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RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 6:48:21 AM

SpiritofaSub

Posts: 14
Joined: 5/22/2010
Status: offline

To the OP

It has been a very, very long time since I was 18. I do remember though that my attitude was I wanted to have my independence. I did go to college, but did not graduate from there, instead got plenty of degrees from the 'school of hard knocks'.

If I understand your posting, you wish to run from your parents rule and move in with a man you do not know so he can rule you. If this is correct, then are you just looking for someone to be responsible for you?

In the spirit of being a submissive though, my own self would need to know that my Master is getting a quality submissive. These traits for me would be someone who can carry her weight in this partnership, verses someone who needs to be taken care of in every way. For me to expect Him to take care of me is placing a burden on Him. Being rescue is so much part of the damsel that eventually this could lead to bitterness on both parties.

My daughter learned from me that running away from your problems can only create a lot more. I am glad she learned to stay still and focus on her self to fix any situation she might encounter verses looking for a rescuer.

You seem to be at a major crossroad in your life, and I do wish you well.
spiritofasub

(in reply to DarkSteven)

Post #: 81

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 7:50:04 AM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ashalee

my marriage is working out quite fantastically thanks for asking. It is one of those things i did for the fun of it, to get some interesting life experience. While you may not find me quite the catch, for some reason my husband does, which is i'm sure all that really counts as he's the one stuck with me. i'm not miserable, i like to act miserable and give off that impression, it weeds out certain folks that i tend not to be compatible with. And it works for me.

This is straight from your profile....

"my current situation. i'm a married submissive. my husband isn't into being my Master, and if he were, i don't trust or respect him anyway, it's counter productive to submitting to One. i'm in the process of trying to leave and move out on my own."

Sounds peachy keen, alright!!!

Who exactly do you think is compatible with a 25 year old 5'2" 200 lb lying, miserable, married woman?

Pick me!! Pick me!! .....I know! I know!!......a 5'6" 275 lb lying, miserable and married male Dom?

< Message edited by domiguy -- 6/14/2010 7:54:35 AM >

_____________________________

(in reply to ashalee)

Post #: 82

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 8:40:29 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

That is true. You are kind of at the mercy of someone when you move in and they are supporting you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SocratesNot

quote:

If she negotiates properly and finds the right dom for her, then who knows, perhaps she will be able to do what she wants and keep her independence.

Yes, but being economically dependent on him, and moving in his house, her starting position in negotiation is very weak, and this would also apply to a vanilla relationship, let alone D/s.

(in reply to SocratesNot)

Post #: 83

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 8:55:58 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

Daddy is 11 years older than me, and we knew each other for about 3 years before the move in part came, so perhaps this is different, but it does not automatically mean that someone older than you wants you to move in, isn't a special prize. Sure in this case it's a bit suspicious because he only knew her for a week.

quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Are you serious IronBear?

Sorry but any 26 year old who wants an 18yo to move in with him isn't likely to be a prize either.

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 84

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:13:38 AM

Missokyst

Posts: 6041
Joined: 9/9/2006
Status: offline

As someone who has jumped a few times in my life I can tell you it is flat out stupid to move in with someone you barely met. If you really want to get out and set your own rules, becoming a burden on someone else isn't going to work. Do you have a car? Did you know you can live in a car? For many years I kept (and still do), a coffee can to go to the bathroom, a towel, a washcloth, some toilet paper, some dried fruit, a few boxes of granola bars, a thermal blanket, 2 gallons of water, a role of duct tape, 3 days of clean clothing and 20 dollars in quarters for laundry days. When I jumped I headed to the beach, walked around putting in applications everywhere and got a job within 2 days. I lived in my car until I could afford a small place, first, last month and deposit. I had an ice chest and a hot plate.

If you are going to do it, do it on your own. The way it is now you are just passing on the responsibility to someone else.

(in reply to Glasgow)

Post #: 85

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:22:43 AM

kitastrophe33

Posts: 85
Joined: 9/3/2007
Status: offline

The fact that you think it's a reasonable idea to move in with him after a week suggests to me that you are not actually ready to move out and spread your wings. Your judgement appears to need more time to develop.

And the fact that he'd be willing to let you move in after a week suggests that he may be really creepy.

Sorry if my reply is a little terse, but seriously? If you really want to move out, get a job and do it on your own. Do not put yourself in an unsafe situation that wrecks your relationship with your parents just because he seems like an easy way to get out of your parents house.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Glasgow

So... anyone recall how I said I told my mom about how I was into bdsm? And that the 27 year old guy I was hanging out with was from a bdsm site?

Yeah. Not going over so well.

She and my father are having lots of very long talks, and it looks like it's going to boil down to either an 'us or him' situation (For the record, my father does not know about the kink factor).

I believe that they (or rather, she) doesn't care so much about the kinktastic aspects, but just that they 100% do not want me with someone 9 years older than I. So I am in desperate need of a few wise comments. Jeffff, you can post too anyway.

So here are some l33t pros and cons:

Pros (of moving out):
I am ready to move out. I'm actually a little tired of my house, which I have been living in my entire life. Also, no curfew!
The Dom I'm talking to will let me move in with him, rent-free. He also lives alone in a very nice house in a good neighborhood.
Being the magnificent age of 18, I'm tired of my parents telling me what to do because I know best, dammit! and I want to spread my wings, as it were.
If it didn't work out with him, my parents would let me move in (as long as we weren't together anymore).
I really like this guy--- quite a bit. We've hit it off very well.
Cons (of moving out):

I have no job (naturally, this would be helped some if I tried to get one :/)
I just started at my community college, and would have to drop out if he doesn't want to pay for it (or, again, if I can't get a job).
Ready for the one I'm sure you all will have the biggest problem with? ...I've only known him for about a week.

And if I stayed home... I wouldn't be able to see him anymore, and would probably have to suppress the life I want to live for several years until I finish a 4-year university and become financially independent.

(in reply to Glasgow)

Post #: 86

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:30:59 AM

sirsholly

Posts: 42360
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Quietville
Status: offline

quote:

So... anyone recall how I said I told my mom about how I was into bdsm? And that the 27 year old guy I was hanging out with was from a bdsm site?

Yeah. Not going over so well.

Duh!

i have not read any responses, but dayyyy-um...i have to wonder what the hell really motivated you to tell your mother about your kink.

Is it possible that you want to leave but need to place "blame" for being "forced" to move (and move in with a man you do not know)? It certainly relieves you of any responsibility and dumps the entire mess on Moms shoulders.

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(in reply to Glasgow)

Post #: 87

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:35:54 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
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~fassssssst reply!

Honestly, whatever possessed you to tell your parents this stuff??? THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW!! Nor do they WANT to know. When I was in my THIRTIES, my mom outed me by reading some things that she had no business reading. Her head exploded, with ALL the wrong ideas.

She is your MOM. She cares about your safety. So STFU. Smile pretty, and be a good daughter. LIE.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 88

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:38:46 AM

Jeffff

Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
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The truth can be a bad thing.

Ask any man who has answered the question," Do these pants make my ass look big?" , honestly.

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"If you don't live it, it won't come out your horn." Charlie Parker

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 89

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:39:45 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

My daughter's 21. I would hope she would be fine telling me about her kink so I could weigh in with safety considerations. But dropping out of school to live with some guy she doesn't know? That would be a major problem. And the age difference means a lot more at 18 than it does at 48.

Me? I'd want him to show up and answer questions, to give me his social security number so I could run a check on him. As in call up the nearest P.I. and get a full record of his life. And if he wasn't willing to do that, so I could feel secure about her that by itself would be a red flag.

I'd also pity him because the girl can't cook.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to sirsholly)

Post #: 90

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:39:59 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

See, THAT kind of question I never bother with. BECAUSE MY BIG ASS ALWAYS LOOKS BIG.

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to Jeffff)

Post #: 91

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:52:12 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

I've read the OP but not much else in this thread so i am sure this is a repeat.

First of all, if you are moving from your parents into someone elses house who has authority over you -- what's the difference besides the sex?

Two, if you decide to MOVE OUT then MOVE OUT, don't MOVE IN with someone else who will take up where your parents left off. If you feel you are ready to be on your own then do so, don't try and do an end run around the concept of "being on your own."

Your parents are entitled to like or dislike whomever you are with, the thing is they have had LONG TALKS but have you ALL had LONG TALKS, and then had more LONG TALKS with this guy you think is the answer to what you deem your parent problems? It may be helpful to let them KNOW this guy or get to know him rather than OF him through your POV of kink. Bring him around, introduce them, let THEM talk abuot what you have told them and get HIS actual POV though himself not from you.

If you live under their roof, especially with no job, you should live under their rules. Honestly, your OP to me sounds like a very immature 18 year old who wants what he wants and mommy and daddy aren't making it easy so you are running away.

To me, if you are ready to move out at 18, then move out but be adult about it, your pros and cons to me is that of a child, and it doesn't sound like you are ready more so you just want to do what you want. Also, i would be very careful pitting a new guy against the love of your parents. I would also be very leary of a new guy you really don't know being all gungho into you moving in with no way to support yourself. That could get old and ugly very fast.

Don't run away, if you do, you are no better than a 12 year old who is running away to Aunt Jenny's becasue she lets you do what you want. Maybe its time to really sit down and speak with your parents and MAKE A PLAN to move out, rather than doing so out of spite. And as i said, instead of thumbing your nose at your parents and moving in with this guy, why not talk to your parents and really LISTEN to what their concerns are than THINK about what their concerns are and then speak to them about same. But you are going to have to do better than the i am moving out cause you don't/won't let me do A, B, and C.

yeah i advocate moving out -- but i don't advocate you moving IN. If you can't make it on your own then you aren't leaving the authority of someone else, you are just changing geography and so exactly how is that being ready or a grown up responsible for themselves to the point you understand the difference between being responsible for yourself and living under anothers hold over your autonomy?

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 6/14/2010 9:54:32 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to MissSepphora1)

Post #: 92

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:52:58 AM

cassandria

Posts: 86
Joined: 6/6/2010
Status: offline

I think you should talk to someone like mercnbeth, hon...you're ready to jump and we get that. If you're willing to listen, from what I can see these two echoed how I feel about where you're at. If you want good advice, look at the source of your advice. Surround yourself with good people.

The whole idea of becoming more mature is that you have to go through experiences to gain that maturity.

It's my hope that those experiences aren't permanently traumatizing or physically damaging, by the time you are welcomed back home into your parents loving arms.

What they give you may strike you as dull...your parents, I mean...but sometimes that excitement you crave? It could really be better explored through a trip, through work studies abroad. You can find *LOTS* of adventure without ever quitting school or being with some guy who doesn't make the grade (he might, but it's doubtful from what you've shared).

Wishing you the best, sweetie - take care of yourself.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 93

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 9:54:47 AM

urtoy

Posts: 55
Joined: 4/23/2004
Status: offline

You've had lots of good advice, most of it soft and fluffy, so I'll be a bit more direct: get a job, get a life, grow up, move out on your own so you learn when life is all about.
Moving in with someone you've only known one week: are you out of your everlovin mind?
My thought is that an older guy who would take in someone as naive as you could be a predator. Red flags abound!
Seriously, it is possible to have a job, your own place, go to school, and have a mature relationship. I think when you do that, your parents will start treating you as an adult.

(in reply to Glasgow)

Post #: 94

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 10:39:58 AM

Toppingfrmbottom

Posts: 6528
Joined: 6/7/2009
Status: offline

In this case it probably was not the best idea, but not all moms are horrified, at the knowledge or hearing first hand their off spring are kinky, nor are they against hearing personal stuff.

It all depends on the relationship between the Mom and the offspring, and if the person knows their parents will handle it well.

My mom and I talk about sex, and our sex lives and she knows v am kinky, and I tell her some stuff about kink and she is extremely open and accepting, and so is my dad. I almost ook my mom to a womans tea party, and the tea society was for kinky dominant women, and femal guests who were accepting of the rules of the group and open minded. The particular group was absolutely fine with it too, they even said my dad would be welcome to come, but he would have to come in the role of a male server, since it was fem doms being served by male servers.

My parents and I have a very close, loving, and more importantly OPEN relationship, when it comes to being open and talking about sexuality and lifestyle choices. I and they would not have it any other way. When I have kids, if I ever do, I am going to raise them in the environment and tone of open and honest discussion about sexuality, and lifestyle choices. Now they may not want to talk to mom about their sex lives but if they want to I will always be open to hearing them.

I do not understand the concept that all parents must be horrified to know their offspring is a sexual kinky being, just because the person saying ewwww or why would you do that, is horrified at the thought of knowing their off spring or their parents are kinky beings.

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHibiscus

~fassssssst reply!

Honestly, whatever possessed you to tell your parents this stuff??? THEY DO NOT NEED TO KNOW!! Nor do they WANT to know.

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 95

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 11:07:57 AM

LadySilver0523

Posts: 99
Joined: 6/7/2006
Status: offline

Oh my... I have so much to say about this... *sighs* It's personal... But I'll sum it up to say; I've been there. I was 19 when my father figured me out and I came out and told him and low and behold, I was 19 1/2 when, after having been kicked out six months earlier, I finally made some friends that helped me find a place of my own. :) There are good and bad things to moving out, and honestly, I'm rather impressed that you took the initiative to think things through and do the "pros" and "cons" thing. Most wouldn't.

Now, as for the age difference. MY PERSONAL OPINION is this; AGE DOES NOT MATTER! I've ALWAYS perfered older "men" or "guys" whichever way you'd like to put it, because to ME, more often than not they have a higher degree of maturity. MOST OF THE TIME! BUT! Here's the downside to your particular perdicament; He's 27. He's been around longer. He knows, more than likely, how to manipulate a "girl" or "woman" into doing the things that HE wants. And him being a Dom of sorts, of whatever he claims to be, just puts him in a better position to mess with your mind and do with you as HE pleases if he so chooses and he COULD tell you that it's not for you to say how he treats you. What then? How would you handle that situation? Not good times or good memories. And situations like that take a long time to heal and the scars NEVER go away hun...

Think about that.

As for school, if it's your first time attending, you should be able to qualify for pel grant and scholarships as well as grants and loans. Downside; You're 18. Not 24 or older which is the age in most states where you're considered to be legally indipendant so that you can sign for yourself and not have to disclose your parents' financial income on your fasfa. ... Food for thought. :D (I know, I'm going to collage soon myself and I'm currently 27.) So yeah....

There are ways around every situation and every pro and ever con usually. But sometimes... You do have to compromise. Now, what I would do if I were you;

I would stay at home and see this guy on the side and just not tell your parents. Make it seem like you don't know him any more and that he's not a part of your life. But you could have him meet you at the school to go out to lunch on occasion. Or you could go to the park together from time to time. Heck, you could even go to his house on occasion and "play" if you two wanted to, and just tell your parents that you're going to a friends house to study or something and then have them cover for you. LOL Mischvious? Nah... lol Just creative. :D Believe me, I had parents that were over protective and overbearing. I worked around them. So can you. ;)

Good luck, and be safe. And remember, keep HIM on his toes until you've known him long enough to know that you're not going to get hurt. And by the way, you want to be ready for the day when he says, "Well, if you're not going to do what I want, then see ya!" And you're going to have to let him go, move on, and find someone else. There are PLENTY of "masters" out there waiting to find someone like you. *smiles*

Many blessings,

Silver

_____________________________

Um... What's going on??... Am I ALWAYS the last to know??

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The means justifes the ends ... Not the other way around

(in reply to MissSepphora1)

Post #: 96

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 11:20:53 AM

barelynangel

Posts: 6233
Status: offline

So Silver, you are advocating LYING to be the solution?

You consider that really to be the adult thing to do? Its not remotely MISCHIEVOUS, its out and out lying. See as an adult you have to start defining a concept called integrity. You start to learn it as a child, but its up to the adult to define it for themselves.

angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 6/14/2010 11:23:44 AM >

_____________________________

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
R.W. Emerson

(in reply to LadySilver0523)

Post #: 97

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 11:28:20 AM

brainiacsub

Posts: 1209
Joined: 11/11/2007
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline

Yeah, it looks like there are at least two people on this thread that have some growing up to do.

(in reply to barelynangel)

Post #: 98

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 12:20:44 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

Silver, could you write in a larger font next time so us old folks can read the print?

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

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(in reply to brainiacsub)

Post #: 99

RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 12:29:12 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

fr

Shed the drama, get a part-time job so you can continue your education at the same time, speak with your parents and see if you can't come up with some sort of compromise such as paying them a rent stipend or something in exchange for the freedom to start flapping some adult wings. Take on some adult responsibilities and prove to them you can handle it. They will probably stop treating you like a child when you quit acting like one. That's the way such things usually work.

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to MissSepphora1)

Post #: 100

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