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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 9:06:39 PM   
maybemaybenot


Posts: 2817
Joined: 9/22/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

i have too many books in the house. What should i do with them all?


Drill a single hole in each of them, then run a piece of string thru the hole, hang in bathroom next to toilet and use as toilet paper. This is a real money saver.

My iron broke. How do I get the wrinkles out of my clothes?
                   mbmbn

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Tolerance of evil is suicide.- NYC Firefighter

When tolerance is not reciprocated, tolerance becomes surrender.

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Profile   Post #: 261
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 9:14:02 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Clothes?  What's that?

My virusscan keeps finding viruses.  What can I do to stop it?

Yours,


benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

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Profile   Post #: 262
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 9:27:54 PM   
Youresomine


Posts: 47
Joined: 8/11/2005
Status: offline 		Give your virus scan a virus that makes it stop scanning viruses.

My back itches...what should I do?

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Profile   Post #: 263
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 10:33:23 PM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Youresomine

Give your virus scan a virus that makes it stop scanning viruses.

My back itches...what should I do?


Find a gravel road, get naked, and then roll around on your back until that itch gets scratched, you get arrested, or you get run over, whichever happens first.

A neighbor goes out of town a lot on business trips, leaving his 16-year old son alone.  I have seen the boy going into one of the adult female neighbor's houses late at night, then sneaking out the next morning.  Should I tell the dad what is going on?  If so, how?





.

(in reply to Youresomine)
Profile   Post #: 264
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 10:44:23 PM   
CERCKL


Posts: 1039
Joined: 3/4/2006
Status: offline 		By sending a dvd of 'The Graduate' and a box of condoms...

I can't seem to get my pitbull from urinating in the same spot on the carpet, what should I do?

C


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AND I AM TOO AN ASSHOLE, I HAVE REFERENCES!!!

"Please, please, please believe me, I really am an asshole. All that Enlightenment and Higher Learning shit was all a ruse."

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 265
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 10:56:44 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		ORIGINAL: CERCKL

By sending a dvd of 'The Graduate' and a box of condoms...

I can't seem to get my pitbull from urinating in the same spot on the carpet, what should I do?

Cut out that piece of carpet and replace it with the fire hydrant from down the street.

My feet are tired... help!!


< Message edited by ShiftedJewel -- 4/16/2006 10:58:04 PM >

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Profile   Post #: 266
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 11:00:58 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Oh Jewel, You tease....

Amputation at the neck seems to be the best way to prevent tired feet.

I need sleep!  How do I get it without going to bed?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 267
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 11:03:34 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Oh Jewel, You tease....

Amputation at the neck seems to be the best way to prevent tired feet.

I need sleep!  How do I get it without going to bed?

Yours,


benji


just for you benji...

Try hanging upside down by your ankles.. the blood will rush to your head and you won't be tired anymore.

I'm out of lotion for my massage.... what can I use?

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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Profile   Post #: 268
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 1:07:05 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I'm out of lotion for my massage.... what can I use?


Don't you still have that can of Penzoil in the garage?
 
My fake trees keep getting dusty.  How can I clean them?

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 269
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 3:26:38 AM   
Oumae


Posts: 911
Joined: 1/4/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GoddessDustyGold



My fake trees keep getting dusty.  How can I clean them?


Fill your bath with green paint and dip them in.

How do you clean a bath of green paint?

Oumae

_____________________________

Is cuma le fear na mbrog ca leagann se a chos.
( The man with the boots does not mind where he places his foot)

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 270
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 6:45:07 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		How do you clean a bath of green paint?

Oumae

It depends, if it is a fiberglass tub you can use some 60 grit sandpaper and a small palm sander, it may change the appear of the finish a little, just tell people it texturing. But if you have one of those cast iron tubs you should take some old towels and line the entire tub with them covering the whole surface. Once you have done that you drench the towels in paint thinner, let stand for about 5 minutes then drop a match in the center of the tub...


How do you get old motor oil out from around your toenails?

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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Profile   Post #: 271
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 7:21:44 AM   
knees2you


Posts: 2336
Joined: 3/15/2004
Status: offline 		[quote]How do you get old motor oil out from around your toenails?
 
Dip Your feet in Pudding.
 
 
I still believe in the Easter Bunny What should I do?
 
quote:

"Yes I Said It!"
 
Always, Ant



(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 272
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 7:25:40 AM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Send him a letter sometime.  Santa gets tons, but the Easter Bunny is lonely.  It would prolly cheer him up a bit, and you'd get more eggs next year.

How do I avoid a traffic jam?

Yours,


benji

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to knees2you)
Profile   Post #: 273
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 8:00:56 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		How do I avoid a traffic jam?

Yours,


benji

Move to a really small town?
 
Seriously, if you have problems with lots of traffic what I would do is learn to be a more aggressive driver, other drivers really appreciate having someone that is willing to clear a path for them through heavy traffic.
 
I need to refinish my hardwood floors but sanders are such a pain in the butt, any easier ways?

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)
Profile   Post #: 274
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 11:26:18 AM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ShiftedJewel

I need to refinish my hardwood floors but sanders are such a pain in the butt, any easier ways?


Use lots of lotion.  That will soften them up.
An extra piece of non-solicited advice.  Sanders can be dangerous to your butt and are not recommended for anal use.
 
What is the easiest way to polish My sterling silver?

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 275
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 1:09:15 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What is the easiest way to polish My sterling silver?


Really strong acid, like soaking them in tomato juice or pineapple juice.
 
I was going through a closet the other day and found a can of course rubbing compound, do you think that would help soften the heels of my feet?

_____________________________

Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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Profile   Post #: 276
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 1:20:18 PM   
zebra


Posts: 64
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

What is the easiest way to polish My sterling silver?

 
I was going through a closet the other day and found a can of course rubbing compound, do you think that would help soften the heels of my feet?


Yes, especially if taken internally.

What's the best way to get a really good job in a place that's 2000 miles away from where you live?

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
Profile   Post #: 277
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 1:28:27 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Telecommute.

I am sick, I should not be at work, I have coughed on everybody here, but they say they need me, what should I do?

Ron

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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Profile   Post #: 278
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 1:46:43 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:



I am sick, I should not be at work, I have coughed on everybody here, but they say they need me, what should I do?

Ron


Go throw up on the boss then yell "Clean up on aisle 7."

Oh wait, that might actually be good advice.

n/m

My favorite grocery store never seems to have Diet Sunkist in the bottles. How can I get them to stock this for me?



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"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


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Profile   Post #: 279
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/17/2006 2:16:52 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

My favorite grocery store never seems to have Diet Sunkist in the bottles. How can I get them to stock this for me?


Try a public smear campaign. If that doesn't work, go there every day and use the produce isle to relieve yourself.


The announcer from the stadium near my apartment is too loud and it annoys me to no end. What can I do?


_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to BitaTruble)
Profile   Post #: 280
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