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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 5:47:52 PM

MyCaptainsPet

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Joined: 1/22/2006
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Laugh maniacally and tell them it's a new satanic ritual you've trained the dog and cat to use before you practice cannibalism... Then lick your lips

i think my dog is gay, what should i do?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 5:55:00 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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Buy him condoms. Dogs can't be trusted when it comes to choosing the right brand.

Every time I spend money, I get change, which I put in a change jar at home. I now have 3 picklejars full of change. What can I do about it?

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 6:19:48 PM

MistyMenthal

Posts: 413
Joined: 3/28/2006
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quote:

Every time I spend money, I get change, which I put in a change jar at home. I now have 3 picklejars full of change. What can I do about it?

Bury it in a time Capsule Silly.

KISS ME, Misty

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

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Post #: 223

RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 7:07:50 PM

Gauge

Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

My freezer is leaking water into my fridge. Any suggestions?

Put the fridge on cinder blocks and make sure it tilts forward just a little. Keep the door open on the fridge to drain the water into a bucket.

quote:

Duke, the flaming rottweiler, refuses to stop trying to mount Nightmare, the male cat -- even with company present. How do I explain this behavior to guests?

It is simple, tell them that Animal Planet is going to be doing a series on mixed species breeding. Let them know that you have a bird and a three toed sloth in training also.

How do I get the dust to stop clinging to my TV screen?

Edited to add: I did the old... it's the bottom of the page and that is the message that I replied to mistake. I put too much time into it to correct it. Besides... no one posted another question.

< Message edited by Gauge -- 4/15/2006 7:10:14 PM >

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"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 7:18:00 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
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Three strike system. 2 warnings, then fire any dust still there. After making examples of a few of them, the rest should fall into line.

There are weird searchlights on at night here (I think clubs are using them to attract attention), and they keep me awake at night. How can I get a night's rest?

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 7:40:17 PM

MyCaptainsPet

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a mixture of a full bottle of sleeping pills and 40oz of southern comfort should work to help you sleep.

The batteries in my vibrator keep dying, what should i do?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 7:47:54 PM

SirCumsSlut

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Joined: 4/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MyCaptainsPet

a mixture of a full bottle of sleeping pills and 40oz of southern comfort should work to help you sleep.

The batteries in my vibrator keep dying, what should i do?

Buy a new vibrator

I'm losing my marbles........has anyone seen them????

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His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 7:53:56 PM

Gauge

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quote:

I'm losing my marbles........has anyone seen them????

I have. I fell and broke bones. My lawyer will be in touch.

I think my neighbor is breaking into my mailbox, is there any way to prevent that from happening?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 8:05:08 PM

gooddogbenji

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Change your address to a random city in Zimbabwe. He might still break in, but he won't see your mail.

My piranha keeps eating my other fish. How do I keep him from doing it?

Yours,

benji

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Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 8:10:55 PM

SirCumsSlut

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quote:

ORIGINAL: gooddogbenji

Change your address to a random city in Zimbabwe. He might still break in, but he won't see your mail.

My piranha keeps eating my other fish. How do I keep him from doing it?

Yours,

benji

Feed him your cat

My best friend is in the nuthouse........how do i make her happy???

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Peace
His slut

"Your firm hand and compassionate heart are what guide me in my journey....I am Yours, Sir" His slut

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 8:19:30 PM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
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Stay on Collarme forums a bit longer, go batshit crazy, become more insane than her, and she'll feel a lot better about herself!

How can I get a bigger tax return?

Yours,

benji

< Message edited by gooddogbenji -- 4/15/2006 8:20:14 PM >

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/15/2006 11:06:00 PM

Gauge

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quote:

How can I get a bigger tax return?

Don't file your Tax Return. The IRS won't mind a bit but if they ask you about it you can say that you were posting your questions on a bondage site and this guy told you not to file. They will understand completely.

I would like to invest some money. Any ideas into a profitable venture?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 12:29:49 AM

CERCKL

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The CERCKL hedge fund...you make we take.
I lost My keys to lotus' collar, now what?

C

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 12:59:29 AM

Takethiswaltz

Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
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she remains collared forever and an eternity. Don't screw up.

Should I tie a laser light around my cats next so she can see in the dark?

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Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 1:00:34 AM

Takethiswaltz

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Joined: 3/13/2006
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*neck

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 2:49:13 AM

rivenmoon

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Joined: 6/5/2005
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Stay in your car as its obviously too hot outside.

I'm from a large extended family and we are all going to have Christmas at my place.
Cant find a large enough turkey so am going to use an ostrich what kind of stuffing
do you suggest and how do I get it in the oven?

(in reply to UtopianRanger)

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 3:03:39 AM

rivenmoon

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what was I reading???????? i think i need the laserlight lol
TAKE2.......

Takethiswaltz - Should I tie a laser light around my cats neck so she can see in the dark?

yes tie one on her collar around her neck
then she can see and be seen
also place one in the rear
kitty will be visible on the road from both ends
she will also have a reversing light in case she needs to back-up to a tom.

QUESTION- I'm from a large extended family and we are all going to have Christmas at my place.
Cant find a large enough turkey so am going to use an ostrich what kind of stuffing
do you suggest and how do I get it in the oven?

(in reply to rivenmoon)

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 4:32:40 AM

FullCircle

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I always use bubble wrap for stuffing inside large fragile objects so it is my suggestion that this is what is used. As for the size problem it obviously will not fit in the oven so you are going to have to stand over it for hours with a blow torch instead.

Please help that rivermoon has planted an image in my head of a cat backing onto a Tom. How can I remove the memories from my head I wish I didn’t have in it?

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 6:05:12 AM

UtopianRanger

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quote:

ORIGINAL: FullCircle

I always use bubble wrap for stuffing inside large fragile objects so it is my suggestion that this is what is used. As for the size problem it obviously will not fit in the oven so you are going to have to stand over it for hours with a blow torch instead.

Please help that rivermoon has planted an image in my head of a cat backing onto a Tom. How can I remove the memories from my head I wish I didn’t have in it?

Plead your case to Mod Eleven and ask her to remove any trace of Rivermoon from collarme.

It's the first week of summer vacation and a buddy and I decided to float down the local river on inner-tubes. Our float starts off at a very lackadaisical pace, but then all of a sudden the current picks up and I see a horizon line! Oh no! I'm about to be swept over low-head dam! What should I do?

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"If you are going to win any battle, you have to do one thing. You have to make the mind run the body. Never let the body tell the mind what to do... the body is never tired if the mind is not tired."

-General George S. Patton

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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/16/2006 7:32:43 AM

feylin

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Joined: 3/12/2005
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Yank the float out from under your buddy and try to at least save the beer.

A friend just sent an email saying his wife has started throwing knives at him during arguments. I want to be helpful, but I can't stop laughing. What should he do?

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