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RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 9:56:31 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		You are hardly one to talk. Going to school might be the only good decision you ever made.

How is that marriage working out for you? You really sound like quite the catch.

You sound miserable.

Do you realize how much more college educated folks make more than a high school graduate?

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(in reply to ashalee)
Profile   Post #: 61
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 9:57:06 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline 		I remember being 19 and enthralled with a 28 year old man who lived with his parents. I also lived with my parents and wanted desperately to move out on my own. He even proposed marriage. By the end of the summer I had realized this was NOT what I wanted for my life. But as a very naive, sheltered girl I had been ripe for the lovely pictures he painted. Too bad no one had ever explained what a cherry-picker was before I met him. I learned the hard way.

My kids are now much older than you, Glass. If I were your parent, I'd be cautioning you to be extremely careful with a man that age who is interested in someone your age. I would not kick you out of the house, but I'd be asking you some probing questions about what you really wanted in 5, 10, 15, 20 years and what your plans were to get there. Then I'd be wondering how a relationship with this guy would help or hinder those plans.

If you don't know what plans you have for the next few years, then I'd request that you give it some serious thought because you won't be a good submissive to anyone until you know exactly who you are and what you want from your life. Saying you want to be a submissive is NOT a 5 year plan for your life. You can be a submissive and anything else you want but you need to know who you are and what you want before you can reach that goal.

If you are unwilling to answer those questions then I'd agree with mercnbeth. Move out. Take total responsibility for yourself. When (you'll notice I didn't say "if") you move back in with your parents you will be MUCH more grateful for them and all they have provided for you but you'll also be in a place where you've learned some nasty life-lessons the hardest way possible.

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Collared June 19, 2008
(uncollared 12/21/09 with his death. RIP my Santa)

(in reply to petbangar)
Profile   Post #: 62
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:09:02 PM   
ashalee


Posts: 2
Joined: 2/17/2010
Status: offline 		Non college educated folks are catching up. Because employers are realizing that they've dumbed down colleges, us college educated folks don't know as much as our predecessors were. So, a lot of college educate folks aren't getting paid as much as they once were, and while a college education does eventually put you in a higher income bracket, you've wasted so much time getting there and paying off your loans, that the non educated folks catch up with you, and it evens itself out. my marriage is working out quite fantastically thanks for asking. It is one of those things i did for the fun of it, to get some interesting life experience. While you may not find me quite the catch, for some reason my husband does, which is i'm sure all that really counts as he's the one stuck with me. i'm not miserable, i like to act miserable and give off that impression, it weeds out certain folks that i tend not to be compatible with. And it works for me.

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 63
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:16:10 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		For the OP and Besides all the drama that is sure to be wrapped up in the 4 pages already written.

Listen to your parents. You're lucky to have them. They love you more than anyone else in the world. They only want whats best for you. You are lucky to have them.

The world... Its a fucked up place. Forrest Gump said = life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.

Parents have been around longer, seen more. They tend to be able to figure out if its good chocolate or bad. Better than us.

My Dad said once - The older you get, the smarter your parents get. And its the damn truth. Its a sad thing that we have to age to finally listen to our parents.

Listen to your parents.



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I'm pretty sure I've turned into a bitter bitch with a huge shovel. One of these days I'm going to exchange the shovel for a hoe

(in reply to ashalee)
Profile   Post #: 64
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:22:47 PM   
Whiplashsmile4


Posts: 2305
Joined: 12/2/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ashalee

Non college educated folks are catching up. Because employers are realizing that they've dumbed down colleges, us college educated folks don't know as much as our predecessors were. So, a lot of college educate folks aren't getting paid as much as they once were, and while a college education does eventually put you in a higher income bracket, you've wasted so much time getting there and paying off your loans, that the non educated folks catch up with you, and it evens itself out. my marriage is working out quite fantastically thanks for asking. It is one of those things i did for the fun of it, to get some interesting life experience. While you may not find me quite the catch, for some reason my husband does, which is i'm sure all that really counts as he's the one stuck with me. i'm not miserable, i like to act miserable and give off that impression, it weeds out certain folks that i tend not to be compatible with. And it works for me.


None the less Ashelee, do you seriously think or some how believe you are truely giving out good advice here on this thread? To a girl who just recently meant this guy, knows very little about him, has not spent a lot of time with him and such?

Seriously, there have been many young(er) girls who have made a mad dash out of their Parents house straight into a bad relationship to find themselves extremely trapped by hastey choices. Perfectly wonderful girls that end up pregant and have kids which result in far more responsibility. The Whole time, while they are rushing out their Parents Door screaming FREEDOM, a little while longer know the meaning of being Weighted down with Responsibility they could not possibly comprehend.

LOL, you do sort of crack me the fuck up. Marriage is something you did for the Fun of it for some interesting life experience? Seriously after reading your profile, I think you have some issues yourself. Yeah, well from the things on your profile, it looks like you plan on moving out on him (your husband), the guy who thinks you're a catch. yeah, truely wonderful and amazing girl with her shit together.

Seriously, while you might have made "in part" some of the good/right choices, you're a few french fries short in your Happy Meal with some of your additional choices. Perhaps if you had taken or thought about Marriage a little more seriously (not as something to do for the hell of it), you might be in a better place today.

< Message edited by Whiplashsmile4 -- 6/13/2010 10:26:55 PM >

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(in reply to ashalee)
Profile   Post #: 65
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:29:30 PM   
eruditebeau


Posts: 4
Joined: 5/5/2010
Status: offline 		OP, make whatever decision you want to make. You already have a list of pros and cons, but this isn't about writing a high school persuassive essay; it's about your life. Unlike the paper, this directly affects your life. However, making decisions that change your life is what being an adult is about. I don't think it's the "end all, be all" no matter what you do.

Successful people take risks all the time. The difference is that when they fail, they know that they've failed and climb back up from the grave. People who fulfill their hopes and dreams don't look back to one decision and say, "Golly, if not for that one man...", but rather, "You know... I really screwed that up but I learned something from it."

Such is life. You have to do what you want, and if it doesn't work out--time to go a different direction. Whether that is school or this guy (albeit knowing him for a week), they're just options.

(in reply to DisenchantedLife)
Profile   Post #: 66
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:34:17 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline 		Okay, as one of those kids that at 18 decided that moving out with pretty much nothing was a brilliant idea, let me just say... take a step back. Talk to your parents. As tempting as it is to get out there... its rough. Especially when you'd be entering into a guys house that I'm assuming would be your first D/s relationship. Thats just a ton of stuff on your plate all at once, and I can nearly promise you it'd be frustrating and confusing and angering... and you'd probably end back up at your parents.

Oh, please please don't throw away your education for a guy. If he isn't willing to be patient until you settle some things then how is he going to be patient for all the bumps in your relationship (and ever couple has them) or guiding you through a new area of your life? After pretty much gypsy-ing it all over the U.S. for nearly the last three years and just now trying to get into college... I wish I could go back to the point you're at!

Granted if you don't listen to any of the advice from here and your head, you'll gain some life experience. Just remember that you can learn from every mistake. Best of luck to you.

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 67
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:34:54 PM   
VAcontroldom


Posts: 65
Joined: 6/5/2005
Status: offline 		Whiplash, I agree with what you said except the "nonetheless Ashley" part since what she said was completely false

The gap continues to widen and has expanded during the recession due to the differences in unemployment rates between the college educated and those who have only high school degrees




(in reply to eruditebeau)
Profile   Post #: 68
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:39:58 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline 		I'm a little late to this thread (as always) but I have a couple of comments to make - to wit:

You're an idiot.

You know better than this.
You've known this guy a week and you want to move in with him!?
Wake up.
So the plan is to drop out of college, move in with some stranger, be totally dependent on him, and hope it all works out?

Come on.
BP had better plans to deal with the oil spill.

You want to move out from under your parents? I totally understand that. I did, too.

Take a little time and do it right.

Get yourself a job that earns some money.
Find a college somewhere far enough away that they won't be in your hair, get yourself some work study or a student loan, or whatever and then continue your education. Once you're out on your own, you know what? You can date whoever you want and your parents can't do squat about it. Then you can take the time to get to know them properly before making a serious commitment.

The trick is not to move in with some guy you just met to get away from your parents - the trick is to get away from your parents so you can do whatever it is you want to.

Maybe this guy is wonderful. Maybe he's the answer to all your prayers. If he is, then you don't need to rush things. It will work out anyway - even if you wait a while.

On the other hand, if this guy is a total jerk and asshole - then making yourself entirely dependent on him in all ways the first week you've met him probably isn't the wisest move ever. Don't be one of those stories everybody uses as the terrible example of what could go wrong - be the story that everyone points to and says "I wish my life was like that."

[Edit: Typos. You get used to 'em. Or not.]

< Message edited by InvisibleBlack -- 6/13/2010 10:50:30 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 69
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:42:53 PM   
InvisibleBlack


Posts: 865
Joined: 7/24/2009
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

Okay, as one of those kids that at 18...


Damn, you said it better (and in fewer words) than I did and you beat me to it by a couple of minutes!

_____________________________

Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.

(in reply to caelestis)
Profile   Post #: 70
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/13/2010 10:45:09 PM   
caelestis


Posts: 195
Joined: 9/6/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: InvisibleBlack

quote:

ORIGINAL: caelestis

Okay, as one of those kids that at 18...


Damn, you said it better (and in fewer words) than I did and you beat me to it by a couple of minutes!

Ha! Don't worry, it'll probably never happen again. I never catch threads early on. Thank you all the same!

_____________________________

"We are a fountain of shimmering contradictions, most of us. Beautiful in the concept, if we're lucky, but frequently tedious or regrettable as we flesh ourselves out."
— Gregory Maguire



(in reply to InvisibleBlack)
Profile   Post #: 71
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 12:40:02 AM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline 		So you currently live with your parent, who must provide your every need, since you have no job or source of income. You have no life skills currently. Yet, you feel qualified to move into a strange mans home and take on the demands of being a slave. < pssst: it's alot like being a housewife in many ways plus soo very much more > You bring nothing with you to the table in this relationship, just an empty vessel of needs. You won't even be able to provide something as neccesary and simple as: your own tampons. You *think* you are going to gain independence when you will have to get something as simple as a box of tampons from him, not even able to be responsible for a need as basic as that.

What's his favorite meal ? Can you cook, can you meal plan and then grocery shop within a limited budget. For that matter, will you get an allowance ? Do you know what his income is ? What his current budget is and how that will be altered to meet both your needs ? can you scrub a floor, change a bed, iron, do laundry, make three meals a day ? If he is out and the toilet overflows or gets plugged, can you fix it ? Do you even know where the shut off valve is ? Can you change a fuse or reset a braker ? What do you use to get a worcestershire sauce stain out of his favorite shirt ? Or yours, for that matter? Alot of dominants want their subs to be responsible for paying the bills and the general running of the house, does he and if so .. can you ?

You want your independence and the plan to attain that is to transfer your dependence onto a stranger ? You want to spread your wings and yet you haven't even shed your pin feathers yet. My parakeets weren't foolish enough to try and fly before they had their wing feathers.

Do you even own a vehicle that you can maintain and keep insured with no job, no income or will your independence include him carting your butt where you want to go. Keeping in mind he is into TPE and it's up to him if he does this or not. Not what you want.

What do you use for birth control ? No money, no job means he is responsible for that too. So basically you are putting your reproductive choices in his hands too.

I won't even address the M/s aspect  of it, cuz you aren't prepared to handle the vanilla, every day, boring old "life" part of it yet. I will suggest you ask yourself a question tho. His profile says he wants a poly house with a slave to serve you and him. < if I am reading his profile correctly > So... um.. how's your domme skills ? Are you ready to take on a slave as well as be one ?

I echo beth's sentiment. Ta ta, toodle loo... off you go. Tell your parents to keep the porch light on. You will be back.

                    mbmbn



_____________________________

Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

(in reply to caelestis)
Profile   Post #: 72
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 1:27:19 AM   
ranja


Posts: 2111
Joined: 11/1/2007
Status: offline 		Get a barjob or waitressing job or summit... (and maybe secure some extra help from your parents) to rent some rooms or a little crummy flat... see what ever man you chose to frolic with in private, parents really do not need to know your sex life,
and finish your education
 

and i am totally disgusted by petbangar's baby front bum.

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 73
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 1:52:01 AM   
lally2


Posts: 2621
Joined: 4/16/2009
Status: offline 		FR - i dont see the logic here at all.  if they dont want you going out with a 27 year old surely kicking you out is just going to throw you in his direction more.  i just dont see the reasoning.  anyhoo, off to work..

_____________________________

So all I have to do in order to serve him, is to work out exactly how improbable he is, feed that figure into the finite improbability generator, give him a fresh cup of really hot tea ... and turn him on!

(in reply to ranja)
Profile   Post #: 74
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 1:56:38 AM   
SpiritedRadiance


Posts: 1341
Joined: 3/3/2010
Status: offline 		Lally- Maybe they expected their daughter to have common sense to be an 18 year old adult not a 13 year old stuck in an 18 year olds body... or that she was in her state... with the no job the free room and board to live by their rules until she can change the situation, and didnt figure their daughter stupid enough to consider moving in with a total and complete stranger.


(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 75
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 1:59:33 AM   
DameBruschetta


Posts: 116
Joined: 1/10/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lally2

FR - i dont see the logic here at all.  if they dont want you going out with a 27 year old surely kicking you out is just going to throw you in his direction more.  i just dont see the reasoning.  anyhoo, off to work..


I think this is much more of a "You may not see him while you live under this roof young lady!" (If it even comes to that since she hasn't said they've talked to her about it.)

I doubt very much that her parents would throw her degree and jobless butt out of the street.. since they would most definitely be throwing her into his arms.

(in reply to lally2)
Profile   Post #: 76
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 2:36:13 AM   
Syrox


Posts: 260
Joined: 5/13/2010
Status: offline 		At the time of writing this I have only read page ONE of this thread, so if anything I say here has been said before I apologise.

I have an 18 year old daughter so your situation is in a way very real for me.

Sure, you are LEGALLY an adult. so in essence you can do as you damn well please.  but before you do ANYTHING you have to sit down and have a VERY long hard think about things.

First of all is your education.  with my own daughter I have had to veto many ideas she has had which would involved ditching college for something much more frivolous.

You may say I am looking at things negatively here.. which you are entitled to think, BUT. let me say this.  WHERE IS YOUR SAFETY NET?  You want to make a BIG leap into the unknown world of BDSM without even a shred of backup should it all go tits up.  and you can't just rely on your parents to bail you out.  As it stands you are riding a pretty cushy number.  In your position I would have to think VERY long and hard about giving that up.

Finishing your education should be your number one priority.  Maybe there AREN'T the jobs out there at the moment, but then if you have your education you will always be able to find something should you need to.  Say this Dom turns out to be a real ass clown and 6, 12 or 18 months down the line you find you need to escape.. What then?  if you have qualifications you will most likely find work.. if not, you'll have to make your escape using the McDollar (would you like fries with that?).  Hardly gonna be able to support you now is it?

Secondly.  wanting to run away after knowing a guy for ONE WEEK?!?!?  WTF planet are you living on???  You shouldn't even be considering it! get to know this guy over a couple of months.. meet up a couple of times in a public place (Starbucks, the afore mentioned Maccy D's (or indeed any other multi-national fast food chain)) date him like any other boy. Take your time to make sure that he suits YOU.. and when you are making this assessment, leave the BDSM and kink out of the equation completely.  You need to know, and fall for this guy in a completely vanilla way and THEN bring in the kink.

Honestly.. I know this is all exciting stuff.  I been there and the only thing you want to do is get started and be your kinky little self, but one thing you will learn about this lifestyle is that common sense is a HUGE factor.  Get yourself physically, mentally, financially and emotionally strong before you leap in. otherwise you'll end up as another abuse statistic or worse.

If this Dom is legit. then take your time.  He will understand this need. he will also be more than happy to bend over backwards as far as your parents go in helping to reassure them. (yes. it will be a good thing for everyone to get together and voice their concerns).

If you insist on doing this, then for God's sake do it the right way.  one week is WAY too soon to be considering moving in with him.


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unless otherwise noted this has been a fast reply. brought to you by the letter M and the number 7.

(in reply to AQuietSimpleMan)
Profile   Post #: 77
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 5:36:33 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		I was 17 when I moved out from home.  I love and adore my parents and I have and had the best relationship with them.
I was just a free spirit.

I worked and had my own place and it was all cool, but you make your own destiny and reep what you sow (etc and other boring metaphors and blah).

If it fucks up, you have only yourself to blame.  If it works, you can gloat about it when you are my age.

the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Glasgow)
Profile   Post #: 78
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 6:03:18 AM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Wow OP. You are fucked up and probably a good representation of a lot of kids of your generation who want it all and want it now. Not only do you think this, but you feel like you're entitled to it without having to not even do a day of work. Glad you're not my kid. I'd be mortified.

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(in reply to MissSepphora1)
Profile   Post #: 79
RE: My parents do not approve, and might kick me out - 6/14/2010 6:18:43 AM   
DarkSteven


Posts: 28072
Joined: 5/2/2008
Status: offline 		ashalee:

1. My father was a professor in the Humanities.  He felt that college was more than just a means to a better job, that it instilled a certain amount of culture.  While I don't 100% agree with him, I don't 100% disagree.  But you feel that it's just that and no more.
2. College education's usefulness in the workplace depends, quite rightly, on what degree you get.  I have degrees in engineering and an MBA, and know that I would never have gotten a job in engineering, and my subsequent career, otherwise.  A BA in the Humanities doesn't matter that much today because the skills taught there don't matter that much in the modern workplace.
3. I got through college by living very frugally and working while attending.  I took out no loans, and had no debt on graduation.
4. Your argument that colleges have been dumbed down ignores the fact that high schools haven't been stellar either.
5. You're basing your statements on salaries only.  You are not looking at the relative chances of getting employed with or without a college education.


_____________________________

"You women....

The small-breasted ones want larger breasts. The large-breasted ones want smaller ones. The straight-haired ones curl their hair, and the curly-haired ones straighten theirs...

Quit fretting. We men love you."

(in reply to ashalee)
Profile   Post #: 80
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