have earned the nickname "Monk" from friends and family.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Wolf2Bear

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsAlisedeSade

NO! My health is too valuable to me to take risks with some who has an STD. Sorry about your friend it is unfortunate. You get Hep C the same way you contract HIV. This disease kills people Sometimes it's hard to look someone you care about in the face and say so when was the last time you were tested? Can I see your paperwork? or Say sorry I don't have unprotected sex or do anything that exchanges body fluid. But If I don't do those things then I could end up with some awful disease that may never go away, cervical cancer or death. My body means enough to me to protect it. Maybe I am paranoid but when I had surgery previous to I had them draw my blood just in case of an emergency on the table. I would not end my friendship I would not risk my life.

Sorry but HIV has many various way of being transmitted. Hep C is contracted through tainted blood and tainted blood products only.

< Message edited by MsAlisedeSade -- 5/24/2010 6:11:25 AM >

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 5:51:39 AM

GraciousLady

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mistoferin, I believe your friend is in a very hard and sad situation and my heart goes out to her. I have 2 people in my life with hep c so I am well aquainted with it. My sister and my late best friend. It is true that the transmision of hep c is not usual through sexual activity but I have just lost my best friend to liver cancer caused by hep c. She contracted it from her husband through sex. The fact that transmission does happen is why it's classified as an STD. Your friend is correct to be concerned she can give it to someone else. However, she deserves a chance at a normal life with love and companionship and her illness should not stop her from seeking a partner. She just has to tell any potentialy serious partner she has about the disease and let them decide if they want to take the chance however slim it is. Obviously, she can not have sex with anyone unless she tells them she has it and casual sex is over for her.

My sister has been with her boy friend for over 20 years and he has shown no signs of the disease. She is very ill these past 2 years and her liver is failing. She is not, because of other health issues, a candidate for a transplant.

With both we had to be careful of the little things you don't usualy think about like hairdressers and paper cuts but oyur friend should not lock herself away from life. She just has to adjust to things.

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 6:04:21 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Would depend on the person and the STD involved.

Really, this reflects my views the best. It's a tricky question and not one I want get hypothetical about because there are so many variables.

If and when I come to such a tough decision, I will see what my heart and instincts tell me.

As an anecdote, when a good friend of mine came to me telling me that he had met a man he was enamoured with, I was so happy for him. One hitch, he told me: the man was HIV positive. Now I was young at the time, but faced this with an open mind. I met the potential partner in question and understood right away why my friend was enamoured with him. What a fabulous man. I still had quite a bit of concern for my friend, his health and safety, but at the same time, I trusted my friend. I asked him to pretty please be careful.

Fifteen years later, he and his partner are still together. And thanks to modern medicine and a really healthy lifestyle, his partner is living a rather healthy life (how many of you run 5K a day? ;-). They educated themselves and my friend gets tested annually, and no HIV.

This relationship was the best thing that ever happened to my friend as I think this is really the first time he got to really have a meaningful, loving, healthy relationship with someone.

So sometimes, it is important to weigh each situation individually and sometimes, it is worth it to take a risk.

- LA

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 6:04:26 AM

sunshinemiss

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quote:

Obviously, she can not have sex with anyone unless she tells them she has it and casual sex is over for her.

Why is casual sex over for her? Why can't she have sex without telling them? (obviously she *can* choose to... I'm wondering why she might not want to.) I don't really know the first thing about Hep C.

Thanks,
sunshine

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 6:05:08 AM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

if you met someone that you really could see yourself having a successful relationship with, would you turn them away because of an STD? Would it depend on the STD? If so, where would you draw the line?

No, I wouldn't turn them away JUST because of an STD. And, I would add, I don't think it matters HOW a person got Hep C. Feeling sympathy for them if they got it a certain way but judging if they got it another way is really kind of self-righteous and shitty imho. That's like feeling sorry for someone who got HIV from a blood transfusion but thinking they kinda deserve it if they got it from anal sex. If someone got hep C from shooting up, that doesn't make them any more deserving of it than if they got it from a medical procedure. Or at least it doesn't in my book. I'd tell your friend to read up on Hep C. I know people with it and it hasn't affected them much at all. It's not a death sentence and doesn't have to considered such a horrible condition......luci

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RE: Would you close the door on a potential partner bec... - 5/24/2010 6:08:42 AM

Aynne88

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quote:

ORIGINAL: sunshinemiss

It's not who you fuck, it's how you fuck.

How is it possible that in this day and age people don't know that?

Two of my dearest friends are married. She had herpes when they met. He contracted it eventually. As he pointed out... he loves her, they have each other, there is no risk for having children, and who cares? He takes a pill on occasion. pffffffffffft.

I would pause if it was HIV. I'd be exceedingly careful, but would I say no to someone? Of course not. I'm *EDUCATED* about STDs and how to prevent them. And frankly, I'd rather be with someone who knows they have one and takes care of their health... that is someone who also is educated and aware.. as opposed to all those people walking around with this and that and not knowing it and pretending there is no danger.

As for what you can say to your friend, erin, well... she has a good point. Ignorant people will think she's tainted. Ignorant people will decide she's not worth it. Does she really want an ignorant person?

As for what you can tell her, tell her to get mad! That's the thing that will give her energy and power and a strong backbone to those yahoos that give her a hard time.

Best,
sunshine

Exactly what sunshine said. I have lupus so my immune system is whacked and compromised anyway, and I have never , even under those conditions, *to my knowledge* contracted any kind of sexually transmitted disease . However I don't play casually to the extreme I do with my SO, and with him, we exchange all bodily fluids, including watersports. Yeah I know early in the day for that. ;) I think it comes down to being more informed and aware of how to take care of yourself and less about being a judgemental closed minded person. You could miss out on the absolute love of your life that way.

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