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RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 4:40:10 AM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Absolutely. Chocolate... a nice book... maybe a bubble bath... always put off today what there's probably time to do tomorrow.

My television and my stereo both respond to the television remote. When I hit power or try to turn the volume up on the television the stereo turns on. (It's true!)

Any thoughts on how I could get the wretched stereo to behave itself?

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to slavejali)
Profile   Post #: 441
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 12:55:56 PM   
colosubseeking


Posts: 52
Joined: 3/2/2006
Status: offline 		Try scolding it. If that doesn't work, hang it cord first off a roof and threaten to drop it if it doesn't play nicely. Make sure the stereo is heavy and the cord is wrapped arond your foot.

How do i get rid of a dead body?

_____________________________

"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt."

-Mark Twain

"I took a speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It involves Russia."

-Woody Allen

(in reply to MadameDahlia)
Profile   Post #: 442
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 1:13:11 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How do i get rid of a dead body?


Give it to the police. They are good with that sort of thing.


I need to paint my mother's porch. Any thoughts as to what color to use?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to colosubseeking)
Profile   Post #: 443
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 1:24:14 PM   
SweetPosession


Posts: 87
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		Search through her closet and make up a color pallate of things she doesn't wear. Go buy gallons of the day-glo equivalent (unless your mother wears day-glo, in which case paint the porch lilac and then kill her).

My eye keeps twitching. How do I know if it's a serious problem?

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 444
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 2:11:52 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		Stick an icepick in it, and if it hurts; well, it's doubtless serious.

My home computer is blown up again, and I find no reason for it, and I am sick of buying disk drives for that POS...what to do? what to do?

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to SweetPosession)
Profile   Post #: 445
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 2:14:47 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

My home computer is blown up again, and I find no reason for it, and I am sick of buying disk drives for that POS...what to do? what to do?

Ron


Toss it out the window, take a chainsaw to it, and make a bird feeder out of it. also, just to give you more things to do, go out and buy a mac

i don't seem to get anything right, what should i do?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to mnottertail)
Profile   Post #: 446
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 2:29:49 PM   
SweetPosession


Posts: 87
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		Stop trying.

I got caught shoplifting again. What can I do to be more sucessful?

(in reply to sylphgossamer)
Profile   Post #: 447
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 3:29:16 PM   
sylphgossamer


Posts: 383
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPosession

Stop trying.

I got caught shoplifting again. What can I do to be more sucessful?


don't get caught

i can't decide whether to have surgery i need. what can i do to help decide?

_____________________________

got shoes?

(in reply to SweetPosession)
Profile   Post #: 448
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 5:07:59 PM   
HouseofBear


Posts: 1280
Joined: 2/9/2005
Status: offline 		Toss a coin, and if the answer is affirmative, have your best friend perform the surgery after reading surgery for dummies in order to save money (of course without anesthesia).


How do I manage to get the last bit of nutella out of the jar?

(in reply to sylphgossamer)
Profile   Post #: 449
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 6:15:27 PM   
SweetPosession


Posts: 87
Joined: 4/4/2006
Status: offline 		put your tongue in a cock pump until it's long enough to lick the bottom of the jar.

How do I get this cut to heal faster?

(in reply to HouseofBear)
Profile   Post #: 450
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 6:19:17 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SweetPosession

How do I get this cut to heal faster?


Super glue the cut closed.
 
How do I make my loud neighbors be quiet?
 
Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to SweetPosession)
Profile   Post #: 451
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 6:20:38 PM   
MyCaptainsPet


Posts: 219
Joined: 1/22/2006
Status: offline 		a truck load of TNT and a book of matchs

How can i get rid of the rash i have on my hands?

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 452
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 7:06:09 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

How can i get rid of the rash i have on my hands?


Use a belt sander with about 20 grit paper. Then, to prevent rashes in the future, dip your hands in lye.


There is a humming noise coming from my fuse box... is that normal and if so, what should I do about it?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to MyCaptainsPet)
Profile   Post #: 453
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 7:09:50 PM   
Craftsman


Posts: 885
Joined: 6/12/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge
There is a humming noise coming from my fuse box... is that normal and if so, what should I do about it?

First, find the lyrics to the melody.  Teach the fuse box the words.  Then, you might want to get a recorder and make a demo recording that will go to the top of the novelty record charts.

How do I keep the paint from flaking off my old '89 pick up truck?

_____________________________

You do not have to be perfect to be perfect.

(in reply to Gauge)
Profile   Post #: 454
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 7:48:07 PM   
Phoenixandnika


Posts: 748
Joined: 4/22/2005
From: Aberdeen Maryland
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Craftsman

How do I keep the paint from flaking off my old '89 pick up truck?


Take a can of spay pain that matches as close as possible and a brown paper bag. Spray one are of the care then spray for 10 seconds into the bag then hold the bag to your mouth and breathe deep. Repeat this process until all of the sections of your car are spray painted.
 
(please do NOT attempt the above!)
 
How do I get a body like Julia Roberts and hair like Angela Jolie?
 
Nika{Phoenix}

_____________________________

"Life is neither a bed of roses nor a carpet of thorns, it's just what you make of it."



(in reply to Craftsman)
Profile   Post #: 455
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 8:17:18 PM   
Takethiswaltz


Posts: 199
Joined: 3/13/2006
Status: offline 		Dial 1-800-nip/tuck
 
My job is getting on my nerves.  what can i do to make it better?

_____________________________

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in...

~Leonard Cohen~

(in reply to Phoenixandnika)
Profile   Post #: 456
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 8:24:43 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Takethiswaltz
My job is getting on my nerves.  what can i do to make it better?


Stop taking your nerves to work with you.
 
My toilet is still flushing too slowly and I am getting a blister on My palm from the constant plunging.  Help??

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Takethiswaltz)
Profile   Post #: 457
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 8:32:23 PM   
gooddogbenji


Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline 		Don't use the toilet.  What else do you have a spare bedroom for?

I'm trying to put up a bookshelf, but can't get into the concrete.  How do I put it up?

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)
Profile   Post #: 458
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 9:58:49 PM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: slavemj

i wear my heart on my sleeve. This causes a rather obvious red stain on my shirt, and sometimes people ask me what the pulsating lump is on my arm......it gets embarrasing. Any advice?


heh.....you think THAT bad......try wearing your liver as a cap sometime.....talk about SUNBURN !!!

_____________________________

I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to slavemj)
Profile   Post #: 459
RE: Really, Really Bad Advice - 4/27/2006 10:02:36 PM   
SylentStryder


Posts: 85
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		How do I get a body like Julia Roberts and hair like Angela Jolie?
 
Nika{Phoenix}

(Just a little out take from an earlier posting)

Become Angelina Roberts, or is it Julia Jolie, or Robert Angel, or maybe Jo Roberts....oh hell, I dunno !!!

_____________________________

I am of Gor, she is in me, I am her.

(in reply to SylentStryder)
Profile   Post #: 460
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