If I knew then, what I know now

If I knew then, what I know now (Full Version)

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laurell3 -> If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 5:23:45 PM)
Reading a thread here made me realize that we take for granted what we have learned along the way about bdsm and/or D/s and the process of finding partners. I can remember what I thought when I was new and as compared to what I know now, it's laughable and I realize, I'm never done learning and I'm sure I will laugh at myself again. In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had? (this is a list of possible discussion topics, not necessarily all inclusive, feel free to expound and as always, humor is welcome). ___________________ To answer for myself, I started out a submissive only with a GIGANTIC list of hard limits. Now I identify as a switch (albeit in a rather limited capacity), and my list of limits is much shorter and my capacity to trust in myself and find a partner that works for me is much greater. I struggled in the beginning understanding myself and my desires and certainly learned to be more comfortable with this aspect of myself and accept it as well as any number of other things such as what I am truly seeking. I learned not to settle. I learned that I can be submissive without ever having to be what anyone else thought I should be. I definitely learned, I want this, but I don't need it bad enough to compromise my own beliefs. That's just for starters. I'm made some incredibly stupid mistakes along the way, but I won't belabor the opening with it at this point.

realcoolhand -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 5:34:26 PM)
Thank you for this thread; as a n-n-newbie, I really will appreciate hearing a few good war stories and, hopefully, gaining a little insight.

Kana -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 5:43:37 PM)
-The simplest, and hardest thing, was realizing that she wanted, hell needed, me to take the reins. Well that, and that whisks and blowtorches are a bad combination as insertables. :-)

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 5:45:35 PM)
Shudders and laughs at the same time.....blowtorches huh?

Kana -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 5:50:33 PM)
It went more like insert whisk, light torch, apply or I could just be funning...

Andalusite -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 6:23:44 PM)
I had a lot of mental struggle with the concept of submission until I actually tried it, and was adamant for years that that wouldn't work for me, even though I enjoyed bottoming. I don't feel I made any major mistakes on D/s or BDSM - there is one person who I wouldn't have dated if I'd known better, but for reasons that weren't related to power exchange or BDSM. My last relationship and previous relationship also broke up for non-kink-related reasons. I still feel they are both wonderful people, though.

IronBear -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 6:31:54 PM)
I'm stepping away for a moment from the BDSM or Kink arena and drawing from almost 65 years of living. If I had known what I know now (20/20 hind-sight is wondrous), there are a number of people I have hurt, some not so much and some deeply all of whom I could have and would now handle differently without loosing honour, pride or material things. I have made executive decisions based on intelligence at hand at that time which caused deaths, now I know unnecessary deaths of troopers under my command. I has alternatives but didn't take them. I have made two large fortunes which I lost due to in one instance blindly believing my second wife we as loyal to our marriage and to me as I was to her and the marriage. Wrong it cost me AU$2.5 million. The second I was arrogant enough to take not the advise of two Govt. departments and move my funds several times to another Swiss Bank. My mistake so funds are frozen until the mess can be adjudicated or I decease in which case Neets gets the whole lot and is home free. On a BDSM/Kink/Lifestyle basis, had I not been so bloody minded I possibly could have enjoyed the company and service of subs whilst I awaited for a slave (or a sub may have found her slave belly in my collar). I watch, I learn and I ask questions so I rarely make the identical mistake twice these days. Perhaps age does bring some modicum of wisdom.

KnightofMists -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 6:33:23 PM)
The biggest mistake I have ever made was bringing someone into mine and Alandra's life that was not right for either of us. The fact of the matter was that the information was there to be seen but I choose not to see it. I ignored my own instincts and instead listened to the words without validating their truth. Alandra being a good slave allowed me to make the decisions and held her doubts and concerns to herself and I never pressed to get her feelings and thoughts. Maybe because I instinctively knew what they were and I didn't want to hear them. Having said that.. this mistake brought about the greatest amount of learning that I have had within my entire experience of this lifestyle. It has helped to bring to myself to a deep understanding of what works in my world. I also learned that what has come easily for Alandra and I have not been an advantage when it come to bringing others into our life. Fortunately, the learning gained was in place before Kyra came into my life and as such.. I made it alot easier for her than I could of in the past.

sweetsub1957 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 6:36:07 PM)
~Fast Reply~ Just because Someone says They're Dominant, it does NOT mean they're entitled to a blowjob to prove you're submissive. Just because you're kinky it doesn't mean you should throw common sense out the window. Be yourself, because there is Someone out there that will want you for who you really are. It may take time to find Him, He's worth the wait. ~sweetsub~

lusciouslips19 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 6:44:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 Reading a thread here made me realize that we take for granted what we have learned along the way about bdsm and/or D/s and the process of finding partners. I can remember what I thought when I was new and as compared to what I know now, it's laughable and I realize, I'm never done learning and I'm sure I will laugh at myself again. In the context of bdsm and D/s, it's easy to toss advice to someone that's new, but can you admit the mistakes you have made? Did you struggle with accepting this part of you and if so, how did you deal with that? Do you ever still struggle with it? What have you learned about yourself and others? Is there anything you would change if you could? What do you think is the most important learning experience you have had? (this is a list of possible discussion topics, not necessarily all inclusive, feel free to expound and as always, humor is welcome). ___________________ To answer for myself, I started out a submissive only with a GIGANTIC list of hard limits. Now I identify as a switch (albeit in a rather limited capacity), and my list of limits is much shorter and my capacity to trust in myself and find a partner that works for me is much greater. I struggled in the beginning understanding myself and my desires and certainly learned to be more comfortable with this aspect of myself and accept it as well as any number of other things such as what I am truly seeking. I learned not to settle. I learned that I can be submissive without ever having to be what anyone else thought I should be. I definitely learned, I want this, but I don't need it bad enough to compromise my own beliefs. That's just for starters. I'm made some incredibly stupid mistakes along the way, but I won't belabor the opening with it at this point. Well I believe dear you were witness to some of my mistakes and thanks for the kick in the pants. I have learned to take things slower, be more cautious and to trust my instincts. Due to this, I have finally met a dominant that is right for me and I really am submissive with the one who awakens this. I did have my doubts along the way.

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:07:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: sweetsub1957 ~Fast Reply~ Just because Someone says They're Dominant, it does NOT mean they're entitled to a blowjob to prove you're submissive. Ron will be so disappointed.

realcoolhand -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:08:26 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: IronBear I'm stepping away for a moment from the BDSM or Kink arena and drawing from almost 65 years of living. If I had known what I know now (20/20 hind-sight is wondrous), there are a number of people I have hurt, some not so much and some deeply all of whom I could have and would now handle differently without loosing honour, pride or material things. Good post, sir.

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:08:37 PM)
You're welcome, I'm always good for a kick in the pants. I'm pleased you found someone, enjoy!

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:09:41 PM)
Thank you KoM and everyone so far for sharing.

slavelynn95008 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:17:07 PM)
The hardest part was realizing you can't please everyone!

realcoolhand -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:20:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slavelynn95008 The hardest part was realizing you can't please everyone! I want desperately to make a silly comment, but I'm not gonna do it, because this is an awesome thread.

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:21:22 PM)
Come on, I'm the OP, silliness is encouraged always!

realcoolhand -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:25:43 PM)
Oh, alright, you talked me into it: "I know that I can't please everyone, but I've seen what you're working with, and it's worth a shot." Edited for italicization.

realcoolhand -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:27:52 PM)
Or, in the alternative: "Sure you can; you can hand out money as good as the next guy."

laurell3 -> RE: If I knew then, what I know now (6/4/2010 8:32:34 PM)
haha yeah, that's an expensive form of popularity which is oh so temporary anyway.

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