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Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 3:04:02 AM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline 		With all due respect, I am wondering why I see so many Dommes that have several submissives instead of one loyal devoted sub that loves, worships, and cares for them. I keep reading Forums where I see many Dommes say " my boys" or "my subs" Do you have one main loving D/s relationship with one and the others are for play or for some other purpose?
My past Mistress said that a sub could not be devoted and serve more then one Mistress. I agree. But why is it I see Dommes that seem to think they can be served by more then one sub? I'm not talking about play here. I'm talking about true loving bonds between a Domme and her sub(s) I for one could never be a sub to a Domme that can't devote all of her attention to me as her one and only sub. I can't even fathom the idea of the woman I love, adore, admire, respect, and cherish, having other subs at the same time. I guess these relationships are poly or cuckolded subs. It just won't work for me. Would those same Dommes allow one of her subs to serve another Mistress? Are we talking about play only here? Are these Domme/ multi sub relationships really loving relationships? Am I just to jealous? Am I wrong to expect her to be exclusive to me as I will be to her? My long distance 3 +year very loving relationship fell apart because she let it be known that she was going to be playing with a life long friend and that play may include sex if the urge hit either one of them. I was devastated to the point of being physically sick for 2 days! We had a vow to be exclusive to each other sexually even with the limited time we would be able to see each other due to distance and our situations. I loved her with every breath I took. So this came as a big surprise and shock to me. She said it was not negotiable and I had to accept it. I loved her so much that I tried. But the idea of the woman I love being sexual with someone else became a hard limit for me. My heart was ripped out and stepped on. I guess it would have been something else if it was something sexual with me involved. We had shared thoughts on the possibility of that happening someday if mutually agreed during play together. But this was different. It is what ended what I thought was the love of my life and forever. I have lost all respect for her. Yet now I am glad it's over since long distance with little hope of ever being 24/7 was a lonely existence. I remained faithful to our vow gladly since I loved her so very much. So how do you deal with having more then one sub? Do you Dommes feel love for each of them equally? Or is the word "love" used loosely or have a different meaning then it does to me?   

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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 6:51:51 AM   
Proprietrix


Posts: 756
Joined: 7/15/2005
From: Ohio/West Virginia
Status: offline 		The more the merrier? More hands make less work?
I think it's all in the types of relationships. I don't personally have "loving romantic" types of relationships with my subs. They aren't my boyfriends. They are my submissives. Do I love them? Yes! But not in a romantic, monogamous, coupling style. Some lifestyle relationships simply aren't based around the coupling aspect. There can come a great sense of belonging and satisfaction in being part of a group larger than oneself and one's partner. Lifestyle "houses" or tribal-style groupings or small communities can provide an individual with a strong sense of belonging and a clearly defined role.

quote:

I for one could never be a sub to a Domme that can't devote all of her attention to me as her one and only sub. I can't even fathom the idea of the woman I love, adore, admire, respect, and cherish, having other subs at the same time. 

If knowing that these other people brought her extreme happiness in her life, why would you want to deny her those people? Do you feel the same way about strong bonds she may have with her family, co-workers, and friends? Or just other submissives? I'm not being fecicious here, but could it be that you are putting more weight on your own insecurities than on your Dominant's happiness?

quote:

Would those same Dommes allow one of her subs to serve another Mistress?

For me, in most cases, no. It would develop a conflict of interest.

Currently, my boy and I are negotiating his love life. I am much older than him. I have had my offspring and won't have any more. He is younger, has a family who places a demand on him to marry someday, wants a baby of his own, and still desires the opportunity to experience life as a young adult. Although him finding a Mistress to suit those needs is an option, it's not one either of us are happy with. Instead, we will probably find a compatible female submissive more his age, and she will become my sub as well as his wife. I will not love him any less if I collar her.

Since power exchange relationships are not lateral to begin with, nor based on equality, it makes little sense to try to reverse the order of hierarchy by turning the tables to "play fair".
Some examples (and a few aren't "lifestyle" but still represent the same concept):
A Goddess having more than one worshipper doesn't justify worshipping more than one God.
A Queen having millions in her kingdom would consider it treason if her countrymen hailed a different Queen.
The Pope has many people in his Papacy, but they only focus on one Pope.
A Mobster having more than one henchman. But being a croonie to two different mobsters is likely to get your ass shot.
A President can have an entire country of followers, but a country with more than one President is very rare.
And on and on.
The basic principal is that these are asymmetrical relationships. The one in power acquires enthusiasts.

quote:

Are we talking about play only here?

My relationships have very little play, and even less sexuality in them.

quote:

Are these Domme/ multi sub relationships really loving relationships?

It depends on how one defines a loving relationship. I have a loving relationship with my son. Probably not the type you're talking about, but a hell of a strong bond, with amonumental amount of love. (On a side note, I could also have a loving relationship with more than one offspring, but in most cases, I wouldn't want them to have more than one mother.)

quote:

So how do you deal with having more then one sub? Do you Dommes feel love for each of them equally? Or is the word "love" used loosely or have a different meaning then it does to me?   

I'd definitely say it's in defining the word "love". My love is an infinite resource. I can love more than one person. Loving a second (or 3rd, 4th...) doesn't mean I love the first any less. I like to eat fish. But if I have chicken for dinner, it doesn't mean I'm somehow turning my back on fish.
I can love more than one child.
I can love more than one sibling.
I can love more than one friend.
I can love more than one pet.
I can love more than one submissive.

Poly is a very foriegn concept to many Western civilizations that socially practice and teach coupling. I was brought up more tribally oriented and went on to study culture as an adult. So the concepts of many people, larger households, communes, more than one spouse, harems, and clans are completely natural and make sense to me. What doesn't make sense to me is placing the expectation on a single individual to meet my every need. To me, that seems overwhelming and unfair to the person.

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:10:11 AM   
SweetDommes


Posts: 3313
Joined: 10/5/2004
Status: offline 		For us, the answer to your question is easy - there are two of us, we want two boys. 

For others ... well, some people are poly, some are not - we are and pretty much have always known it, we know plenty of people that it hasn't worked for or that don't even have a desire to try it. 

There is also a difference between trying to serve multiple people and having multiple people serve.  In a lot of ways, it's like a business.  If you work 2-3 jobs, you are eventually going to have times when the jobs come into major conflict with each other, it's inevitable.  Like a supervisor or boss, most Dominants aren't happy about this if/when it happens.  On the other hand, one (good) supervisor at a job can manage multiple employees quite well, and have very few major conflicts (as long as all the employees are cooperating - and if they aren't, it's time to get rid of whoever is the trouble maker).  Same with a Dominant - if they are a good Dominant, and are really poly, then they can make it work (and if they are really good, they can make it look easy LOL) with the right group of submissives.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:10:27 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Some of us are just wired to be poly. Some of us, like you, are wired to be monogamous. Contracts help clarify a vow; it's possible that she didn't understand the vow, didn't realize that it was in place or just changed her mind. In the end, it tells you that she's not the one. Keep looking...and really look for someone who isn't long distance. It's hard to fulfil each other's physical needs in a relationship like that (yes, I'm a hypocrite here, having two LDRs; I recommend this because I understand how hard it is. I'm looking to move closer to one and having the other join later.).

Fire


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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:23:00 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think it is highly possible to be submissive or dominant to more than one person.

Now I'm going to say something to piss off some people so I apologize now and say this is my experience and my opinion only.

Being an owner is partly about focusing on yourself and partly about guiding another in how to serve you. Yes, each new person is more responsbility but you also can get unique service from different individuals. Not every owner though will be up to the task.

Being a slave is about being of good service and in my experience and from talking to slaves, it is a lot of work to be of excellent service to one owner, extra owners can feel like that is lessening your service quality. Whether or not that is the case, I don't know. I do know that being a slave in my house means being at my beck and call whenever the mundane world is not pounding at your door -- having more than one owner could be easily overwhelming.

Overall I think the reasons for having multiple submissives or multiple slaves is the same as for any poly dynamic -- more to give and more to receive. Having the ability and personality to do that is something different.

Speaking as someone who has had multiple slaves and submissive at the same time as well as a husband I loved each of them but none of them in the exact same way. I utilized my submissives and slaves to the best of their abilties -- one of the is a good cook, the other couldn't cook his way out of bag, which one do you think I have cook?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:48:53 AM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline 		Proprietrix and SweetDommes,
Thank you for your comments and sharing Your own feelings concerning this issue.
Oddly, even after it came out form her about wanting to go help build a dungeon in this guys basement and perhaps test the equipment and maybe even engage in sex play oif the mood struck either of them, I was crushed to the point of being sick. This is the woman that professed to love me and be my one and only Domme. Yes, we made a vow that she seemed to forget all about when this guy came back inot her life. It was like I was cast aside in favor of her life long friend. True, we could not interact and fill each other's physical needs due to the distance, so my intellect says to let her be happy and play. But my jealousy and need to be her one and only took over that thought. When it was clear that this was about to end our relationship, I tried hard, very hard to accept this. I just couldn't do it. As much as I loved her, more then maybe any one I've ever loved, I wanted to do whatever it took to keep her as my Domme and the one woman I looked up to and respected beyond anyone I've ever known.
I was willing to try hard to put aside my own beliefs, morals, or whatever it is that made this so disgusting to me that I got sick over it. She saw that and released me as if the 3 years of undieing love meant nothing to her. I may never get over the effects of that. I still hold her dear to my heart and know I always will. Yet I know I need to find another to replace her in my heart. So I guess the poly type relationship would never work for me. I am glad it works for you and if it got her back for me, I wish I could change and think like the both of you do. But it's hard to re-wire my brain to accept being just one of a syable of subs even if that stable is only one other. Oddly, if it was a female sub for her, i know I could have handled that. But the idea of her being sexual and physical with another male hurt more then any thing I have ever experienced. I guess I am just not that modern in my thinking process. Again, you make good points and if I could have thought like you, maybe I'd still have the love from her I so wanted and needed. I guess I found my hard limit in the most devastating way possible. Odd that it took 3 years for this to come out.
I failed to mention that when we met on-line and became first friends and later realized we were both falling in love that we were both married and in the same situation. Today, I am divorced and she is still married. Our vow of being sexually exclusive to each other didnot iunclude our respective mates as it was understood that sex with your marriage partner might happen. Yet we were both in the same affectionless type of marriage. That is what perhaps drew us to each other to begin with. Aside form her need to be a Doiminant and my need to submit. So in the end the cheater got cheated on with the one he was cheaitng with. Not a pretty picture. I learned many lessons the hard way. At least I have some self respect and pride left in that I lived up to our vows of TRUTH, TRUST, HONESTY, BEING OPEN TO EACH OTHER, and SEXUALLY EXCLUSIVE other then marriage partners. That at least gives me some pride. it was her that broke them all in the end. And she has turned into a bitter, heartless person I don't even know any more. She blames me for our breakup. I'll never know when the truth stopped and the lies began. 
Yet, if given the chance to try with her again, as much as the trust was broken by her, I'd probably be fool enough to at least try. That's how much I loved her...and maybe still do. I don't mean to sound like I'm crying over spilt milk. I do not want your sympathy or anything. I'm just trying to understand myself and what happened to what I knew was a love and bond made in heaven. We both felt we were true soul mates at one point. So much for soul mates!  Yet I knhow the cure for the lose is to find that one true Dominant woman that will mean what she says and stick to it.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:56:03 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I have ONE loving, devoted sub and thats all that I need. We have toyed with the thought of finding another couple to play with but to date its just he and I. Frankly every person is different and I don't really like the idea of having a string of subs, but if others do then thats their bag let them be happy.

My sub keeps me happy, no complaints here except when he forgets to paint my toenails which he did this week and his butt is mine this weekend

~Lashra

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 7:57:21 AM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline 		Tammyjo,
I was posting when you posted your comments. I surely did not mean to leave you out. I'm glad this works for you and any subs that may be happy being part of your life. it jsut would not work for me. But I respect each of you that this works for. Like I said, if I thought it would bring this lady back in my life, I'd want to be brain washed to be happy being only one of her subs. As it is now, she will not even talk to me. But I am beginning to look at it as her loss. No one could ever love her as much as I did. Impossible. But love not wanted or needed is just a wasted emotion on my part. You can't change someone's feelings.  Par to f thinks she still loves me yet knows I am better off without her due to the difference with the issue of what is acceptable to each of us. Not to mention the distance and the fac tthat she will never leave her husband for the sake of her kids. Believe it or not, I accepted that and was foolish enough to settle for us only seeing each other maybe 4-6 times a year. Yes, love does some very strange things to us.   

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 8:07:52 AM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

Some of us are just wired to be poly. Some of us, like you, are wired to be monogamous. Contracts help clarify a vow; it's possible that she didn't understand the vow, didn't realize that it was in place or just changed her mind. In the end, it tells you that she's not the one. Keep looking...and really look for someone who isn't long distance. It's hard to fulfil each other's physical needs in a relationship like that (yes, I'm a hypocrite here, having two LDRs; I recommend this because I understand how hard it is. I'm looking to move closer to one and having the other join later.).

Fire



Thank you MastrerFire Ma'am,

I think she conviently forgot our vows that she herself drummed into my head often. I guess it was more important to her to go play then to hold onto a love that saw no chance of ever being 24/7 that I wanted.
What changed her? Her home life, her going through the change, hormones, other illnesses she faced? I'll never know the truth. She has now lied to cover lies. Not like the woman I fell in love with and laughed and cried with for 3 years.

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 8:16:07 AM   
DiannaVesta


Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think it is highly possible to be submissive or dominant to more than one person.

Now I'm going to say something to piss off some people so I apologize now and say this is my experience and my opinion only.

Being an owner is partly about focusing on yourself and partly about guiding another in how to serve you. Yes, each new person is more responsbility but you also can get unique service from different individuals. Not every owner though will be up to the task.

Being a slave is about being of good service and in my experience and from talking to slaves, it is a lot of work to be of excellent service to one owner, extra owners can feel like that is lessening your service quality. Whether or not that is the case, I don't know. I do know that being a slave in my house means being at my beck and call whenever the mundane world is not pounding at your door -- having more than one owner could be easily overwhelming.

Overall I think the reasons for having multiple submissives or multiple slaves is the same as for any poly dynamic -- more to give and more to receive. Having the ability and personality to do that is something different.

Speaking as someone who has had multiple slaves and submissive at the same time as well as a husband I loved each of them but none of them in the exact same way. I utilized my submissives and slaves to the best of their abilties -- one of the is a good cook, the other couldn't cook his way out of bag, which one do you think I have cook?


I don't know why that would piss anyone off. Thats exactly how it is.


I am complex. No one person has ever met all my needs. Thats a fact. I get something different from everyone. I may have SO/primary lover/partner which would always be a woman, however I very much enjoy all types of submissive men & women.


_____________________________



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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 8:22:38 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

Tammyjo,
I was posting when you posted your comments. I surely did not mean to leave you out. I'm glad this works for you and any subs that may be happy being part of your life. it jsut would not work for me. But I respect each of you that this works for. Like I said, if I thought it would bring this lady back in my life, I'd want to be brain washed to be happy being only one of her subs. As it is now, she will not even talk to me. But I am beginning to look at it as her loss. No one could ever love her as much as I did. Impossible. But love not wanted or needed is just a wasted emotion on my part. You can't change someone's feelings. Par to f thinks she still loves me yet knows I am better off without her due to the difference with the issue of what is acceptable to each of us. Not to mention the distance and the fac tthat she will never leave her husband for the sake of her kids. Believe it or not, I accepted that and was foolish enough to settle for us only seeing each other maybe 4-6 times a year. Yes, love does some very strange things to us.


If you are monogamous, you need monogamy -- frankly I think most people are trained to be monogamous so they find they are happier this way. I just wish those who weren't happy didn't turn around and cheat on the supposed monogamous relationship.

It reads like from your other post that you had a sort-of monogamous agreement with her and if that couldn't be fulfilled then you had every right to move on. would question the wisdom of getting involved with a married or partnered person though if you yourself are monogamous -- it may have been a set-up for problems.

However, in her defense, we can't really control our feelings just what we do with them -- if she cheated, then bad on her; if she just told you what she was feeling and thinking about doing, she was doing the right thing by not hiding it from you.

She had a husband all ready. It was probably unwise for you two to make any claims of exclusivity on each other. Clearly she is poly all ready and to ask her to limit herself was likely flying in the face of her personality; she was unwise to make such an agreement.

In the future you might want to limit yourself only to other monogamous people.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to FLsubmalecd)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 8:25:52 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: DiannaVesta

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

I think it is highly possible to be submissive or dominant to more than one person.

Now I'm going to say something to piss off some people so I apologize now and say this is my experience and my opinion only.

Being an owner is partly about focusing on yourself and partly about guiding another in how to serve you. Yes, each new person is more responsbility but you also can get unique service from different individuals. Not every owner though will be up to the task.

Being a slave is about being of good service and in my experience and from talking to slaves, it is a lot of work to be of excellent service to one owner, extra owners can feel like that is lessening your service quality. Whether or not that is the case, I don't know. I do know that being a slave in my house means being at my beck and call whenever the mundane world is not pounding at your door -- having more than one owner could be easily overwhelming.

Overall I think the reasons for having multiple submissives or multiple slaves is the same as for any poly dynamic -- more to give and more to receive. Having the ability and personality to do that is something different.

Speaking as someone who has had multiple slaves and submissive at the same time as well as a husband I loved each of them but none of them in the exact same way. I utilized my submissives and slaves to the best of their abilties -- one of the is a good cook, the other couldn't cook his way out of bag, which one do you think I have cook?


I don't know why that would piss anyone off. Thats exactly how it is.


I am complex. No one person has ever met all my needs. Thats a fact. I get something different from everyone. I may have SO/primary lover/partner which would always be a woman, however I very much enjoy all types of submissive men & women.



Thanks.

I was mostly worried that folks would see a double-standard for the Ds roles and that would upset them.

I actually don't have a problem if my own slave had another dominant but he says he can't imagine having another person to serve. Other tops to play with? He has that rarely but most often he's the top when he plays with others -- he's a very skilled bondage top! (I'm so proud!)

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to DiannaVesta)
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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 11:24:02 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: FLsubmalecd

quote] Oddly, if it was a female sub for her, i know I could have handled that. But the idea of her being sexual and physical with another male hurt more then any thing I have ever experienced.

 
Why?  I have heard this from men all My life.  In fact, a three way with another woman is one of the biggest fantasies.  But what is it that is so damn threatening about another man?  Males seem to have a comfort or security level if their wife or SO is with another woman.  But let another guy enter the picture and it is all over (other than the cucks, that is).  This is an understood concept that is widely accepted, but I have never had a reasonable explanation.   I would just like to hear one man who is able to put this deep seated emotion into words.

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

If you are monogamous, you need monogamy -- frankly I think most people are trained to be monogamous so they find they are happier this way.


I truly agree with this.  And this is one of the reasons I seek slaves as opposed to a submissive boy for an exclusive relationship.  I do keep Myself open to the possibility, and it could happen.  I will always take a look.  But I have found that, for the most part, when the submissive boys approach Me, they are not only looking for exclusivity but they also begin to sneak in the "not fair" and "if you could just bend a little on this or that" things. 
I am not good at monogamy.  Never was.  And it does no one any good for Me to be dishonest about that.  Especially Myself. 
I am older and more settled now.  In fact, I am celibate at this time. But I like to keep My options open, so My contract does state that a slave will not be with anyone but Me, however, I can do whatever I choose.  The relationship may or may not include genital sex, but chances are there will be no traditionally styled sexual relations in any M/s relationship I enter. 
I am sure this is another reason I have a hard time finding My boy or boys.  There are a lot of romantic notions flying around the community these days.  Nothing wrong with that, but I see a lot of boys who even identify as "slave" and they want to fall in love and sleep in My bed.  That doesn't work for Me.  I had one boy from Tucson who wanted exclusivity as a live-out, and said that unfaithfullness, to him, meant even if spanked another boy during the week, while he was at home in another city, he should have the same right to be spanked by another Domina.  I got the "that's not fair", (I get that a lot!  *S*) to which I replied..."who said this was supposed to be fair?".  Now I do believe it is fair in that both parties get what they want.  The fact that it seems skewed from the typical persepctive has nothing to do with anything. I do not look at this from a typical perspective, so I do wonder why so many of the boys seem to.
Did I mention I don't do the romance thing real well, either?  I like being courted and  treated well.  But I do think men have their place, and it is at My feet, and not holding My hand. 

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 4/12/2006 11:27:53 AM >

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RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:05:03 PM   
pollux


Posts: 657
Joined: 7/26/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I would just like to hear one man who is able to put this deep seated emotion into words.
 


The fear is that she will prefer the other man, which plays into the whole alpha male/competition/dominance complex.  If she prefers the other woman it's not a problem, because the man knows he could always pair with the other woman, too.

Don't assume that because a man self-IDs as submissive, that he's free from the influence of hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary biology.


(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:13:05 PM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		I will try to explain it to you the same way I explained it to my catholic, married to my dad this whole time, Connecticut, adorable, mom.
 
She will tell you that ever since I was a lil girl I have always taken in strays. There is something about the way they are loyal and loving that really hits a chord, not just dogs but all animals and you could qualify most of my boyfriends in the category. I love being needed, I love loving someone that maybe no one else wants, I love seeing the individual beauty in each being that comes to me: fat, thin, old, young, newbie or well trained.
 
Every person is welcome if they show a key ingredient willingness.. Willingness to learn, willingness to serve, willingness to explore, willingness to endure, willingness to learn me.
 
When I see that , the ache, the need, the enthusiasm, I just cant turn it away. Some of my boys are fostered, and some are owned. It is a lot of work for me, and I am not in it for money so my love for these boys comes from my heart.
 
All the boys are screened in a very comprehensive process to make sure they are pack animal types as opposed to lone wolves, I dont like them to ever hint for comparisons and try to one up the others, I  look for a boy that will blend with the pack, has a soft loving demeanor who will love the other boys too.
 
Will they have sex with each other ? I dont know, they are open to sex as service, sex to to place them in their submission to please me, but none of them are gay per say.
 
If they are not at least open to this they are weened. I now can spot monogamy and insecurity (not mutually exclusive) and I have found that jealousy is  disruptive to the boys already in my care,, and they are my first priority.
 
Are they allowed to sub to another? absolutely! I only want them to be happy and as the saying goes if you love some one set them free and if they come back to you they are yours and if they dont they never were.
 
It is a lot of work , but I find it rewarding, each boy is truly unique, and I find that my relationship with each is truly unique too.






_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:16:36 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pollux

quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold

I would just like to hear one man who is able to put this deep seated emotion into words.
 


The fear is that she will prefer the other man, which plays into the whole alpha male/competition/dominance complex.  If she prefers the other woman it's not a problem, because the man knows he could always pair with the other woman, too.

Don't assume that because a man self-IDs as submissive, that he's free from the influence of hundreds of thousands of years of evolutionary biology.



Thank you, pollux, for having the guts to type it out in honest black and white.  You are absolutely right, and I already knew the answer.  However, most males (even the submissive ones) will never admit it.  Even the ones who try, hem and haw around the subject.
 

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:21:27 PM   
FLsubmalecd


Posts: 143
Status: offline 		To be honest, I often wondered what would have happened if we were in fact living close by. I mean that we saw each other often and the distance was not a factor in our relationship. With proper handing by her over me, maybe...just maybe she could have changed my mind, put me at ease that I'd always be her favorite sub/slave. If it was playing together I know I'd feel differently. We had often talked about the possibility of playing with a third or even fourth person of either sex or orientation. All the IF's. I'm as kinky as the next person, so she had the ability to push my limits through the ceiling. I'd have died for her. But what made this harder to accept was the fact that we were not playing together and it definately could cause our relationship and my world to crumble...it did in fact.
Playng together is one thing, but to think of her with another male made my skin crawl. Yes, the old posessive thing we males are born with I guess. She may have owned me, but she was mine and mine alone. Mosy malkes that are in love with their woman, Domme or vanilla, do not share very well.  Her husband not withstanding. That was accepted as it was in place before I gave her my heart and soul. And 3 years ago, it was thought that relationship would end.   

_____________________________

"Don't make someone a priority in your life, When you're only an option in theirs"

(in reply to pollux)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:25:17 PM   
TeeGO


Posts: 451
Joined: 12/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
Currently, my boy and I are negotiating his love life...*snip*...Instead, we will probably find a compatible female submissive more his age, and she will become my sub as well as his wife. I will not love him any less if I collar her.

This sounds very cool. I've never seen anything like this, does anyone else know of such a relationship. From an energy exchange point of view that would be phenomenal.

Just think, the subbie husband and wife would be energetically connected to each other, then in their linked submission they would connected to the Dom. Everything would be doubled at least. In a scene the husband would be charged in his connection to the Dom via his pain/humiliation/objectification/what-have-you. The wife would be similarly charged. Then add into that the Husband would be feeling empathetic to his wife's ordeal, thus being charged by that, and likewise for the wife. The Dom would of course be doing twice as much work, but maybe getting 4 times the normal charge. I don't know, but this idea just struck me as wildly fantastic. I hope it works out for all of you.

OK, change profile to "sub male seeking sub female and Female Dom. Sub female must seek LTR in a traditional vanilla type relationship while also submitting to female Dom in service, Female Dom must collar sub wife as well."

Ha, yea, that will happen.

(in reply to Proprietrix)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:35:23 PM   
justmeagain69


Posts: 28
Joined: 2/16/2006
From: Upstate NY
Status: offline 		Im going to post this because I have been in a place where you are and what my best friend told me changed every thing I felt and thought.  Bear in mind, this may not be you or your situation, but it gave me some great perspective - maybe it will help you the same way.  I was living with my Dom and he came to the conclusion that the way my life is, kids, single parent, finances, stress etc. - that he could not continue to live with me.  He has PTSD so stresses of this nature, when they build up, tend to overload his circuits.  He assured me and I knew he loved me, but that for his own mental health, he couldnt deal with the life I was and have to live.  He went back to his house, now lived in by his ex wife.  He learned being there, that he had unfinished business with her, and with his adult children.  Amends to make, effort to put forth there.  He could no longer be with me, he needed to fix his family.  I could respect that, what submissive couldnt handle coming second to a Dom's children and family?  What I couldnt deal with at the time, was the idea of him
1. Sleeping with his ex wife now that they were looking at making some ammends and where all this left me.
2. Seeing him on a regular basis (hes my best friend and works doing odds and ends at my office for my boss) and not being able to touch him, serve him or be his like we had been.  The idea of dealing with that while mending a broken heart (he was in my eyes "THE ONE") was more then I could really face.  So I talked to my best friend, as I usually do in this type of situation, cried on her shoulder vented, whined and otherwise explained that I couldnt understand how two people so in love and well suited didnt end up together in that whole happily ever after way.

She said to me:  "I understand sis, maybe you dont love him enough to just be his friend.  That happens sometimes." 

That floored me.  Not love him enough?  Impossible! 

Here was the man I had given every breath of my spirit and heart to, the one I could not even imagine living without.  Who I sore over and up and down that I loved more then any other person walking this earth.... and I didnt love him enough?  Again  my mind screamed IMPOSSIBLE!

But the fact is, she said it and she had a point.  If I could love him that much, really and truly, added to the fact that I am a submissive.  His submissive, his little girl, his baby...how could I not love him enough to let him go?  That is when it really cleared up for me.  I did.  I loved him enough to crawl through dirt, go away forever, be his friend, his whatever he needed because I love him.  I loved him enough to do anything within my power to make his life happier or better, everything fell into place. 

We are the best of friends now, closer I think then we were before we parted ways.  We see each other regularly, I get my "daddy" fix in his presence and it sustains me as I wait for the time that he can once again be with me on a more "permanent" basis.  The fact is, with his illness and my stressful life - that may never ever happen.  But sometimes you do love someone enough to let them go, even if you know that he is going to go work on fixing a relationship with someone else.

Maybe helpful, maybe just a rambling of thoughts, but I thought I would share in case you can take something positive from it.

I wish you luck in your jouneys in the lifestyle and beyond.

_____________________________

Got a kick for a dog begging for love? I gotta have my suffering so that I can have my cross - Tori Amos

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Dommes, why more then one loving caring submissive? - 4/12/2006 12:35:24 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TeeGO


quote:

ORIGINAL: Proprietrix
Currently, my boy and I are negotiating his love life...*snip*...Instead, we will probably find a compatible female submissive more his age, and she will become my sub as well as his wife. I will not love him any less if I collar her.

This sounds very cool. I've never seen anything like this, does anyone else know of such a relationship. From an energy exchange point of view that would be phenomenal.

Just think, the subbie husband and wife would be energetically connected to each other, then in their linked submission they would connected to the Dom.


I am absolutely open to this sort of scenario.  In fact it sounds close to ideal for Me.  I was exploring with a younger boy some time back, and it came up in discussions.  We were both quite happy with the possibility. Unfortunately, very personal things happened in his life which caused him to make a huge judgement error, and he ended up owing time to his state of residence (if ya get My drift).
In fact, when I re-open My profile (soon!  soon!), I am sure I will incude this sort of relationship as something I will consider.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to TeeGO)
Profile   Post #: 20
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