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Proprietrix -> RE: Newbie seeking advice RE: pro domme (4/12/2006 5:18:35 AM)
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1. Do Y/you think that seeing a Pro-Domme for a first BDSM experience is a good idea?
That depends on what you want to learn and experience. If you want to learn about relationship dynamics, then no. If you want to experience a "scene", then yes. Keep in mind that you are not paying her to be your mentor or teacher. you are paying her for a very short-term period (usually about an hour) to put you in a role. All Pros are different. Some are very caring women who will be more than happy to just sit and have coffee (and maybe throw in a few pointers about how you can better serve that coffee) and answer a list of questions you might have about the lifestyle. Unfortunately, there's a large portion of them out there who will have little regard to your newness and just go forward with a "typical" scene. If nothing else, you can mark the session up to experience and move on, but there's a large percentage chance that your session with her is really not going to accurately portray "the lifestyle".
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2. She has said very little of etiquette, other than just being polite and courteous, is there anything i should do/watch out for?
Polite and courteous goes a long way. Use the same decorum you would use with any other paid professional, but it's definitely ok to have a sense of humor. She might prefer you address her as "Ma'am". Be sure to thank her at the end of the session. Really, basic manners gets everyone far in life.
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3. She mentioned the possibility of developing a non-professional relationship if things go well, in Y/your experience, is that actually a realistic possibility?
This made me very uncomfortable to read!
First, I find it highly unprofessional for her to even say such a thing. I agree with Arpig that it sounds more like a marketing ploy. If she has a personal interest in you, she should know well enough that a pro scene and a personal relationship are two very different dynamics and that one rarely (if ever?) can lead to the other.
When I was Proing, if I had a personal interest in a sub, I never let them become a client in the first place. I wanted to pursue the relationship based on mutual interest, not a price tag.
It may be different if you had many sessions with a Pro and a personal interest began forming on both sides over time, but that's not the situation between you and her. you may want to be cautious in getting your hopes up for anything after the scene.
I don't think it will be a great learning experience about living the lifestyle, but it could be an excellent opportunity to learn about different types of BDSM play. Any new experience is a good opportunity to learn, even if it's to say "I don't want to do that again." or to offer another newbie down the road your experience to better help them make a similar decision.
I would just really caution you on that whole forming a personal relationship based on how a pro session goes. It's like deciding whether or not to eat an apple based on how the oranges tasted.
And don't look at pro sessions as your only way of learning. Go to local munches and play parties. Visit a dungeon. Talk on the forums a lot. Get a few mentors (both Dom and sub), join some groups (online or local). Read. Listen. But most of all, start learning about yourself and what it is you do and don't want, expect, and believe.
Have fun at your session.
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