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Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 11:49:36 AM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline 		OK, I got this from a few other posts, and these are things that might be veiwed as submissive act by some, but as the Dom (well maybe Top since we are not 24/7) here are things I require that we do.
I open her car door (and other doors) she is not allowed to open it herself.
If we are going someplace where clothes matter, she is required to pick out what I wear. Day to day stuff I'm a t-shirt and jeans or shorts guy.
She is to tell me when I need a hair cut, and cut my hair.
She is to handle social things when we are invited someplace.
I do her toenails.
There are a couple of others but I listed enough. When I think of these acts they seem "submissive" to me. Are they submissive acts? Do other Doms have similar acts that might be veiwed as submissive that they do/want done ?

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 11:56:13 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		No act is sub or dom. It's the intent and motivation with which they are done which makes it so within a relationship. We may (falsely) project our stereotypes and expectations on particular actions, and they may come to symbolize cetain things to us- but it remains that the act is irrelevant. What matters is who has authority.

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:08:41 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No, there are not submissive acts.  No, there are not Dominant acts.

Are people going to come up with the 'submissive' way to brush their teeth next?


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:13:59 PM   
Jeffff


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Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am not entirely sure about that.

If I am on my hands and knees and you are banging the heel out of my ass, calling me a little bitch..... I am gonna have a hard time feeling dominant.


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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:15:59 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
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quote:

If I am on my hands and knees and you are banging the heel out of my ass, calling me a little bitch..... I am gonna have a hard time feeling dominant.


As noted, we may individually come to symbolize particular acts as fixed points for us, but that's an individual thing, not a universal thing.

As well, if you had given yourself up to auction to raise money, or ordered your slave to do that to you, you'd still be in charge of the scene, simply from the bottom perspective. Authority doesn't stop just because you're receiving, serving, or accepting.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:17:31 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		There are no submissive acts and there are no dominant ones.

the.dark.

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:18:23 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyPact

No, there are not submissive acts.  No, there are not Dominant acts.

Are people going to come up with the 'submissive' way to brush their teeth next?



OK thats fine, maybe it's just the way I think...

I mean on the outside looks of things, her sitting there while I walk around to the passneger side might look submissive to someone that doesn't know. I don't really care what someone else thinks, but it's just a question I came up with while veiwing someother post.

So....If I jizzed all over her toothbrush and told her that was the only toothpast she could use for the day....would THAT be a submissive way to brush teeth?

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:19:51 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am not entirely sure about that.

If I am on my hands and knees and you are banging the heel out of my ass, calling me a little bitch..... I am gonna have a hard time feeling dominant.



And that thought never crossed my mind

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:21:11 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ricken

OK, I got this from a few other posts, and these are things that might be veiwed as submissive act by some, but as the Dom (well maybe Top since we are not 24/7) here are things I require that we do.
I open her car door (and other doors) she is not allowed to open it herself.
If we are going someplace where clothes matter, she is required to pick out what I wear. Day to day stuff I'm a t-shirt and jeans or shorts guy.
She is to tell me when I need a hair cut, and cut my hair.
She is to handle social things when we are invited someplace.
I do her toenails.
There are a couple of others but I listed enough. When I think of these acts they seem "submissive" to me. Are they submissive acts? Do other Doms have similar acts that might be veiwed as submissive that they do/want done ?





If you don't feel submissive painting her toenails, then it's not a submissive act. If you feel submissive doing that, well, then to you, it's an act of submission, or at the very least, an act that causes you to feel submissive.




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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:26:03 PM   
NewDomCouple87


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		I think there's something to be said about both points of view.
On one hand, if it's an order to be carried out, then regardless of the act it's still a dominant action. Take for instance a Domme commanding their male sub to fuck them doggy style/missionary. In either case the sub can be seen as in control, but he is only in that position because he was commanded to. The Domme is still in control of the situation regardless of position of action.

On the other hand, however, you need to look at the "perception as reality" argument. If someone were to look at these actions out of context, what would they think of it? If they disagree with your view then you should relook at what you consider a dominant or submissive act. Is it really a case of out of context misperception, or are you merely rationalizing the situation to make yourself feel better for doing something you would otherwise not agree to?

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:26:10 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am not entirely sure about that.

If I am on my hands and knees and you are banging the heel out of my ass, calling me a little bitch..... I am gonna have a hard time feeling dominant.


Tease.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:27:03 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
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Status: offline




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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:28:00 PM   
LadyCimarron


Posts: 625
Joined: 12/29/2009
Status: offline 		I think I told someone this a couple of weeks ago, but being a Dom is not something you do, its who you are. You are her Dom so everything you do for her becomes a domly act to her because of YOU.

BTW- those actions are not dom or submissive, they sound like the kinds of things a lot of couples do when they really care about each other.  Sounds like you both are very happy. Congratulations on that.

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:28:22 PM   
ricken


Posts: 261
Joined: 1/11/2010
Status: offline 		"If you don't feel submissive painting her toenails, then it's not a submissive act. If you feel submissive doing that, well, then to you, it's an act of submission, or at the very least, an act that causes you to feel submissive. "

No I don't consider painting her toe nails submissive. I like doing detail work with my hands. I like her feet to look pretty. I demand that she wear open toe heels when we play.

Nothing I listed in my OP, or some of the other things we do, makes me feel submissive


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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:32:52 PM   
Jeffff


Posts: 12600
Joined: 7/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ricken

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

I am not entirely sure about that.

If I am on my hands and knees and you are banging the heel out of my ass, calling me a little bitch..... I am gonna have a hard time feeling dominant.



And that thought never crossed my mind



Being me can be odd most days. I am good with that


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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:33:02 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewDomCouple87

I think there's something to be said about both points of view.
On one hand, if it's an order to be carried out, then regardless of the act it's still a dominant action. Take for instance a Domme commanding their male sub to fuck them doggy style/missionary. In either case the sub can be seen as in control, but he is only in that position because he was commanded to. The Domme is still in control of the situation regardless of position of action.

On the other hand, however, you need to look at the "perception as reality" argument. If someone were to look at these actions out of context, what would they think of it? If they disagree with your view then you should relook at what you consider a dominant or submissive act. Is it really a case of out of context misperception, or are you merely rationalizing the situation to make yourself feel better for doing something you would otherwise not agree to?

I highly disagree.

See, it all starts with the first part in red.  I commanded him to do it and he obeyed.  That's My authority over him in action.  What I've told him to do has no consequence.  It doesn't matter if I told him to please Me in the way I wanted or whether I told him to weed the lawn.

As for anybody telling Me that they don't view it as such, I'd tell them quite frankly, that I'm ever so thankful for their wonderful opinion, but they don't get a voice in how I do things in My own dynamic.  It's not a democracy and they didn't get a vote.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NewDomCouple87)
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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:39:39 PM   
NewDomCouple87


Posts: 15
Joined: 6/17/2010
Status: offline 		I thought you said you disagreed? Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
In the first example I was demonstrating an example in which a seemingly submissive act is in fact not, simply do to the fact that it was commanded to be done and subsequently obeyed.
In the second example I was merely demonstrating that some people may view the act differently, and therefore it is up to the person involved in the act to decide what he views the act as.

Either way, it boils down to there only being a dominant or submissive act in the context of the people involved and their viewpoints.

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:48:13 PM   
marie2


Posts: 1690
Joined: 11/4/2008
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: NewDomCouple87


On the other hand, however, you need to look at the "perception as reality" argument. If someone were to look at these actions out of context, what would they think of it? If they disagree with your view then you should relook at what you consider a dominant or submissive act.[/



But whose perception qualifies what reality is?

I would think determining what reality is, is something we all need to do for ourselves, without concern about how someone else might interpret a particular act or action.

< Message edited by marie2 -- 6/18/2010 12:49:02 PM >

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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:49:51 PM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		Where you are confused, I think, is the 'some people view it differently part".

As a Dominant woman, I honestly don't care what other people view it like.  It's one of the perks of being a Dominant.  It doesn't matter if I want to be banged from behind, suck cock, or do any other thing.  How it "looks" to someone outside of the household, doesn't factor into it.  When it does, I'm not the person in charge anymore.  I'm letting other people be in charge because I've given them that power by worrying about what they think.

Sorry, I'm not that kind of Dominant.


_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to NewDomCouple87)
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RE: Dominant submisive acts? - 6/18/2010 12:56:00 PM   
barelynangel


Posts: 6233
Status: offline 		There is a reason that these concepts exist within a WHOLE of something. I believe even in a scene some people speak about its a concept of a dynamic for that length of time no matter what the whole is defined as.

You can take actions and put defining adjectives to them without a concept of motive, the dynamic and many times the whole. Its all i would say the majority of times combined into a whole and to attempt to define a part without taking into consideration the whole will lead to misinterpretation. Which is why many times trying to force a foreign idea into a dynamic doesn't work too well and it unbalances the dynamic.

The actions of a Man who is a master -- or a Mistress (thought i have no experience with this so don't try and explain same) are part of the whole concept of his existance as the Master. He can order a slave to beat him etc, but he walks a fine line because while he may not feel submissive in accepting such a concept being done to him, the slave very well could feel reactions and emotions etc that hinder or start to errode his mastery of her BECAUSE of his acceptance of such a thing being done to him.

Now i know some people can take the concept of beating someone and disengage it from a dynamic but not everyone can nor does because to the dynamic the beating part is the burden of the submissive not the dominant. Many people in M/s relationships don't PLAY or have the concept or understanding of bottoming or such. So for a slave to see her MASTER in a position that he has placed her in and has held her in etc but more so now place her in a position where HE has been, can be enough to errode the line between the two concepts that make up the dynamic.

For some, they differentiate or disengage the actions that many times are part of a relationship dynamic because they play, they scene, they are many times in positions wherein they are able to separate actions into concepts of play rather than part of the dynamic make up due to how he holds her in slavery or submission.

Tools are a very fragile thing for some and if a slave watches or participates in something wherein she uses the same tools due to his commands on HIM that HE has used to hold her or master her or maintain her in a state of submission in his life -- yeah, it could very well harm the dynamic as a whole.

What a lot of people forget is many times tools a Man uses in his mastery of a woman start to have a psychological connection to the tool and a a mindset tends to form from this concept as to her place within the dynamic, therefore, putting meaning and definition to certain actions for her by her that would probably completely unbalance her if her Master suddenly started to have her use them against him.

As for those outside the dynamic observing actions -- that's the problem with observation, you don't necessarily KNOW the whole of the concept you are observing and therefore, are probably getting it wrong in definition.


angel

< Message edited by barelynangel -- 6/18/2010 12:57:17 PM >

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What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.
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