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letting go - 6/11/2010 3:09:33 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		pinched from something a couple of guys here have recently discussed on another thread it occured to me that the process of letting go is simple, but the process of getting there for some people just isnt.  there is a period of learning how to, to trust and let those barriers down.

actually letting go is incredibly easy for me now, but there was a time before the penny dropped where i felt i was missing the point somewhere.  my submission felt like a struggle, that little inner voice kept getting in the way.  things like pride, embarrassment, vulnerability, self protection, fear of being hurt, of being altered too much, of losing myself and my identity, of being exposed and so on.

i dont worry about those things anymore and i sat here for a bit trying to work out why and tried to think back to that moment when the penny did drop and i experienced that amazing feeling of absolute freedom and happyness.

now, for me its simply a matter of letting go of all my insecurities and trusting - letting it all wash away and just be that instrument, person, individual and female submissive creature, there to please and give pleasure.  i wonder sometimes at how hard i found it to start with when it is actually such a simple thing to do.

im curious now about how others have reached whatever point of letting go they are most comfortable with, in all aspects of submission, from play to TPE.  was there a eurekka moment for you, did it take a time, was it fairly immediate, was it easy or hard.  what process, mental or emotional did you go through if any.  what were youre struggles and hurdles that you had to overcome.

and to the Dominants here, is the process of struggle in a sub something you feel as part of building the bond of trust or would you rather the sub/slave be able to submit and let go immediately (another thought pinched from a thread about experienced subs/slaves)

being nosey again...


< Message edited by lally2 -- 6/11/2010 3:32:13 PM >

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 3:31:44 PM   
littlewonder


Posts: 15659
Status: offline 		With Master letting go was relatively easy. It just took being with the right man.

Now when we were first chatting online he'll tell you that's bullshit lol....but once we met in person and I realized I wanted to be with him, it was easy and it gets easier the longer we're together.

Anytime I've had a difficult time letting go it was because there were problems with the relationship and our compatibility.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 3:40:32 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		me and my stupid behaviors......they sure  are hard to 'let go'!!!!

the lessons get harder and harder every week/day/minute.....if letting go is the goal....someone send me the good vibes will ya?


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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 3:45:20 PM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

me and my stupid behaviors......they sure  are hard to 'let go'!!!!

the lessons get harder and harder every week/day/minute.....if letting go is the goal....someone send me the good vibes will ya?




i think in a way i was kinda thinking of you when i wrote this, only because youre in youre first Ms relationship and if youre anything like i was, letting go felt like an obstacle i couldnt get a grip of.  i knew i was missing something integral but i couldnt fathom out what it was.

like littlewonder said, its being with the right man, and since you clearly are, just let it roll along and itll come.  one day the penny will drop and youll fly

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to bestheadyet)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 3:49:03 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		send me penny dropping vibes then....lol

oxoxoxo to lally

let me add this....this old girl went from crying happy tears one night this week.......to bawling endlessly for 2 days over an infraction or 3.

pain=love=pain=love 
and the beat goes on ..........


< Message edited by bestheadyet -- 6/11/2010 3:53:01 PM >

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 4:14:46 PM   
kiwisub12


Posts: 4742
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		My letting-go moment came when Sir asked me about what i liked sexually. I already knew what he liked, and i was tempted to give him the old "whatever you like" routine.

I actually came out and said exactly what i liked - which for me was HUGE. I had been a people pleaser all my life, so being assertive and stating what i liked was way out of the ordinary  - but, i wanted this relationship to work!  Really work, for both of us, and for me the key was being honest about who and what i was. No hiding, no saying "but i was trying to  make you happy", no trying to guess what he wanted.  Just flat out stating what i liked.

My letting go of my fears , and trusting him to cherish me was what made our relationship so good.

It was very scary and very freeing at the same time, and i can't see going back to old behaviours now.   Free at last, free at last!

< Message edited by kiwisub12 -- 6/11/2010 4:15:28 PM >

(in reply to bestheadyet)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 4:37:57 PM   
Missokyst


Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline 		It has always been easy for me since I have always done this stuff.  But, when I say easy I mean once I am with someone who sparks that "whoa" moment, I am all belly up for them.  I need that to submit.  <g> but I have had that across the room when first looking at the sun shining over a lock of blond hair. I think it is more instinct than anything.

(in reply to lally2)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:02:48 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline 		Thanks for posting this lally...this is something that I think about...I've been "the boss" in all areas of my life for so long that I know I will have some struggles letting go.

What will be the most difficult thing for me is having any kind of dependence on someone... I've always been so fiercly independent, so ready to prove how capable I was and have rarely asked for help from anyone... in fact I'm the one that people come to for help. I've experienced and achieved a lot in my life and do take pride in my accomplishments...

I'm sure at this stage anyone reading this is thinking "How the hell does this woman think she'll ever be a good submissive?".

The answer is simple... the two best relationships in my life were with very Dominant men, men that I trusted implicitly and I found it so easy to let go with them. I felt so much pleasure in pleasing them and I liked the woman they inspired me to be by bringing out the best parts of my nature.

I look forward to being that woman again.



_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to lally2)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:03:12 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		For me, it is always hard to let go emotionally of a relationship in which I had invested a good part of my heart. Neets interestingly finds it much harder in part I think because she sees my hurt as well as her own. If I was looking bat a girl who was going through this, I will give her the time she needs as well as what ever counselling band other professional help I was able to do so. I have found that Dominants (Masters and Mistresses) who take an interest and genuinely care about a potential collar are also building trust and rapport with that sub/slave. I'll add here for the cynics too, that it has been my experience (taken from helping people build personal businesses), if you put to one side your own personal agenda and financial expectations, but focus on helping another, (I.E. you do not have $ signs in your eyes) you to gain genuine trust and potentially a good lasting friendship. Same applies in this case. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to Missokyst)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:24:34 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

I've always been so fiercly independent, so ready to prove how capable I was and have rarely asked for help from anyone... in fact I'm the one that people come to for help. I've experienced and achieved a lot in my life and do take pride in my accomplishments...

I felt so much pleasure in pleasing them and I liked the woman they inspired me to be by bringing out the best parts of my nature.




This is me But the the last statement in your quote summed it so well.

Being being with the right Dom ... the one that "inspired" me ... there's nothing else like it. It's extremely easy for me to let go and be me.


(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:26:21 PM   
bestheadyet


Posts: 266
Joined: 2/3/2010
Status: offline 		kallisto.....best profile pic EVER ....well except for jefff's!
nothing tops anteater lol

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:44:40 PM   
Icarys


Posts: 5757
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Thanks for posting this lally...this is something that I think about...I've been "the boss" in all areas of my life for so long that I know I will have some struggles letting go.

What will be the most difficult thing for me is having any kind of dependence on someone... I've always been so fiercly independent, so ready to prove how capable I was and have rarely asked for help from anyone... in fact I'm the one that people come to for help. I've experienced and achieved a lot in my life and do take pride in my accomplishments...

I'm sure at this stage anyone reading this is thinking "How the hell does this woman think she'll ever be a good submissive?".

The answer is simple... the two best relationships in my life were with very Dominant men, men that I trusted implicitly and I found it so easy to let go with them. I felt so much pleasure in pleasing them and I liked the woman they inspired me to be by bringing out the best parts of my nature.

I look forward to being that woman again.



The last part is nice but that word "inspire" always irks me. Seriously, if someone needs that extra push to be who they want to be.....(Certain words just conjure up dirty feelings :>Like princess or switch and catchphrases like...Mind body and soul!)Makes me think people are waiting on someone to come into their lives before they work on being a "better" person or somehow something different than they are now. Ahh let us daydream together of the future and what rosy pastel days full of cake for everyone it will be! There will be butterflies and tons of sunshine!

You fiercely independent types have it rough for sure...wanting to let go and relinquish control but fighting that nature around almost every turn. Don't worry though..you are NOT alone :>. The ratio has to be in the 1000's to 1 with females such as yourself.

Wow what a roller-coaster ride for the two of you it can be.

Good luck, jb.


_____________________________

submission - the feeling of patient, submissive humbleness - the state of being submissive or compliant; meekness.

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(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 5:56:29 PM   
jbcurious


Posts: 717
Joined: 3/13/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Icarys

quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious

Thanks for posting this lally...this is something that I think about...I've been "the boss" in all areas of my life for so long that I know I will have some struggles letting go.

What will be the most difficult thing for me is having any kind of dependence on someone... I've always been so fiercly independent, so ready to prove how capable I was and have rarely asked for help from anyone... in fact I'm the one that people come to for help. I've experienced and achieved a lot in my life and do take pride in my accomplishments...

I'm sure at this stage anyone reading this is thinking "How the hell does this woman think she'll ever be a good submissive?".

The answer is simple... the two best relationships in my life were with very Dominant men, men that I trusted implicitly and I found it so easy to let go with them. I felt so much pleasure in pleasing them and I liked the woman they inspired me to be by bringing out the best parts of my nature.

I look forward to being that woman again.



The last part is nice but that word "inspire" always irks me. Seriously, if someone needs that extra push to be who they want to be.....(Certain words just conjure up dirty feelings :>Like princess or switch and catchphrases like...Mind body and soul!)Makes me think people are waiting on someone to come into their lives before they work on being a "better" person or somehow something different than they are now. Ahh let us daydream together of the future and what rosy pastel days full of cake for everyone it will be! There will be butterflies and tons of sunshine!

You fiercely independent types have it rough for sure...wanting to let go and relinquish control but fighting that nature around almost every turn. Don't worry though..you are NOT alone :>. The ratio has to be in the 1000's to 1 with females such as yourself.

Wow what a roller-coaster ride for the two of you it can be.

Good luck, jb.



I see it more like a wolf pack... watch what happens when a beta male tries to mate with an alpha female... It's not a pretty sight. Then watch how easily she bellies up and offers herself to the alpha male. : )

There may be a few snarles and growles...but I'm not seeing a roller coaster in my future. : )

Thanks for the "Good Luck" x

_____________________________

'Smile... it's the second best thing to do with your lips.'


I have an explosive personality...


(in reply to Icarys)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 6:08:07 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: bestheadyet

kallisto.....best profile pic EVER ....well except for jefff's!
nothing tops anteater lol



Thanks and I so agree!!!!

(in reply to bestheadyet)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 6:14:59 PM   
IronBear


Posts: 9008
Joined: 6/19/2005
From: Beenleigh, Qld, Australia
Status: offline 		Like the wolf pack analogy. Our pack is myself, my wife, Storm (male Alaskan Malamute) and RaRa (female Siberian Husky/Alaskan Malamute). Any infraction by the two four-legged teens, I deal with it as pack leader (Alpha male).. pushing head down to ground, scruff of neck and forcing the dog to roll over (forced submission), biting ears or muzzle. Just using normal pack leader techniques. (Storm as a strong wolf strain in him too). Otherwise stroking chests to de-excite them and both Neets and I groom them, then they groom us... Fun, hair and legs everywhere so things ends up in a general play wrestle with RaRa protecting her special human (Neets and Storm protecting his human (Me). I find this works for M/s relationships once the Dominance Hierarchy is established.  I also found that such activities with others close help the grieving and letting go when you loose a member of your personal pack. We may pretend to be sophisticated humans but strip off the thin veneer of bull shit laid on over the centuries and especially in the West and you expose barbarians who have close behavioural ties to the Wilde. I die (next millennium or the one after), I'll have prepaid a jolly large wake and let the weeping, wailing and much gnashing of teeth begin until the grieving is over. 

_____________________________

Iron Bear

Master of Bruin Cottage

http://www.bruincottage.org

Your attitude, words & actions are yours. Take responsibility for them and the consequences they incur.

D.I.L.L.I.G.A.F.

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 6:41:36 PM   
JstAnotherSub


Posts: 6174
Status: offline 		I have often tried to figure out what it was about "him" that made me let go so easily,  Now I have given up on figuring out why, and just accepted that it happened because it was meant to happen.

I wonder, like others, how I will ever let go that much again, especially after making all decisions for my self fo so long.

I just have to believe that it will happen again, when it is meant to.

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yep

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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 6:54:54 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

pinched from something a couple of guys here have recently discussed on another thread it occured to me that the process of letting go is simple, but the process of getting there for some people just isnt.  there is a period of learning how to, to trust and let those barriers down.

actually letting go is incredibly easy for me now, but there was a time before the penny dropped where i felt i was missing the point somewhere.  my submission felt like a struggle, that little inner voice kept getting in the way.  things like pride, embarrassment, vulnerability, self protection, fear of being hurt, of being altered too much, of losing myself and my identity, of being exposed and so on.


The struggles I have have nothing to do with any of these reasons. I trust him completely and we live a very realistic relationship. My problems almost always occur in transition stages for me. They occur when I have to change gears and go from being mom, business owner, brownie leader in one breathe to being his in the next. I haven't found the right way for my brain to grasp this or to merge the two. He'll tell me to do something and instinctively I say no. Not because I don't want to do what he just told me to do, but because for the previous 48 hours I've been the one calling the shots. That's my struggle. He realizes it and we are kinda just trying different things to help me mentally shift gears. It's just trial and error.
Physically...he can and does anything he wants to me and I never struggle with it. I crave whatever he wants to do to me.



< Message edited by Aileen1968 -- 6/11/2010 6:56:48 PM >

_____________________________



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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 8:08:30 PM   
leadership527


Posts: 5026
Joined: 6/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jbcurious
I see it more like a wolf pack... watch what happens when a beta male tries to mate with an alpha female... It's not a pretty sight. Then watch how easily she bellies up and offers herself to the alpha male. : )

Point taken, but a total myth of course. I'm frequently amused at how wolves are used as examples in the BDSM community, yet nobody seems to have bothered to find out how wolf packs actually work.

_____________________________

~Jeff

I didn't so much "enslave" Carol as I did "enlove" her. - Me
I want a joyous, loving, respectful relationship where the male is in charge and deserves to be. - DavanKael

(in reply to jbcurious)
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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 8:24:27 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Three hours of direct private interrogation did it to me, best thing that ever happened to me to be so completely broken down so fast and so hard.

But you know, normal track it's just sharing experiences and time together.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: letting go - 6/11/2010 8:31:51 PM   
laurell3


Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline 		Icarys I think the number might be quite a bit higher than you think.

I don't have a hard time letting go once I get there. However the process it takes for me to get to that place where I really trust myself in the hands and mind of another can be painstakingly tedious for them. After massive amounts of communication and sometimes even talking about the same thing more than once, I reach my comfort zone and it's all easy after that. I think I must be a bit off though because so many people here say meet someone within a few phone calls. I just can't see the point to that at all. If I haven't gotten to the mental and emotional trust stage, meeting would do nothing to get me there and would most likely just frustrate them more.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

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