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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:35:05 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am an odd duck, while there are places in me that I don't feel super confident, I do feel confident as a whole person. That said, I have had partners that intimidated me, I mean if they don't, how special are they anyway.

Not from my perspective. I can find someone phenomenally special and not be intimidated by them.

quote:

I think if your partner doesn't intimidate you a bit, you aren't trying hard enough, you are picking off stragglers

Because I have never been intimidated by my past partners and because I've almost exclusively dated exceptional people, I wholeheartedly disagree with you on this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

In the end, don't we all want someone a little bit, "better" than we are?

Not in my case. I want to meet my match. He'll be better at something and I'll be better at others. That said, better is highly subjective.

- LA

< Message edited by LadyAngelika -- 6/13/2010 8:38:27 AM >

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:36:36 AM

Jeffff

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That's why I "better" in quotes.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:38:05 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

That's why I "better" in quotes.

Alright, so can you define "better" a bit more please?

- LA

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Post #: 23

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:39:26 AM

Jeffff

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Not really... but I know it when I see it.

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Post #: 24

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:41:39 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Not really... but I know it when I see it.

Then can you give an example? I'm trying to understand your perspective.

I admit that I've never really been able to get into the headspace of people being better, or being too good or not good enough for others.

- LA

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Post #: 25

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:45:46 AM

Jeffff

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I suppose. better in some undefinable ways. I do not feel intimidated by women, or men for that matter.

I am a man with one or two flaws..:). It would be nice if she were better in some things.

Balance is the key. I like me, I like me a lot actually...:).

If she were not better in some areas I would not be interested.

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 8:49:16 AM

SimplyMichael

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am an odd duck, while there are places in me that I don't feel super confident, I do feel confident as a whole person. That said, I have had partners that intimidated me, I mean if they don't, how special are they anyway.

Not from my perspective. I can find someone phenomenally special and not be intimidated by them.

Perhaps "in awe" would be better although the word is a bit "big"....

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:00:00 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I suppose. better in some undefinable ways. I do not feel intimidated by women, or men for that matter.

I am a man with one or two flaws..:). It would be nice if she were better in some things.

Balance is the key. I like me, I like me a lot actually...:).

If she were not better in some areas I would not be interested.

Like you, I like me. My life is rich and amazing. That said, I want someone who adds value to my life and make it even better.

I can relate to your statement on that level if it makes sense.

- LA

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Post #: 28

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:01:28 AM

Jeffff

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Yes it does.

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Post #: 29

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:04:08 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

I am an odd duck, while there are places in me that I don't feel super confident, I do feel confident as a whole person. That said, I have had partners that intimidated me, I mean if they don't, how special are they anyway.

Not from my perspective. I can find someone phenomenally special and not be intimidated by them.

Perhaps "in awe" would be better although the word is a bit "big"....

While "in awe" is a bit big, I do like it better than "intimidated by" as it has much more positive connotation. For me, intimidation is based in fear whereas awe connotes much more a sense of admiration.

I have found myself overwhelmed with the feelings that I've had for someone and in awe that I've found someone so perfect for me. Those feelings were void of any fear, but rather basked in a sense of glory and deep satisfaction.

I've always considered admiration to be one of the key traits partners need to have for one another for a relationship to have a fighting chance.

- LA

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Post #: 30

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:05:22 AM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

Yes it does.

Good! :-)

- LA

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Post #: 31

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:26:22 AM

BKSir

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EDIT: Hold on, I'm a dork... >.< Reply incoming shortly.

< Message edited by BKSir -- 6/13/2010 9:27:02 AM >

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RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:31:11 AM

LadyHibiscus

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I just don't do the "intimidated" thing. Pride, sure, but I really don't have the "why are they with ME?" feeling.

Of course, I am open to meeting this extra fabulous dude that will wow me every second with his awesomeness!!

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Post #: 33

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:35:26 AM

BKSir

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2
moral of the story: if this person wants to be with you, enjoys youre company, sees whatever they see in you as someone worth being with then dont drag the whole thing down with insecurity. believe they are sincere and enjoy youreselves.

I really like this thought and couldn't agree more. However, I wonder if it might not be one of those 'easier said than done' kind of things sometimes / for some people. Maybe not even on a conscious level, but deep down in the psyche I wonder about the insecurities gnawing a bit.

quote:

ORIGINAL: childoftheshadow

I don't question the "why", more the "how". How did I get so lucky? I must have done something pretty amazing in a previous life to end up with someone like him. I tell him so often too. Thankfully he feels the same about me.

Excellent point I think here as well. I guess, sometimes one can get too caught up on the 'why' and even the 'how' to just accept that a simple "I don't know." or "Just because." are perfectly fine answers as well. I think that's something we lose as we get... uh... less young. ;) (I refuse the idea that I get older) Perhaps there are times in our lives that we really do need to look back to the days when we were wee kittens, and "because" was just as valid of a reason as anything else. Wouldn't life really be a lot easier if we did? (hypothetical question, that last part, maybe for another thread)

quote:

ORIGINAL: VaguelyCurious
Awesome people can often be pretty vulnerable-if your primary motive in interacting with them is their happiness (rather than getting them to demonstrate how awesome they are for you) then you're going to be pretty special to them.

I guess I'm in a different category than most, and I'm glad. I know exactly what you mean here, but at the same time I have a difficult time understanding how anyone could possibly be around someone who is that special to them without wishing first and foremost for that persons happiness. One of those, "I know people do it, but, how can they let themselves do that?" kind of things.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff
In the end, don't we all want someone a little bit, "better" than we are?

Holy hell, the anteater can actually give a serious answer!

Just kidding, you know I lurves ya Jeffff.

Actually, this answer really strikes a chord with me, and is a lot more complex than it seems at first glance. Not to mention, it rings true on many many levels.

Mostly, I think, there's the opposite of the question I originally brought up, which I neglected to consider at the time. The thought of "Why would I want to be around someone whom I need to dumb myself down for?" Why would a person want to be around someone like that, when it would make more sense to be around those 'better' than ones self, and strive to reach their levels in a way, to simply become 'better' as well?

It brings up a whole slew of other possibilities and thoughts. Thank you Jeffff.

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

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Post #: 34

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:37:31 AM

Ange1ica

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For a moment then, going by the subject title, I thought you were talking about a model of Jaguar car! I have a one track mind...

Angelica

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Post #: 35

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:38:08 AM

sexyred1

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I don't understand the being intimidated thing. Why? If you are confident in yourself no one can intimidate you. I have never been intimidated by a Dominant; we either have chemistry and things in common or we don't.

What I continually find surprising is when Dominants write me and tell me they viewed me for months but were "afraid" to contact me.

If they are too intimidated to write me, what else would they be too intimidated to do?

Confidence is very sexy, on everyone.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 36

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:48:17 AM

BKSir

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I was just outside thinking about this a bit more, and I'm surprised that no one mentioned this idea yet. Perhaps the other person is thinking the exact same things.

It's widely known that we are our own harshest critics, and every fault we see in ourselves is magnified exponentially, simply because we are constantly seeing it because it is us. But to the other person, we're just as 'flawless' and 'the perfect person for them', and they're asking "What can this person see in me."

_____________________________

We'll begin with a spin, traveling in a world of my creation. What we'll see will defy explanation.

I am the voices in your head.

BiggKatt Studios

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 37

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:57:03 AM

JhonDean

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Joined: 3/26/2010
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quote:

How I deal with it? I thank her every day for loving me. I do my best to be worthy of her and I trust in her love to make up the difference between what I can deliver and what she deserves.

I find your comment incredibly insightful and grounded.
Throughout all of life, we walk a many crossroads path and rarely allow others access to the corridors of our mind. However, you openly share a truth that I believe escapes dominants, especally, the female dominant.

(in reply to leadership527)

Post #: 38

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:57:16 AM

Andalusite

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Ideally, both (or all, in a poly situation) people will feel incredibly lucky to have found the person, and be amazed by how wonderful he or she is.

I think this ties in to what I was trying to get at on the IQ/wisdom thread. Even when both people are smart and well-educated, they'll each have different strengths and focuses. Making the most of the team, hopefully balancing out each others' weaker areas, is one of the benefits of having a partner.

I agree with lally that if someone feels very unconfident and is putting themselves down as unworthy, that it is very draining to try to shore up their self-esteem and reassure them. One of my previous partners felt that way, and while it didn't come across that he thought I was lying about what I saw in him, I couldn't fix his self-image.

(in reply to BKSir)

Post #: 39

RE: Intimidated by your s-type? - 6/13/2010 9:58:08 AM

LadyHibiscus

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From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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quote:

ORIGINAL: sexyred1

I don't understand the being intimidated thing. Why? If you are confident in yourself no one can intimidate you. I have never been intimidated by a Dominant; we either have chemistry and things in common or we don't.

What I continually find surprising is when Dominants write me and tell me they viewed me for months but were "afraid" to contact me.

If they are too intimidated to write me, what else would they be too intimidated to do?

Confidence is very sexy, on everyone.

Boldage mine--yay for Sexyred!

I get this bushwa all the time. Honestly, if a person is intimidated by my PROFILE, they don't have what it takes to serve me.

Regarding BK's remarking about "dumbing yourself down"--just don't do it! I tried really hard with a nice guy who was really below me intellectually... and the boredom took over BIG TIME. Not his fault, if you don't have it you don't have it. Why bother, though? I'm not saying that all our friends have to be supergeniuses, but there is no advantage to having someone close to you that you can't just open your mouth and TALK to, knowing that your words will be understood.

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